Why doesn't he just ignore me?

[Avaa]

A guy I rejected (which I now heavily regret) has completely shown signs he doesn't like me (doesn't ask me about myself, talks about other girls,etc.,) however, this was in December when I rejected him. I noticed(now) that if I walk past him or anything he'll make an effort to talk to me. Usually by teasing or joking. Sometimes, the conversation starters are typically dumb but whatever make a conversation start. So if he doesn't like me then why does he still make an effort to talk to me AND he observes me a lot. ALSO, he observes me more when I speaking to another male co-worker. He even once told me I should go out with so and so .

 

I just really wanna know why he does the thing he does. And no, I don't believe he likes me any longer but his actions are questionable.

Edited February 12, 2011 by Avaa

[phineas]

I've been in his shoes.

 

Rejection & time have killed his infatuation & left only interest.

He likes you & is attracted to you but honestly doesn't care one way or the other if you go out with him because there are probably half a dozen other women he views the same way.

 

He will not make a move again.

If you are interested you would have to make the move because he doesn't want to be that guy at work repeatedly asking the same woman out.

 

It sounds like you have changed your mind.

If so YOU need to make a move.

[carhill]

I just really wanna know why he does the thing he does.

You cut his d!ck off and his brain still hasn't completely sensed the severing. His lips are still twitching and vocal chords contracting from old impulses when he liked you and perhaps thought you liked him.

 

Up to you how to proceed next. Hope it works out.

[Avaa]

I've been in his shoes.

 

Rejection & time have killed his infatuation & left only interest.

He likes you & is attracted to you but honestly doesn't care one way or the other if you go out with him because there are probably half a dozen other women he views the same way.

 

He will not make a move again.

If you are interested you would have to make the move because he doesn't want to be that guy at work repeatedly asking the same woman out.

 

It sounds like you have changed your mind.

If so YOU need to make a move.

 

He does like me as a friend obviously and is attracted to me-spot on there. How do I make a move? should I tell him about my change of heart? just because I like him doesn't mean he would like me back.

[carhill]

'I regret rejecting you back in December. Would you like to grab <your and/or his favorite beverage> this afternoon?'

[dispatch3d]

Some people handle rejection better than others. If I asked a girl out, she said no, and we were saw each other around why wouldn't I say hi? I don't know, to me I don't see a reason NOT to be friendly. I like people, and I apparently thought this girl was cool enough to date. So if I thought she was that cool, why not talk to her? Even if rejected, meh, who cares?

[Nexus One]

You cut his d!ck off and his brain still hasn't completely sensed the severing. His lips are still twitching and vocal chords contracting from old impulses when he liked you and perhaps thought you liked him.

 

Up to you how to proceed next. Hope it works out.

 

Boom! Great answer carhill!

Edited February 12, 2011 by Nexus One

[Avaa]

Some people handle rejection better than others. If I asked a girl out, she said no, and we were saw each other around why wouldn't I say hi? I don't know, to me I don't see a reason NOT to be friendly. I like people, and I apparently thought this girl was cool enough to date. So if I thought she was that cool, why not talk to her? Even if rejected, meh, who cares?

 

True that. But yes, it definitely depends on the guy of course. One thing I didn't mention was that though he is "over" me, his respect level has gone down. As in he has said some disrespectful, sexual things towards me that he's never said before I rejected him. I spoke to him about this and he called me uptight. No, I said it was rude and inappropriate. He apologized. So I wouldn't say he's handling this THAT maturely.

[Avaa]

Boom! Great answer carhill!

Hey, I am actually kind of glad you noticed this topic. I've seen A LOT (No, I am not a stalker )of your posts and I usually like what you have to say. Given what I wrote and my responses to others, whats YOUR take on this? BTW, I am really inexperienced and clueless when it comes to guys so I base a lot of it off any knowledge/common sense.

 

P.S. my take on this-I think he does it out of attention,really. It's in his personality. Just one of those guys that says and acts a way that can grab your attention. I don't talk to him a whole lot so I am sure he senses this which is why he actually wants to initiate something. I just don't get why he acts out of attention. It's rather fascinating, really. Lol.

Edited February 13, 2011 by Avaa

[Nexus One]

I don't know the guy, but depending on his personality there are several possible scenarios:

 

1. He's covering up his true emotions towards you through humor and teasing, because when he would be serious towards you, then he might flinch and you might spot the fact that he actually was hurt in the past by your rejection. And he's trying to prevent you from seeing that.

 

2. Carhill's theory.

 

3. His ego got bruised and he's kind of taking it out on you in a soft manner through humor, teasing, but also those sexual remarks. Kind of like:"You hurt me, I'll just sting you a bit here and there, but not too hard because I still care about you enough to not want to hurt you too badly." Hence his apology for the sexual remarks. If he really thought you were uptight he wouldn't want to have dealt with you and would have avoided you after that.

 

4. Consciously or unconsciously he could be using reverse psychology. He's trying to make sure you notice that he has other girls on his agenda. He tells you to go out with other guys, as if he no longer cares. Note the "as if". But him telling you to date certain other guys might also be his way to push you away for his own sake, so that he can get over you more easily. For a guy, seeing the girl he likes with another man is hurtful, BUT it can make it easier to get over her, because nearly all chances are lost beyond that point and any mental image of him and you would be more likely to fall apart, hence he could get over you more easily if you dated other guys.

 

5. Despite you rejecting him he still might want you to focus on him when he's around. When you focus on HIM, then at least in that time he might think he could change his diminished chances.

 

6. Or like you say it could be his personality, he could be extrovert, wanting the center of attention, wants to be noticed.

