USMCHokie Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 So over the past few months, my mind has been racing a mile a minute in a jumble of random thoughts and ideas. One day, I feel like I've got everything figured out and am on the right path, but the next day, I am regressing even further back than where I started. Just looking back at my own threads, I didn't realize how pathetic I was. If it were someone else, I certainly would have slapped him silly with a boat paddle. It's been frustrating for me to say the least, and I know it's been frustrating for my friends and even for you wonderful folks on LS. I really feel like my life is could be so much better. The Undie Run itself as well as everything that was mentioned by all of you in the Undie Run Thread (which I greatly appreciate!) has made me realize that I've got some issues that I had been either hiding from, concealing with excuses and other external factors, or outright denying. I've finally come to grips with the fact that I have both self-esteem and self-image issues. I've been trying to be anyone other than who I really am just to please others, and there's really no need for that because the real me is actually kinda cool. Instead of continuing to try to make excuses or justify my behaviors, I've realized that I must take more active steps in seeking self-improvement by getting real help to address the root of my problems and actively unf*cking myself. Before, I thought I could just tell myself I was ok and be ok; but the past few months have shown otherwise. People have tried telling me this, but it took a while for me to finally realize that deeply rooted issues cannot simply be willed away. It takes work and time. I've finally ready to identify my weaknesses and do something real about it. So here goes nothin'... Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 What does this mean for you in practical terms? Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 So over the past few months, my mind has been racing a mile a minute in a jumble of random thoughts and ideas. One day, I feel like I've got everything figured out and am on the right path, but the next day, I am regressing even further back than where I started. Just looking back at my own threads, I didn't realize how pathetic I was. If it were someone else, I certainly would have slapped him silly with a boat paddle. It's been frustrating for me to say the least, and I know it's been frustrating for my friends and even for you wonderful folks on LS. I really feel like my life is could be so much better. The Undie Run itself as well as everything that was mentioned by all of you in the Undie Run Thread (which I greatly appreciate!) has made me realize that I've got some issues that I had been either hiding from, concealing with excuses and other external factors, or outright denying. I've finally come to grips with the fact that I have both self-esteem and self-image issues. I've been trying to be anyone other than who I really am just to please others, and there's really no need for that because the real me is actually kinda cool. Instead of continuing to try to make excuses or justify my behaviors, I've realized that I must take more active steps in seeking self-improvement by getting real help to address the root of my problems and actively unf*cking myself. Before, I thought I could just tell myself I was ok and be ok; but the past few months have shown otherwise. People have tried telling me this, but it took a while for me to finally realize that deeply rooted issues cannot simply be willed away. It takes work and time. I've finally ready to identify my weaknesses and do something real about it. So here goes nothin'... Your avatar sums up your post. It's like you said in words what your picture conveys. No criticism. Good wishes on finding the self you know is good enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted February 15, 2011 Author Share Posted February 15, 2011 What does this mean for you in practical terms? I had a bit of a conversation with a mentor today about confidence and self-esteem as related to leadership (in a professional context) and was recommended some reading. It got me thinking about how all that translates into dating and relationships and how I've been getting it all wrong. I'm going to continue regularly discussing what I'm learning with him and try to find the parallels to my own personal life. I know it's not going to build any cities overnight, but it's a start. I'm just ready to be proactive about improving myself. As far as socially, I'm going to continue to go out with my friends and have a good time doing what I want. If it means finding a random girl to hook up with, then so be it; but if it means just relaxing with friends and watching them make complete drunken idiots of themselves, then so be it. I've got to stop pressuring myself to conform to a certain mentality or attitude and just do me...whatever that ends up being... I also have to make a lot of attitude changes...e.g., instead of believing that I'm not good enough for a girl, I need to know that I should be looking for a girl who is good enough for me. I know it's easier said than done, but I've got to start somewhere. And no more whiney threads on LS... Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted February 15, 2011 Author Share Posted February 15, 2011 Your avatar sums up your post. It's like you said in words what your picture conveys. No criticism. Good wishes on finding the self you know is good enough. Hmmm, this is quite thought-provoking...I never even considered it before, but you're right...just my position in the picture shows that I'm hiding myself from the world behind a masked exterior...kinda crazy... And thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted February 15, 2011 Author Share Posted February 15, 2011 What does this mean for you in practical terms? And most importantly, I've got to be start being happy about everything else going on in my life. I have to admit that I have it pretty good, and I've been letting my social negativity drag down everything else in my life, making it seem like I'm just a miserable walking disaster...I'm really not... And I've got to stop feeling that way... Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 Interesting plan Hokie. It's making me reflect about my own path. Like you, I'm an achiever. This means that I tend to always work on projects, and generally those projects are for my own self-improvement. But there's a problem with constant self-improvement: it means you never take time to truly appreciate yourself, just as you are. My path to self-esteem has been to stop trying to achieve and take notice of what I do have right. It's meant learning to see the humor in my flaws. It's also meant identifying the mental distortions that make me feel like I'm never quite adequate (Thanks therapy!) I easily feel pressure to meet other people's expectations. It's been and it continues to be really hard work for me to keep in touch with myself, to do the things that are right for me and laugh the rest off. It's been a rewarding process though. For me, finally being able to accept myself flaws and all hasn't been a big breakthrough. There was no haha! moment. It's been more like finally learning how to sit comfortably in my own skin. And let me tell you. It feels good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted February 15, 2011 Author Share Posted February 15, 2011 Interesting plan Hokie. It's making me reflect about my own path. Like you, I'm an achiever. This means that I tend to always work on projects, and generally those projects are for my own self-improvement. But there's a problem with constant self-improvement: it means you