Shocking Pink Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 hinder wrote: Yup And OMG it's hard. My first MM, I'm completely in love with. We have been seeing each other for almost 4 years. We talk everyday. I want a life with him but he won't leave his wife. I know he won't but I can't walk away - yet! I'm desperately trying to get the strength to walk away. Second MM - is only a relatively new affair and I'm no where near being in love with him, but we're having fun together >Hinder End Quote. _______________ My Thoughts The heart doesn't know what the head can think. So I'll think here on this matter, Two guys for this Gentle hearted lady, who is enduring some sorrow? My heart would ache as I do understand losing a loved one....Can someone other then the OP please explain though how you can sincerely show empathy when she has a plan B in the background already? Its truly bizzarre in my living area....maybe I'm beyond someones drama and more in tune to How can that be? I mean that sincerely in a" trying to comprehend kinda way"...enlighten me please? Maybe I dont' understand your confusion? I think Hinder was trying to distract herself from the sucking pain of this affair, with a different man, an easier one. Kind of like trying to wean herself to something healthier? arrhh... another update! He just called me and told me she knows everything. He is hurting & doesn't know what to do. She hasn't kicked him out..yet! Again I stayed strong and said once he's worked out if he loves me enough to choose me - he knows where to find me!! Good for you for staying strong Hinder. It really sounds like you need him to make a decision one way or the other and this is the only way to do it! BTW what is happening with MM2 now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hinder Posted February 18, 2011 Author Share Posted February 18, 2011 Good for you for staying strong Hinder. It really sounds like you need him to make a decision one way or the other and this is the only way to do it! BTW what is happening with MM2 now? Nothing is happening with MM2 at the moment. With all thats been happening with MM1...MM2 has kinda been pushed to the side. Plus he left for his 'family holiday' yesterday My life is a complicated mess. I'm toxic & everything I touch at the moment turns to ****. I can't believe what my life has become Link to post Share on other sites
seren Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 Hinder, I may be confused, but is the situation that you have been seeing a MM for 4 years, are in love with him and now hurt because he has decided to stay in the marriage and all the while there is another MM on the scene? Forgive me if I am being dense, but how can you love a MM and be seeing another? I know this has parallels with WS who look outside a marriage for something else, but I always assumed that part of the attraction of A's was the excitment etc. Not being judgemental, it's your boat to row, but I don't get the devastation if you have already got another in tow (so to speak). I also wonder if you have given any thought as to why you are having a relationship with a MM and then go on to have another R with another MM. May be coincidence, but it might also be a pattern of behaviour, in which case you are setting yourself up for going through all this again with MM2. TBH, I get A's for love, but I cannot imagine having another relationship while being in love, or being able to move onto number 2 so easily. is it worth the pain and anguish to both yourself and undoubtedly to the BS in both these A's? Whatever, I hope you are feeling OK, but suspect the feeling like your life is toxic at the moment will happen again unless you change it, remember that it isn't you who are toxic, but as to the situations, well as an XBS, I would of course think so. Link to post Share on other sites
Sharon1961 Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 arrhh... another update! He just called me and told me she knows everything. He is hurting & doesn't know what to do. She hasn't kicked him out..yet! Again I stayed strong and said once he's worked out if he loves me enough to choose me - he knows where to find me!! I hate to say but I don't think he loves you in a way that could ever make you happy. Healthy love is based in trust and respect. This man is worthy of neither and gives neither. The impression I get is that he called to keep you hanging on in case his wife kicks him out. If he loved you he would have either not gotten you in this mess to begin with or not hesitate to be with you. When you truly love someone you are with them and only them. Period. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 Nothing is happening with MM2 at the moment. With all thats been happening with MM1...MM2 has kinda been pushed to the side. Plus he left for his 'family holiday' yesterday My life is a complicated mess. I'm toxic & everything I touch at the moment turns to ****. I can't believe what my life has become What are you going to do to change that? That's no way to live, such drama and heartache, confusion..It must be exhausting. Sharon is right, this isn't healthy and it's taking it's toll on you. You DO have the power to take control of your own life and start again...By saying goodbye to TWO MM. Grieve and heal. Find the better path to be on that doesn't cause so much drama and emotion in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Shocking Pink Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 Nothing is happening with MM2 at the moment. With all thats been happening with MM1...MM2 has kinda been pushed to the side. Plus he left for his 'family holiday' yesterday My life is a complicated mess. I'm toxic & everything I touch at the moment turns to ****. I can't believe what my life has become Aww Hinder. I hate to see anyone feeling so badly about themselves. If your situations have you feeling this negative, it's all hurting you too much. Maybe you really should break up with both of them and try to turn over a new leaf! Remember this is only temporary, a phase of your life not your whole life! Link to post Share on other sites
Sharon1961 Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 Aww Hinder. I hate to see anyone feeling so badly about themselves. If your situations have you feeling this negative, it's all hurting you too much. Maybe you really should break up with both of them and try to turn over a new leaf! Remember this is only temporary, a phase of your life not your whole life! I think when we're in pain it is so hard to see past that to being able to feel anything else. Even if intellectually you know it's true. So it is good to be reminded. Good luck there, Hinder. Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 I hope you had a good day today Hinder. Hopefully things are looking up... if not... just sing and bug out. Just trying to make you laugh. Link to post Share on other sites
Goldenspoon Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 Nothing is happening with MM2 at the moment. With all thats been happening with MM1...MM2 has kinda been pushed to the side. Plus he left for his 'family holiday' yesterday My life is a complicated mess. I'm toxic & everything I touch at the moment turns to ****. I can't believe what my life has become Why are you even getting involved with ANOTHER married man? Link to post Share on other sites
neveragain1 Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 arrhh... another update! He just called me and told me she knows everything. He is hurting & doesn't know what to do. She hasn't kicked him out..yet! Again I stayed strong and said once he's worked out if he loves me enough to choose me - he knows where to find me!! ok, I'm typically not interested in giving cheaters and OM/OW advice, but here it goes. He blocked you, cut all contact with you, treated you like crap(even though you knew he was married, but thats another matter) and now that HE isn't in a good place because his wife now knows, he expects you to be there for him and you will take him back? does this guy have game or what?? Hes a married, lying, jackass. He did you a favor. Because if it were just you and him and he did divorce his wife, he'd be doing the same thing to you in a matter of years once your relationship isn't new and exciting any longer. don't give him that power. move on, find an unattached man and live without all this drama, and without being an accomplice to hurting someone else in the process as well. Link to post Share on other sites
neveragain1 Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 Why are you even getting involved with ANOTHER married man? omg, I missed this. just never mind, geez. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 Hinder, I may be confused, but is the situation that you have been seeing a MM for 4 years, are in love with him and now hurt because he has decided to stay in the marriage and all the while there is another MM on the scene? Forgive me if I am being dense, but how can you love a MM and be seeing another? I know this has parallels with WS who look outside a marriage for something else, but I always assumed that part of the attraction of A's was the excitment etc. Not being judgemental, it's your boat to row, but I don't get the devastation if you have already got another in tow (so to speak). I also wonder if you have given any thought as to why you are having a relationship with a MM and then go on to have another R with another MM. May be coincidence, but it might also be a pattern of behaviour, in which case you are setting yourself up for going through all this again with MM2. TBH, I get A's for love, but I cannot imagine having another relationship while being in love, or being able to move onto number 2 so easily. is it worth the pain and anguish to both yourself and undoubtedly to the BS in both these A's? Whatever, I hope you are feeling OK, but suspect the feeling like your life is toxic at the moment will happen again unless you change it, remember that it isn't you who are toxic, but as to the situations, well as an XBS, I would of course think so. Thank you Seren for conveying the same confusion I am having following this persons heartfelt drama. There is nothing wrong with this confusion since it is about "torn between two lovers and feeling like a fool" ordeal entails. Just plum confused and sincerely baffled that whilst we are here to support in the pain of the person we seem to accept the double standards involved.... Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 I wonder if she replaced MM1 with MM2 to try and get out of the love the she feels for MM1. Sometimes people replace partners because they think it will help them get out of the slump they're in. Don't recall how MM2 came in the picture. Either way it didn't work. She's still stuck on MM1. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 "He told me for the first time EVER that he loved me. He's never even come close before, although I have told him many times. It was so lovely to hear but I knew the bad news was coming. The next 1/2 were a complete blur but basically it's the same old story he loves me, wants to be with me, but can't leave his kids...etc. etc. I cried he cried. More talking... I told him I was expecting this answer & it was ok. I stuck to my plans and said this is it. I can't see him, be with him or think about him anymore. I said it hurts like hell but it has to this way. More crying... Finally about about an hour I said I had to go. Nothing was going to change and one of us had to leave at some stage. So I thought - I want to be the one to walk away. So I did. I went to my car, he followed. We got in the car. More talking, more crying. We kissed & he said he loved me and he left. I watched him walk away in my mirror, it hurt. I sat in the car for a few minutes crying... the tears just flowed. I was about to start the car and leave and he's there knocking on my window. He says he couldn't walk away. He turned back and saw me crying and couldn't leave. He gets back in the car. More talking, more crying more kissing. I finally say - this can't keep going on...You either want me 100% in your life or you don't. He said I don't know what I want but I love you. I said that's not enough for me...you should go. He gets out. I watch him walk away again. I start to cry. I start my car and drive off. Half way home I get an email from my ex saying how much he hates my MM for breaking up our marriage & he couldn't take it anymore he had to tell my MM's wife. My heart sank. I quickly called MM and told him about the email. NC broken already The last few hours have been a whirl wind of emotions, emails back & forwards. MM is at work and will be til at least 11pm. The email is sitting on their home computer...I don't know if she's read it. Sometimes she checks the emails, sometimes she doesn't. I haven't heard from MM for about 4 hours. I don't know what's happening. I feel scared for him. I feel sad for her that she's going to find out whats been happening behind her back for the last 4 years. I feel numb, sick, sad I don't know where to go from here. I don't know what's happening. I just wish he would let me know If this story is true, my apologies to the OP. But I smell a troll. Who stays in a relationshp for 4 years telling the other person they love him over and over again hearing nothing even close in return. And it doesnt fit with the next bolded line. I suspect this is the fantasy scenario of someone who has been cheated on working out their own issues. Rather than being confused, lets stop feeding the sock. its shoes are likely on the infidelity board. My sincerest apologies to the OP if my gut instinct is wrong but I aint buying it. Ive been on this board too long and there are far too many socks on here now and it isnt fooling anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
PeachyPink Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 If this story is true, my apologies to the OP. But I smell a troll. Who stays in a relationshp for 4 years telling the other person they love him over and over again hearing nothing even close in return. And it doesnt fit with the next bolded line. I suspect this is the fantasy scenario of someone who has been cheated on working out their own issues. Rather than being confused, lets stop feeding the sock. its shoes are likely on the infidelity board. My sincerest apologies to the OP if my gut instinct is wrong but I aint buying it. Ive been on this board too long and there are far too many socks on here now and it isnt fooling anyone.What a confusingly rude response! OW complain about support then accuse each other of being trolls. Why post? I think this OP has some very deep-seated esteem issues that keep her from dating available men. Which really, is very sad and unfortunate because she may find herself very lonesome later in life. Hinder, have you considered counseling of any sort? Please think about it. You are on a very destructive path. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 I call it as I see it "Peachy"" Link to post Share on other sites
Gotti25 Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 Poor HInler so damn blind!! You seriously must see a therapist or something don't be grieving over this sick basterd let it go 4 years is ridiculous!! Link to post Share on other sites
twinsmom Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 Not to be rude, Gotti, but you're probably the very last person who should be giving anyone else relationship advice. Your own life reads like a very bad fiction novel. Link to post Share on other sites
Gotti25 Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 Oh wow really if anyone had to say anything that would be Hinler after all is her post so I can tell her whatever I think of the situation who are you too tell me about giving other advice?? Link to post Share on other sites
twinsmom Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 That would be "Hinder". Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 I call it as I see it "Peachy"" I think you called it right JJ, as usual.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hinder Posted February 20, 2011 Author Share Posted February 20, 2011 It has been a whirl wind couple of days. I'm still all over the place. I'm an idiot and I've been played big time JJ33 - you're gut instinct was wrong. I'm not a troll My MM has been in contact with me telling me everything that's happened with his wife, he called to tell me she found me on Facebook and also found my number on his phone bills, she wants to kill me (who could blame her ), she's threatened him with losing his kids and never seeing them again, plus heaps more but basically he's been keeping me informed ova the weekend...that was until today...... NC has well and truly started and I know I will never hear from him again. I may hear from his wife but never again from him.....MM has thrown me under the bus...he has told his wife I did all the chasing, I gave him no choice, I started the whole affair, he's lied to her about the length of the affair, how often we saw each other etc. He emailed me the 'massive story' he told her of our affair so if she called me I could tell her the same things he's been telling her . He said if I could just answer her questions as briefly as possibly and keeping in line with what he's already told her. He ended the conversation by saying he still cares deeply for me and hopes that one day we could at least still be in contact I have so many emotions at the moment. I mainly feel angry but I also feel free from him. I was thinking back over the last 3 years and I cant believe how much he influenced my life in every aspect. I can't believe how dependent I became on him and his txt messages and his phone calls. I'm scared about waking up tomorrow morning with out a 'good morning txt' from him but then I like I'd be angry if he did try and send me another message. He has consumed my life and now I have to work out how to live with him out of it again. Thanks to all those that have provided me with support xx Link to post Share on other sites
findingnemo Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 It has been a whirl wind couple of days. I'm still all over the place. I'm an idiot and I've been played big time JJ33 - you're gut instinct was wrong. I'm not a troll My MM has been in contact with me telling me everything that's happened with his wife, he called to tell me she found me on Facebook and also found my number on his phone bills, she wants to kill me (who could blame her ), she's threatened him with losing his kids and never seeing them again, plus heaps more but basically he's been keeping me informed ova the weekend...that was until today...... NC has well and truly started and I know I will never hear from him again. I may hear from his wife but never again from him.....MM has thrown me under the bus...he has told his wife I did all the chasing, I gave him no choice, I started the whole affair, he's lied to her about the length of the affair, how often we saw each other etc. He emailed me the 'massive story' he told her of our affair so if she called me I could tell her the same things he's been telling her . He said if I could just answer her questions as briefly as possibly and keeping in line with what he's already told her. He ended the conversation by saying he still cares deeply for me and hopes that one day we could at least still be in contact I have so many emotions at the moment. I mainly feel angry but I also feel free from him. I was thinking back over the last 3 years and I cant believe how much he influenced my life in every aspect. I can't believe how dependent I became on him and his txt messages and his phone calls. I'm scared about waking up tomorrow morning with out a 'good morning txt' from him but then I like I'd be angry if he did try and send me another message. He has consumed my life and now I have to work out how to live with him out of it again. Thanks to all those that have provided me with support xx Hinder, I am so sorry you have to go through this but it is something you have to endure and time will make it easier. ((((Hinder)))) Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 My apologies Hinder and I hope you find peace with your situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Sharon1961 Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 My apologies Hinder and I hope you find peace with your situation. Sounds like "Peachy" called it right and Hinder has some very deep-seated issues to work out. Link to post Share on other sites
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