He chose the addiction

[yessy21]

You hang in there! Only 2 things could happen here. IT could work or it could not. either way it goes... at least you were the bigger person for staying put and being there. just work on everything you want to work in before he is done. make a list. and start it. give urself weekly goals. and write down your journey... it would make an amazing book. Do urself a favor before ... and see if it works... Dont ask him questions just be positive and tell him ur proud. dont ask ... just be there.

[dreamingoftigers]

You hang in there! Only 2 things could happen here. IT could work or it could not. either way it goes... at least you were the bigger person for staying put and being there. just work on everything you want to work in before he is done. make a list. and start it. give urself weekly goals. and write down your journey... it would make an amazing book. Do urself a favor before ... and see if it works... Dont ask him questions just be positive and tell him ur proud. dont ask ... just be there.

 

I did think about writing something because there aren't really very many first-hand accounts of being a wife of a sexual addict and going through the recovery process. Most of the literature is written by men who don't seem to accurately address the trauma experienced by women. (men who don't really 'get' women at that). There was one book written by a woman (Your Sexually Addicted Spouse) that really got it. Most if the treatment for spouses of SAs is actually inadvertently insulting to us. No wonder a lot if these couples don't survive. Last month my husband had the nerve to tell me " you allowed this behaviour because you are codependent abs Codependents allow things." I kindly informed him that I was never codependent to his sexual addiction and although we have had a codependent relationship he might remember that he slept outside for a week in minus 30 because of how much I "allowed" his behaviour. I also kindly cleared up that if he felt like he was allowed to on any level by me ever that he should kindly pack up everything because I was clearing up any ambiguities up right then and there. I have no intention of eating his bull**** for breakfast (sorry if that is graphic, I just hate his stupid attitude when he tries to justify behaviour he CLEARLY knows is completely unacceptable or he wouldn't have hid it in the first place).

 

One thing I am not sure if I should start with getting my house in order or doing the exercise and weight-loss goals. I actually think I am partially rebelling from weight loss at the moment because I don't want him to cone home from treatment and think that I did it for him because I was making a pathetic codependent attempt to be attractive. (okay okay just realized how immature that is and should do it for myself anyways because not doing it because of him is just as bad and even more pathetic ) (it is also being reactive).

 

So overall your advice is wait until the end of treatment?

 

Sorry to hear of your grief DWT, I always like your advice.

 

Thank you, I wish I was better at taking my own advice. I always seem to try to justify big doing it, usually out if fear or because I don't want to face the inner feelings behind it. It was hard placing up my anxieties on LS, but j am not truly helping myself if I don't.

 

You had a lot of questions in your post, so I will give my opinion of 2 of them, from the perspective of a guy who has looked at his share of porn with a wife that doesn't appreciate it.

 

In most cases no, but there are no absolutes.

 

So basically sex with your wife doesn't stand out then? Did I get that right?

 

I would say it depends on the age. The older I get, the more I want to connect with my wife. When I was younger, it was all about how much I could get with no connection whatsoever....the visual appeal. That is what comes with having ~25 times the testosterone of a woman, and not enough time to master it.

 

Thank you for your perspective, I appreciate your candor. Just for the record, it is about 6 times though.

 

So from my understanding then (please call me out if I am wrong) sex with the wife in a marriage just doesn't really top the visual nature if the porn even though there is a real live woman there?

[yessy21]

No ... My advice is ... Start Right NOW. With or without him... this is for your future for ur daughter. for ur life. let him destroy himself if he wants to... but u... dont u ever destroy urself. u will feel like if nothing in the world matters after u have accomplished ur weekly goals. im telling u... theres nothing like today to bring in the new tommorow. write a book ... Sleeping with an Sex addict.

[dreamingoftigers]

No ... My advice is ... Start Right NOW. With or without him... this is for your future for ur daughter. for ur life. let him destroy himself if he wants to... but u... dont u ever destroy urself. u will feel like if nothing in the world matters after u have accomplished ur weekly goals. im telling u... theres nothing like today to bring in the new tommorow. write a book ... Sleeping with an Sex addict.

 

Thank you very much Yessy for your inspirational response and yes I have been working towards small goals each day/week. I feel kind of stuck atm but that hasn't stopped me. I am however wondering with my present state and seeing the things I need from a marriage if I should continue until treatment for my husband is finished and see what is left to build on or just move on at this point without expending anymore energy into it.

