Things have gotten really bad..

[TokyoG33kyGal]

ironic how you all attack me personally just because i pointed out the oblivious because you all keep being ignorant about the truth: she needs to get a boyfriend who can support her needs and wants while she keeps her family. she loves this man but obviously not working out well. hate to keep repeating the point but you can all keep "lawyering" for her own actions, in the end it's her who will decide. this is why this situation keep dragging on for how long, 2 years with the same complaints.

 

i am sure all of you did not experience it first hand. let's not put moving in and adjusting to the environment dilemma altogether. her inability to adjust to the new environment only put to light how inadequate the relationship is in terms of communication, setting of expectations and expressing their own wants and needs. the guy obviously can survive long days without her, and she simply cannot handle that. why force something that cannot find a compromise?

 

everyone already offered the empathy, so i am not gonna jump into that because she got all the empathy she needed. she needs a solution. but of course, you guys have the "first hand" experience right?

 

Of course, you are entitled to your own opinion, but be prepared for rebuttles.

 

so the OP and all of the people here should also be prepared for the rebuttal. LDRs are not for everybody, so my solution for the OP is find a guy who has a normal job, lives nearby to her preferred location. the boyfriend is a douche, we all agree with it. i just choose not to sugarcoat things with people who don't listen.

Edited February 15, 2011 by TokyoG33kyGal

[aerogurl87]

ironic how you all attack me personally just because i pointed out the oblivious because you all keep being ignorant about the truth: she needs to get a boyfriend who can support her needs and wants while she keeps her family. she loves this man but obviously not working out well. hate to keep repeating the point but you can all keep "lawyering" for her own actions, in the end it's her who will decide. this is why this situation keep dragging on for how long, 2 years with the same complaints.

 

i am sure all of you did not experience it first hand. let's not put moving in and adjusting to the environment dilemma altogether. her inability to adjust to the new environment only put to light how inadequate the relationship is in terms of communication, setting of expectations and expressing their own wants and needs. the guy obviously can survive long days without her, and she simply cannot handle that. why force something that cannot find a compromise?

 

everyone already offered the empathy, so i am not gonna jump into that because she got all the empathy she needed. she needs a solution. but of course, you guys have the "first hand" experience right?

 

 

 

so the OP and all of the people here should also be prepared for the rebuttal. LDRs are not for everybody, so my solution for the OP is find a guy who has a normal job, lives nearby to her preferred location. the boyfriend is a douche, we all agree with it. i just choose not to sugarcoat things with people who don't listen.

 

I said it once and I'll say it again, she was asking for support not judgement. And some of us do have first hand experience, so stop acting like a b*tch and if you don't have something supportive to say, don't say anything at all. I'm sure she's having a hard enough time now, but have a stranger criticize her isn't going to help the situation. She tried to make things work and is going through a rough time right now, the last thing she needs is you calling her a failure.

[KandiceHanson]

so the OP and all of the people here should also be prepared for the rebuttal. LDRs are not for everybody, so my solution for the OP is find a guy who has a normal job, lives nearby to her preferred location. the boyfriend is a douche, we all agree with it. i just choose not to sugarcoat things with people who don't listen.

 

CLEARLY we already know your opinion and stance on the situation which is why I said, state it once and be done with it. Secondly, I'd quit with this now considering you will receive a reputation with this - don't ruin it. And third, the boyfriend is not a douche o.o I don't know where you got that from. He has a job and for some guys, it's hard to balance a g/f along with an occupation. He's just struggling, that in no way makes him a douche. And surely it's alright not to sugarcoat, but you're playing the role of a bully right now and you keep putting down her situation to yours. Really, save your reputation on here and just stop it. You've already pretty much disrespected this whole board and I've lost quite a bit of it for you as well.

[wild_urge]

I agree with TokyoG33kyGal, stop attacking her. I think that she is trying to be realistic. It IS relevant if the relationship has had the same problem for the past 2 years; it is probably the most important thing. Now I can see how when you love someone you don't want to let go, but you either accept his attitude towards you or you leave that person. Since, things are not working out and the author of the thread feels unhappy, she should probably have to accept it and move on. TokyoG33kyGal is only pointing out the obvious.

[TokyoG33kyGal]

thank you

 

and in no way i did put down her situation to mine, aerogurl asked me a personal question which is irrelevant to the thread and i voluntarily replied to. you are all twisting my words. but whatever, keep walking in the clouds

[KandiceHanson]

Well, if it is so obvious then why would she need to point it out so many times? Clearly Tokyo doesn't know this girl personally and to bring about the past is just unnecessary, considering things may have changed. You never know the entire side of the story until you talk to that person IN person, so bringing about accusations that she has had a bad past doesn't necessarily correlate with this present situation.

