rubyblue16 Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 okay so i went out with m boyfriend for three months known him for about 5 or 6 and for about 2 and half months it was perfect , we were falling so deeply in love , we had just one issue , me , i kept crying for some unknown reason , i know this was putting a strain onn us but he kept reassuring me everything was gunna be okay and that he was terrified it would be me dumpiing him , one evening he came round and i treated him like rubbish , he kept trying to hug me ect and i kept pushing him away and saying no ( i dont know what was wrong with me ) he then advised we went on a break for a week , no contact so we did , he checked up on me almost every day until one day he stopped , it came round to th day of us talking again and he was telling my friend he didnt know whether it was right anymore , he came round and acted completely normal i asked him about it and he said ti was him being insecure and thinking to much , we went out for one more week but it just didnt feel the same , so he came round on the friday and i ended it , he said he wanted to stay friends and still see and talk to me , he asked how i was doing on the monday and the convo didnt end so well and i ended up not texting back , but i want him back , i misss him and the way we use to be its his birhtday today and i want to send him a card but i have no idea whether hes angry with me and jsut wants nothing more to do with me =s Link to post Share on other sites
gator12 Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 You have some personal issues you need to deal with. The first thing is your emotional insecurity. You need to deal with that and figure out the cause because it only stressed the relationship out, and alot of guys can't handle that for too long. You need to stay in NC until you have fixed your problems before you can try and see if he'll give it another try. There is no point in getting back in a relationship with him until your issues are solved. And trust me he will notice you have changed for the better and you will just be more attractive for it. Work on yourself right now and then go back to him. Don't contact him before that because you will only be pushing him further and further away because you are still emotional over the breakup. -Gator Link to post Share on other sites
singlelife Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 Yeah you have serious issues. if I was him i would stay a long distance from you. Let him find a girl he can chill with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rubyblue16 Posted February 15, 2011 Author Share Posted February 15, 2011 serious issues ??? =\ Link to post Share on other sites
Author rubyblue16 Posted February 17, 2011 Author Share Posted February 17, 2011 so ive no talked to my ex for nearly two week she asked after the break up ( me ending it ) if i was okay , the conversation didnt end so well with me not texting back , weve not spoken since i sent him a birthday card i m guessing he got it but he didnt say thnk you , shud i drop him a text asking how his day was or just leave it until he contacts me ? i dnt wanna give up on what we had Link to post Share on other sites
fiat500 Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 how old are you? doesn't seem like you love him. you claim that you cried a lot and you didn't know why. well. that's a big issue right there. no one just bursts into tears without reason. you also pushed him away when he tried to hug you? and you don't know why??? that's a real big issue there too. it sounds like your emotions are out of balance. you claim that your last conversation didn't go well without giving us much detail and you never texted him back. and now you're asking if you should text him or not. you're playing games. you're hot and cold. you should probably not date anyone until you figure out what is going on with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rubyblue16 Posted February 18, 2011 Author Share Posted February 18, 2011 Im 17 and yeah i know , i was in a bad mood that day and my emotions just seemed to escalate , i never said i loved him but i was beginning to until it all went wrong , know i made a big mistake in acting the way i did and i did say to him relationships werent for me atm but id still like to be his friend , im just not sure what the right way to go about it is i dont mean to play hot and cold i just didnt want any more arguing , so shud i text him ? Link to post Share on other sites
Leandro Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 how about you just take some time off? Focus on you. try to find out why you were crying the whole time with him. Link to post Share on other sites
2011 Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 Hi Try and sort out your emotions, perfectly normal at your age, as we have all experienced the emotional teens ourselves. The signals you are sending to this guy is you are not interested at all, even if you are, then you finish it don't reply to his text, and now you want him back. Sorry but you are not going to get anywhere acting like this with a guy. 2011 Link to post Share on other sites
susanfollows Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 You're gonna need to find a new guy and get over the old one, you're not looking for anything serious. Link to post Share on other sites
Leandro Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 she doesn't need to find a new guy. She can if she wants though. I think she needs to focus on herself a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