 

My mother-in-law (who actually gives neutral advice and suggested two months ago that I leave her son) has now suggested that because the last month or so has been so traumatic that I not make any quick decisions. Age says that the experts recommend waiting some time before impulsively deciding things. I have been pretty back and forth daily for a long time. Now that the dust is settling I think that I am figuring out that even without the addiction at play, my husband is not a very good spouse. I often just wish to remove this millstone of a marriage from around my neck. I am willing to wait until the End of his treatment and review the situation in marital counseling but I have been mislead by the 'experts' before and I am more then a little skeptical. My husband presents very well to most people, even when he us not trying.

[trippi1432]

DOT - there is nothing wrong with what you are feeling here...it's hope, but coupled with fear because you don't know who will emerge from the other side...including you. If he does the sessions...and it is successful, it's a big change to the dynamic of the relationship...for both of you.

 

On the other side, there are also big changes within you...that is to be expected. You are only human.

[2sunny]

best is to stop lying and covering up for him. call him what he is. to minimize it makes it easier for him to justify his behavior knowing you will makes things all pretty for him.

 

tell anyone. he needs to OWN what and who he is.

 

for me? i'm an alcoholic... never would i want anyone lying for me - by saying - oh, she's a shopaholic... that's just lying FOR him... and you've done ENOUGH of that.

 

go to al-anon.

 

when they refer to the qualifier - yours is your sex addict hubby.

 

your freedom is in YOUR truth.

[dreamingoftigers]

best is to stop lying and covering up for him. call him what he is. to minimize it makes it easier for him to justify his behavior knowing you will makes things all pretty for him.

 

tell anyone. he needs to OWN what and who he is.

 

for me? i'm an alcoholic... never would i want anyone lying for me - by saying - oh, she's a shopaholic... that's just lying FOR him... and you've done ENOUGH of that.

 

go to al-anon.

 

when they refer to the qualifier - yours is your sex addict hubby.

 

your freedom is in YOUR truth.

 

I already go to Sanon and I don't lie for him. The gambling thing was for some close but not close enough people who were aware that he was going to treatment but they didn't know what addiction. (someone leaked this)

 

I didn't think it appropriate to tell anyone that might come into professional contact with me that it was sexual addiction because but many people understand it and it could cause a lot of fear. Many that go to the SA group ended up there for criminal reasons. Gambling seemed a 'safer bet.'

[2sunny]

I already go to Sanon and I don't lie for him. The gambling thing was for some close but not close enough people who were aware that he was going to treatment but they didn't know what addiction. (someone leaked this)

 

I didn't think it appropriate to tell anyone that might come into professional contact with me that it was sexual addiction because but many people understand it and it could cause a lot of fear. Many that go to the SA group ended up there for criminal reasons. Gambling seemed a 'safer bet.'

 

you DID lie for him - stop that part. you don't owe anyone his information. that is his to give.

 

it is part of who he has become. tell your truth. or if you simply don't want to tell - you can say "you would need to ask him... it's his to deal with"

 

but stop covering for him - that only makes matter worse when our loved ones lie in order to not make it look so bad.

 

it's bad - or he wouldn't be in treatment... that's his to own... IF he can understand that it's a part of who he has BECOME... then he may be capable of changing the man he has been... and become the man that God intended for him to BE.

 

it's a long process... a process of change... it takes honesty, an open mind and willingness. strength and courage are needed along the path he's going to be on as well. if he does it well through time... you may never recognize the man you know now. hopefully!

 

for you... you do the steps too... it will help you along the way.

Edited April 9, 2011 by 2sunny

[dreamingoftigers]

you DID lie for him - stop that part. you don't owe anyone his information. that is his to give.

 

it is part of who he has become. tell your truth. or if you simply don't want to tell - you can say "you would need to ask him... it's his to deal with"

 

but stop covering for him - that only makes matter worse when our loved ones lie in order to not make it look so bad.

 

it's bad - or he wouldn't be in treatment... that's his to own... IF he can understand that it's a part of who he has BECOME... then he may be capable of changing the man he has been... and become the man that God intended for him to BE.

 

it's a long process... a process of change... it takes honesty, an open mind and willingness. strength and courage are needed along the path he's going to be on as well. if he does it well through time... you may never recognize the man you know now. hopefully!

 

for you... you do the steps too... it will help you along the way.

