Shocking Pink Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 Wow Hinder I wish I had some advice for you but I think some people have said some very wise things in this thread. I want to be excited for you...but idk...there's a lot of back and forth here and he's been messing with your head! It definetely sounds very confusing. I hope you can talk to him soon and come to some real decisions! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hinder Posted February 16, 2011 Author Share Posted February 16, 2011 Wow Hinder I wish I had some advice for you but I think some people have said some very wise things in this thread. I want to be excited for you...but idk...there's a lot of back and forth here and he's been messing with your head! It definetely sounds very confusing. I hope you can talk to him soon and come to some real decisions! I'm feeling really nervous about seeing him, but also just want to finally get some answers. I love him so much...just hope my heart doesn't get broken Will be back tomorrow with an update! Link to post Share on other sites
Glutton4Punishment Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 My affair with my MM ended today & I'm a mess. I don't know what happened exactly. I'm in such a bad place at the moment. I was so in love with him and now he's gone from my life and I'm guttered. I can't function...and it's only been 12 hours. We never really discussed NC but I think he got scared today about my ex telling his wife or maybe even that I would tell his wife about the affair. He's blocked me from Facebook, he won't answer calls or txt messages. He's just gone and my heart is breaking. I've never felt pain like this before in my life. Please tell me it gets easier...please? The pain and rejection of being ignored like that is all too familiar. I think the worst part of it is there is nothing you can do and each rejected phone call makes you want to call that much more. Each unanswered text message makes you send 5 more...It is truly a grieving process. You go through the same range of emotions as if someone you love has died. Because in a way, that is what has happened. It does get better, eventually. I know it is hard to believe right now because we live in each moment but when it has passed and you look back on it, you will be amazed at how you overcame the hurt and pain. You will think, "Gosh, I don't know how I made it through that." But you will, and you will continue to grow as a person and whether or not you can see it right now, this is something that will be beneficial to you in the long run. So sorry you are hurting and those are not empty words. I empathize with you whole heartedly. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 The things you say about the progression of things - do you see it? You make a decision about the status of things in this mix; about what is best for you in regards to what you've been given. Then he calls or sends a message and POOF! all gone is your resolve and course of action. You've become a living, breathing reaction to his impulses. Its that a good thing when he is so chaotic? Do you intend to live out your days this way where you decide what is best for you and that decision is only as firm as his fancy? Do you believe this would stop if his wife was out of the picture? I wouldn't bet on it because it is happening to her too. He seems to require his SOs to be as puppets. I agree with this.. And, sadly, you DO need to protect and shield your heart. Things haven't changed. Please, really read the bolded part above. He has you on a string. Not malciously, but selfishly.. Link to post Share on other sites
ooPiaoo Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 I'm sending positive thoughts your way, Hinder, and I am closely following what happens with you because it sounds eerily similar to my own situation at the moment. I know that the prevailing sentiment in these forums is to doubt and be skeptical (indeed I do it myself with my MM all the time) but then again, there are those few happily-ever-after stories floating about. I hope yours becomes one of them! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hinder Posted February 16, 2011 Author Share Posted February 16, 2011 I see him in a few short hours & I have prepare myself for the worst I know it's coming and strangely enough I feel ok with that.. It's going to be so hard & I know apart of me will die today but when he give me the news I've been dreading I have decided to insist on NC, it's over, I can't be the OW anymore & have a nice life. It will break my heart but I know I need to do that Will update once I get back Link to post Share on other sites
Shocking Pink Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 Good luck Hinder! Stay strong! Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 Oh dear... I wonder what happened. Now see she's strong, I couldn't do it in person, the clothes would just come off. I wonder if that's what happened ... I hope she didn't give into the drug but if she did I would understand. Hinder get back here! *Gets the popcorn ready* Link to post Share on other sites
Heather1 Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 A whole lot o flip flopping!! How familiar. I hope it all went ok today....if you stick w/ it, just get used to this cuz it's the name of the game. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hinder Posted February 17, 2011 Author Share Posted February 17, 2011 Hey all, Today has been one of the hardest days of my life So I went & met my MM. We met at a coffee shop & the moment I saw him I could tell he wasn't in a good place. I spelled out in great details that I didn't want to be the OW anymore, I wanted to be with him. He told me for the first time EVER that he loved me. He's never even come close before, although I have told him many times. It was so lovely to hear but I knew the bad news was coming. The next 1/2 were a complete blur but basically it's the same old story he loves me, wants to be with me, but can't leave his kids...etc. etc. I cried he cried. More talking... I told him I was expecting this answer & it was ok. I stuck to my plans and said this is it. I can't see him, be with him or think about him anymore. I said it hurts like hell but it has to this way. More crying... Finally about about an hour I said I had to go. Nothing was going to change and one of us had to leave at some stage. So I thought - I want to be the one to walk away. So I did. I went to my car, he followed. We got in the car. More talking, more crying. We kissed & he said he loved me and he left. I watched him walk away in my mirror, it hurt. I sat in the car for a few minutes crying... the tears just flowed. I was about to start the car and leave and he's there knocking on my window. He says he couldn't walk away. He turned back and saw me crying and couldn't leave. He gets back in the car. More talking, more crying more kissing. I finally say - this can't keep going on...You either want me 100% in your life or you don't. He said I don't know what I want but I love you. I said that's not enough for me...you should go. He gets out. I watch him walk away again. I start to cry. I start my car and drive off. Half way home I get an email from my ex saying how much he hates my MM for breaking up our marriage & he couldn't take it anymore he had to tell my MM's wife. My heart sank. I quickly called MM and told him about the email. NC broken already The last few hours have been a whirl wind of emotions, emails back & forwards. MM is at work and will be til at least 11pm. The email is sitting on their home computer...I don't know if she's read it. Sometimes she checks the emails, sometimes she doesn't. I haven't heard from MM for about 4 hours. I don't know what's happening. I feel scared for him. I feel sad for her that she's going to find out whats been happening behind her back for the last 4 years. I feel numb, sick, sad I don't know where to go from here. I don't know what's happening. I just wish he would let me know Link to post Share on other sites
