folieadeux Posted February 13, 2011 Share Posted February 13, 2011 I didn't see a thread like this and was just curious. Do you guys feel that the other people in your life (besides your SO) are supportive of your LDR? Or do they just dismiss your relationship or, even worse, not even bother to ask how everything is going? Some college campuses actually have LDR support groups. But for those of us no longer in attendance, where do you get your support from outside of this forum/the internet? My SO and I have people that support our decision to dedicate ourselves to this for as long as it takes. But, I realize alot of people aren't that lucky and it could really make an already difficult situation even worse. Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 At the beginning my boyfriend and I didn't really have anyone's outside support. After my first visit to meet him in person we gained the support of his friends, his dad, and a few of my friends. After the second visit, his mom went from being hostile towards me to tolerant. Third visit (him coming here) and my parents support us 100% and so does my sister now. So lots of support on all fronts now which is great. Link to post Share on other sites
KandiceHanson Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Actually, I'm glad you brought this up. At the beginning I had no support what so ever and I was constantly being knocked down because I was apparently 'choosing' someone across the US instead of looking here. But once my dad and stepmother met him, I immediately had their support, pre-move decision. It's just hard sometimes because I feel like I am being held to a lot of standards and I have to constantly explain to others WHY I am choosing to be with this man over the others. Plus, I am moving to his state, which my overly 'traditional' family doesn't like too much. They're constantly looking down upon the relationship and I am attacked with questions a lot...it's just hard. I wish my family could see that my feelings are incredibly strong for this man and I wouldn't want anything else. But I know it's hard watching their first girl move off to be with someone in a different state, so I sort of understand their viewpoints =/ Link to post Share on other sites
TokyoG33kyGal Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 well had no support in the beginning for both of us cuz everyone thought it's one of those internet thing that won't last. i have full support from his best friend though after a couple of times interacting with him. a few of my friends understood the situation after i told them about our first meeting. when we got engaged, that's when everybody really figured out that we are so in love with each other. the pictures don't lie! hehe...and his mom loves me now though i still haven't met her in person yet. but his friends are all supportive of the relationship now Link to post Share on other sites
Taucher Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Yes, everyone has been very supportive of me and my SO. I think this maybe because me and my SO had a "normal" relationship for the first 8-9 months before it went LDR. All my friends and family met my SO loads and got to know her. They understand that we started going out before it was LDR and the LD was forced on us. Ten years ago I started dating a girl I met on the Internet - we were both 19 - and she lived up in the far north of England. I didnt get much support then, people questioned why I would bother. T Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 We get 100% support from everybody in our families and all our friends -mostly they just wonder what's taking us so long to get together full-time. We get 'lectures' from both sides of the world: 'You two are meant to be together - just pack your bags and move!' If only it were that simple! Link to post Share on other sites
Nixx Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 dont have much support. wish i had someone to talk to about being in an LDR. Anyone? haha. I need someone to talk to sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 My family all love him and they've only met him once. Even my grandmother approves. His...his dad and brother seem cool with it, and his friends were amazing to me when I was there. The rest can bite me. Link to post Share on other sites
creighton0123 Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 Everyone in my life (friends, coworkers, family) are supportive of my relationship with my boyfriend - including the fact that it is a long distance relationship - except for my mother and my oldest sister... not because of the fact that our relationship is long distance, but because of the fact that we're both men. Link to post Share on other sites
Author folieadeux Posted February 16, 2011 Author Share Posted February 16, 2011 Thank you all for your replies. Being in an LDR is hard enough; I wish the people that cast judgment on it (regardless of the reason) would take that into consideration sometimes before busting our balls about it. Link to post Share on other sites
wild_urge Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 Well, I can't say I have too much support, but it's not like someone is trying to stop me or anything. I wish that my parents could understand why we talk for hours every day and why homework is not my priority. The thing I hate is when friends tell me "Oh, but you'll see him in a few months", as if time will fly and I won't feel lonely and miss him every single minute of every single day during these "few" months, but I guess I can't expect them to understand, they haven't felt it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author folieadeux Posted February 16, 2011 Author Share Posted February 16, 2011 Well, I can't say I have too much support, but it's not like someone is trying to stop me or anything. I wish that my parents could understand why we talk for hours every day and why homework is not my priority. The thing I hate is when friends tell me "Oh, but you'll see him in a few months", as if time will fly and I won't feel lonely and miss him every single minute of every single day during these "few" months, but I guess I can't expect them to understand, they haven't felt it. I completely get where you're coming from. Everyone means well but, because they're not dealing with something they can relate to, they can't really offer any constructive support I suppose. I don't know anyone in my day to day life that's facing what we are. My SO and I don't have any one or thing stopping us either, but there are days I definitely wish the people in my life were more emotionally supportive. That's what gets me. Even asking how I'm doing would be good. I'm fully aware I know I willingly entered a tough situation, but a little compassion from the people that supposedly care would be great too every now and then. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 Everyone has been very supportive, the only thing I find hard is when people keep asking when he's going to move to my country, when they've already asked me before, it feels like being pressured for an answer, when I say 'within 2 years' they say 'that's a long time!' Which doesn't help! I don't want to rush things with my partner, we've only been together 10 months, so I think within 2 years is practical. Apart from that though everyone is great. Link to post Share on other sites