 

Actually there is no way in Hell that I was about to let a cleaning client think that he might be in narcotics treatment or any other one. Best I spoke up and said gambling. Most of the other treatment-based addictions are illegal and anyone could guess that he isn't an alcoholic so that leaves sexual and gambling. I would pick it again.

 

His main complaint about the way I handled all of this is how many people (my friends, parents, his parents, some of my relatives) know the truth of the situation. I grasped at straws for a long time. Most of those people are very supportive of him going to treatment for my sake.

 

As for what was said, I covered my ass, not his.

 

I would do it again too. Sexual addiction is too freaky for many people that let us into their homes.

[dreamingoftigers]

DOT - there is nothing wrong with what you are feeling here...it's hope, but coupled with fear because you don't know who will emerge from the other side...including you. If he does the sessions...and it is successful, it's a big change to the dynamic of the relationship...for both of you.

 

On the other side, there are also big changes within you...that is to be expected. You are only human.

 

Yeah a lot of it is fear and getting my hopes up only to be made a fool of again. Or worse yet: "hey now that I have recovered I realized that I have waaaayyy better options then you."

 

On the other hand being alone isn't anywhere near as bad as I thought it would be and I just feel really uncomfortable around him now. He treats me like I am last and it sucks. I know that recovery and EMDR would change a lot of this (EMDR makes you kind of realize that there are other people on the planet with feelings too as your narcissism gets stripped down.) I just don't know how much would change and I am sick of being in a codependent relationship with a jackass.

[dreamingoftigers]

you DID lie for him - stop that part. you don't owe anyone his information. that is his to give.

 

it is part of who he has become. tell your truth. or if you simply don't want to tell - you can say "you would need to ask him... it's his to deal with"

 

but stop covering for him - that only makes matter worse when our loved ones lie in order to not make it look so bad.

 

it's bad - or he wouldn't be in treatment... that's his to own... IF he can understand that it's a part of who he has BECOME... then he may be capable of changing the man he has been... and become the man that God intended for him to BE.

 

it's a long process... a process of change... it takes honesty, an open mind and willingness. strength and courage are needed along the path he's going to be on as well. if he does it well through time... you may never recognize the man you know now. hopefully!

 

for you... you do the steps too... it will help you along the way.

 

I have been reading the 12 steps for codependents and have found strength in the detachment BUT I also find it really easy to backslide and have been working on it. Cognitive change is such a bitch.

 

I often find myself lost in his issues or our marital issues because I don't want to deal with my own issues (mainly my sugar one). I feel ashamed and pretty hopeless often about changing my body and eating habits. It just seems that when things are going well in it, I will have something small and everything explodes. As well whenever I makes changes I find that my husband becomes quite explosive and I have to grip for dear life to the things I have changed. I did this starting in November and his issues went through the roof, I think as a way to subconsciously push us back into our old cycle.

 

I am looking forward to him being away at treatment so we can both change without the millstone of our marriage screwing it up.

[dreamingoftigers]

Just under three days until he is gone, he should be popping into home tomorrow night.

 

I guess we'll see how volatile things are.

[dreamingoftigers]

So someone called me out today about being in this cycle with my husband.

 

I will not go through it again. If he falters on treatment then I am done. Everyone put so much on the line for him to go and I won't try again. Ever.

 

He knows this. He knows I am serious since I threw him out. I will go through with the process but if he quits or walks away from it, then so do I in an instant.

 

I don't have any issues with this anymore. It'll be nothing short of a miracle if the marriage survives at this rate anyhow.

[dreamingoftigers]

So he is about an hour away from home and my nerves are a little shot. That in itself should tell me something.

 

I don't have nearly anything I wanted to do done around here.

 

At least the yard looks neat and so does the upstairs (except the washroom, it was being used).

 

I am usually pretty paranoid about my home and wanting it to be neat. But it hasn't been since I kind of "checked-out" from my normal routine over the last six or so weeks.

 

My skin has broken out pretty bad too over the stress. It's a big reason why I know that this marriage has to improve sharply or end. I am more scared of my health going straight to Hell and not being able to properly care for my daughter then I am to end this marriage.

 

It's just so messed up that I am 28 and have these concerns already.

[highviolet]

It has been a much better week so far on the workfront.

 

I have two of my old clients back that I lost when this all hit. I actually have a somewhat heavy week next week which is so important for two reasons: 1. I am going to be ass broke. 2. My H will be gone into treatment so I just need something to keep my mind off of everything.

 

I have been almost fiercely intolerant of him lately.

