capitald Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 Bitterness can break your back. Nobody is going to give a crap if you and I give up. I am going to fight for success in my life even if it kills me, figuratively and/or literally. This society is set up so that its very easy to slide in the very comfy "loser chair" and there are plenty of people that want you to join them in misery. I will die on my feet rather than live on my knees. "Give me liberty or give me death" and also, don't get in my way either, because I will run you over, "don't tread on me" if in your heart is malice against my freedom. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 My bitterness quotient is low. I'm not positive how to use the scale, so I will guess about a 10. Mostly, I'm optimistic about the future and accepting of the past. This is due to the meds - no joke. (Paxil, 20 mg/day - try it and mention my name!) Link to post Share on other sites
Wolvesbaned Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 Arabess, Lets go take back what's been stolen. I'll bring the can-o-whoop-ass and you bring the can opener! =] Link to post Share on other sites
Wolvesbaned Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 My bitterness level at some point was pretty high but I know it'll never stay that way for me. But hey, who knows ... if the tonight continues the way it's been, I might join the league. Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 I am extremely bitter. I would say 80 Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 Originally posted by Wolvesbaned Arabess, Lets go take back what's been stolen. I'll bring the can-o-whoop-ass and you bring the can opener! =] Ahhhhhhh what are friend for????? THANKS! As far as the opinions on the thread from people who have some wisdom, I DO understand that holding onto bitterness can be destructive. HOWEVER, holding onto hurt can be equally as destructive. Choosing the less of two evils can often be the only wayout. Until you are disappointed and hurt to the point of wanting to bang your head against a wall......suggesting forgiveness is not the theraputic emotion called for. Sometimes it takes a healthy dose of anger to get you to the other side of insanity. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 Choosing the less of two evils can often be the only wayout. Option C: None of the above Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 I missed you all day Merry!!! Option C WOULD be the perfect way out. Sometimes the heart does't play fair though. LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 I missed you all day Merry!!! Well, I had to come off my happy cloud of bliss and rejoin the working world. That or try to find a free plug for my computer near my box in the ditch LOL. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 AARRGGG....does that mean you won't be on during the day??? Who will send the needed links? Who will take care of us and save us from ourselves? Link to post Share on other sites
reasontosigh Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 I don't know if being cynical and overly cautious equates bitterness, although I'd love to beat up whoever it was that stole my rose-colored glasses! I certainly can relate to this, though I have the feeling there are going to be quite a few folks I'd have to smack upside the head !!! For practice I could don my "Sopranos suit" and hop an Airtran or Southwest flight down to Arabess' place as a member of the "LS Mob"!!!!! (The shades are definitely part of the look here.) My personal Bitterness Quotient these days is around the 10-15 mark, but on bad days it probably does rise to about a 20. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 AARRGGG....does that mean you won't be on during the day??? Who will send the needed links? Who will take care of us and save us from ourselves Well, if everyone wants to get together and agree to pay me, I can stay home and dispense all the information and advice you would want. Otherwise, my bills gotta get paid. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 Ahhh Dammit. Now I'm going to have to go out and find a conservative American therapist for myself....just when I was getting so comfortable with 'our' arrangement!!! Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 holding onto hurt can be equally as destructive That's true - hurt can be more destructive. Being angry is sometimes necessary to keep the hurt at bay, if the hurt is all consuming then it's a coping mechanism. It's when it becomes a permanent solution, rather than a phase that it creates problems. Everyone is different. Some are able to let all the hurt out immediately - catharsis. Most need to retain some degree of control and it needs to be released more slowly in stages. If anger is a way of letting it out bit by bit and retaining sanity then that's therapeutic - at least the hurt is coming out. When anger is used to totally block the pain it comes out in other, less healthy ways. You are letting yours out bit by bit, Barbie - you're doing fine Link to post Share on other sites
nikkilove Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 Bitterness for me relates to unresolved feelings, and I need to resolve those feelings in order to grow and move on. Forgiveness is key. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 Ahhh Dammit. Now I'm going to have to go out and find a conservative American therapist for myself....just when I was getting so comfortable with 'our' arrangement!!! Didn't say I was vanishing entirely. It just may take a little longer to hear back from me. Which reminds me... Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 I don't think I am very bitter. I still have faith in love and life, and things working out as they should, and being fair. Sometimes though, when it comes to other things than love/relationships I am a bit bitter, because I know for example, that the working world is NOT fair and run with ethics at all times. That the best person won't always get the job, or in sport, win the competition. Politics in work/sports places sux and happens all the time. But it doesn't bother me very often to be honest. But in love...well I think I've found my life's love... so I'm not bitter at all! Link to post Share on other sites
NotaBadGuy Posted March 28, 2004 Share Posted March 28, 2004 On the bitterness scale, I would say I am pretty bitter at times. When I am all alone and the past thoughts of my relationship enters my mind, I become bitter. Not right by any means, but it happens. I am not proud of it though. On the scale, my bitterness level would have to be 88. Most of the time, however, I am a laid back individual who lets nothing bother me. I guess you win some and you lose some. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jenny Posted March 28, 2004 Author Share Posted March 28, 2004 hey - notabadguy - did you tell? did i miss an update? Link to post Share on other sites
