Author Chrisg7 Posted February 19, 2011 Author Share Posted February 19, 2011 Haha thanks man, check out posts 41 and 47 Link to post Share on other sites
gator12 Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 Well I guess ive pretty much come to terms with the fact that she will most likely never come back, but that doesnt mean I don't want her back. I still miss her like crazy; my life is boring without her and I am not happy, I actually feel like I am depressed. Are you guys sure that if she wanted me back she would go ahead and say it? What's to say she won't lead into it with small talk? I feel like because I am practicing nc, she is getting the impression that I hate her now and am bitter toward her or something, is there anything I can do to avert this impression? She has been sick this whole week, would it be a bad idea to send a message saying hope you get well soon or something? Is there anyway I can just start things over from the beginning where we first met? Would it be a bad idea to eventually ask her to prom? I just cant get her off my mind even though I realize she's probably not coming back. I think about her literally every minute of the day. There is a possibility she will lead into it with small talk. But when you do not respond she will have to get to the point if that is what she wants. Lol my ex has been small talking for a MONTH, which is the only reason I broke NC and invited her to coffee. I am just curious what she wants, but I will never directly ask her. She has to come out and say it. Other than that I am not breaking no contact for any reason. The impression, don't worry about it. They do get that feeling, but after a month they will be over the emotional aspect and will understand that you did what is best for you same as they did. It is a worry we all go through, but it is unfounded. No you cannot start from the beginning again, your first relationship is dead. Wrap your mind around that fact, the fact is you need to use this NC (read my guide) to change and become better and learn from the breakup. If you guys get back together it will not be the same relationship again or it will fail. No don't ask her to prom, it'll only end badly imo. My ex already has a date to prom, but it's one of her friends who isn't a threat in any way lol. Even if we got back together I wouldn't take her, cause it wouldnt be right to the guy to get dumped a week before prom lol. And to get rid of your thoughts, you need to get out. It is hard, and it will take time. But the more alone you are the harder it is, surround yourself with friends. Go to the gym, anything to get your mind off of her. -Gator Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted February 19, 2011 Author Share Posted February 19, 2011 thanks a bunch for the reply man, if not for the support of you guys (especially gator) i definitely would have caved and contacted her by now...any ideas as to why she is totally avoiding me in school? (i go into detail about the situation in post 47) is this just her way of coping? because i dont see why she would keep sending me friendly text messages but not even look me in the eyes in person Link to post Share on other sites
gator12 Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 She's keeping an act. I mean her friends wouldn't want to see her looking sad or talking to you after probably telling them she is done with you. Friends hate seeing that, I mean my friend saw my ex text me (I didn't reply but he assumed I was talking to her) and immediately interrogated me about it lol. Friends have a way of doing that. I say stay in NC, you have no reason to break it right now, just work on you. Be happy, enjoy life, it's wonderful. -Gator Link to post Share on other sites
is2008 Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 Well I'm pretty damn interested in this post. Gator is offering some solid advice here and after thrashing back and forth with my ex (who wants a friendship) I'm coming to the conclusion that if I EVER want her back, I've got to be ice cold with her. Thanks Gator Link to post Share on other sites
gator12 Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 No problem is. Just remember it's not cold to the point of being a jacka$$, its cold in the sense of being idifferent. My guide should help you along the way, especially read up on the breadcrumbs part. That is the mistake many people make along the way. All the best -Gator Link to post Share on other sites
is2008 Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 I've already made the breadcrumb mistake two or three times already. I/We always interpret contact as a reconciliation attempt and jump in with both feet. D'oh. Link to post Share on other sites
gator12 Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 Completely normal alot of people do. I have been tempted as well, but I always get reassurance on here that gives me that nudge in the right direction lol. Stay strong, and remember don't bite it only hurts you in the end. -Gator Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted February 20, 2011 Author Share Posted February 20, 2011 So i feel like i am really close to contacting her right now, its been almost a week since she has texted me and i am growing desperate. I've stayed home all weekend because i have three papers to write, but i haven't even been able to start the research for any of them because i cant think about anything besides her. I feel like i am getting progressively worse emotionally and i really don't know what to do about it, i am becoming obsessed with her and wanting her back and its taking over my life. I literally feel like i am going insane. Every night I dream about her, and lately i have dreamt about different scenarios where we get back together. So every morning i wake up feeling terrible, and this feeling doesnt go away for the whole day. Im not sure what to do because i really feel so desperate and lost right now. I cant stop clinging onto false hope. Do you all think she will contact me again or is this it? I know there really isn't much of a point to this post but i really need to vent somewhere and i know that nothing that i will hear from anyone besides her will help me feel better, but i just don't know where else to turn. Link to post Share on other sites
