woinlove Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 I I have so many emotions at the moment. I mainly feel angry but I also feel free from him. I was thinking back over the last 3 years and I cant believe how much he influenced my life in every aspect. I can't believe how dependent I became on him and his txt messages and his phone calls. I'm scared about waking up tomorrow morning with out a 'good morning txt' from him but then I like I'd be angry if he did try and send me another message. He has consumed my life and now I have to work out how to live with him out of it again. This all sounds like a healthy reaction - your anger, realizing you are better off without him even though it will take time for your emotional connection to fade. And realizing how much he has consumed your life, all while giving you so much less than you deserve from a person whom you hold so close to your heart. Through the confusion of emotions, you are managing to think rationally and cut to the heart of the matter, so just keep reminding yourself of the real reasons you are better off without him when your emotions weaken your resolve. Link to post Share on other sites
Sharon1961 Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 This all sounds like a healthy reaction - your anger, realizing you are better off without him even though it will take time for your emotional connection to fade. And realizing how much he has consumed your life, all while giving you so much less than you deserve from a person whom you hold so close to your heart. Through the confusion of emotions, you are managing to think rationally and cut to the heart of the matter, so just keep reminding yourself of the real reasons you are better off without him when your emotions weaken your resolve. That's really good advice. Hinder, be prepared to feel ALL sorts of things in the coming weeks. As long as you keep in mind how much better off you are without him that will help you through the tough times. Look within yourself. It all starts and ends with you. This is not really about him after all. Be good to yourself!! :bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
Goldenspoon Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 He threw you under the bus, when his wifey calls you, you tell the truth. No sugar coating, no protecting him at the expense of trashing yourself even further. Just tell her everything that's the truth. Stop the lying and the cheating now. Link to post Share on other sites
PeachyPink Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 Sounds like "Peachy" called it right and Hinder has some very deep-seated issues to work out. Hinder, I am very sorry you are hurting, but I beseech you to please try to learn from this! Please end things with the other MM before you add to your own hurt and to others. And when you are ready, please reach out to the proper resources to help you discover why you seek out unavailable men. Link to post Share on other sites
Heather1 Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 I'm sorry Hinder, I wish these R weren't so stereotypical. I'm glad you posted all this because I think there's a lot of people who read these boards for questions & never post a thing, seeing what the realities of their own outcome might be. I think that's crappy for him to give you a "heads up" to his story & for you to accommodate that & make you the fall guy. I think his W should know your side of things, you're protecting him @ your own expense. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hinder Posted February 21, 2011 Author Share Posted February 21, 2011 Thanks everyone. I'm doing ok, actually I'm doing a lot better than I thought I would be. I have heard nothing from MM or his wife. I've had several strange phone calls but she hasn't actually said anything yet. Taking one day at a time and have booked in to see a Psychologist and sort out my issues once and for all. I turn 30 on Thursday....I can't believe where my life is right now Link to post Share on other sites
Goldenspoon Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 Thanks everyone. I'm doing ok, actually I'm doing a lot better than I thought I would be. I have heard nothing from MM or his wife. I've had several strange phone calls but she hasn't actually said anything yet. Taking one day at a time and have booked in to see a Psychologist and sort out my issues once and for all. I turn 30 on Thursday....I can't believe where my life is right now Why aren't you explaining to us as to why you messed up a marriage and before you're done with that marriage, you're already getting involved with married man number two? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 I turn 30 on Thursday....I can't believe where my life is right now You have time to change your ways, get on a better and healthier pathway. You want love, a relationship, possibly have a husband, kids, a family life, it's time to totally cut out having affairs with MM. It's going to get you nowhere and leave you hurt and messed up. If you are unhappy with how your life is, change it! You don't want to be 40 and still be on the path you're on now. Link to post Share on other sites