gator12 Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 She's not looking for anything serious, which is exactly why she doesn't need to find a new guy. She needs to have time to move on before going on to another relationship. A non serious relationship while she still loves her ex isn't fair to the other person. She needs time to herself, to get herself back together. -Gator Link to post Share on other sites
susanfollows Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 The best way to move on is with someone else, it'll be fun and definitely not serious Link to post Share on other sites
Ajax Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 Despite being several years older, I see a bit of my ex in the OP. She would also go hot and cold and had serious commitment issues. My advice to Rubyblue is this... deal with these issues you have now rather than later. If you don't, you'll just keep repeating the same thing with other guys you date. It'll hurt them and it'll hurt you, and I think the longer this happens the harder it will be to deal with. A lot of people with commitment and intimacy issues will just keep pushing people away and then running away when they get too close. You're still young and have plenty of time to find and form great relationships, so take advantage of that time. I'd think about finding a therapist or mentor who can help you through this. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 i did and i did say to him relationships werent for me atm but id still like to be his friend , im just not sure what the right way to go about it is i dont mean to play hot and cold i just didnt want any more arguing , so shud i text him ? Hi, OP, and welcome to LS Is this your first 'fall in love' boyfriend? Are you still a virgin? How is your family life? Still live at home? Away at school? IMO, he did the right thing by attempting to empathize with you and console you and then distance himself when you stated the quoted text. If you have a change of heart (from what you said) *and* have reached a more stable emotional place, speak with him *in person* and accept the results. I would echo the suggestions to spend some time alone but, in general, young people don't think like this yet, so go out with friends and have some light, non-emotional, clean fun. Boys can wait for a month or two. They'll be there when the time is right. BTW, nothing wrong with talking with mom and dad, if you're on good terms with them. They were young once, too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rubyblue16 Posted February 19, 2011 Author Share Posted February 19, 2011 nah this isnt my first fall in love , i was deepply hurt with another boyfriends of mine and it took a reasonable length of time to get over him , i was a virgin until i met this guy , he was a virgin to , family lifes fine and i still live at home on the whole theres nothing wrong with my life except for these issues =/ ive been feeling better today , each day i begin to fee l more confident , i do want to speak to him , but i think i might wait a little longer until i feel alot stronger , i defintely know i dont want a relationship but i would like to keep in tougch with him . it was so great before we went out i know things are hard to get back to the way they were but i dont see why they cant if you go the right way about it , i m begining to think things happend too quick i freaked out and things just exploded , but when it does come to the day i decide to talk to him , what do i say ? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 Look him in the eye and apologize for your behavior and reiterate that you aren't interested in an intimate relationship right now. Ask him how he feels about that. Do not ask him if he wants to be 'friends'. He didn't give you his virginity to be 'friends'. Perhaps, someday, you can be friends. I hope so. That's an equitable dynamic where *both* people feel valued and satisfied in a balanced way. A good test of whether you can be his friend would be to see him passionately embracing another young lady in your presence and feel happiness for him. If you can do that now, you're ready. Up to him when and whether he's ready. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author rubyblue16 Posted February 24, 2011 Author Share Posted February 24, 2011 i texted him sunday just a short one saying hi howve' u beeen ? he was specific in saying he wanted to stay friends if thts the case why is he ignoring contact i try to make with him =\ is there anything i can do , hes flirting with a girl on facebook he knows i didnt like when we were going out :'( whys he doing this and what can i do to help ? Link to post Share on other sites
susanfollows Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 i texted him sunday just a short one saying hi howve' u beeen ? he was specific in saying he wanted to stay friends if thts the case why is he ignoring contact i try to make with him =\ is there anything i can do , hes flirting with a girl on facebook he knows i didnt like when we were going out :'( whys he doing this and what can i do to help ? You've helped enough, helped him right into her arms! Link to post Share on other sites
Author rubyblue16 Posted February 24, 2011 Author Share Posted February 24, 2011 how have i helped him into her arms ? not talking to him will just make him forget me ? wont it ? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 Do you really think someone will forget the person who they gave their virginity to? Have you forgotten him? There's a difference between forgetting and choosing to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rubyblue16 Posted February 24, 2011 Author Share Posted February 24, 2011 but does loosing a virginity to a guy really matter as much to them ? whys he moving on doesn't he realize ignoring me is just going to hurt me ? Link to post Share on other sites
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