 

I am not sure exactly why this is.

 

I have dealt with so much crap in the last two years that one would think that I would be a little more charitable when he gets his act somewhat together.

 

I think it is:

 

1. When you spend so long picking up the pieces you forget what the bigger picture actually looked like, maybe you don't even like the design anymore

 

2. I just feel like when he is done treatment he'll be like "well I am not as triggered anymore so we can be together now and:

 

a) I really don't like you after all

b) We can have sex now, just like you wanted but I didn't and yes you are still inadequate but I am not doing anything else in the next 10 minutes and you'll do for now.

c) Everything is fine now! Why do you have to act like you are depressed or hurt or whatever, my cheating/porn crap was so 2 months ago, why don't you get over it already

d) I don't need anymore counseling or group and you can't make me

e) actually I am lying, I am just as triggered and now I have no hope and don't want our family, see ya.

f) Now you can lose your weight and work on all of your issues well I nag at you! I expect to see drastic change in the next 3 months.

g) How come you didn't do "x" when I was away? How come you didn't do "y while I was away? What did you even do? Spend all of your time posting on LS?"

 

*sighs*

 

I hate what I have gone through and have been wondering lately if finding another partner would be easier/harder then going through this process, but that is just ridiculous at this point isn't it?

Who dumps their husband less then a week before treatment? Seriously?

It must be my fears leeching into stuff.

Or maybe it is the fact that I keep asking him to do something to show care for me or our marriage and the best he does is say "I always think of stuff we could do."

 

Blah.

 

Could just be my fear of going into a healthy relationship with someone I feel pretty put-off by for the most part. I feel myself losing a lot of my focus lately and that really sucks, like I have been paying less attention to "thinking-brain" and too much attention to "feeling brain."

 

And that never gets me anywhere.

 

I totally understand where you're coming from, especially the underlined parts.. I have a lot of the same issues when dealing with my H, who had a painkiller addiction. Sometimes I think that I am intolerable of any crap he puts my way because I'm entitled to being pissed at him. Sometimes I feel like he caused so much hurt and damage with his lies and actions that I don't look at him the same way I did before. Sometimes I feel like he is not sorry enough or doesn't regret it enough or didn't "suffer" enough like I did. I know these are not healthy thoughts, but I acknowledge them and I think that is the best thing you can do.

 

 

I have had a very hard time coming to terms with everyting lately and the truth boils down to this, LS have at me if you wish:

 

I have been lead to believe in my time with my husband that I am clearly not intimately special to him and completely inadequate.

 

Even if he goes through with treatment I would be a far cry from what he desires (clearly).

 

Although wives of sexual addicts are encouraged to foster intimacy within marital relationships and be the companion etc to their husbands I want something more then just that "emotional connectivitiy" which is going to take years to restore. I want something more then to be my guy's "glorified friend" and "understanding wife."

 

I want to be special to my guy on a sexual level. I don't want to spend my life being woman #3289 on the desirability list to my own husband. Or like a chore. I want to actually be desirable to my mate, not someone he "settled" for.

 

I am not even sure that this is possible with men (I don't mean this as a swipe, I actually don't know if their sexual template works that way). Are men capable of feeling like their wives give them something sexually that is not instantly replaceable elsewhere? Or is that a dead-end goal to want that in a relationship? Is it merely based on visual appeal?

 

In my view my husband is 33 and therefore his views and urges etc on sexuality be they right or wrong have been set the way that they are and are not likely to flip over just "because."

 

Is it wrong to want to end a marriage because of this or should I wait until after treatment to see where we are? Or is my attitude and wish futile and immature to begin with?

 

I would really like some replies on this because it is causing me a lot of grief and confusion. I know that I don't have to make any decisions right away but I am so tired investing time and patience into something that has me so confused at this point. What is realistic?

 

 

Your husband chose you. He married you, had a child with you. He chose his addiction before you, not the other women. You have to remember that. He was powerless over it. But now he is choosing to get help for the sake of his marriage. I hope you reach some clarity on these issues because you do not deserve to feel like you are not special. I'm not sure about for SA men, but I do think that there are men out there who get something from their wives that they couldn't just replace with another woman, that sex with someone you love is a lot more than just getting off, it is fullfilling an emotional need. Unless my H is placating me . Which could be, who knows what's really in people's hearts.

