overseas2004 Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 Just out of curiousity I have a question. There are so many questions on these boards about the "no contact rule". I have seen some questions about why it works or doesn't work etc... And for the most part I think I know really well why its used and why it works to help you and all that stuff. But there is one question that keeps nagging me. Are there any superhumans out there who managed to stick to it from the first time your bf/gf told you they wanted to break up? I have to be the first to freely admit that I have not EVER been able to do that. And I think that partly has to do with pain but also curiousity about what is the other person going through etc... But I also have to admit that there have been at least two situations in which I TOTALLY WISH I HAD. So let me know your stories and I thank you for the entertainment in advance. Link to post Share on other sites
sarah42 Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 It's been almost 4 months now since my ex finished with me. As some of you will know, I've posted my story on this board. I got no answers other than he'd met someone else - even though he asked me to get engaged only 6 weeks previously. Although I'm eating and sleeping better I don't feel ANY better in myself. I've stuck to this no contact rule. He's on my mind all day and I wonder just when it's all going to go away. There have been many times when I've thought I can't stand not speaking to him and almost phoned him. But I've stopped myself. I see him (not to talk to) once a fortnight at football games. I've caught him a couple of times sneaking a look at me. I've no idea what that means and I'm keeping an open mind. From the moment we broke up I made a decision to show him what he's missing. New haircut, new clothes etc. I go to games looking no less than my absolute best. I'm an attractive girl and my message to him is I'LL SHOW YOU. His friends have started talking to me (not about him) and I come over as confident and in control. I'm not really but I'll be damned if I'm letting him know that. I feel proud I've stuck to this no contact rule and would recommend it to anyone. Like someone else said - don't feed their ego. I'd take him back tomorrow and if he wants me back then fine. But HE finished it - so if he wants me back then HE can start it. I see it this way - there's nothing worse than a desperate girl chasing a man. It puts them off. But if they think you're not bothered, they're more likely to be interested again. Anyone agree or disagree? Link to post Share on other sites
curiousgeorge Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 Ok here goes 1. OUCH (for what happened to you) 2. You are quite something else 3. Can I have your number. (actually I am kind of far from the UK but) I think it is really cool you stuck to your guns. And I hope you don't go back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author overseas2004 Posted March 25, 2004 Author Share Posted March 25, 2004 I agree with curious george on some things OUCH definately but I think what you are doing is amazing. And I so wish I had done the same.... You are truly amazing. Link to post Share on other sites
Martin Guerrini Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 Sarah 42, I am really amazed by your brave attitude. But could you tell me how do you feel inside? Because it seems that you are still stuck with him. Isn't it painful to do a lot of things to get him back and not receive any response? Good luck and keep on fighting (for yourself more than anybody else). If this is not the guy then you will find someone who really deserve you. Week after week, you will not only eat and sleep better but also feel stronger in your heart. Martin Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 Well, there are different KINDS of No Contact. 1. Giving the other person the space they asked for....for any period of designated time. 2. Giving the other person the space they asked for....without knowing if they will ever return. 3. Going No Contact to invoke the response or action you are wanting to receive from someone. 4. Going No Contact to save pride....but hope the relationship can be repaired down the road. 5. Going No Contact because you need to get over the relationship and move on with your life. 6. Going No Contact because you finally realize he's a worthless piece of SH*T and isn't worth your time. Just kidding about number 6.....hahahaha! The answer to your question would depend on which type of No Contact it was. I think 2-4 are the hardest because you are still hanging onto the relationship. Once you get to 5....you really don't care about anything but getting over the guy. It comes with a greater resolve and energy. Link to post Share on other sites
sarah42 Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 Thanks for your lovely comments - you're making me see myself in a different light. IF ONLY MY EX THOUGHT THE SAME. Martin - inside I feel broken, hurt and betrayed. And there are many times I feel like I'm wasting my time doing what I'm doing. But when I go to the game it's very important for me to be able to hold my head high and think what a fool he was to dump ME. If I let myself go and didn't bother with my appearance or cried in front of him I would feel he was justified in finishing with me. Well, I'm not going to let that happen. And if he doesn't come back and I'm looking my best maybe someone else will be interested in me. Link to post Share on other sites
Martin Guerrini Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 Sarah, you are in the right path. Life is short and there is no place for regrets so try as much as you feel not for him but for your own release. However, if things get to a point where your own dignity is on risk, then stop it. You would have tried enough and even excessively by then. There is where you should feel free. You should remind yourself that this does not depend on you anymore... that you had tried it all. You must be proud of yourself to be faithful to your heart. People say that the time and the rain make one to forget. I remembered all my little misfortunes in love. I don't need to forget them because I have always been faithful to my heart until the last minute. Forgetting is only for the people who escape from their feelings. They live their lives in a constant regrets. I won't. Go straight to your heart, give it a hard try, and feel free. The moonlight is beautiful with or without him. You are there and that is a blessing. And you are not alone, go and find the shelter in the kindness of your friends. M. Link to post Share on other sites
sarah42 Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 Thanks a lot Martin. I appreciate what you are saying and you're right. First of all I'm doing all of this FOR MYSELF. It may or may not have an impact on my ex, but right now I have to have my self esteem and do whatever makes me feel good. I have read so many messages on this board that say concentrate on yourself and it's so true. I could hide away, let myself go and let my ex destroy my character but I don't want to do that. I want to to feel good about myself again and above all I'm going to show style, class and dignity. It's the only way forward for me. Link to post Share on other sites
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