gator12 Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 There is a point, venting will help you not message her. You cannot do it, for your sake and for a second chance's sake. If you ever feel the urge to contact her, write a message saying everything you want to say to her and then burn it. You have no idea how much this will help. You need to keep your mind on other things, the fact is, it will probably take her at least a month to contact again and you need to be calm or you will bite on her crumb. Stay strong man -Gator Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 (edited) ok so she just texted me and idk what to think "chris i care about you sooooo much please text me back" "and i know youve seen dr. ***** (our school counselor) before, so you dont have his card with his cell number on it do you" ^i guess she knows ive been seeing the school counselor about this ugh shes not supposed to know im upset thoughts? edit: one more thing i just thought of. Before she broke up with me i told her that i absolutely couldn't be her friend. Do you all think she would still be contacting me with the goals of being a friend after i said that to her? Edited February 22, 2011 by Chrisg7 Link to post Share on other sites
Xxs Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 I would ignore her Link to post Share on other sites
susanfollows Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 She's playing games with you, even if she does care what does that matter if she won't sleep with you anymore? That's what you want right! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 She's playing games with you, even if she does care what does that matter if she won't sleep with you anymore? That's what you want right! Please stop trolling, I haven't seen you post one helpful response on this entire forum. Does anyone have opinions of what I should do and why? I can't decide if I'm going to respond Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 I've done a lot of thinking and I have decided that I will talk to her tonight. I think that it will be very hard to dissuade me from this decision. Link to post Share on other sites
Xxs Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 I've done a lot of thinking and I have decided that I will talk to her tonight. I think that it will be very hard to dissuade me from this decision. Dont do it! http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=3250235&posted=1#post3250235 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 I think I will text her "why do you want to talk to me?" and depending on get response i will either keep the conversation going or stop responding Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted February 23, 2011 Author Share Posted February 23, 2011 We just had a conversation which was so complex that I do not feel like typing it up tonight. I'll just say for now that my whole world got turned upside down and I'm not sure if what happened was good or bad. Many details to come tomorow Link to post Share on other sites
gator12 Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Frankly, you messed up. She got you to bite on her crumb, because that is exactly what it was, she goaded you into talking to her with nice things such as "I care about you so much". I mean my ex was on the verge of crying on the phone after me ignoring her goading for 1 month but I didn't break NC and now we're back together The second mistake was in you being so confrontational, even if she wanted you back that scared her back a few steps. I know your conversation was probably mind blowing because of the fact that you guys had a lot of unanswered questions. But most likely it didn't help you get any closer to reconciliation. Ooo well we all make mistakes, I'm curious to see what she told you though. -Gator Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted February 24, 2011 Author Share Posted February 24, 2011 I feel like talking to her was the correct decision in this scenario, but feel free to try and convince me otherwise. Anyway, here is what happened. I texted her "why do you want to talk to me?" to which she basically said to see if i was ok and because she is sorry and cares about me. I told her that idk if i could believe her because her actions were contradicting each other which led the conversation into her basically saying that she thought i hated her. She said she thought that after how much she hurt me, i would never want to see my face again, so she avoided me in school. I told her that she had no right to assume things that i never said to her, and that she should focus more on her feelings and less on my own because i dont think she understands them. She said that she does understand her feelings so i asked her to explain them to me. She said that she is fine but misses talking to me and hopes that a frienship is possible. I told her that i already said a friendship would not be possible between us, and i said that i was referring to her feelings before she broke up with me, to which she basically said that she already explained them to me the night we broke up. I told her that she was refusing to explain them to me so i would give her my own conclusions. I then basically repeated my conclusions in post #37 of this thread. Now here is where things started to get WEIRD. She responded by saying that wasnt true and that she still loved me with all her heart. She said that she couldnt be in a relationship any more after our fight about the party because she realized she had been hurting me through the way she had been acting and it killed her inside because she loves me so much. She said that at the same time she knew she wouldnt be able to change how she was acting until things in every aspect of her life got better. She said she knew she couldnt change in her current emotional state. Now a quick background on what she describes as the cause of her emotional state. I will not go into detail but she has had an extremely rough childhood and been through some very traumatic experiences. She would not tell me what her mother was doing to her to make her feel this way lately, but she said that before we broke up she was desensitized by the awful events that were taking place in her household. I told her not to tell me she loved me as a friend, and she promised she meant it romantically, but said it did not change anything and we still couldnt be together right now. She said she was numb to the fact that she was hurting me and all she could concentrate on was how much she was hurting. She said that she will always love me romantically but it wasnt and still isnt healthy for us to be together when she is so messed up with her parasitic self pity and hurt and anger toward her situation at home. She says its not healthy for both of us to drag me into this mess she calls her life right now. I said stuff like it doesnt make sense that you would break up with someone that you love. She responded by saying that she was currently not mentally or emotionally equipped for a relationship and her mom has been sucking all her emotions to the point where she is in a mental state where she has none left to share. She said she told me she thought of me as a friend because she thought it would make it easier for her to move on until she was in a healthier state because she barely has enough mind and soul to function at the moment. She said she never expected me to take her back after breaking my heart but she hoped that maybe i would later down the road after she is in a healthy mental state. She said in the mean time she wanted soooo badly to be my friend so that she could at least be close to me and she was trying to do what would be easiest for me... She said admitting this stuff makes it twice as hard to stay away but it would destroy our relationship for good if we got back together anytime soon. I told her that my feelings still havent changed for her. She said that she is now not physically able to say the words i love you and thats not fair to me. I then told her that i didnt think our conversation was finished here and that i needed to do some serious thinking before i took it further. I havent talked to her since but today in school she still avoided me and still looked happier than ever...Idk what to believe or what to do Link to post Share on other sites