wild_urge Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 folieadux, I know what you mean, when he initially left, I came home crying and my mum was being all nice that night, even for the next few days, weeks, but after that it's as if people forgot that I'm still in pain. My mother for the most part gets mad at me when I talk with him for long instead of studding, it is understandable, but the other she saw me crying and she suddenly became so attentive and nice and asked if I wanted to talk about it . . . OK, but because you people don't see me crying or because I don't cry it doesn't mean I don't feel the pain. Apparently it's hard for them to . . . Heaven or Hell, it happens to me all the time. And I hate it that they ask, because first of all I can't really give them an answer and second of all it just reminds me that we are not getting together next month. Then you see the look in their eyes, as if they think, oh, that’s not a real relationship. Or this guy tells me the other that if his girlfriend had to move he would follow her no matter what. Yeah, sure if it was that simple ! But no, he doesn't care about anything else, love to him is the most important thing in life. . . as if I don't feel like that EVERY SINGLE DAY ! Stupid people Link to post Share on other sites
TokyoG33kyGal Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 Everyone has been very supportive, the only thing I find hard is when people keep asking when he's going to move to my country, when they've already asked me before, it feels like being pressured for an answer, when I say 'within 2 years' they say 'that's a long time!' Which doesn't help! I don't want to rush things with my partner, we've only been together 10 months, so I think within 2 years is practical. Apart from that though everyone is great. lol yeah my fiance gets sick of being asked by friends about when they can meet me. on the other hand i get asked a lot about when i am gonna get married and where. don't give into that pressure. some people conform to what they think should be standard or normal and LDR is not an ordinary relationship setup. it definitely has a stigma. i just don't understand some people who get into an LDR setup but they themselves doubt if the relationship is authentic, which makes the relationship a failure in the end. Link to post Share on other sites
Faded_x Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 I agree that support, particularly emotional, is very important. I don't have anyone in my life who is against it; but some are more supportive than others. I have a few select friends that are particularly supportive, and are always asking how he is, etc. It means a lot that they ask about him/us, as I feel that's usually what happens when people are in relationships. I think for some people, it's an "out of sight, out of mind" kind of thing, where they don't really think to even ask about him at all. The thing I hate is when friends tell me "Oh, but you'll see him in a few months", as if time will fly and I won't feel lonely and miss him every single minute of every single day during these "few" months, but I guess I can't expect them to understand, they haven't felt it. I have a friend who says something similar to me all the time, too. She brushes it off like it would be easy to be in a LDR. But then a little while ago now, her boyfriend went away for THREE DAYS and she completely freaked out. She went on and on about how she missed him and didn't know what to do without him. Quite honestly, it annoyed me that she was so upset over something so little. I would never usually think down on other people's thoughts; but it sounded ridiculous to me! I know there's always someone out there in a worse situation. For instance, I know there are people out there who can only see their partner once a year, so I do count myself lucky in that regard; but I do get down about my own situation at times, and think that's understandable. I just really don't think a few days is anything to get majorly upset over! Everyone has been very supportive, the only thing I find hard is when people keep asking when he's going to move to my country, when they've already asked me before, it feels like being pressured for an answer, when I say 'within 2 years' they say 'that's a long time!' Which doesn't help! I don't want to rush things with my partner, we've only been together 10 months, so I think within 2 years is practical. Apart from that though everyone is great. Yesss, I used to hate this! It's somewhat been easier, because I have more definite plans to move to the same city as him. So when they ask now, I have an answer. I hated being asked before hand though, when I could only give a half-a*sed answer. Although they never said anything, I just felt like their reaction wasn't very positive; particularly from those I don't know overly well. Like I said, I have a few friends that are really supportive. One in particular has asked me this a fair bit throughout the past few years. She's probably the only person who hasn't made me uncomfortable about answering the question. Even before I'd had plans, she understood why we had no plans yet, and was very supportive. Link to post Share on other sites
lonely79 Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 to be totally honest, I havent really told very many people....the ones that do know are just friends...i haven't told my family anything yet. I know this sounds bad...but first of all, we've only been dating officially for about 3 months, and before that i was going through a divorce... i just KNOW my family and they are very conservative and judgmental. I know they would thing a) im dating too soon and b) an LDR is not a real relationship. i think if this progresses like it has been so far, i will be telling them...but for now they don't need to know. so i come here for support and i have a few friends who know and they are VERY supportive (most of the ones who know, know both of us and think we make a perfect couple ) I am very thankful i found this forum though, because it really does help "talk me down" a lot from all of the huge ups and downs in a way that i dont really think anyone else can understand! Link to post Share on other sites
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