How should I react to this?

[bob444]

How should I react to this? I was reading my wife's email earlier in the week and she had sent an email to her daughter who lives in another state 1000 miles away. Most of the email was venting about W's younger daughter who has decided to divorce her husband. Also, she told daughter about a job that she had applied for and sent a copy of a resume that she had prepared and sent in for the job..

 

The last sentence is what bothered me. She said:

 

P.S. I am ready to make the move to (city name where daughter lives). Please feel free to distribute resume. I would pack bags and leave note.

 

This bothers me. It sounds like she's been talking to daughter about leaving me and moving to the city where daughter lives and the only thing holding her back is a job.

 

I'd like to think that it's just the stress over dealing with younger daughter's pending divorce. They have two young children and it's very stressful on my wife, however it appears that there's more to it than this.

 

A little background. In January 2008 I confronted her with the fact that she'd been seeing an ex-lover. She claimed that he was just a friend and that nothing was going on. I accidently found out by reading an email that she had left open, then started spying on her email, and I can't make myself stop because I still don't trust her. I told her I wanted a divorce. She said she'd stop all contact with him and asked me to stay and I did, mainly for financial reasons.

 

I've been agonizing over it for 3 years and just recently made the decision to try to let it go and do whatever it took to be happy in my marriage. I asked my wife what could I do to make our marriage better. Her complaint was that over the years I had stopped telling her I loved her, wasn't affectionate enough, didn't give her enough gifts, and asked her what she'd like to have on special occasions such as birthdays, rather than just knowing the right present to give. I've been trying to do better and thought we'd been happier. Now this happened and I just don't know what to do.

 

If she really decided to move my problems would be solved, however I realize that the chances of this happening are very slim.

 

I don't want to tell her I read this, because she'd probably say I misinterpreted it, or that she just said it because she was frustrated and didn't mean it. At that point I'd lose my ability to spy, so I'd definitely be left in the dark.

[You Go Girl]

She said "leave a note".

 

She didn't say--have a conversation with my H.

 

Plus, why would you be the last to hear about it? Wouldn't you be the first?

 

You're NOT interpreting this incorrectly. She is seriously considering leaving you and only leaving you a note.

 

No idea this was coming? Except for those petty grievances a few years ago?

 

Time to have a discussion. It's really past the point of spying. Spying is getting you nowhere. It appears that the marriage is over without your knowledge. So quit the spying and get talking!

 

How to approach a discussion? Not really sure. I think if I was in your shoes I would start with--So how are we doing?

[bob444]

How to approach a discussion? Not really sure. I think if I was in your shoes I would start with--So how are we doing?

 

I tried that a few weeks ago because I'd been trying harder for several months. The answer was that we were doing great and that she loved me. I wish I could believe that.

[Lauriebell82]

1. Stop reading her email.

 

2. Ask your wife if she considering leaving you.

 

3. Suggest MC if she is willing to go in order to rebuild the trust you have lost.

 

You guys need to talk about this, continuing to spy on her is just going to drive you crazy and make you more suspicious of her. Communicate!

[Iconoclast]

Bob. Hate to say this but, it's in plain english. No interpretation.

She get's a job offer and you're gonna get a buh-bye note.

 

The affair might still be ongoing, just went underground. Are you 100% sure it's over?

 

Given the past, if I saw that note, i'd be in a Lawyers office on Monday. Protect yourself legally and financially. I think she's ready to fly.

[bob444]

The affair might still be ongoing, just went underground. Are you 100% sure it's over?

 

No, I wish I had a way to be 100% sure. However the fact that she's thinking about moving 1000 miles away is a pretty good indication that it's over.

[Eddie Edirol]

She faked it and has been checked out of your relationship for the last 3 years. Theres no getting her back. She has no intention of that. Cant win back someones attraction when they dont WANT to be attracted to you. The only reason she stayed was to stay in her confort zone. Your best bet now is to push her along, assume she is seeing someone else, and start moving on yourself. Go start seeing someone, make new friends, move if you have to. Dont wait to hear what from her mouth what you already know is going on. Blindside her. Usually communication would be the way for a marriage, but not this time.