ah crap guys

[broken-and-lost]

I went and did something totally stupid and sent my ex flowers and a card, i know i really shouldn't have done it, she will probably only think i'm trying to pressure her again, instead of the way it should be taken as i've not stopped caring, she always tells me she feels the same but wants me to work on myself right now and she can't make any promises.

 

i've had tons of girlfriends off and on never really cared too much when it was over, main reason for it was that i had a bit of trauma as a kid which basically kept me from forming long loving relationships with people, out of fear of being hurt, until she came along. i won't go into all the details but it blew up bad when i was with her and i ended up rejecting her a lot, like a child throwing fits, it came to a head last year and i went to concealing to sort myself out spent 8 months doing it in secret while she got on spending time with her friends as she had been neglecting them to try and look after me, just when i was ready to tell her what i had been doing and was confident i'd resolved the issues, she ended it and she was very hurt and angry with me for good reasons.

 

I apologised for everything that happened in the 3 years we where together and told her about what i'd been up to as well with counselling but she said she could be with me and wanted to be friends which i said we couldn't be friends as i love her too much for that, anyway we haven't been able to stay NC when i try she breaks it when she tries i break it. she always says the same thing that she feels the same but wants me to concentrate on myself or she will just get angry if i write her sometimes and bring up all the stupid child like behaviour while i was ill, i totally understand she is hurting and doesn't know if she can trust me to change even tho i'd already started sorting it while we where still together, and the really sad thing is that i really have sorted it and it no longer holds any power over me in fact it's totally changed my out look on life and i'd actually love to settle down have a family. i told her i want to settle down with her as she really is the one for me, i feel very close to her and sometimes you just know.

 

I don't know what to do for the best here guys, i know NC is probably best and that if it's meant to be then, but i really don't want to lose her either it's been 4 months since we broke up should i leave her alone, should i try and be friends and build it back from there or should i give up and walk away.

 

It's a very sad story if you saw us together even know you could tell we are both very sad over the situation and neither of us really wanted this outcome.....

Edited February 12, 2011 by broken-and-lost
changes

[brokenangel26]

i just registered on this site and i saw your story.i am going through a very very bad breakup after 5 years..and besides the fact that i can not cope..i wish he would send me flowers etc..it's so strange how the wrong people meet.and even when it's over we can't see it.is it love or it becomes an obsession to have something that is so hard to get..

[rbitrage]

i believe my situation is similar to yours. I had past losses and the pain of those losses always made our relationship strained. I so believe like u do that she is the one for me and i can overcome all my past now and truly be happy but i don't have any control over what she believes nor whether she will give me even a remote chance. it's been two weeks and even though i desperately want to contact her i haven't. And she hasnt' reached out to me either.

 

really think the only thing we can do is focus on what is within our control which is our own pain and circumstance. what she does or choses now is not something you can control.

 

i feel helpless and it sucks but just gotta try to do what you have some influence to change which is within yourself.