Author Chrisg7 Posted February 13, 2011 Author Share Posted February 13, 2011 (edited) Ok, I screwed up big time. I know her Facebook login and have been snooping around there the past couple of days (terrible I know) and she just changed her password, I think she knows what I was doing...what do I do?? Did I just ruin any chance of getting her back? D: Edited February 13, 2011 by Chrisg7 Link to post Share on other sites
gator12 Posted February 13, 2011 Share Posted February 13, 2011 Why would you snoop? You have no business in doing, that her profile is her own business. Just stay in NC, she will most likely confront you about it but I still wouldn't break NC over that. *sigh* that's a dumb mistake man. But it's alright, at least now you won't make it again. Anyways, while you are in NC you shouldn't be worrying about getting her back, try and get her off of your mind as much as possible. This NC is for you, you don't think about her until she tries to break contact and that may not even be any point in the near future. So enjoy your life and no one elses, and please don't snoop anymore. -Gator Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted February 13, 2011 Author Share Posted February 13, 2011 I know it was a terrible thing to do, I just wanted to know if she was cheating or something. If she asks me about it, should I deny it? Link to post Share on other sites
gator12 Posted February 13, 2011 Share Posted February 13, 2011 If she ask about it you should not respond because that would be breaking NC, if she persists you can then maybe respond. But I doubt she will say anything about it. And she can't be cheating if you're not together bro.. *sigh* there's one thing you need to work in NC right there. Trust. If you can't trust her there is no point in you hoping for a second chance. Trust, communication and love are 3 things a relationship cannot survive without. Work on yourself, and don't make a mistake like that again, NC isn't about her and you need to recognize that. It's about you getting emotions out of your head and healing, it just has a secondary benefit of an ex usually missing you and maybe that turns into them wanting you back. But you can't cling to this in NC, you need to work on you. Trust is one issue but there are other ones too, work on them man. -Gator Link to post Share on other sites
NeNinja Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Gator! I leave for a week or two and when I come back you're a damned local legend! Chris, everthing that I am going to say is the last thing you want to hear: This would have happened eventually anyway. You are a senior in high school. She is a sophomore. By the end of this year you would have either cheated on her or broken up with her, quite possibly gotten back together for your school's winter break and then been done with her. When you go away to college you will meet A LOT of girls. Some won't hold a candle to this idealized version of your ex-girlfriend but there will be at least one who will. She will be interesting and available and you wil both have the new found freedom to do whatever you want, whenever you want. This is something your 'highschool sweetheart' cannot compete with. Don't waste your time on this girl now. Instead practice the skills that you'll need to have a 'successful' college experience. Talk to as many girls as you can. Learn how to be yourself and to have fun. Girls love confidence and EVERYONE loves to have fun. /Bad Cop Here's a light at the end of the tunnel. Warning: This tunnel is very long. When I was a freshman in college my girlfriend was a junior in high school. I went to college and had a blast. I met a lot of attractive and interesting girls. I neglected my girlfriend. We talked less and less and I spent more and more time with my new friends and these new girls. She broke up with me. I tried to beg her back for a week or two, but eventually I moved on. I had a lot of fun and really developed those 'learn how to be yourself and to have fun' skills. Two years later she enrolled at my school as a freshman. At that point I had made a lot of friends, had a great off campus house, and had grown up quite a bit. All of those things were incredibly attractive to her and we got back together for almost a year. Do you think this would have happened if I had spent my time sitting alone in the dark waiting for her to come back? Absolutely not. So...there is (faint, slight) hope, but right now you need to work on you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted February 14, 2011 Author Share Posted February 14, 2011 (edited) Thanks for the reply dude but I have to say that I would not have handled the college thing the same way as you. We had it all planned out; I applied to colleges close to her, and if i went to the college I would most likely go to, I planned to come back home at least every other weekend to see her, plus her dad is really chill and offered to drive her up to visit me frequently. I am not the cheating type dude once I am with someone I don't look back. Ok and I have to say one more thing. One "problem" of mine is that I cannot deal with girls who have sexually promiscuous pasts. I feel like my ex will be the last semi innocent but really good looking girl I could ever be with, and I fear that when i go to college, every attractive girl I will meet will be a slut which I simply cannot deal with. To put things in perspective, the fact that my gf gave her last bf oral sex REALLY bothered me for a good 6 months of our relationship. But thank you, that post really helped to put things in perspective for me Edited February 14, 2011 by Chrisg7 Link to post Share on other sites
