kourtney01 Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Just curious...(and please don't judge) Has anyone been or currently is in a serious relationship with someone that has a child (and you don't)? I was in a 2 year relationship with a guy that had a 9 year old. This guy was also 7 years older than me... Basically, I always felt neglected and like I was never a priority. We weren't even married and at least once a week I would have to pick up his child, drive him to school, make him dinner, watch him while his dad was out...this didn't happen all the time because the child had a mother and a father...but it did happen an average of twice a week and I would always get irritated. Also, our time alone was always with his child...our dates were mostly watching kids movies or doing things all 3 of us..it was cute at times...but at times again i would feel so irritated...espcially since when he didn't have his child he would go out with his friends more than me! His time with me was always 'family time'. Part of me always wished that I would have fallen in love with a guy that was not divorced and didn't have a kid so that we would do everything for the first time together...I wanted to feel like a priority...I wanted his full attention..and I couldn't bring myself to bond with his child the way he did... Was all of this selfish of me? (we didn't break up for this reason...we broke up because he cheated but this has always been on my mind from day one) I'm asking in case I ever meet someone that has a child again...I know life happens and we don't plan these things...but I also feel like I deserve to be someone's princess...have our fun, explore the world...and when we are ready, get married, have children and put our needs aside for OUR kids. Have any of you had similar or completely opposite experiences? Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 I think you just picked the wrong man. Every divorced or separated man will make his children a priority to some degree, you can be sure of that, but not every divorced man will use his 'child free' time to go out with his friends instead of having quality time with his partner. That was really your biggest clue that you weren't important enough to him. My partner has a 6 year old daughter but I have never felt less important to him than she is and he has definitely never put his friends before me. So I wouldn't rule out men with children because there are some pretty good ones out there waiting to be snapped up. Just rule out men who don't make you feel you're important and special to them. Link to post Share on other sites
Eeyore79 Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 I know the feeling! I think all men with kids are pretty much the same, the difference is that some women are bothered by the kid's constant presence and some aren't (I'm one of those who is bothered). Other women have said that they've dated guys with kids and didn't feel neglected etc, but I'm not them, and I always did feel neglected. Just because it works for them doesn't mean it should work for me - so I accepted that I simply feel how I feel, and I now avoid dating men with kids. If you've found that you don't like the situation of dating a man with kids, simply don't date them: problem solved Link to post Share on other sites
UnsureinSeattle Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 I don't think it's selfish- you just need to date someone who doesn't have a child. I remember starting to getting close to this gal in college- smart, devastatingly witty, very pretty... we had a couple of the same classes, and would sit together... made tenative plans to go out... until I found she had a child. I felt REALLY bad about that, but I was practically a child, myself, and, honestly, so was she, as she had her baby VERY young... I was just starting to spread my wings as far as dating was concerned and decided it wasn't the right path to cross. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 It's not a deal breaker for me on principle, it's just how some folk handle it. I once had a relationship only to find out after about two moths of hot and heavy total romance it was disclosed to me by a third party that she had a son (her mother was raising him in another state). I felt that I was placed in a position then where I would be the bad guy and heart breaker if I broke it off with her. I didn't want to because it was really my first torrid adult romance and the boy wasn't around to be an issue. But of course, time catches up and he did become an issue. It wasn't that I didn't like him or vice versa, his mother turned neurotic about my acceptance of him and got kinda hostile with us both toward the end of the relationship. I parted with her with still great affection and don't want to cross her out of my mind but if I had the knowledge before hand I would have approached her totally differently. I wouldn't have thrown myself into love with her so recklessly. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Just curious...(and please don't judge) Has anyone been or currently is in a serious relationship with someone that has a child (and you don't)? I was in a 2 year relationship with a guy that had a 9 year old. This guy was also 7 years older than me... Basically, I always felt neglected and like I was never a priority. We weren't even married and at least once a week I would have to pick up his child, drive him to school, make him dinner, watch him while his dad was out...this didn't happen all the time because the child had a mother and a father...but it did happen an average of twice a week and I would always get irritated. But weren't you engaged to the father? I think those are normal things that a would-be-step-mom might have to do at times. Also, our time alone was always with his child...our dates were mostly watching kids movies or doing things all 3 of us..it was cute at times...but at times again i would feel so irritated...espcially since when he didn't have his child he would go out with his friends more than me! His time with me was always 'family time'. That, I would totally agree with you on. That, I think is the bigger issue - and now you know what he did with his time away. Part of me always wished that I would have fallen in love with a guy that was not divorced and didn't have a kid so that we would do everything for the first time together...I wanted to feel like a priority...I wanted his full attention..and I couldn't bring myself to bond with his child the way he did... Was all of this selfish of me? (we didn't break up for this reason...we broke up because he cheated but this has always been on my mind from day one) I'm asking in case I ever meet someone that has a child again...I know life happens and we don't plan these things...but I also feel like I deserve to be someone's princess...have our fun, explore the world...and when we are ready, get married, have children and put our needs aside for OUR kids. Have any of you had similar or completely opposite experiences? I don't think its selfish to not want to date a guy with kids. I don't want to. They have a past and a bunch of baggage and the ex will always be in the picture. Also, the whole experiencing things together for the first time, is true to a certain extent. But as others said, I think it depends on the guy. Not all of them are like your ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts