Author Chrisg7 Posted March 3, 2011 Author Share Posted March 3, 2011 Thanks man...any other opinions before I respond? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted March 4, 2011 Author Share Posted March 4, 2011 (edited) Edit: i told her to come talk to me in school tomorow... Any thoughts on what I should say or avoid saying or how I should act? Am I allowed to casually tell her that I've missed her by saying something like "yeah I mean I've really missed you but what's done is done" Also, when she responded she didn't seem angry or anything anymore...really weird Edit 2: and just now she was trying to carry on a friendly conversation with me and complimenting me...i do not understand her Edited March 4, 2011 by Chrisg7 Link to post Share on other sites
ljpaterson Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 Aww dude don't be friends with her! You should never have sent that message after she said that... now she has the upper hand. She doesn't want to get back together with you. She wants to be friends so she can still check up on you without getting back together with you. If you are friends with her, she is going to be able to have you as a friend when she doesn't even deserve you as a friend after what she did to you. Besides, can't you tell how amazing NC is? It is already working wonders with you, and you were going so strong at first. If you must, just tell her that you have to heal now and that maybe someday you can be friends in the future. But can you really handle being friends with her right now? I mean sure... at first it seems fine and dandy being friends. But guess what... after a couple days, you want to beg for her back again. And she won't take you. It's happening to me right now, being in the friend stage! That's why I'm going to be done talking to my ex on Sunday after I get my GPS from him. Going NC is not only the best way to heal, but your ex girlfriend freaks out so bad when you don't talk to her... it's better not to talk to her anyways. Believe me, she didn't mean what she said about her not talking to you if you decide to ignore her. She may stop talking to you for a couple days but she will come crawling back and try to talk to you again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted March 4, 2011 Author Share Posted March 4, 2011 (edited) When did I say I was going to be friends with her?? That is not what I intend to do. I am simply giving her a chance to say what she wanted to say to me so I'm asking for Anyones advice on how to handle the conversation we are going to have tomorow And I only said that I would talk to her tomorow because no one on here gave me advice in time so I had to make my own decision In case I wasn't clear, I'm having one short conversation with her in school tomorow, nothing more Edited March 4, 2011 by Chrisg7 Link to post Share on other sites
ljpaterson Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 Ok so when you see her in school tomorrow, ask her what she wanted, tell her you can't talk to her anymore because you are trying to heal, and then come back on here and tell us what happened. Sounds like a good last-conversation if you ask me! And then go NC and maybe make a NC log. Because I am interested now in what she is going to try and say to you. Also... where did everyone go? You had so many posters on here before. It drives me crazy when people don't answer me in my posts too. So I know how you feel not getting a reply. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted March 4, 2011 Author Share Posted March 4, 2011 (edited) Gosh I know everyone just kind of bailed on me... Well i told her to either see me before school or at break and she just hung out with her friends before school so we will see what happens during break... Edit: if Anyones still following this thread she didn't come see me at break either :\ idk what to think or what to do If she texts something like "sorry I was busy" should I just not respond or be like "I saw you talking to friends" Edited March 4, 2011 by Chrisg7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted March 4, 2011 Author Share Posted March 4, 2011 (edited) Yep just got this message from her " Sorry was totally busy today. Maybe talk later" I might respond like "lol ok" and then if she's like "what?" say that i saw her talking to her friends, I was thinking of telling her that I was giving her a chance to talk to me and she didn't take it Edited March 4, 2011 by Chrisg7 Link to post Share on other sites
SDA Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 Don't it's gonna start a stupid fight. Just say, "Ok whenever you get a chance" Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted March 4, 2011 Author Share Posted March 4, 2011 (edited) I'm not going to start a fight...did you see the part about her talking to friends and claiming to be busy? Why does she even deserve a response? After today we are on spring break for a week so this was kind of our last chance to talk in person for a while and I dont want to text I'm actually starting tO get pretty pissed about this whole situation...it is so drawn out and I wish something would just happen Edit: I told her to call me if she still wants to talk Edited March 4, 2011 by Chrisg7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted March 4, 2011 Author Share Posted March 4, 2011 From her "Ok can we just talk now... a few people told me u were ignoring me bc I m manipulative. I would appreciate if u didn't spread untrue and mean things about me. Not once have I said an unkind thing to anyone about you. Also what is ignoring me purposfully going to do for you? Just make u feel like ur getting some sort of revenge on me or something? I really don't understand.." Link to post Share on other sites
shawn923 Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 LONG READ Ok... We only dated about 3 months, but we both fell in love and things were AMAZING. We are both in college, going to the same school. Things were perfect in my opinion, but one day my controlling behavior, and me being too insecure became too much for her and she left. I felt HORRIBLE. I had lost probably the best thing in my life at the time. And to make matters worse, i begged and begged and begged for her back. All attempts failed of course. That only drove me even more depressed. So as a last resort, I ignored her for a few days, and went ALL OUT on valentines day. Surprising her with a diamond necklace, bear, chocolate, and a note basically pouring my heart out and telling her I miss her and asking her to just open her mind to the possibility of us ever getting back together. This turned out to be DEADLY. She returned my gifts, and let it be known there would no NO CHANCE she'd ever give me another chance. She said she doesnt give second chances, so once its over, its over. And shes said that a number of times, making it clear she doesnt want to be with me. BUT... what caused our breakup was not the fact that i hurt her. I never hurt her. I didnt cheat or hit her ever, which are some things i can consider are good reasons u wouldnt give a second chance... All i did was act selfishly, something ive owned up to and agreed to work on. Its a problem that i KNOW i can fix, yet she said she can not give me a second chance over this... This makes me soooooo frustrated and depressed at the same time... sooooo, I let it all go, and decided to erase her out my life after she returned my gifts. After 3 days... she texts me. saying she still exists and that she feels like **** over the way things happened. I told her i agreed with the breakup, and we can go our separate ways, and that our timing was just wrong. No hard feelings, just accepting it is what it is. (even though i cried later that night and still do occasionally:lmao:) SO.... obviously she told me she doesnt wanna be with me, but cant seem to let me go. It gives me mixed signals. She told me she never give me a second chance, but I REALLY want her back. I really feel shes my soulmate. I dont know what to do cuz she acts like she's scared to lose me as a friend and walk into another girls arms, but then again i remember she said ill never have a second chance... Neither of us are dating right now. So im in a heavy dilenma. My heart has to get her back, i cant see myself being with nobody else. So do i forget about her and cut her out my life? Or keep hope alive in the back of my head, because the crime i did wasnt all that huge to begin with? Oh and i returned the bear to her because she liked it. Bad move? We still text and see eachother randomly thru school... and shes pretty flirtacious the one time we were alone, but with her friends shes acts stuck up... and whenever i mention our break up even a little bit she gets upset quickly... oh and just today she asked for her scarf back, the only thing i have left of her. and she wants it tmr and when i asked what she was doin, she said she was with her ex from before me, but it was strictly friendly.... although im thinkin maybe dats made up n she might have said that just to get me jealous, but i really dont know. so please people, i need help! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted March 4, 2011 Author Share Posted March 4, 2011 (edited) Alright well apparently no one wants to give me advice anymore...I'm talking to her in like an hour I'm thinking i might start doing this instead of nc http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=190782&page=1 I'm really not sure what to do, I'm almost positive nc is driving her further from me but it would prolong my pain to do what is described in the post above I am clueless as to what I'm going to say when she calls tonight...I really need urgent advice and no one seems to want to give it to me Edited March 5, 2011 by Chrisg7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted March 5, 2011 Author Share Posted March 5, 2011 Well she never called... She keeps offering to text and then I tell her to call me and she doesn't, it would be nice if someone could just give me a little bit of help here, it's like I'm just talking to myself here Link to post Share on other sites
ljpaterson Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 The link that you posted me is exactly what I'm doing with my ex right now. It's not as cruel as going NC either. Anyways, I'm always here, but I never have good advice. =/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted March 5, 2011 Author Share Posted March 5, 2011 No you have great advice don't downplay yourself...youve been supporting me more than anyone else on this forum lately so thank you so much for that Link to post Share on other sites
gator12 Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 I'm going to give you the same old advice. I've read through this whole thread twice now. GO INTO NC. For you, move on. This girl is not worth your time, you can try any game you want to try and get her back but it wont work, you cant force someone to like you. Go into NC and heal, live a little, enjoy spring break. You';re being impatient real healing takes time, and I'm sorry but it'll take several months before you should even consider dating her again. Stop trying to rush things, reconciliation takes time. REGARDLESS NC isn't driving her further away, you talking to her is. Every time you guys talk it ends badly. She can think what she wants when your in NC, guess what thatll just make her want you more. You are doing a poor job at this simply because you are still obsessing over her. Go into NC for you, YOU no one else. Work on you, don't sit there obsessing about when she will contact you. The longer you keep doing this the slower you will heal. Right now you ARE NOT READY for a second chance with her. Nothing has changed. Please for the love of god, realize this. I don't know how many times I need to say this to you before you listen. -Gator Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted March 5, 2011 Author Share Posted March 5, 2011 (edited) I have been listening to you, but you kinda dissapeared on me so I took the advice of others. I'm in a position now where I am going to talk to her, so I would appreciate some advice on what to say rather than criticism about my actions. I told her to call me, so I think it would be a bad idea to just not answer my phone. After this conversation, I will go back into nc. She is going to ask if I've been ignoring her because she's manipulative and stuff and idk what to say And I am almost positive that nc is giving her a false impression of me and driving her further away, she is developing her opinion of me based on rumors she hears about me and convincing herself that I have changed probably And btw we have been broken up for a month now through which I only had one conversation with her...Idc what happens at this point I just want something to happen so please don't tell me I'm obsessing over her. Your kind of starting to act like a know it all gator... Edited March 5, 2011 by Chrisg7 Link to post Share on other sites
SDA Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 Listen, everyone here is trying to help you regardless of who it is. You know your girl better than anyone and yeah she is on to you with the whole NC thing which is why i feel like its not necessary at all times. It worked for Gator but for some it backfires. So don't call him a know at all for trying to help you and all the others he's been trying to help. Everyone's situation is different. When you talk to her you're gonna go with the flow theres nothing we can say to help you because we don't know you two nor do we know what is happening on the phone. You are in high school there is no way your ex will know what she wants since she is so young. Maybe you should call her. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 She couldn't be 'cheating' as she'd left you so she was single. I know it was a terrible thing to do, I just wanted to know if she was cheating or something. If she asks me about it, should I deny it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted March 5, 2011 Author Share Posted March 5, 2011 Haha that was a looooong time ago but I meant if she was cheating on me before we broke up...any advice on the current situation? And thank you for the thoughtful reply sda I didn't mean to lash out on anyone I'm just in a very frustrating situation right now Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 You said you'd just been snooping on 13th Feb, she split up with you before Feb 11th. I think you should take the advice here (to go NC) which has been offered to you many times by several different people, and stop complaining that no-one is replying to you, makes you sound like a whiney kid you've had way more replies than many threads get. Sorry to sound harsh but you've asked for advice but aren't taking it. I made the mistake of not going NC for months on end after my left me after 18 years, against the advice of most people here, soon as I went NC I started to heal. You need to stop asking so many questions before you make even the tiniest decision, and decide for yourself some of these things, you're the only one who knows her. I think you should stick with NC, tell her no hard feelings but you need to move on. Stop letting her every move dangle you like a puppet, show some respect for yourself. Haha that was a looooong time ago but I meant if she was cheating on me before we broke up...any advice on the current situation? And thank you for the thoughtful reply sda I didn't mean to lash out on anyone I'm just in a very frustrating situation right now Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted March 5, 2011 Author Share Posted March 5, 2011 (edited) Ok thanks for the reply, Ive followed everyones advice except for when I talked to her like 2 weeks ago...some people are giving me conflicting opinions though What it all comes down to though is that I am going to talk to her over the phone in the near future, something that I can't avoid. I think I've decided that I'm going to tell her I had no intentions of spreading mean things about her but I did feel manipulated after our last conversation. I am going to say that I have been ignoring her because she broke up with me and I'm trying to move on. I'm going to say that I cannot be her friend but I have no hard feelings for her and i might tell her thank you for the great year we spent together. I'm debating whether or not to tell her some of the stuff I said in the letter I posted here earlier. Edit: btw we broke up on the 8th and I had been snooping on stuff she sent before we broke up, but that was a one time thing it's over now and theres no need to dwell over the past Edited March 5, 2011 by Chrisg7 Link to post Share on other sites
ljpaterson Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 All of what you're saying to her sounds good. Just be honest and tell her you need time to heal and that maybe someday you can be friends again. I am going to see my ex tomorrow at the Mall of America... so wish me luck with him. He's going to pick me up around noon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted March 5, 2011 Author Share Posted March 5, 2011 All of what you're saying to her sounds good. Just be honest and tell her you need time to heal and that maybe someday you can be friends again. I am going to see my ex tomorrow at the Mall of America... so wish me luck with him. He's going to pick me up around noon. Good luck I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers...don't bring up anything about the past relationship just try to act happy and show him what he's missing out on...that's the best advice I can give you Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted March 6, 2011 Author Share Posted March 6, 2011 (edited) Ok so I talked to her on the phone maybe you all can help me make some sense of it. She first accused me of spreading rumors about her to which I said that I had no intentions of spreading bad things about her and that I told people I was manipulated because I genuinely felt manipulated. She then asked why I was ignoring her to which I said that she broke up with me and I was just trying to get over her. She said she didn't see what harm talking to her would do and I said it would prolong the healing process. She kept bringing up the past and I told her that I was just trying to move on and think about the future She asked what kind of communication she wanted us to have and if I wanted to be friends or not and I told her I can't be friends with her and I kinda avoided the communication question and just repeated that i was just trying to heal. She kept saying she missed talking to me and being with me but she realizes her actions have consequences and wants to know what they are. I asked her if that was all she wanted to talk about and she said yes. So I said ok well thank you for the great year we had together- She then doesn't say anything and then bursts into tears talking about how sorry she is and how much she didn't want to hurt me and I said it's ok it's in the past then she gets her composure and says goodbye. After I got off the phone I texted her: "Sorry one thing I forgot to say-I can't offer you friendship but if you ever have an emergency with your mom or something and need help feel free to contact me" and "I sincerely wish you the best" Edit: she just responded "I don't want to use you or actually become manipulative. I am sorry" and "As do I. I will always love you and I am so sorry" I texted back "it's ok I forgive you" to which she said "I wish it hadn't hurt you like it did" I said "no worries I'm fine now" She said "Ok. I miss you. And please know I m sincerely sorry n will always have a special place in my heart for you. If you change your mind about me please tell me Chris" I replied "change my mind about you" and "and I miss you too" I don't think I'll ever speak to her again No sleep for me tonight... Edited March 6, 2011 by Chrisg7 Link to post Share on other sites
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