ladyangel Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 My stepson is in the U.S. Marine Corps Reserves. We just found out today that he's being deployed to Iraq for one year, leaving in two months. My husband and I are terrified. My husband lost his other child, his oldest son, in a motorcycle accident four years ago and never dreamed that his only other child would be in danger of losing his life. Of course, that's all he can think about now. I'm searching for a way to console him and give him hope while being deeply saddened myself. There's no way I can understand how he feels completely because he's not MY son, although I love him very much and helped raise him for half of his life. Any suggestions would be appreciated. He has a girlfriend. They were planning to get engaged when he finishes college. Now he's afraid she won't be able to withstand a year-long separation. I'm sure he'll be constantly worrying about how she's doing, and vice versa. It's funny how your feelings about the whole war/Iraq situation can become so much stronger when it's YOUR child who's being sent over there. For those of you who are supporting this war, think about that. What if it were your loved one? I guess I'm mostly venting, but I would appreciate any input you can give. Our son has so many questions going through his mind right now. Mostly I think he's still in shock from the news. Of course, it's something we've all worried about since this all started, but your mind doesn't allow you to think it will actually happen to YOUR child. Does anyone have a relative or close friend who is over there? If so, PM me and maybe you can answer some questions I have. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 I am sorry to hear that he's going. I hope very much that he remains safe. I'm afraid I'm not of much help where issues about children come up, but I know there are lots of sites with help for long-distance relationships. I'd be glad to dig up some links that you could pass on. Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 o, ladyangel, im so sorry to hear this. he is a brave man to go. my thoughts will be with him, and you. Link to post Share on other sites
carla Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 My heart goes out to you. I don't know anyone that is over there or is going. But I can't even imagin how you must be feeling. When 9/11 happen and the U.S. and Britain were talking war my fiancee thought maybe he maybe called back to the reserves in Britain. He said that even though he was not in them any more if war breaks out they will go and recall anyone who served up to 5 years before. The only thing that I can suggest is to think of your step son as the hero that he is and be proud of him. Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 He will be alright. He is doing his duty, he should be proud, I wish i could fight, but i wont pass the pyhsical. Link to post Share on other sites
hurtingandconfused Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 Hope everything goes well. My prayers go out to your family. I cannot imagine how hard this could be. I have many friends that have been deployed around the world including Iraq. All you can do is hope for the best. What if it were your loved one? I would volunteer to go to Iraq that way my loved ones would not have to go. That is what your son is doing. He is protecting us from harm. Link to post Share on other sites
GeorgiaSongbird Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 lady ... my older brother is being deployed also.. He is leaving April 6th.. He only just got home from a 3 year stint in Germany in Dec 03... My mother's very anxious. His wife and children are all very upset. He'll be gone a year as well. I'll be thinking of your stepson as well as my brother. Link to post Share on other sites
befuddled11 Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 I'm a Canadian, but I just want to say that may God bless and protect your son and keep him safe, and I always wish and pray that for all the guys over there..who are someone's husband, son, brother, boyfriend, grandson, etc. The fighting there makes me sad; sad that we live in a world where people have to fight, that there are crazy terrorists...but I have the absolute utmost respect for those who so proudly respresent and stand up for their country.....it's patriotism personified. (I think you Americans are so much more patriotic, but that's another post all together.) I wonder if there are support groups, either "in real life" or online, for parents and loved ones of those who are off in Iraq, etc.......I'm sure there must be. See if you can find some. It might help you all to be able to converse with those who are in your shoes/who have been in your shoes. As for your son's girlfriend.....I know that must be hard for him, the fear of him losing her because he'll be gone for a year......a year really isn't that long.....and if she really loves him with the depth of love that should be in place to know you want to spend your life with someone, then although that year will be terribly hard for them, it will make them stronger as a couple. It really will. She should be proud to have such a brave boyfriend who is so loyal to his country..... How is their relationship? Have they been together a long time? Do YOU think she's the kind of girl who will stick by him through this year? I hope that she is. Does your son know yet, how and how often he'll be able to communicate with you all back home? Will he be able to write letters? I've heard that a lot of them can get access to email from there, not daily....but weekly or every couple of weeks. Maybe if he could find out info about this, that would help to allay all your fears a little bit more.....because it won't feel like he's so unreachable. Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 I can empathize with your (and especially your husband's) concern. No one in our family has had to go (they are either too old or too young-my brother is Coast Guard LOL). If someone from my family were there, I would be fearful but very, VERY proud. What your stepson is doing is very honorable and noble. Keep telling him that. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 Ladyangel, Living near and working on a military base has brought this war very close to me. On the day it started, I walked into a tool room. This friend and wonderful man I knew was standing listening to the radio which was following the war events of the day. He turned to look at me....with tears rolling down his face. "My boy is on the front line.". ....was about all he could get out of his mouth. I had someone I loved and many friends there too. But in the eyes of a parent, I saw a different pain. He was in agony. A parent's first job is to protect their children. When it is removed from your control, you feel so helpless. In our eyes, they never grow up...they are always our children. In their eyes though, they ARE adults and soldiers. They are well trained, well armed and have accepted their mission. I respect them far too much to say one negative thing about this war until they are all home. There are times though, I could just scream.... Please know my heart is with you and your husband. I pray with all that is within me.....that 'your boy' comes home safe. If he, or any of his buddies, want to get on a mailing list to recieve encouragement from retired veterans, please feel free to PM me addresses. Many people care.....and many people are standing with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 That was a great post, Arabess...you compassionately put the parental perspective into it. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 F & G, Don't feel too safe....the Coast Guard sends units over all the time. They are the only ones who have the 'Power of Arrest' on the water. They always accompany the Navy because of that fact. I think few people know just how much the Coast Guard actually does to defend us and what an awesome role they play. I'm glad they are now under the Dept of Homeland Secuity rather than the Dept of Transportation. I think this will enable them to get better funding and the credit they deserve. Just thought I'd share.....LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 Originally posted by Arabess F & G, Don't feel too safe....the Coast Guard sends units over all the time. They are the only ones who have the 'Power of Arrest' on the water. They always accompany the Navy because of that fact. I think few people know just how much the Coast Guard actually does to defend us and what an awesome role they play. I'm glad they are now under the Dept of Homeland Secuity rather than the Dept of Transportation. I think this will enable them to get better funding and the credit they deserve. Just thought I'd share.....LOL! True, true. I am very proud of my brother, and if he did have to go, I would be scared and amazed. Thanks for sharing, I value your input and opinions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ladyangel Posted March 25, 2004 Author Share Posted March 25, 2004 Originally posted by Arabess Ladyangel, Living near and working on a military base has brought this war very close to me. On the day it started, I walked into a tool room. This friend and wonderful man I knew was standing listening to the radio which was following the war events of the day. He turned to look at me....with tears rolling down his face. "My boy is on the front line.". ....was about all he could get out of his mouth. I had someone I loved and many friends there too. But in the eyes of a parent, I saw a different pain. He was in agony. A parent's first job is to protect their children. When it is removed from your control, you feel so helpless. In our eyes, they never grow up...they are always our children. In their eyes though, they ARE adults and soldiers. They are well trained, well armed and have accepted their mission. I respect them far too much to say one negative thing about this war until they are all home. There are times though, I could just scream.... Please know my heart is with you and your husband. I pray with all that is within me.....that 'your boy' comes home safe. If he, or any of his buddies, want to get on a mailing list to recieve encouragement from retired veterans, please feel free to PM me addresses. Many people care.....and many people are standing with you. Thank you so much Arabess. I can't tell you how much posts like yours mean to me. And as soon as we know all the details; his address, etc., I will indeed forward it to you for a mailing list. He's 23 and one of the toughest guys I know, but I can tell he's scared to death. Befuddled11 - Thanks to you too. I found an excellent Marine Corps site and it has some links to sites for families. I'm going to go over them in more detail when I have time. I plan to join a support group soon and try to get my husband involved in it as well. Thank you to everyone who is offering their support. I appreciate all of you! Link to post Share on other sites
sweetbilly Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 Ladyangel, I truely feel for you, but I think you're looking at this war the wrong way. As the son of a 3 tour vietnam vet I see the hurt in my fathers eyes when people criticize how America decides to defend our country, even if fighting for freedom means fighting for oil. My father gave all his beloved friends in combat, except 2, he feels we need to be protected from all those who seek to hurt us or the loss of our boys and girls really was invane. There are no other countrys in the entire world that seem to care about us. In fact, all i've seen and heard is a warmongering country, but if we don't fight for ourselves no one else will fight for us. I hope he returns home to you, but always prepare for the worst. Link to post Share on other sites
End of my rope Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 A very dear and very close friend of mine was deployed to Iraq early this month. He has a wife and 4 small children. He volunteered to go. He looked at it like this. He loves this country and will defend it at all costs. He said he knows that his wife and children will miss him while he's gone but that there are soldiers over there who have never seen their child. Inside he's scared he won't come back but outside he's a rock. I love this friend dearly, but when he told me this my respect and admiration grew for him. I'll pray for a safe return of your step-son. Just remeber he's going over there to serve his country... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ladyangel Posted March 25, 2004 Author Share Posted March 25, 2004 Thank you. And I AM very proud of him. He knows he's doing the right thing. But it still brings with it fear. I don't think anyone could say they could walk into a situation like this without some fear. But we will support him all the way. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 My nephew was there at the beginning. He is in the 101st Airborn. I know how it made my brother feel. I don't know if we cried more when he left or when he returned. I lost friends and family in Vietnam. I lost my children when they were teenagers--not from the war, from illnesses. I know what that is like. Tell your son that I am proud of him. Tell him that I applaud his sacrifice. Tell him that I deeply appreciate what he is doing for ME. Now, tell yourself and your husband the same thing. If I were a religious person I would be thanking God every day for our military and for their sacrifice and their ability to do what I cannot do. Many, many people of faith do just that. Today -- get with him and his girl friend and your husband and just gather them into a group HUG and say out loud "this is from that goof, HokeyReligions (aka Beth), at LoveShack!" Then you can hug for yourselves! [that goes for all of you in or with family in the military] Your son has a girlfriend. Are you close with her? Can you embrace her and talk to her and keep her in your lives while he is away? Forming and building a bond with her will comfort your son and help all of you. After all - here you all are loving the same person and he loves all of you back--what a terrific bond. The initial shock will become familiar. The worry won't ease up. But writing to him and sending him packages will help. Staying close with his gf will help. It won't help the fear, but it will help you all to deal with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ladyangel Posted March 25, 2004 Author Share Posted March 25, 2004 Thank you so much Hokey. Your post brought tears to my eyes. I am so touched by all the support on this forum. John has been dating Jamie for almost a year, so we have gotten to know her pretty well. We talked last night about the fact that we definitely want her to come visit as often as possible, just as if he were here. We've already begun to talk about what to send in care packages, etc. We're hoping he will have access, at least once in a while, to email, as we'll be keeping his inbox full if he does. We've promised to take pictures often and send them to him. My son suggested that John get himself a digital camera so he can take pictures to send us over the internet. We've done our best to assure John that we will be thinking of him every day and doing our best to support him and stay in contact with him. I will give him your hug Hokey. And thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
sweetbilly Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 Yes, send lots and lots of care packages. It would also be a good idea to find out from your boy who dosen't send them packages too, and send them some. My father said it was the most important thing anyone can send to a solder in the field. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 So sorry to read this ladyangel. That must be so hard, to see a child go off into a dangerous situation. It doesn't matter how old they get - they are still your baby. I guess all you can do is console your husband, be confident and reassuring for your step-son and be proud of his bravery. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ladyangel Posted March 27, 2004 Author Share Posted March 27, 2004 Originally posted by moimeme I am sorry to hear that he's going. I hope very much that he remains safe. I'm afraid I'm not of much help where issues about children come up, but I know there are lots of sites with help for long-distance relationships. I'd be glad to dig up some links that you could pass on. Thanks, Moimeme. I appreciate that. Now it seems I'm being dealt a double whammy. MY son's fiancee just got offered a promotion with a large raise, the only catch being that she will have to move from here (Houston) to Arizona. My son is already talking about making plans to move there with her. They've been together 4 years. I'm heartbroken that he and Lauren are moving so far away. He still lives with us and had promised me he would finish college and then get out on his own. This kind of changes the plan, although they do have a college there that he can go to. It feels like we're losing both of our boys at the same time and won't see them for a long time. We're used to having them around. It will be so lonely. The positive part of them moving to Flagstaff is that it's only a two-hour drive from where my husband's family lives, so they'll be able to visit them, and when we go out we can see everybody at once. Anybody here experienced empty nest syndrome? Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 Originally posted by ladyangel My stepson is in the U.S. Marine Corps Reserves. Hmmmm - that's interesting. I never thought that reserve personel could deploy. Usually, they stay back and hold down the fort, while the active duty personel deploy. Anyway, it's sad to hear that he is going to Iraq and I pray for his safe return. I am very grateful for his service to this country. He and everyone else in the military are the reasons why we live in a land of freedom. ~V Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 Originally posted by Darkangelism I wish i could fight You say that now, but when your actually doing it, you'll wish you never said those words! ~V Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 Actually Vivid, since this whole thing has started we've been sending reserve units. I think it's because so many of our regular units weren't 'complete and cohesive'with all the back up personnel and all the equipment needed. So, they started deploying the reserve units instead. I think the Army did this much more than any other branch. It wasn't a polular decision, I didn't totally agree myself, but that's what these people get paychecks for. It may be for only a couple weekends a month....or it can be for a serious long term deployment. Glad you didn't go for the reserve option when getting out of the Army...aren't you????? LOL. Hokey....the 101st?? The story of the guy I worked with which I referred to on here....HIS son was with the 101st. They faced a scary situation!!! I think a whole bunch of young boys grew into men during those long long months!!! I'm still amazed how many military personnel are VOLUNTEERING to go. Link to post Share on other sites
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