gator12 Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Lol what can I say ninja, I try too hard . And yea I was exactly like that Chris, same thing about going to college. Here's the thing, Long distance is hard even with all of those things. I promise you, I did it for 4 months with my ex and it wasn't the distance that killed us but it still puts stress on the relationships. And yea I say stay in NC so things don't get any worse. There is a possibility she will come back but don't sit there and wait for it. Work on you like we all keep saying. -Gator Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted February 15, 2011 Author Share Posted February 15, 2011 well its been almost a week since we broke up, practicing nc that whole time. I miss her like crazy though and im still madly in love with her. I know that this nc is helping my hurt but im worried that it may also be driving her further from me or giving her the wrong impression. I haven't heard anything from her since two days ago she told me she would wait until i was ready (on the topic of talking to her). I talked to my friend today about nc, and he said it helped him get a girl back before, but he said its fine to talk to her as long as you act like you dont give a f***. Thoughts on this and my other statements in this post? Link to post Share on other sites
gator12 Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 You simply cant. Lol, an act is hard to pull off especially when you are still emotional. And then suppose she gives the slighest hint on getting back together? You will jump on it so quick and she will pull back immediately. NC prevents you from pushing her away, and trust me she will reach out again. But whether that is about getting back together you can only know when she says she wants to get back together, until then stay strong. NC doesn't make any sense to us because we're guys and use logic in a relationship. In a relationship women are more in touch with emotions so they think with their heart. Don't do the logical thing, lol, it doesn't worrk I've had bad experience with it before. NC is the only way she can truely miss you and know what life is like without you. Ooo and judging by her previous response she will reach out to you again jsut to try and talk, before any reconciliation. DON'T bite. NC does to love what wind does to fire, it extinguishes the small and enflames the great. -Gator Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted February 15, 2011 Author Share Posted February 15, 2011 ok ill take your word man, thank you gator youve been so helpful. Idk if im right to be concerned about this but one of my best friends just underwent an extremely messy break up with his gf who happens to be one of my ex's best friends. He basically called her a dumb slut and cursed her out...do you think that my friends actions will have any negative effect on how my ex will think of me? Because i know for a fact it will get back to her, and his ex will be complaining about him to my ex and i fear that she will be drawing similarities between us. Sorry for the confusing post...its a confusing situation Link to post Share on other sites
gator12 Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 Dude, I totally understand we've all been there. There is a chance that your ex may think that but I see it as unlikely. It's much more likely that she will notice that you never did any of that in your breakup and will immediately gain a new respect for you. NC maintained all of your dignity and your ex will recognize that. You aren't responsible for your actions and I am pretty sure your ex will recognize that fact. -Gator Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted February 15, 2011 Author Share Posted February 15, 2011 (edited) So another day goes by without hearing a word from her, still worried that the nc could be giving her the wrong impression. On the bright side I've done some meditating and narrowed down all the possibilities as to why this could have happened. When I think about it, I am pretty sure that in the end she was very confused about her feelings for me. Here are some possibilities as to why. 1. A combination of many little things. I have trust issues, and I believe this could have caused her some distress in the relationship. I also am very sensitive and tend to get upset about things very easily, such as her not messaging me or hanging out with me in school. Another thing I just thought of was the fact that she was terrible at remembering her birth control (she would forget 3 days In a row and then take 3 pills in one day and stuff like that) so I think a hormonal imbalance could have amplified whatever problems we had. Also, we had virtually no sexual contact the last two months of our relationship. During these months, we hardly got to see each other or even communicate with each other outside of school because her mom is so controlling. In essence, we had the same contact that a guy and girl who were friends would have. We had a big argument because I went all out on her for our anniversary and she bought me a thoughtless $15 gift. So all these factors plus some others may have caused her to feel and act the way she did. 2. She could just be immature and not ready for a committed relationship, or sure about what she wants in general. 3. When all the stuff in 1. Happened, she was not able to hold feelings for me or stay committed because of 2. 4. Possibly something else? What do I do now that I have this knowledge? Do I talk to her about it and ask her to think if a relationship could work if we both did out parts? Maintain nc and possibly lose her forever? Edited February 15, 2011 by Chrisg7 Link to post Share on other sites
