Cyber Sex

[johndeere]

I have been married to my wife of 27 years and I have been totally faithful.

 

For the past while she has been spending a lot of time especially in the late evening hours playing games on Pogo.

 

I usually go to bed much earlier than her. I have sensed that there was more going on then playing games as any time I got up she would be shutting down the computer.

 

I installed a keyboard logger and was correct with my intuition. She was having a online relationship and quite often were engaging in explicit sexual conversations trying to get each other off.

 

I feel betrayed but wonder if I should confront her or wait to see if it develops to a more serious stage. I this a form of adultery? or am I over reacting? Or do you think it's just a form of entertainment? I am not a jealous person.

[befuddled11]

As to whether cybersex can be construed as cheating, I guess you'll likely get mixed views on this.

 

I'm of the belief that it most definitely IS cheating.......because what it's:

 

1) becoming sexually aroused by someone other than your spouse

2) it's doing something you know full well would hurt your spouse, behind their back

 

 

To some who say it's "harmless", or that you don't actually "know" the person behind the screen....to me that makes no difference. It doesn't matter if you never meet that person in real life....you're still sharing intimate sexual talk (even if it's "type") with someone other than your spouse, you're becoming sexually aroused and all that goes with that, with someone other than the person you committed your faithfulness and loyalty to (marriage vows).

 

For a lot of people, too, cybersex is just a stepping stone to actually "meeting" in person....because the thrill of cybersex wears off, and they crave actual physical contact.

 

The fact that your wife is doing this, after 27 yrs of marriage....maybe it's time to look at how your marriage is? Is she bored? Has the spark been lost in your marriage? How is your sex life and intimacy as a couple?

 

As for what to "do" with this knowledge....I'm not sure how to advise you. I have no idea how you'd go about telling her you've been logging her keystrokes in order to find out what's going on. I sure don't think you're WRONG for doing it....you obviously sensed something wasn't "right" and you felt you needed to find out (I'm sure she'd have never openly admitted to what she's been doing).........hopefully others will have some advice on how you confront her here.

 

And in closing, it doesn't matter what any of us think about cybersex....it's really all about how YOU feel.....how do YOU feel knowing your wife is getting off because of some other guy's words on a screen? The time she could be spending with you, she's spending with someone else? Personally, in this day and age, I think cybersex is stupid and creepy.......you have no idea the actual AGE of the person on the other end of the screen.........for all she knows, it could be some "minor" on there. It's risky business.

[johndeere]

Thanks for the advice!

 

In our marriage I feel I am meeting her emotional and physical needs and she tells me what a great husband I am and she tells me that she loves me all the time.

 

We are in a stress free time in our lives as the kids are all out of the home and no problems.

 

Actually our sex life has improved since she stated this cyber affair.

She wants it more often and is open to try new things.

 

The cyber affair started innocently enough with a man on line playing euchre. They got to know about each other as both are the same age and are in the same professional career.

 

She has never said anything bad about me in her chat and has even mentioned that I was a good lover.

 

I feel bad about installing the keyboard logger but also had another reason for doing so. In the past my wife has on many occasions went out gambling at the slots land lied about doing so. She admitted she has a problem and promised it would not happen again.

With that situation I lost a lot of trust.

 

It seems she is out for a form of excitement. I now people with gambling addictions get a high from playing.

 

Ant Ideas anyone?

[Arabess]

Maybe she is just bored since the kids are now gone and is looking for some excitement.

 

Playing 'cyber sex' can be a dangerous game though. It can really open a person up to problems....in and out of the marriage. It can also lead to a 'type of' relationship and has broken up many a marriage.

 

Perhaps you could suggest that you guys find an interest you enjoy doing together. Get out of the house and off the net.

 

You have a right to be upset and to demand some changes be made.

[End of my rope]

I personally find cybersex creepy and unnatural.

 

IMO, Cybersex is cheating. It's "safe" cheating. She thinks she won't get caught and you won't get hurt. If she's cybering maybe you should think about why though. Try doing extra special things to make her feel sexy and loved. I'd try to persuade her away from it and only if she continues would I confront her. If she doesn't stop, it may well lead to something more.

[johndeere]

Thanks 4 the advice.

 

I will try to do more special things for her.

 

My wife is in a high stress job and has been using the computer to mostly play games to wind down.

 

She has been doing this for years. But in the last 3 months she started playing euchre and chatting.

 

She has a lot of friends on pogo and often plays with friends and family.

 

My wife is a nighthawk and only sleeps about 5 hours per day.

 

Mostly all the cyber sex chat with a special friend occurs when I am asleep.

 

She has been going through some personal changes e.g. Menopause. (a lot of hot flashes)

 

Just recently she joined a gym to try to slim down.

 

It’s too bad that it has to be a nobody from cyber space to make her feel her need to do this.

 

I don’t have a problem with her weight but believe it is good that she joined for the benefits of working out to reduce stress and feeling good about herself.

 

My question is should I continue to monitor the chat to see if this develops into something more serious

[pinklove]

I agree with befuddled 11

 

But, now it's all in the past, hopefully the two of u can come together and start spending more time with each other, there is alot of curiousity when it comes to the Internet, but we all have to use common sense, I mean what we wouldn't do with someone in real life, like having sex with a stranger we just met, the same should apply online. Hopefully she feels better that you know about what's she's been doing and maybe she is totally sorry about it.