 

7. He doesn't give a flying f*ck about you anymore. Perhaps he was infatuated with you for a short while for whatever reason and is now completely past that. But if he really had a crush on you, then I doubt that he doesn't care anymore, but it IS a possibility.

 

8. It's also possible that he used to kind of like you, but not really THAT much. So he could have gotten over you pretty easily.

 

9. He's simply over you. Period.

 

10. A combination of any of the above.

 

 

My rough guesstimation here is that he actually still likes you, but tries come across as if he doesn't care anymore and has moved on to bigger and better things. All the while covering up the hurt from the rejection and poking you back a bit for that.

Edited February 13, 2011 by Nexus One

[Lucky_One]

How do you know he is observing you more, unless you are watching him more?

 

He COULD be thinking "Why the heck does she watch me all the time, and why is she always looking around to see if I am watching her when she is talking to one of the other guys? Is she trying to rub it in that someone else might like her?"

[Nexus One]

He COULD be thinking "Why the heck does she watch me all the time,

 

That reminds me of a situation when I was in high school. I had this class where the tables were arranged in a huge circle, so everyone could look at each other. And there was this girl that looked at me A LOT and I looked back, not because I was into her, but just to see if she was looking AGAIN and then I was wondering why oh why she looked at me so often. (I was really oblivious and clueless)

 

Then one day at lunch break, when I was churning on my sandwich, she and her sister suddenly appeared before me and she then pointed at me and said to her sister: "That's him."

 

That's when I got it.

[Avaa]

How do you know he is observing you more, unless you are watching him more?

 

He COULD be thinking "Why the heck does she watch me all the time, and why is she always looking around to see if I am watching her when she is talking to one of the other guys? Is she trying to rub it in that someone else might like her?"

 

Well, I know him well enough to know he is a observant person by default. Usually, when I speak to a co-worker or someone else and we are near him he tends to stare at me. He doesn't even try to make it discreet and I can see him do so out of the corner of my eye. I just don't look at him because it makes it awkward. Now, if I was really trying to rub it in his face, which I am not, I would look at him when I catch him observing me. I think it might make him feel a tad insecure because he asked me if I was dating anyone at the store. And then recently he asked me if I would date this guy. He actually told me I should date him

[Ay Diesel T]

Why do you regret it?

[Avaa]

Why do you regret it?

 

Hi, sorry for the late reply since you asked yesterday.

Well, I realized I said I didn't like him for the dumbest reason because I can be hyper-sensitive:rolleyes: All in all I think he has a lot going for him.

[Avaa]

I don't know the guy, but depending on his personality there are several possible scenarios:

 

1. He's covering up his true emotions towards you through humor and teasing, because when he would be serious towards you, then he might flinch and you might spot the fact that he actually was hurt in the past by your rejection. And he's trying to prevent you from seeing that.

 

2. Carhill's theory.

 

3. His ego got bruised and he's kind of taking it out on you in a soft manner through humor, teasing, but also those sexual remarks. Kind of like:"You hurt me, I'll just sting you a bit here and there, but not too hard because I still care about you enough to not want to hurt you too badly." Hence his apology for the sexual remarks. If he really thought you were uptight he wouldn't want to have dealt with you and would have avoided you after that.

 

4. Consciously or unconsciously he could be using reverse psychology. He's trying to make sure you notice that he has other girls on his agenda. He tells you to go out with other guys, as if he no longer cares. Note the "as if". But him telling you to date certain other guys might also be his way to push you away for his own sake, so that he can get over you more easily. For a guy, seeing the girl he likes with another man is hurtful, BUT it can make it easier to get over her, because nearly all chances are lost beyond that point and any mental image of him and you would be more likely to fall apart, hence he could get over you more easily if you dated other guys.

 

5. Despite you rejecting him he still might want you to focus on him when he's around. When you focus on HIM, then at least in that time he might think he could change his diminished chances.

 

6. Or like you say it could be his personality, he could be extrovert, wanting the center of attention, wants to be noticed.

 

7. He doesn't give a flying f*ck about you anymore. Perhaps he was infatuated with you for a short while for whatever reason and is now completely past that. But if he really had a crush on you, then I doubt that he doesn't care anymore, but it IS a possibility.

 

8. It's also possible that he used to kind of like you, but not really THAT much. So he could have gotten over you pretty easily.

 

9. He's simply over you. Period.

 

10. A combination of any of the above.

 

 

My rough guesstimation here is that he actually still likes you, but tries come across as if he doesn't care anymore and has moved on to bigger and better things. All the while covering up the hurt from the rejection and poking you back a bit for that.

 

Number one-would make a lot of sense. I also feel like he's masking his emotions/feelings by trying to be constantly funny and what not.

Number three-Makes sense

Number four-The thing here is I think it's more to see my reaction than anything. This is the second time he asked me if I would ever go out with him. This guy he told me to go out with is happens to be his close friend, too. I think he might have said it so I can say something to reassure him that this guy and I are just friends. However, you do make some valid points.

Number five-True true.

Number six-Actually, he isn't like this around other people. It's usually when I am near him is when he acts like this. He sings, he dances, he says weird things etc. That's why I said he's doing this out of attention.

Number seven-Yeah, maybe. This one stung -_- and number eight, and nine. LOL.

 

I probably shouldn't be analyzing but I am do so out of my own sake just because I don't know guys too well. BTW, a really long time I ago he told my friend he was over it, aka me. And then when he saw me he told me his friend is going to introduce someone to him. Right in front of me:rolleyes: a month later he liked me again.

[Avaa]

BTW, Nexus One, he dates multiple people so it doesn't surprise he is seeing other girls.

[Ay Diesel T]

Lol I think him seeing other women just makes you want him more, and once you do get him you'll just end up blowing him off (no pun intended).