gator12 Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 NC always gives the possibility of losing her forever, but only if it is not meant to be. You can't think about it like that. You can't worry about those things or you will crack. And to me all of your reasons sound valid in a way, it could possibly be a combination of them which is always likely. It's usually never just one thing, but there usually is one larger thing which kind of intertwines all of the smaller mistakes. For instance, my ex and I had a lot of really small problems. It wasn't until we broke up that I realize the problems were all tied together by the fact that they made her feel unnappreciated. The good thing is we have both realized at least some of our mistakes, where you go from here is easy. You fix the ones you can, on your own. And take my advice, don't tell her about them, she will see that you have changed when she comes back if you're successful. Stay strong, if it's real she will come back. But remember DON'T BITE until she sends what you want to hear. An I Miss you doesn't mean anything more than I miss you as a friend, don't read too far into her actions, you will be mindf*cking yourself lol. If she contacts post on here and we will help, but until then work on yourself, in every way. Come out in the end a better guy with or without her. -Gator Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted February 16, 2011 Author Share Posted February 16, 2011 she just texted me "hey" again...same thing as the first message she sent me ugh i know i probably shouldnt respond...but i dont want her to get the impression i hate her or am bitter toward her or anything... Link to post Share on other sites
gator12 Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 Chris, I know you've read my thread. My ex sent that exact thing, two nights in a row. Third night she asked why I was ignoring her. Fourth night an email. 5th, 3 phone calls and a voicemail. Lol, trust me you're fine. She may not text or call as much as my ex did but biting right now will instantly set you back to square one. YOU CANNOT BITE. Oooo and watch out for blocked numbers, lol that's how my ex got me.. Oooo the work she puts me through.. lol. stay sharp, -Gator Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted February 17, 2011 Author Share Posted February 17, 2011 Well I guess ive pretty much come to terms with the fact that she will most likely never come back, but that doesnt mean I don't want her back. I still miss her like crazy; my life is boring without her and I am not happy, I actually feel like I am depressed. Are you guys sure that if she wanted me back she would go ahead and say it? What's to say she won't lead into it with small talk? I feel like because I am practicing nc, she is getting the impression that I hate her now and am bitter toward her or something, is there anything I can do to avert this impression? She has been sick this whole week, would it be a bad idea to send a message saying hope you get well soon or something? Is there anyway I can just start things over from the beginning where we first met? Would it be a bad idea to eventually ask her to prom? I just cant get her off my mind even though I realize she's probably not coming back. I think about her literally every minute of the day. Link to post Share on other sites
Xxs Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 DONT (Yea I made an account just to write this) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted February 18, 2011 Author Share Posted February 18, 2011 Haha I'm not sure what your referring to I asked like 5 questions Link to post Share on other sites
Xxs Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 Haha I'm not sure what your referring to I asked like 5 questions Just dont, If you talk with her your most likely to lose the little possibility that you still have to get her back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted February 18, 2011 Author Share Posted February 18, 2011 (edited) Well does anyone have any answers to my specific questions? Also, there's one more thing I'm concerned about. There is this awful feminist teacher at my school who hates me and loves her. The day she broke up with me, my ex got advice from this teacher, and I'm worried that the teacher is still talking to her and encouraging her that she made a great decision. Edited February 18, 2011 by Chrisg7 Link to post Share on other sites
scott123 Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 You can worry about that all you want, but you can't control what people are saying to her. I doubt that a teacher would be saying to one of her students that they made a great decision, I think your mind may be playing tricks on you and you may be reading into this a little too far. In the end, the feeling has to come from inside her, not from what anyone else is telling her to do or not do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted February 18, 2011 Author Share Posted February 18, 2011 Ok will someone please help I'm so confused right now...today was the first day this week she was back in school and none of her actions made sense at all. She acted happier than ever around her friends but was totally avoiding me. We sit at the same assigned lunch table and she just skipped lunch and stood outside the cafeteria the whole time... After school we both do the school play and during practice she literally wouldn't look in my direction or even come in a 20 foot radius of me. There was one time when I entered the same room as her and she got up and left the second I sat down...why is she doing this? :\ Link to post Share on other sites
susanfollows Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 If she's telling you that it means she doesn't love you she just likes feeling in control. Once she saw you are all emotional and want her she decides you're to close, to clingy. I've done that to men in the past too, they cared to much and it was a major turn off. Seriously get a new girlfriend and stop being a kid, real men don't worry what she does as long as they get her in bed. But I understand where you're coming from because I've heard men beg an beg me when I tell them it's to serious and boring. I dont' mean to sound like a bitch. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted February 19, 2011 Author Share Posted February 19, 2011 I still have lots of unanswered questions...where is gator12 when I need him haha Link to post Share on other sites
gator12 Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 Hahaha right her , please ask away, I need something to distract me from my mountain of homework. -Gator Link to post Share on other sites
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