Xxs Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 Wow you really seem to not understand NC. Keep talking to her, I think you already blew it. Link to post Share on other sites
KingofAtlantis Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 "I need her in my life" That one statement there tells me it was over from the start. When you NEED someone so bad it will only fail from the start, girls don't enjoy the feeling of being needed in someones life but rather wanted. That she's great and all but isn't completely Unique there's always someone better out there without a doubt. If you need a person to survive in life then I think you're not even ready to love someone and sustain a LTR. You really need to go NC and stick to it because you really need to work on yourself instead of thinking of her right now because it seems you have a lot of personal issues to sort out in life first. I can tell you're still young trust me you have a lot to learn. I'm not trying to be a negative nancy but its the hard truth bud, you should move on and go NC from here on out it'll only benefit you. You're ignoring the valuable tips the other members of the forum are posting and I'm sure quite a few of them have a lot more experience and knowledge that you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted February 25, 2011 Author Share Posted February 25, 2011 did any of you read the post about our recent conversation? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted February 25, 2011 Author Share Posted February 25, 2011 I talked to her tonight. She manipulated me. I am back in nc now. I only left nc because my school counselor said I had a better chance of getting her back if I communicated with her. He was wrong. Please don't insult me. I am not immature. I only followed The advice of a therapist and now I have lost all sanity. Link to post Share on other sites
gator12 Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 (edited) Yes chris, you messed up. But it's not the end of the world. Look, you're attitude is all wrong the fact is YOU DON'T NEED YOUR EX IN YOUR LIFE. I thought the same thing, but the point of NC is to get past that feeling. And I did, and though I'm very much in love with my ex(well gf now) I know I don't need her in my life. You need to get to that point. The fact is all of the stuff she told you combines to guilt, regret, love(as a friend) but nothing more. If she wanted you she would plainly state it but not once did she say it. And look now you got manipulated, you bit and got burnt after it. That is why you need to follow my guide. You need to be in NC for you right now, you have a lot of growing up to do before you are ready for a LTR. You need to work on your issues if you ever want a second chance with her, or a real chance with someone else. So move on, stay strong and better yourself. Do yourself a favor and stay NC, you made the mistake many of us do. You read to far into her words and assumed too much. That is why I say don't bite. EVERYTHING IS A CRUMB until is says I want to be back together with you. I have had alot of experience with this, I wrote my guide completely from experience and from what I've seen on this site. We wouldn't all be talking about crumbs and NC if it wasn't a cold hard fact. Believe us, you're therapist gave you a logical answer. Logic is not how a girl thinks when it comes to love, that is why however ilogical it seems, NC is the best bet for you. To either move on and get her back. Stay strong man, Life goes on -Gator Edited February 25, 2011 by gator12 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted February 25, 2011 Author Share Posted February 25, 2011 I don't think that I am immature as you all may say. I only valued the advice of a trained professional over random people online. I did not do anything wrong besides talk to her, she was immature and manipulative and she played with my emotions. She is the one who is not ready for a ltr. She is not the person I knew before, she has transformed into someone callous and heartless who gets a thrill out of screwing with my emotions. Link to post Share on other sites
gator12 Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 I don't think that I am immature as you all may say. I only valued the advice of a trained professional over random people online. I did not do anything wrong besides talk to her, she was immature and manipulative and she played with my emotions. She is the one who is not ready for a ltr. She is not the person I knew before, she has transformed into someone callous and heartless who gets a thrill out of screwing with my emotions. This is going to be a little harsh but you need to hear it. You are immature in your views of a relaqtionship and reconciliation, you are still dependent on her and go hurt because of it. If you had matured after the breakup you would have gained much more independence from her than you already have. You said no one gave you advice so you replied,the fact is we gave you the advice to not break NC for any reason until she says she wants to get back together. She screwed with your emotions, just like we told you she would, she manipulated you into contacting her, just like we told you she would. You are feeling like you're back at square one on the healing road just like we told you, you would. I stated to stay in NC who knows how many times, but you chose not to do it. She has not changed from the person you knew before, it's just that after a breakup you finally see the true side of a person once you get past the idolization you did during the relationship. She may be immature as well but that doesn't matter, NC is about you not her. We are a bunch of random people but so are you. When you have tens of thousands of people advocating NC on the breakup and saying what happens if you break it you begin to believe it. All of us here are the same in that we are ordinary people who have made the same mistakes you did, we give you the advice and ultimately it is your choice to follow it or not. But I can guarantee that we are right 95% of the time. We speak from experience, your therapist tells you what he learned from a book. What makes logical sense, but you need to drill this point into your head. Love is not science, it is everything but logical. We speak from experience which is much more valid when you begin to notice almost everyone on this site has had the exact same experience. My point is, to go back into NC. Brush yourself off, and work on you. Move on, like NC is meant to make you do. Stop being dependent on her, life goes on without her. And now that you have seen exactly what she is capable of in a negative way maybe it'll be easier for you to do just that. -Gator Link to post Share on other sites