capitald Posted March 28, 2004 Share Posted March 28, 2004 I think I have a nice reply here. First, I think that meanon's last piece of advice about letting out anger and hurt and etc. was very poignant. Notabadguys last reply about you win some, you lose some was good too. Overall, I think that many people are looking towards a relationship to fill up needs that they have that can't be filled up by a relationship, and that is a source of suffering. The famous political theorist Hannah Arendt located "public happiness" in the people's ability as conceived by the founding fathers to directly take part in the poltical decision making process of their community through town hall meetings. I believe she discussed how Jefferson even went as far as to say that everyone, even women and children of any age should be able to have their say, and not just elder male property owners, i.e. those traditional considered "citizens" in most civilsed societies in the world. This is very radical from the typical fiasco we have nowadays where the closest we get to having a say is pulling a lever in a dingy booth, which is hardly political action. Dr. Arendt also points out that being able to participate in politics has been a genuine source of freedom (see her book, On Revolution) as well as being considered suprisingly fun by many important leaders (such as the Americans like Jefferson, Franklin, Adams and even certain French Revolutionaries, i.e. Robespiere) in history as well. My point here is that we look for the happiness and delight in our relationships that should be provided by the world, and that may in fact be one of the key reasons why relationships are so liable to break these days and why the rates of divorce continue to escalate or at least remain very high. To use Dr. Arendt's distinction between the "public realm" and "private realm", it may be safe to say that the fundamental force causing insanity and pain in your "private life" may in fact be largely caused by the inability of a society with dysfunctional or no longer functional customs and traditions to foster good communication habits and to create outlets for the general population to have their say in the political arena. So much money is flushed down the toilet in this great escape into space and to cure all of these diseases, that its just a dissappointment to me that they don't put more resources into making life worth living for all of us. What I am saying is: maybe once the outside lines of communication are open, the inside ones will open too and we won't need to live in a anal-retentive, ultra-repressed society. Then again, maybe I am just a dreamer. Link to post Share on other sites
NotaBadGuy Posted March 28, 2004 Share Posted March 28, 2004 Jenny, No, I have not had time to do anything more with that situation. They live out of state and contact is very rare at this point in time. I have 1 1/2 months left in grad school, working two jobs, and some other things going on also. It is all about timing. I will, however, be sure to post an update as the situation progresses. Thanks for the interest. Link to post Share on other sites
kara Posted March 28, 2004 Share Posted March 28, 2004 Understanding that it's pointless. Bitterness, anger, frustration - ALL the negative feelings only serve to damage you physically. They serve no positive function. They poison your life. I can't see why anybody wouldn't want to purge such feelings from their lives - and do anything they could to accomplish that. That stuff is like tumours - best excised. Moimeme, thanks for this, this is the kind of argument that I can allow near me, none of the "forgive and forget" crap. I guess I have to accept that it destructs you, I am in my mid-twenties, but look about mid-thirties: early aging, have recurrent sinus infections: screwed up immune system and all that because I am in love with being Jean D'Arc, "never give up" and so on. But growing up might mean starting to think like you: does bitterness bring me more than it takes away? Do you think jokes can teach you how to let go? That's what I think now anyway (after yesterday someone asking me to tell a joke and me going completely blank) and will have to try it and see. I'll go look for a jokes encyclopedia. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted March 28, 2004 Share Posted March 28, 2004 I'm not a 'forget and forgive' person either Kara. If I did, I may let down my guard and repeat the same disastrous behavior. I NEED to remember. Moimeme, you suppose we could get away with just remebering with a more 'kinder and gentler' attitude???? I can see where 'planning his death' isn't very healthy for me. BWAHAHAHAHA! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 28, 2004 Share Posted March 28, 2004 Ladies, I agree that one needs to take lessons from one's experiences, but as long as there are negative emotions tied up with those lessons, you still are harming yourself. Arabess, I have a whackload of lessons learned; I'm bitter about none of them. You're telling yourself that you need to hold onto the emotion in order to remember the lesson, but that's not so. Yes, humour helps a LOT. I give myself frequent doses of humour. I like good standup comedy and make sure the comedy channel is part of my cable package to watch it when I can. Link to post Share on other sites
capitald Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 I feel that I should have received much more of a response to the reply I so painstakingly took the time to write. You all are very rude for not giving that more serious consideration. Maybe some of you feel so bitter because you spend 99% of the time burying the posts of people who have to have something to say with mindless chatter in the hopes to protect yourself from it. Maybe you are so bitter because you just sit around and guard this place from people with positivity. Maybe your so bitter because you need to cut a little back on the time you spend posting here and actually go out on a few dates and not expect these guys out there to be perfect and stop waiting for your knight and shining armour to come. I went out tonite and had a wonderful date. I made it happen. Can you understand that!!!! I repeat, I made it happen!!! Whether you are male or female you have to learn that the world will not come to you, you have to come to it. Stop waiting to get on with your lives, this pity party is getting depressing. A bitter person can't give advice about love BECAUSE he/she doesn't know what love is! Love is scary because you can lose it and therefore with love we are going to feel our share of pain and hurt but that doesn't mean you can forsake it, or you can if you want, but then you will be missing out on the best thing on earth. Link to post Share on other sites
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