Rap17 Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 I feel like talking to her was the correct decision in this scenario, but feel free to try and convince me otherwise. Anyway, here is what happened. I texted her "why do you want to talk to me?" to which she basically said to see if i was ok and because she is sorry and cares about me. I told her that idk if i could believe her because her actions were contradicting each other which led the conversation into her basically saying that she thought i hated her. She said she thought that after how much she hurt me, i would never want to see my face again, so she avoided me in school. I told her that she had no right to assume things that i never said to her, and that she should focus more on her feelings and less on my own because i dont think she understands them. She said that she does understand her feelings so i asked her to explain them to me. She said that she is fine but misses talking to me and hopes that a frienship is possible. I told her that i already said a friendship would not be possible between us, and i said that i was referring to her feelings before she broke up with me, to which she basically said that she already explained them to me the night we broke up. I told her that she was refusing to explain them to me so i would give her my own conclusions. I then basically repeated my conclusions in post #37 of this thread. Now here is where things started to get WEIRD. She responded by saying that wasnt true and that she still loved me with all her heart. She said that she couldnt be in a relationship any more after our fight about the party because she realized she had been hurting me through the way she had been acting and it killed her inside because she loves me so much. She said that at the same time she knew she wouldnt be able to change how she was acting until things in every aspect of her life got better. She said she knew she couldnt change in her current emotional state. Now a quick background on what she describes as the cause of her emotional state. I will not go into detail but she has had an extremely rough childhood and been through some very traumatic experiences. She would not tell me what her mother was doing to her to make her feel this way lately, but she said that before we broke up she was desensitized by the awful events that were taking place in her household. I told her not to tell me she loved me as a friend, and she promised she meant it romantically, but said it did not change anything and we still couldnt be together right now. She said she was numb to the fact that she was hurting me and all she could concentrate on was how much she was hurting. She said that she will always love me romantically but it wasnt and still isnt healthy for us to be together when she is so messed up with her parasitic self pity and hurt and anger toward her situation at home. She says its not healthy for both of us to drag me into this mess she calls her life right now. I said stuff like it doesnt make sense that you would break up with someone that you love. She responded by saying that she was currently not mentally or emotionally equipped for a relationship and her mom has been sucking all her emotions to the point where she is in a mental state where she has none left to share. She said she told me she thought of me as a friend because she thought it would make it easier for her to move on until she was in a healthier state because she barely has enough mind and soul to function at the moment. She said she never expected me to take her back after breaking my heart but she hoped that maybe i would later down the road after she is in a healthy mental state. She said in the mean time she wanted soooo badly to be my friend so that she could at least be close to me and she was trying to do what would be easiest for me... She said admitting this stuff makes it twice as hard to stay away but it would destroy our relationship for good if we got back together anytime soon. I told her that my feelings still havent changed for her. She said that she is now not physically able to say the words i love you and thats not fair to me. I then told her that i didnt think our conversation was finished here and that i needed to do some serious thinking before i took it further. I havent talked to her since but today in school she still avoided me and still looked happier than ever...Idk what to believe or what to do This conversation is so close to the one I had with my ex last week its almost scary, although my ex didnt say she still had romantic feelings for me. Actually she said she was over me, even though she still asked how I would react if she asked me to reconcile. Testing me I guess. Im interested to hear what others has to say about this, since my ex´s behaviour fits your ex very closely. Confusing as hell isnt it? One minute theyre in your arms, crying about how much they missed having you be there for them after the breakup, the next theyre out having the time of their lives. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted February 24, 2011 Author Share Posted February 24, 2011 I'm really struggling with this emotionally right now so it would be great if someone could help Link to post Share on other sites
Xxs Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 (edited) So? What are you planning to do? or How do you feel about being friends? If you dont want her as a friend. Then I think that you should tell her that your not ready for just a friendship and keep the NC; Although, you already messed it up. Edited February 24, 2011 by Xxs Link to post Share on other sites
susanfollows Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 Judge your ex's by actions not what they say! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted February 24, 2011 Author Share Posted February 24, 2011 Alright well no ones really given me any real advice so I think I'm going to continue my conversation with her tonight Link to post Share on other sites
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