charl_uk Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 Hi. I've been with my boyfriend since we were 14. We're now 19 and he has gone away for uni. I've been to visit him, and we have such a nice time and both cry when it's time for me to go back. We speak every day and he tells me he loves me all the time. However, I can't help being paranoid. He is incredibly faithful so I'm not worried about him cheating, I'm just worried about him ending it. He's admitted to me before that he does sometimes feel like he's missing out on 'uni experiences' because he isn't sleeping around like most people, but assures me that he loves me enough. I'm just worried that both of us need to experience other people because we're missing out and we are too 'married' for teenagers. I just have a lot of worries and concerns that I didn't have before he went away. We've been together four and a half years, so I really struggle to imagine life without him. Any help to calm my nerves? Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 It's not "paranoia". It is somewhat of a case of "co-dependence". What that means is that you have lived your life with him being so much the focus that you have lost a center for yourself. You are young and that is understandable--you've been close for several important growth years. You are not wrong to have separation anxiety. But the situation calls for you to face that you have been investing so much of yourself in this relationship that you have an identity crisis without it and building a new independent life with your own interests is the remedy. You have to face and deal with the possibility that it COULD be over and that life goes on. There's no faking that. You have to do some hard work on yourself. If you behave "needfully" toward him, you may even drive him to end it. So, time to start building a stronger you. Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 ^^ Couldn't have said that better myself. Link to post Share on other sites
impz Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 It's not "paranoia". It is somewhat of a case of "co-dependence". What that means is that you have lived your life with him being so much the focus that you have lost a center for yourself. You are young and that is understandable--you've been close for several important growth years. You are not wrong to have separation anxiety. But the situation calls for you to face that you have been investing so much of yourself in this relationship that you have an identity crisis without it and building a new independent life with your own interests is the remedy. You have to face and deal with the possibility that it COULD be over and that life goes on. There's no faking that. You have to do some hard work on yourself. If you behave "needfully" toward him, you may even drive him to end it. So, time to start building a stronger you. Very nice reply, Feelin Frisky, I agree with you completely. Link to post Share on other sites
creighton0123 Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 It's not "paranoia". It is somewhat of a case of "co-dependence". What that means is that you have lived your life with him being so much the focus that you have lost a center for yourself. You are young and that is understandable--you've been close for several important growth years. You are not wrong to have separation anxiety. But the situation calls for you to face that you have been investing so much of yourself in this relationship that you have an identity crisis without it and building a new independent life with your own interests is the remedy. You have to face and deal with the possibility that it COULD be over and that life goes on. There's no faking that. You have to do some hard work on yourself. If you behave "needfully" toward him, you may even drive him to end it. So, time to start building a stronger you. <-- this Unless the two of you jump from essentially what is one body and one relationship to two bodies and one relationship, you might not find what it takes to last well into years to come. The anxiety comes in not exclusively wanting to be together, but needing to be together. Don't worry. You're both entering the years where you transition from teenagers to adults. You can both emerge from it as solid individuals, but you might not be the same people you initially remember from high school. In essence, you'll have to fall in love all over again after you develop your own, individual personalities, characteristics, perks, and flaws that only truly emerge and form when you live, fail, and succeed as individuals outside of the social control and support that is high school and college. Afterward, you may be together, but you may not. Despite the outcome, however, you will both be alright. Link to post Share on other sites
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