 

I have been told that I am immature and selfish for wanting to separate from my H after he got off the pills and became a "better husband", so I'm sure you will hear that too. Maybe not, but no one will ever know what you went through, and I think even if he does fully go through recovery, if it is not working for you, then you would have every right in my eyes to end it, FWIW. I often feel like why do things have to be so hard? I know relationships are work ,but loving someone should never be this hard. It is exhausting and emotionally draining and I just want someone who would be easy... lol, I know nothing is easy, but you know what I mean... JMO though. I'm sure I will get flamed for it.

 

Sorry these replies are pretty late, I don't get a lot of computer time (How do you do it with a toddler in the house, I will never know!), but I try to keep up with your story.

 

Good luck with your H tonight. Try to be supportive and understanding. Lord knows it is hard. Just so you know there is someone else out there who understands the roller coaster you are going through and that you're not crazy for having these feelings. Own them and understand where they are coming from, which I think you do a pretty good job of already. It helps to get it out here in writing, I'm sure!

[dreamingoftigers]

I totally understand where you're coming from, especially the underlined parts.. I have a lot of the same issues when dealing with my H, who had a painkiller addiction. Sometimes I think that I am intolerable of any crap he puts my way because I'm entitled to being pissed at him. Sometimes I feel like he caused so much hurt and damage with his lies and actions that I don't look at him the same way I did before. Sometimes I feel like he is not sorry enough or doesn't regret it enough or didn't "suffer" enough like I did. I know these are not healthy thoughts, but I acknowledge them and I think that is the best thing you can do.

 

Thank you so much, I needed to hear that.

I know that I will go through the bolded about 2000 times.

 

Your husband chose you. He married you, had a child with you. He chose his addiction before you, not the other women. You have to remember that. He was powerless over it. But now he is choosing to get help for the sake of his marriage. I hope you reach some clarity on these issues because you do not deserve to feel like you are not special.

 

Thank you, this made me cry.

 

I'm not sure about for SA men, but I do think that there are men out there who get something from their wives that they couldn't just replace with another woman, that sex with someone you love is a lot more than just getting off, it is fullfilling an emotional need.

 

I wouldn't know, we've never really made love, it's all about getting off for him.

 

Unless my H is placating me . Which could be, who knows what's really in people's hearts.

 

I have been told that I am immature and selfish for wanting to separate from my H after he got off the pills and became a "better husband", so I'm sure you will hear that too.

 

He's not even at treatment yet.....

 

Maybe not, but no one will ever know what you went through, and I think even if he does fully go through recovery, if it is not working for you, then you would have every right in my eyes to end it, FWIW.

 

Thank you, my new date for recovery year marker is April 1st 2012 but I think that a full healing seperation will have to take place during that time because....I kinda don't want him around. He hasn't been around a lot after I kicked him out and he is supposed to come home after treatment but I feel better when I don't have to look at him and wonder.

 

I often feel like why do things have to be so hard? I know relationships are work ,but loving someone should never be this hard. It is exhausting and emotionally draining and I just want someone who would be easy... lol, I know nothing is easy, but you know what I mean... JMO though. I'm sure I will get flamed for it.

 

Sorry these replies are pretty late, I don't get a lot of computer time (How do you do it with a toddler in the house, I will never know!), but I try to keep up with your story.

 

My toddler has been back and forth and Grandma and Grandpa's while I sort stuff out, it's been fun for her, I take her on more each week. I appreciate all of the help that they have given to me.

 

Good luck with your H tonight. Try to be supportive and understanding. Lord knows it is hard. Just so you know there is someone else out there who understands the roller coaster you are going through and that you're not crazy for having these feelings. Own them and understand where they are coming from, which I think you do a pretty good job of already. It helps to get it out here in writing, I'm sure!

 

Thank you very very much.

[highviolet]

You're very welcome of course. I was struck by our similarities in thinking and how addictions in any form manifest in relationships. Here's to hoping we both get some clarity!

 

I figured the sex issue would be different for a SA. Is there any hope that his pattern of thinking can be broken and he will ever feel an emotional connection to having sex with his wife? Do you think he is permanently wired to have sex be just getting off?

 

I know how you feel to not want him around. I often feel such a weight lifted off my shoulders when I am alone.

 

Thank goodness for grandma and grandpa! I was home with both of our little ones throughout the worst of H's addiction and all the ensuing fallout, it was so hard to keep it together. Now we are all living with grandma and grandpa, because we spent all our savings and H refused to get a job (or really wasn't well enough to get one) because of the pills.

