How to resist the urge to text?

[kaygato]

Ooook... I'm in LC with my ex because I don't want to push him away completely. But I can't seem to stop texting him...it's embarrassing. We've been broken up for 2.5 weeks and I'm still sending him 1-2 texts a day on average. We texted a lot when we were together so it's like a habit for me, and unlike calling, the sense of rejection isn't enough to stop me. What do you suggest I do to avoid making even more of a fool of myself?

[USMCHokie]

Easy. Delete the number.

[gator12]

You're right to want to stop texting him, every text you send signals to him that you're still waiting for him to come back putting you on the "backburner".

 

You can write in a journal any time you have an urge. Write your thoughts and realize you're not texting him for a reason. Simple one is call up a friend, a good friend who would persuade you not too, read a book, realize the consequences of texting him.

 

Stay in STRICT NC unless he tells you "I miss you and want you back" don;t bite any crumbs he will send you such as:

• Hey how are you?
  
• Why are you ignoring me?
  
• I'm sorry, or I miss you (but with no mention of getting back together)
  

You cannot respond to anything until he tells you what you want to hear, he can't miss you if you stay his safety net like you are right now.

 

-Gator

[0hpenelope]

We texted a lot when we were together so it's like a habit for me, and unlike calling, the sense of rejection isn't enough to stop me. What do you suggest I do to avoid making even more of a fool of myself?

What? Oh wow. I have no idea how you do it, but feeling rejected is one of the feelings that bring out the worst in me. That and being ignored by someone I care about a lot, friends or lover. Rejection and being ignored are effective motivators for implementing NC, but I suppose to each their own.

 

If deleting doesn't work as was suggested, block the number through your cell phone company. When you get over that habit of sending text messages to him, you can choose to unblock his number again.

[fiat500]

I agree with USMCHokie. Delete his number. NOW.

 

he broke up with you. texting him like old times isn't going to bring him back. is he even answering your texts? it will actually turn him off even more and make you look unintentionally desperate. STOP.

[USMCHokie]

If deleting doesn't work as was suggested, block the number through your cell phone company. When you get over that habit of sending text messages to him, you can choose to unblock his number again.

 

By that time, this will have become irrelevant.

[0hpenelope]

By that time, this will have become irrelevant.

No doubt about it.

[gator12]

This is why I disagree with people who say block a number. I believe that's one the easy way out and two ruins any chances at possible reconciliation should the ex come back. If you have the personaly strength just ignore what he sends you until he sends you exactly what you want to hear.

[kaygato]

Ok...I'm deleting his number. I probably should go NC but I don't think I'll have the strength to ignore him and I doubt he'll be contacting me much anyway. I'm going to block him on facebook too since I'm sure I'll keep looking there and his number is there if I'm having a really weak moment. Thank you guys. I just want to feel better now.

[gator12]

Yea no problem, don't worry about it things are going to get better, you will feel better. After the first month of NC you wouldn't believe the difference I felt on an emotional level.

 

-Gator

[kaygato]

This is why I disagree with people who say block a number. I believe that's one the easy way out and two ruins any chances at possible reconciliation should the ex come back. If you have the personaly strength just ignore what he sends you until he sends you exactly what you want to hear.

 

The thing is though that I hurt him. I was dealing with alot of stress in a couple months ago and was depressed and I wasn't there for him the way I should have been. I also caused some stupid fights over the phone (it was an ldr...1 hour distance) that in retrospect were pointless and pushed him away. I've gotten help for the depression and I'm better except that we're broken up...so I feel like s***. I doubt we'll get back together at this point but wouldn't nc just make that less likely? I don't want to push him away, but maybe for my own sanity it would be for the best. I don't know though...

[kaygato]

^Bump. I still wouldn't mind some feedback. Thanks in advance for reading my rantings. What do you call it when you aren't contacting the ex yourself but you do respond to their contact? That's what I'm going to do because I don't want to burn my bridge, so to speak. It's probably already burnt beyond repair but I'm not gonna worry about that. I wasn't completely honest in this tread about my breakup, actually. The whole story can be found here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t264293/

 

Basically, he broke up with me 3 months ago and I've been unable to accept it...I'm naturally stubborn but my emotional state when we broke up wasn't good and I had almost zero support. I kept somehow convincing him to come back and he did...twice. First time was 2 weeks after the first breakup and the second was 2 months after the first breakup. Honestly though his heart wasn't in it either time and I was too messed up to realize what I should ahve done...stop contacting him immediately and most likely go completely NC. Now I know, but it's probably too late.

