bittersweet Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 I was with my b/f for 6 years. Recently, I found out he was cheating with the same girl for three months. She got pregnant and terminated the pregnancy. For the last few weeks, he and I were trying to work things out and we talked a lot. I thought I could get over the fact that he cheated because we planned on spending the rest of our lives together. She kept calling in the meanwhile. I told him he can't communicate with her anymore if he's going to try and work on our relationship. He told her yesterday not to bother him anymore because they both knew it wasn't serious. He also told her again that he messed up and wants to work on things with me because something like that was never supossed to happen. He also apologized. He thought she took it well. But obviously, he hurt her feelings. Then, her mother and Aunt were calling him all day yesterday. He told me just now it's because the girl is telling them that she's still pregnant! I don't know how much his story is true- especially because of how he lied so bad for three months. He's saying that she might have left the doctor that day without getting anything done. He might of known she was pregnant still all this time and that's why he kept insisting the last few weeks that I'll never stay with him because of the damage he has done. This is a horrible feeling. I know how girls could be but if she was lying, wouldn't she be threatening HIM with that story instead of her mother. Or, maybe he knew already. She is suposively no where to be found. people are calling her and she's not answering or returning calls. He says all he could do is wait- but what will that do. Will she tell the truth when she finally calls. Do we have to wait 8 months to see if there's a baby all the sudden. My story leaves really no room for advice, because it deals with something that possibly can't be turned around. I'm just hoping he figures out a way to get the truth out of her. I just hope she's just trying to scare him. I know its out of my control and its a messy situation and I feel so helpless. I feel like even if he really wanted to work on things, this would be an impossible defect in our relationship. I would never be able to deal with it- it sound insane. I guess I'll just keep you posted. I'm writing about this here because I don't know what else to do right now or where to turn. Its a shame I can't even believe what he tells me anymore. Sometimes I think he's be stupid enough to hide it from me if she was pregnant! I guess this is my biggest concern. I'm analyzing all he has said lately and trying to figure out if he was trying to fit this secret in there somehow. What do I do from here- if anyting could be done? Link to post Share on other sites
ChizUck Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 wow... I know you must really love him... but he cheated on you. I couldn't forgive someone for cheating on me. Whats to stop him from doing it again? Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 I know its out of my control and its a messy situation and I feel so helpless. You are absolutely NOT helpless. You can choose to remain in this situation or leave. You are in TOTAL control of your OWN life and the decisions you make. Nobody will ever own that part of you unless you let them. Maybe it's time for you to look after 'you' for a change? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bittersweet Posted March 25, 2004 Author Share Posted March 25, 2004 I know. As hard as it is say, its true. As soon as I felt like I had control of myself again- this came crashing down on me. It's a part of who I am though. I will sit and obssess over it with or without him in my life. I thought I was able to get throught the cheating part- we both were no angels, and now this impossible situation is lingering. Its just too much to take in in such little time. Its hard to make sense of it like someone on the outside could because this was someone I planned on being with for the rest of my life- honestly. Its too much to settle in my mind right now. All I think about is all my dreams shattering because of this mistake he made- this chioce he made. This was the man I wanted to father MY children- not some fling who walked into his life six years later. I ask him every question possible to try to see if he already knows the answer. He keeps insisting he doesn't know. He says there is a 50% chance. I asked, "how long were you at the doctor's office that day," and he says for hours. But the time from when she went in for the actaul procedure til the time she came out was what he compares to "having a cigarette." How could he not be sure? Wouldn't she say something later that day or even when he got caught the night 3 weeks ago when I found out he was cheating and she walked out mad? Why would she wait until now? I'm just afraid that she IS pregnant and he knows but just believes he can control what she does. I'm thinking I should tell him we can't talk during this time until he knows what's going on. He tells me its his problem to worry about and I think that's the most selfish thing he could say to me after all he has put me through lately. It makes me crazy how he expects me to react, like its only his problem. I'm just waiting for him text message me saying, "I'm sorry- but, she is pregnant " What a nightmare!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 i don't understand why you want to keep him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bittersweet Posted March 25, 2004 Author Share Posted March 25, 2004 I don't know why either. I think the part that's hard to let go of is the dreams I had- the place I saw myself before this all happened. It's kind of like wishing you never even met the person because this is not what was supossed to happen. This was not how things were supossed to end between us. I know life is never what anyone expects but its just really hard when something that seemed so right starts to become something that is obviously so wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
The flower girl Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 Gosh! sorry to hear what you have been through, my finacee of three years also cheated on me and she was pregnant. It was a very hard time for me but I could not longer cope with what he had done so we had to end it. For a long time I was upset and had to let go of all my dreams, of speanding my life with him too. Three years later, Here I am. Im still here. Im very Happy. I have a new Bf and have learnt so much from my past and done so many things now in my "life after break-up" that I would never of done if I had stayed. He is still with the woman he cheated on me with but oftan cheats on her with others. She knows this but puts up with it. Im so pleased That im not her. And if you asked me at the time I would of done anything to be the one having his baby so she had to leave us alone. hope this helps. Sorry for bad spelling. :-) Link to post Share on other sites
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