 

I'm fine with agreeing to disagree, which I do. I just don't think the best thing to do is ram into a thread and be harsh about it, which she was. There are better ways to express the fact that you 'don't agree' and that is when I brought in my responses. It's just disrespectful and there are other positive ways to go about it - some girls just need the empathy and they can figure out the rest and 'what to do' by themselves on their own time clock.

[TokyoG33kyGal]

the only reason i was ramming on it, was because aerogurl started to ask me personal questions and people begin attacking me. and putting words in my mouth that i was attacking the OP

 

the OP doesn't have even anything to say so why are you all so butthurt for her?

 

and obviously things HAVEN'T changed. at least i did read the whole thing before jumping into conclusions and not just jumping in to bash one person that doesn't agree with the majority

[folieadeux]

I just want to chime in and say all the arguing on here is counterproductive. Yes, it's a forum and we're all entitled to our own opinions, but HOW it's done is key. I honestly like all of you on here and feel that you're all way too good to be taking up precious time with such pettiness.

 

Someone mentioned why the OP wasn't responding. I think it's important to remember that not all of us have the time to log in everyday, so I really don't think there's any relevance there either.

 

With that being said, like it or not, we all may be in the OP's position one day. Being in an LDR automatically means someone will have to move. Unfortunately, not all of these relocations end successfully for one or both parties involved. The story is far from over once the move is made and it's just as important to have that support and CONSTRUCTIVE criticism during that time.

 

Just my two cents.

[Ashbash11]

The reason I haven't been on LS in a while is because I WORK a 45 hour week, and I don't have time to go on here..

 

I want to address Tokyogal's statements.. I know this is a public forum and everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but Toykyogal, you are putting words in my mouth. I apologize if it seems like I've been "whining" for the past 2 years, and that I am in denial that this relationship will work, etc. etc.. the truth of the matter is, I come here for support, and you clearly do not know how to give it.

 

In any case, I am not "in denial.." I see real potential in this relationship, and I am very much in love with this man. We have a very strong bond and we are great together- all of our friends/family think so, too. If it werent' for his job, I would marry him in an instant. The main point I have been trying to get across in my posts is that due to his odd work schedule, we will never have a normal life that most couples have. We won't come home and cook together, share a bed every night, share a group of friends, go out on weekends.. It just can't happen because of his schedule. It's impossible to establish a social circle, because he's not even HOME enough to make that happen.... People who have not been in my situation have no right to judge. Just because you, Tokyogal are moving to be with your boyfriend, doesn't give you the right to judge my situation. However, I am happy that you have found a way to make it work.

 

The other point I want to make is that relationships are about partnership. And that does not currently exist in my relationship. I am the kind of person who DOES put myself in other people's shoes, and I have thought about my boyfriend's position many times, but the truth of the matter is, he has the better end of the deal. Like I've said so many times before, he has me, his family, his job.. It's unfortunate that you think I have "dug myself into a hole".. that's an inaccurate, not to mention, extremely negative way of looking at my situation.

 

I didn't come here to start a string of debate, or to try to prove a point, or "whine.." I just came here to share my story, and get support from those who are also going through a tough time. As someone else mentioned, we are all in LDR"s, and who knows, maybe one of you will soon be in a similar situation, in terms of moving to be with your SO. Although this is a public forum, tolerance and support are most productive here.

 

Thank you to those of you who have supported me and offered advice over the years. I am hopeful that this situation will resolve itself and whatever happens will be for the best.

Edited February 16, 2011 by Ashbash11

[TokyoG33kyGal]

Someone mentioned why the OP wasn't responding. I think it's important to remember that not all of us have the time to log in everyday, so I really don't think there's any relevance there either.

 

i didn't mean that in that way, i was saying that the people keep talking for her when she might have different to say.

 

geez, if all we're not so emotional about my post it won't be this long. i just hope that the OP after months or so of reflection, when she comes back here in LS she does have a solution for that.

 

well then she responded, seems she knows what her situation is. she cannot do anything with it cuz the move depends on the boyfriend who also seems solid with his decision. that is all.

 

PS, if you wanna make your relationship work i suggest reading tips from this blog. maybe it will help you look at it at a different perspective

 

http://www.longdistancerelationshipsthatlast.com/the-long-distance-relationship/

 

The most common problem in the distance relationship is respecting the other person’s need to grow and explore in terms of college education or career (military or corporate) while creating strong bonds that can endure the test of time and separation. The insecurities that come up in such a relationship are the biggest factor in most breakups. This is why you have to find ways to keep yourself strong while encouraging your partner to do the same.

Edited February 16, 2011 by TokyoG33kyGal