 

Again good luck to you DOT! Hang in there and take care if that little angel of yours.

[dreamingoftigers]

He came here,

 

I wasn't too receptive and then we started to get ready to go out to dinner. He told me how much he had looked forward to getting home.

 

I have had the sick to my stomach feeling all weekend and he told me that he did use. I told him it was over. He went to leave and I wanted him to listen to me, he wouldn't and then he got physical with me and then we got into it and he bit me and then shoved me and left.

 

I can't handle being cheated on anymore. I didn't say it was over because I didn't want him or didn't love him or didn't want us or our family. I am past what I can handle.

 

He was only three days away from treatment, he could've just masturbated. I can't take it any more. I just can't.

 

I am not even angry or going mental, I just can't take it anymore.

 

that's all.

 

I am petrified to raise my kid. Absolutely terrified.

[marqueemoon4]

He came here,

 

I wasn't too receptive and then we started to get ready to go out to dinner. He told me how much he had looked forward to getting home.

 

I have had the sick to my stomach feeling all weekend and he told me that he did use. I told him it was over. He went to leave and I wanted him to listen to me, he wouldn't and then he got physical with me and then we got into it and he bit me and then shoved me and left.

 

I can't handle being cheated on anymore. I didn't say it was over because I didn't want him or didn't love him or didn't want us or our family. I am past what I can handle.

 

He was only three days away from treatment, he could've just masturbated. I can't take it any more. I just can't.

 

I am not even angry or going mental, I just can't take it anymore.

 

that's all.

 

I am petrified to raise my kid. Absolutely terrified.

 

 

 

 

you are doing the right thing... you're a good mother and you and your child will be just fine!

[dreamingoftigers]

I really don't feel like a good Mom. :(

[marqueemoon4]

I really don't feel like a good Mom. :(

 

it doesn't make you a bad mother because your husband has major issues he can't control, even with help. please don't beat yourself up over this. let him go and focus on you and your child.

[dreamingoftigers]

it doesn't make you a bad mother because your husband has major issues he can't control, even with help. please don't beat yourself up over this. let him go and focus on you and your child.

 

I just haven't been watching her as much as I should. I gave been letting my parents do it. This has been a major complaint of his too. I'm going to change all of that today though because he would have been going to treatment tomorrow anyways and I would have been doing it all myself during that time.

[highviolet]

Letting your parents watch the little one if you feel like you are emotionally or physiaclly not up to it MAKES YOU A GOOD MOM. You did not create these circumstances, and you are giving your daughter what you can and getting help when you feel like you need it, which not surprisingly considering what you have been through, has been a lot. But that's okay. It's great that you have the help and I can't imagine trying to give your daughter 100% attention when you are going through all of this. Please do not think you are a bad mom for getting help while you are going through this emotionally and physically draining experience.

 

I'm so sorry to hear what happened with your husband. You have been giving more than 100% to try to save this marriage, and he continually gives you zero. I think you are making the right decision for you and your kid. You will be okay, and so will she. I know it.

[dreamingoftigers]

I think that he gave what was leftover after he gave the primary stuff to his addiction. I think that has been the pattern over the last 2-3 years.

 

Anyways I left his suitcase and books by the back gate because I know he won't want to talk to me and I shouldn't want to talk to him. Plus he won't want to be seen in the neighborhood after yesterday so going through the alley is the best option.

 

I thought that making sure my daughter was well-cared for was the best option too but his level of frustration over it makes me second-guess myself. As well having her care disrupted is pretty awful. She isn't even two yet.

 

She really looks up to her Dad, it is pretty heartbreaking. I know that with the bruise (bitemark) on my arm plus he broke the skin that I could have pressed charges and gotten full custody no Qs asked. I don't think that that would be fair especially since I bit him two months ago. How messed up is that? My marriage got do bad that we bite each other? Wow.

 

Although I do feel a little vindicated to be honest.

 

I never thought that he would become someone like this. He gets pretty upset over being portrayed as a "cold, calculating bastard" but that is what I saw for a long time before discovering that he was just messed up. I hope for his sake and our daughter's sake that he gets it together.

 

As for me there are sugar addictions to fight against. I am/am not looking forward to it.

[denise_xo]

letting your parents watch the little one if you feel like you are emotionally or physiaclly not up to it makes you a good mom.

 

+1

 

you have been giving more than 100% to try to save this marriage, and he continually gives you zero.

 

+1