Heather1 Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 Wow! Well...let us know what happens. He sounds really torn, but I'm sure you'll find out what's going on when his W finds that email. It's going to force him to make a decision one way or another. All the best.... Link to post Share on other sites
Confused4Now Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 The truth will set everyone free.....and when it comes out you'll see where everyone stands. Trust me BTDT....Everyone will move forward at some point and healing can begin. Hugs to everyone.... Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 I'm so sorry Hinder. I hope the best for you and that your healing is quick, 4 years is a long time. Hang in there and keep posting. You did the right thing in sticking to your guns and holding strong. At least you are not the one doing the flip-flopping. Your breaking NC was in good reason, I think it is good your MM knows what's coming (((Hinder))) Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 Confused is right. And, his wife has a right to know the truth..Even more so since your H knows the truth.. Now she can make an informed decision if she wants to work on the marriage or divorce. It isn't just your exMM making the decision and stil lying to his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
mitchell Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 Great news. Now that the truth is out, you will finally learn where everyone stands. I'd be surprised if you ever hear from MM again. He used you for 4 years and would have liked for things to continue. Now that his wife has been enlightened, his world will come crashing down. Give him the space to get his life back together. Link to post Share on other sites
Shocking Pink Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 OMG! Hinder, what a rollercoaster! Please just try to take care of yourself today. Do whatever is soothing t o you. Maybe the other poster is right and the truth will set everyone free now. Link to post Share on other sites
ver13 Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 This is amazing all I can say is what kind of man would he be if he just walked out on his kid's. He knows what he is doing and he has gotten away with it. He used someone to fulfill a need and now he is back where he wants to be. Let him go and find someone that is not in a relationship that put's you in the hidden number 2 spot. You deserve to be number one period and if he truly wants you he needs to contact you after he formally leaves his W. It's time for him to put on his big boy pants and either get out of his failed relationship with his wife or stop screwing around with other peoples emotions. Link to post Share on other sites
Gotti25 Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 Too bad Hindle!! This guy really used you all these years and you where too blind to see. I really hope his wife gets that email he deserves the worst now. Try getting over this fool go out with your friends meet some other guys .This man is not the only one in the world. I know you love him but hell look what his done to you. You can do it baby girl !! PLus dealing with someones elses kids that aren't your own noo wayyy!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hinder Posted February 17, 2011 Author Share Posted February 17, 2011 Thanks everyone. I'm doing ok..still crying a little but generally ok. I just wish I 'knew' if she knew! I have pretty much decided that I will never hear from MM again. I feel lost, I feel lonely. I miss him. He has a lot to deal with at the moment Link to post Share on other sites
Sharon1961 Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 Thanks everyone. I'm doing ok..still crying a little but generally ok. I just wish I 'knew' if she knew! I have pretty much decided that I will never hear from MM again. I feel lost, I feel lonely. I miss him. He has a lot to deal with at the moment You were never a priority, always an option. And once that sinks in and you have time to process you might end up really angry and disgusted by him. It could take a while to rebuild your psyche but you'll know you are there when you wonder how you could have ever thought you loved him. Link to post Share on other sites
Gotti25 Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 Your crying for what for an ******* without any feelings that used you for all these years was he worth it very good looking with money?? Noo women get over this now!! I hate too see good people suffer your basically saying your still soo in love you can't let goo come on what did this man do for you lie put his wife and kids before you after everything you gave him love comfort sex!! Can I ask where are you from and how old are you?? Link to post Share on other sites
Shocking Pink Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 How are you doing, Hinder? Any news? Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 (edited) Oh Hinder.... *Hug* Let the tears flow. It's just an emotional process and It will take time. It's hard to say when the pain will stop. I know mine hasn't... I lost my friend in the process and it's 10+ years for me...I'm in a deeper hole. We need to figure out a mathematical equation to know for how many years what the healing pain process will be, darn it. You are off to starting a new life. You had closure. Some women don't get that option. I guess he does have a lot happening for him. If his wife brings up the email he will have to talk about the issues in the marriage. If she doesn't then he will just remain happy in misery. I am sorry for the tears you cried. Sorry for the pain your heart feels. Love is a hard. Try to think of the future and letting go. Think happy things for 2011. I am very proud of you. Edited February 18, 2011 by Emme Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 hinder wrote: Yup And OMG it's hard. My first MM, I'm completely in love with. We have been seeing each other for almost 4 years. We talk everyday. I want a life with him but he won't leave his wife. I know he won't but I can't walk away - yet! I'm desperately trying to get the strength to walk away. Second MM - is only a relatively new affair and I'm no where near being in love with him, but we're having fun together >Hinder End Quote. _______________ My Thoughts The heart doesn't know what the head can think. So I'll think here on this matter, Two guys for this Gentle hearted lady, who is enduring some sorrow? My heart would ache as I do understand losing a loved one....Can someone other then the OP please explain though how you can sincerely show empathy when she has a plan B in the background already? Its truly bizzarre in my living area....maybe I'm beyond someones drama and more in tune to How can that be? I mean that sincerely in a" trying to comprehend kinda way"...enlighten me please? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hinder Posted February 18, 2011 Author Share Posted February 18, 2011 arrhh... another update! He just called me and told me she knows everything. He is hurting & doesn't know what to do. She hasn't kicked him out..yet! Again I stayed strong and said once he's worked out if he loves me enough to choose me - he knows where to find me!! Link to post Share on other sites
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