Heather1 Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 I have to wonder, GS, if it's not you sending packages on that other thread? Why do you care? Glad you're talking to a therapist, you need to make some quick (non judgemental) decisions. What we can help w/ is our own experiences & how we stayed in or got out. They're your decisions to make & only you know OM & your relationship. If you react calmly, I'm sure this will sort things out your way whatever you decide. This will be the make it or break it catalyst, so that's actually a good thing?? Link to post Share on other sites
findingnemo Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 You have time to change your ways, get on a better and healthier pathway. You want love, a relationship, possibly have a husband, kids, a family life, it's time to totally cut out having affairs with MM. It's going to get you nowhere and leave you hurt and messed up. If you are unhappy with how your life is, change it! You don't want to be 40 and still be on the path you're on now. Amen to that!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 I'm really curious...what do you plan on telling his wife if she does call you? His pre-fab story making it all out to be your fault and painting him as a victim of you....or the truth as you see it? Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 This is quite sad. At least Hinder you have made friends here, esp. Shocking Pink and Donnamaybe, who seem to really worry a lot about you. But I have faith in you, I think you are made of stronger stuff and will come out of this a better person and probably get tired of all the mess and the confusion. Link to post Share on other sites
Shocking Pink Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Hi Hinder, I was away for a couple of days and now I'm trying to get caught up back at work and with my daughter, but I saw you were getting a little beat up and wanted to check in here! I think it's great that you have an appt. with a psychologist lined up, maybe they can really help since you have been feeling like you're making toxic situations for yourself. I hope you have something great planned for your birthday. I think it's easier to turn over a new leaf when you have a big landmark day like that to mark changes from! Link to post Share on other sites
neveragain1 Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 Don't worry he will realized what he has lost and the things will be fine. You gonna make the right thing so you are actually rooting for the continued pain of the MM's wife? Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 Half way home I get an email from my ex saying how much he hates my MM for breaking up our marriage & he couldn't take it anymore he had to tell my MM's wife. My heart sank. I quickly called MM and told him about the email. NC broken already So you either cheat on/dump your H for a married guy, who in turn dumps you the moment his wife finds out? Sounds like you traded someone who cares about you for someone who just wants sex. Life often gives you back what you put in. My suggestion is putting in something positive. Go build houses for homeless families or something. Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 People are quick to judge Isn't that a direct quote from Ted Bundy? I guess it doesn't matter how terrible you treat other people... it's always intolerable when someone points it out to you. Sorry, my bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Distant78 Posted February 26, 2011 Share Posted February 26, 2011 I think you know she is not saying that. Why be an ass.hole if you don't have to be? Why put a period between the word? Funny how someone's a booty when they state the obvious. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted February 27, 2011 Share Posted February 27, 2011 jj, My money is still on your original observation. Call it instinct. Its rarely wrong. On a funny note, a co worker often says "Hey its your lie, tell it however ya want" I think we are missing some details that may have a difference in how to respond. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hinder Posted July 6, 2011 Author Share Posted July 6, 2011 Hi everyone! I haven't been on here for so long & it's been a whirl wind couple of months! I'd love to say my life is in a very different place, but sadly it isn't. There have definitely been some changes but not as much as I had hoped! I had almost 3 months of no contact with MM. I took one day at a time & slowly tried to move forward. I thought about him & loved him everyday. He sent the occasionally txt which I ignored. He posted on my MySpace page which I deleted and everything was going great until I saw him at a pub one night. I was there with a guy I have been dating (he's not married!!!) Since then he has sent 100s of txt saying he loves me, misses me & wants me. I have been very strong & told him he can't have me while he has a wife. He's told me that things are not great there, but nothing about leaving her. He's latest thing is..can't we at least just be friends?! To which I said no, it's too hard for me. I don't want to br just your friend, but he's still trying! So, yeah! That's where I am. Shocking - are you still around? Have thought about you often x Link to post Share on other sites
waytogo Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 Hi everyone! I haven't been on here for so long & it's been a whirl wind couple of months! I'd love to say my life is in a very different place, but sadly it isn't. There have definitely been some changes but not as much as I had hoped! I had almost 3 months of no contact with MM. I took one day at a time & slowly tried to move forward. I thought about him & loved him everyday. He sent the occasionally txt which I ignored. He posted on my MySpace page which I deleted and everything was going great until I saw him at a pub one night. I was there with a guy I have been dating (he's not married!!!) Since then he has sent 100s of txt saying he loves me, misses me & wants me. I have been very strong & told him he can't have me while he has a wife. He's told me that things are not great there, but nothing about leaving her. He's latest thing is..can't we at least just be friends?! To which I said no, it's too hard for me. I don't want to br just your friend, but he's still trying! So, yeah! That's where I am. Shocking - are you still around? Have thought about you often x You told him your conditions. If he still has W, he shouldn't contact you. He's still trying to have both of you on his terms. Hopefully you keep dating and it won't matter if he has W or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Goldenspoon Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 Hi everyone! I haven't been on here for so long & it's been a whirl wind couple of months! I'd love to say my life is in a very different place, but sadly it isn't. There have definitely been some changes but not as much as I had hoped! I had almost 3 months of no contact with MM. I took one day at a time & slowly tried to move forward. I thought about him & loved him everyday. He sent the occasionally txt which I ignored. He posted on my MySpace page which I deleted and everything was going great until I saw him at a pub one night. I was there with a guy I have been dating (he's not married!!!) Since then he has sent 100s of txt saying he loves me, misses me & wants me. I have been very strong & told him he can't have me while he has a wife. He's told me that things are not great there, but nothing about leaving her. He's latest thing is..can't we at least just be friends?! To which I said no, it's too hard for me. I don't want to br just your friend, but he's still trying! So, yeah! That's where I am. Shocking - are you still around? Have thought about you often x IF YOU TRULY want him to stop contacting you, you inform his wife about the contact and TELL HER EVERYTHING. He threw you under the bus, you do the same, but unlike him, you do no lie, you tell her the truth! What are you waiting for??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hinder Posted July 6, 2011 Author Share Posted July 6, 2011 I have been seriously considering getting in contact with his wife & telling her he's still chasing me but I don't know how to find her. She has deleted facebook & I have no other way of contacting her. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Jessica232 Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 Contacting the wife doesn't always help. I am just now (as of Monday) getting out of a relationship with a MM. My MM's wife found out about us once in February, and again a little over two weeks ago. He didn't stop with me either time. This past time, he finally admitted to her that he loves me, and that he wants a divorce. She wants to go to counseling to try to save it for their kids. One minute he feels he is obligated to do the counseling, the next he's with me and wants the divorce. It's been a crazy roller coaster. I told him Monday I was just done. Count me out...I don't need the stress and heartache anymore! Telling the wife is good IMO. You bring the honesty back into the equation. You walk away knowing yes, you hurt someone, but at least you were honest about your mistakes, and you don't continue the lie. More importantly, no more enabling the jack***!! But, don't expect telling the wifey to end things...sometimes it does exactly the opposite. Hinder....I read your post earlier, and I have to say, it scares me. I don't want to not be over my situation months from now. I wish you the best. I'm exactly where you are, and I know your pain. Big hugs to you!! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 I have been seriously considering getting in contact with his wife & telling her he's still chasing me but I don't know how to find her. She has deleted facebook & I have no other way of contacting her. Thoughts? sure - pay an internet service a few bucks to give you any info you need. or just show up at his home. block him - his number, email etc in the meantime. he's spending time and energy trying to reel you back into your "old" position. glad you are finding new happiness. don't look back... but his wife does deserve to know at this point that he's not keeping his word about repairing their M. Link to post Share on other sites
Goldenspoon Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Pay $10 online and find out her contact information, or show up on her house when he's at work. TELL, TELL, TELL. The truth. He lied about you. You tell her the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
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