 

It's been 2.5 weeks since we boke up "for good". Right now I'm pissed because I wasted so much mental and emotional energy on him the past 3 months. Because of that I want to go strict NC without even explaining to him why, but I also know that it would be immature of me because I'd be blaming him for the way I acted the past 3 months. It's not his fault I was in denial...I need to take responsibility for my actions...so that's why I'm planning on not ignoring him should he contact me.

 

Today I'm soooo mad at him, though. I get that I pushed him away and made my situation even worse over the last 3 months, but I can't control my emotions. Honestly, I figure it's a good thing that I'm finally getting angry because it means I'm starting to get over him. I just hate that I can wake up after dreaming about him and then all the **** he put me through comes back to me. I'm starting to resent him and that makes me feel that ignoring him completely would be best...I wouldn't be a true firend if I was having to hold back resentment for him.

 

Either way, I'm ready to move on. I keep going back-forth on the NC but I think in my case it's better to be mature and just accept his invitation to be "friends". I still am very angry at him for this last time we broke up. He said he though if he held back and acted less "committed" things would go back to the way they used to be. Well, I realize starting over means we shouldn't be clingy, but we're in an ldr and communicating on most days is pretty essential to building back our relationship! I don't get what he didn't understand about that. He got mad at me for being upset that he didn't want to talk to me enough. I now realize I was a fool for staying in denial about the breakup. When we got back together I was so relieved I didn't even ask if we could talk about what we'd do differently this time. I was walking on eggshells and he had all the power. He's right...this is a bad cycle and it needs to bre broken.

 

Things are probably too screwed up for things to ever work out between us...at least not for a very long time. Does anybody know where I can post a LC journal? Would that be in the coping section?

[gator12]

Right now it's time to be selfish, you guys are broken up so now the only person who you look after is you. Nobody else but you. You guys need a real break from each other if you ever hope to get him back, fix your issues and get over him. All three of those are only possible during NC. You do not have to be his friend and I still advise against it, NC may ened up pushing him away, you're right. And he may never come back, but in that case you will heal a lot faster and when you are healed and moved on then you can be friends, not a moment before then.

 

My advice is the same NC, go into it for you, now is the time to be selfish. Use it to work on you and any problems you will realize during that time, and if it's meant to be let him come back. That is the only way it will mean anything, you pressuring him into coming back will not help things at this point. It helped things before but in the wrong way, you guys never had any space so instead of fixing issue that lead to your first break up they came back up again and again. Right now is the time to fix those issues. Just dissappear from his life completely, and ignore anything and I mean ANYTHING he sends you until: 1. It says I want to get back together, or 2. You are over him. Until then talking to him will only hurt you even more than you are now, NC is hard, contact is harder.

 

-Gator

[kaygato]

Right now it's time to be selfish, you guys are broken up so now the only person who you look after is you. Nobody else but you. You guys need a real break from each other if you ever hope to get him back, fix your issues and get over him. All three of those are only possible during NC. You do not have to be his friend and I still advise against it, NC may ened up pushing him away, you're right. And he may never come back, but in that case you will heal a lot faster and when you are healed and moved on then you can be friends, not a moment before then.

 

My advice is the same NC, go into it for you, now is the time to be selfish. Use it to work on you and any problems you will realize during that time, and if it's meant to be let him come back. That is the only way it will mean anything, you pressuring him into coming back will not help things at this point. It helped things before but in the wrong way, you guys never had any space so instead of fixing issue that lead to your first break up they came back up again and again. Right now is the time to fix those issues. Just dissappear from his life completely, and ignore anything and I mean ANYTHING he sends you until: 1. It says I want to get back together, or 2. You are over him. Until then talking to him will only hurt you even more than you are now, NC is hard, contact is harder.

 

-Gator

 

You know what...I know you're right about that. I would have had a much better chance of him coming back if I'd just started no contact back at the end of October. But as I said...I was unable to see things objectively then and I had no friends around to look out for me. At this point I do realize it's the only way for me to heal. He's not concerned with me anymore. Friendship isn't possible at this point.

 

Do you think I should let him know with an e-mail or something that I can't contact him? I agreed to the friendship so I feel like it would be rude to just start ignoring him. On the other hand, I get a sick sense of satisfaction when I think about just ignoring him. Should I just let the silence speak for itself?

[gator12]

Yes you should, he'll text a few times but eventually the guy will take the hint. Go into this for you, if you tell him you're doing it, it loses a lot of it's effect. He doesn't need to know why you're doing it or even that you are. I mean he didn't tell you he was thinking about breaking up with you? Lol

 

stay strong, itll only get better from here, I promise.

-Gator

[kaygato]

Thanks Gator. You've given me the motivation to finally start no contact with my ex. I think I'll start a journal in the coping section. This will be a journey for sure. I'm glad though in that I'll finally be taking back the control.

 

I totally lost my dignity after he broke up with me... I thought since he said I'd been taking him for granted that if I just showed him how much I appreciated him he'd change his mind. Obviously, I was wrong. I'm sure he just found me whiny and annoying. Maybe several months from now I'll have moved on enough to be friends, but until I have it's just too hard. I wouldn't be able to be a true friend anyway. Anyway, I still am hoping for reconciliation, but the only reason he'll come back is because he wants to. If he wants to know how I'm doing he can ask one of our mutual friends...I'm not going to take his crumbs.

[makelemonade1974]

If they respond to the text, it's just going to be to reject you again. Do you really want to go through that? Trust me, I know from experience. Contact takes you right back to day one. You don't want to go through that again.

 

I've texted - about 10 times in 3 months - apologies, hope you are well, happy new year, let's have meaningless sex (!), etc. - nothing nothing and nothing.

 

Do you really want to go through that? DON'T DO IT!

[gator12]

Thanks Gator. You've given me the motivation to finally start no contact with my ex. I think I'll start a journal in the coping section. This will be a journey for sure. I'm glad though in that I'll finally be taking back the control.

 

I totally lost my dignity after he broke up with me... I thought since he said I'd been taking him for granted that if I just showed him how much I appreciated him he'd change his mind. Obviously, I was wrong. I'm sure he just found me whiny and annoying. Maybe several months from now I'll have moved on enough to be friends, but until I have it's just too hard. I wouldn't be able to be a true friend anyway. Anyway, I still am hoping for reconciliation, but the only reason he'll come back is because he wants to. If he wants to know how I'm doing he can ask one of our mutual friends...I'm not going to take his crumbs.

 

It's no problem, we're all here to help. And you will get moments of weakness during this time, you will go "ooo maybe I can text him now". You have to resist all of these urges, any time you get the urge to break any form of NC, just get on here and start posting, write what you want to say to him in a journal and never let him read it. Do anything but talk to him. Don't bite his crumbs, because they will come! I promise you that, until he says the magic words, you have nothing to say to him.

 

You're at the lowest of the low right now, work on yourself, it only gets better from here.

 

-Gator

[depplover_1980]

If they respond to the text, it's just going to be to reject you again. Do you really want to go through that? Trust me, I know from experience. Contact takes you right back to day one. You don't want to go through that again.

 

I've texted - about 10 times in 3 months - apologies, hope you are well, happy new year, let's have meaningless sex (!), etc. - nothing nothing and nothing.

 

Do you really want to go through that? DON'T DO IT!

 

Let's have meaningless sex. Oh Lemonade, love ya. x

[makelemonade1974]

I know. Utterly pathetic. But I miss the sex!

[depplover_1980]

I know. Utterly pathetic. But I miss the sex!

 

No i'm not mocking you, I'm agreeing with you - it is the thing that temps me most to get in contact for due to the sexual nature of the relationship I am trying to get over. I know he is in my city this weekend and I can think of nothing but screwing his brains out and maybe punching him round the face during the act.

 

I won't though,not in a million years!!

[makelemonade1974]

No i'm not mocking you, I'm agreeing with you - it is the thing that temps me most to get in contact for due to the sexual nature of the relationship I am trying to get over. I know he is in my city this weekend and I can think of nothing but screwing his brains out and maybe punching him round the face during the act.

 

I won't though,not in a million years!!

 

Yeah, they are poisonous snakes. We'd just feel worse after. I have better sex with myself than I ever had with him.

[depplover_1980]

Oh it is not even worth imagining how terrible we'd feel. Right back to the beginning,especially for how far you've come.

 

Unfortunately I have walked away from the best sex of my life and a man I called 'Master' . But then he also lost the same and his slave, which he never had before, so I am sure he is feeling it too.