SDA Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 Listen Chris, I was in your position where I seriously felt incredible feelings for this girl, we hit it off, talked everyday, said she had feelings for me, wanted to date me, all that good stuff. She ditched me for my best friend. I was crushed. For 2 years I was so pathetic over this girl and as I continued to stick around hoping she'd change her mind, my heart only kept growing for her and getting broken everyday. Then I stopped talking to her one day. She went ballistic and texted me everyday. I told her I don't wanna talk to you right now just leave me alone for awhile. 3 months went by and I was so happy, I made new friends, hung out with them over her and my old friends and got over her and my now recent ex came into my life. I was mature enough when I healed I could resume that friendship with my former friends and put the past behind us when I never really had a chance with that girl. My point is take a step back enjoy high school, I know you don't wanna hear this right now, but someone else will come along as long as you put yourself out there. Make some new friends and have a good time. That's what your counselor should have told you. You know you're gonna be fine, so take a step back, realize the good in your life and proceed on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Distant78 Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 Listen Chris, I was in your position where I seriously felt incredible feelings for this girl, we hit it off, talked everyday, said she had feelings for me, wanted to date me, all that good stuff. She ditched me for my best friend. I was crushed. For 2 years I was so pathetic over this girl and as I continued to stick around hoping she'd change her mind, my heart only kept growing for her and getting broken everyday. Then I stopped talking to her one day. She went ballistic and texted me everyday. I told her I don't wanna talk to you right now just leave me alone for awhile. 3 months went by and I was so happy, I made new friends, hung out with them over her and my old friends and got over her and my now recent ex came into my life. I was mature enough when I healed I could resume that friendship with my former friends and put the past behind us when I never really had a chance with that girl. My point is take a step back enjoy high school, I know you don't wanna hear this right now, but someone else will come along as long as you put yourself out there. Make some new friends and have a good time. That's what your counselor should have told you. You know you're gonna be fine, so take a step back, realize the good in your life and proceed on with your life. Great advice for this young nice man. She left you for your "best friend?" Seems like he was much of a jerk as your former girl was. Real friends don't do that. Anyway Chris you're young. Just keep NC with her and try to live your life. It will be hard but it gets easier. I'll post more on here later. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted February 25, 2011 Author Share Posted February 25, 2011 (edited) She told me she loved me with all of her heart and wanted to get back together after she worked out her personal problems one night. Last night she just acted pissed off at me and said basically "I want to be friends it's up to you what happens at this point" when I told her she really needed to reconcile with me she said "what is there to reconcile? I made a couple small mistakes here and there but other than that I didn't do anything wrong" when I asked her if she still loved me and wanted to be back together she didnt respond and I haven't heard from her since. She told me she wasn't upset at all by the break up. She told me she "loved me as much as she could" I don't even want to look at her again after she has said all of these things to me. She used to give me her unconditional love and treat me so well but now she is just different, I know in my heart that this is not the person i gave my heart to. I just want to go to college and have a new beginning and never see any of the people at this school again. Edited February 25, 2011 by Chrisg7 Link to post Share on other sites
SDA Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 I know you wanna leave I felt the same way. You really need to separate yourself from her and take time for yourself. She is unstable and so are you and I promise if you back off for awhile and cool off you will feel much better. If she loves you she'll come back but right now it's not the case. Right now you need to take time to evaluate your feelings alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted February 26, 2011 Author Share Posted February 26, 2011 Yeah I'm just really confused right now. Part of me loves her and part of me hates her. She looks happier than I've ever seen her at school (not an exaggeration) and whenever I see that it makes me want to scream and punch something and cry at the same time. I don't even know if I would take her back at this point. I'm just so confused and lost, I fake a smile at school every day and every night I come home and cry. I know I don't need her to be happy, in fact I wish I had never met her. But what I do know is that she has pushed me to a level of misery which I would never want anyone, not even her to experience. I am not dwelling in my own sorrow believe me I am trying to act normal and enjoy life but I can't change the way I feel inside. Link to post Share on other sites
salem mark Posted February 26, 2011 Share Posted February 26, 2011 Chris, your young, this is an opportunity for you to learn something incredibly inavaluable that you can take with you for the rest of your life. my ex sent the same exact message, do not repy until she is begging for you to take her back, Understand? (listen to Gator and the others) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted February 27, 2011 Author Share Posted February 27, 2011 (edited) I'm not sure if it matters at this point, but she just now responded to my message from the other night. "I still do love u romantically... At the point I am at right now though idk how much that is but I do love u romantically. N like I said a relationship isnt feasible now n idk when it will be or when ill want one again.... so if that's all u r hoping for I can't lead u on n tell u its gonna happen Sorry. I fell asleep the other night n then my mom had my phone when she saw I had slept with it" "U did well in the musical (we both do the school play), I miss talking to you, sad I am sorry. Ill be here if u wanna text me" I see no point in responding Edited February 27, 2011 by Chrisg7 Link to post Share on other sites
SDA Posted February 27, 2011 Share Posted February 27, 2011 I know it's confusing...but at least she is straight up honest with you and she has given you her side of her feelings. I think she needs to be alone. So you can go NC or LC and or maybe go full contact and she could give it another chance. It's confusing ahha like I said. I think you need to chose what you need to do what's best for you and if she is really worth it. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted February 27, 2011 Author Share Posted February 27, 2011 What kind of an effect would it have if I said something like "idk if I even want you back anymore, and that's saying a lot. Sadly, I really feel like your not the same person I fell in love with." And can anyone tell me why she is acting the way she is? I mean over the course of this whole thread not just my last post Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted February 27, 2011 Author Share Posted February 27, 2011 What kind of an effect would it have if I said something like "idk if I even want you back anymore, and that's saying a lot. Sadly, I really feel like your not the same person I fell in love with." And can anyone tell me why she is acting the way she is? I mean over the course of this whole thread not just my last post Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted February 27, 2011 Author Share Posted February 27, 2011 (edited) Sorry about the two posts above, my internet is being weird What kind of an effect would it have if I said something like "honestly at this point idk if I would want to get back together with you, and that's really saying a lot. It's really sad to think, but I feel like your not the same girl I fell in love with anymore. I would want that person back, but not the person I see now" Can someone please try and explain to me why she is acting the way she is? (I mean over the course of this whole thread not just my last post...people seem to be reading like one post of this thread and then giving me advice based on that haha) Edited February 27, 2011 by Chrisg7 Link to post Share on other sites
SDA Posted February 27, 2011 Share Posted February 27, 2011 That would just push her away I think and reassure her decision was good to end it with you. She's young and who would know what to do being that young. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted February 27, 2011 Author Share Posted February 27, 2011 I was also thinking of saying something like "I know your struggling with a lot in your life right now, so if you ever need someone to talk to about what your dealing with I promise that I will be here for you, but that is about all I can offer in terms of friendship after what you did to me" Because I do still care about her and worry about her Link to post Share on other sites
SDA Posted February 27, 2011 Share Posted February 27, 2011 (edited) Don't do it, man Edit: If you do let me know what she says. Edited February 27, 2011 by SDA Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted February 27, 2011 Author Share Posted February 27, 2011 Yeah thanks for all the advice man I'd like a second opinion about all this though Link to post Share on other sites
gator12 Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 You shouldn't confront her or give her any sort of ultimatum. Pressuring her is not going to get her back any faster. See this is where people mess up, you see the opportunity to jump into reconciliation and you try. There is no need to rush this, good things take time. Patience. -Gator Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chrisg7 Posted February 28, 2011 Author Share Posted February 28, 2011 So you think letting her know I would be there for her in time of need is a bad idea? Would you suggest I continue full on NC gator? Link to post Share on other sites
gator12 Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 Yep. Fact is, right now you are not ready to get back together with her, you have some more learning to do before you will be ready for it. You need to take some time to work on you. If you let her know you're there for her you will effectively safety net yourself. Take some more time, she needs to know that because she dumped you, you are gone completely (yea I know you're still there for you but if she does you lose a huge measure of respect.) You don't want to be her friend so don't. Until she tells you she wants you back, which she is giving some promising signs but still too early to tell, you do nothing. Work on you. You need to get over this dependency on her, you aren't ready for a second chance yet. Spend this time not talking to her, not thinking about her but thinking about you instead. Work on you, any issues you may have had in the relationship anything. Go to the gym, have some fun, if she loves you she will come back, but next time she reaches out to you please take my advice and dont bite. -Gator Link to post Share on other sites
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