never take time to truly appreciate yourself, just as you are. This is absolutely true...and a life of continuing self-improvement (which is definitely a good thing!) can also lead to the feeling of never being good enough...whether for yourself or for others...and it's a trap I don't want to fall into again...I know I can always be better, but right now, I also know that I'm pretty good already... My path to self-esteem has been to stop trying to achieve and take notice of what I do have right. It's meant learning to see the humor in my flaws. It's also meant identifying the mental distortions that make me feel like I'm never quite adequate (Thanks therapy!) I easily feel pressure to meet other people's expectations. It's been and it continues to be really hard work for me to keep in touch with myself, to do the things that are right for me and laugh the rest off. It's been a rewarding process though. For me, finally being able to accept myself flaws and all hasn't been a big breakthrough. There was no haha! moment. It's been more like finally learning how to sit comfortably in my own skin. And let me tell you. It feels good. I probably feel a bit more pressure to meet my own expectations...but I certainly can't wait for that moment when I can sincerely say that I'm comfortable with everything that I have to offer. Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 Fear not sir, I'm certain you can accomplish everything you want in life Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 This is brilliant, Hokie. Especially the bits about regular discussions with a mentor and thinking more in terms of 'cup half full' rather than 'cup half empty'. I wish you the best of luck in getting to where you want to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Chocolat Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 Hmmm, this is quite thought-provoking...I never even considered it before, but you're right...just my position in the picture shows that I'm hiding myself from the world behind a masked exterior...kinda crazy... And thanks. I was going to post something to this effect in your Undie Run thread yesterday. I decided not to, because I don't "know" you (even on LS) and did not want to risk offending you. I have often wondered why you choose an avatar that on the one hand shows off your physique but on the other suggests you are hiding (the slight slump forward in your shoulders betrays a lack of confidence). From what I've observed of you here, you are a smart, caring guy and I hope you can make the changes that will allow you to see yourself that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted February 16, 2011 Author Share Posted February 16, 2011 Fear not sir, I'm certain you can accomplish everything you want in life Thanks, my good friend. Hope you're staying safe and taking care of the bad guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted February 16, 2011 Author Share Posted February 16, 2011 This is brilliant, Hokie. Especially the bits about regular discussions with a mentor and thinking more in terms of 'cup half full' rather than 'cup half empty'. I wish you the best of luck in getting to where you want to be. Thanks! I'm hoping to keep tabs on my "progress" through this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted February 16, 2011 Author Share Posted February 16, 2011 I was going to post something to this effect in your Undie Run thread yesterday. I decided not to, because I don't "know" you (even on LS) and did not want to risk offending you. I have often wondered why you choose an avatar that on the one hand shows off your physique but on the other suggests you are hiding (the slight slump forward in your shoulders betrays a lack of confidence). From what I've observed of you here, you are a smart, caring guy and I hope you can make the changes that will allow you to see yourself that way. No worries, you wouldn't have nor did you offend me. For the longest time, I was trying to make the changes to allow others to see me in that way so that I'd be desirable. But I had it all wrong...the only thing that matters is that I see myself that way. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 No worries, you wouldn't have nor did you offend me. For the longest time, I was trying to make the changes to allow others to see me in that way so that I'd be desirable. But I had it all wrong...the only thing that matters is that I see myself that way. Amen. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 USMChokie, welcome to the things I have been saying for a long time. Not to you necessarily, but it's been my format since the time I joined. Compassion, Love, Respect, contentment, serenity; they all begin first and foremost with ourselves. Not in an egotistic self-centred sense, but in the sense that unless we recognise our own inestimable value, to ourselves, for ourselves, we can never expect it to come from others. Strength to you, and I look forward to the turn-around Avatar. With much Metta. TM X Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 Thanks! I'm hoping to keep tabs on my "progress" through this thread. Excellent - I love to read about progress in self-development. Link to post Share on other sites
tman666 Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 instead of believing that I'm not good enough for a girl, I need to know that I should be looking for a girl who is good enough for me. F**K. YES. I have to say I like this new attitude. Very confident, very alpha. It's like the old saying goes: "he who cares the least, wins". While not true for everything, it's a good reminder to those of us who have a tendency for self-sabotage through obsessing and over analyzing. Good luck man. Possibly related pic: http://knowyourmeme.com/photos/72924 Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 Pleased the read this Best of luck Hokie Looking forward to reading the progress - hopefully I can learn from it as well -Smile! Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted February 17, 2011 Author Share Posted February 17, 2011 Thanks everyone for the support. It looks like I'm going to New York City for this upcoming long weekend with some Marine friends of mine. I'm really looking forward to the trip, and I just want to focus on having a good time with my friends in a city I've never been to before. No desperation and no bitter/jealous mood. Possibly related pic: http://knowyourmeme.com/photos/72924 Simply awesome. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted February 21, 2011 Author Share Posted February 21, 2011 Well, I just got back from my trip to New York City with a few of my Marine friends, and I had a blast. For the first time in a while, I focused on just having a good time with friends and not dragging myself down with negativity, and it was fantastic. There were definitely some interesting moments...there was our gimpy Marine on crutches who was hobbling around everywhere in the city and almost got run over by multiple taxi cabs; but he actually got free drinks out of a few people...and then this old former Marine who kept buying us shots of Jamison and pickle juice...never had that combo before, but it kinda worked...we called him the Old Creepy Pickle Juice Guy...didn't understand half the words that came out of his mouth, but who cares when he's buying you alcohol...and then there was our trip to the Empire State Building during the day where we found out that we don't get in free unless we're in uniform. Quickest trip we ever took... All in all, for my first time being in the city, I had a great time, and I kind of want to live there for a little while...at least until the novelty wore off...and then send me straight back to modern suburbia! But the trip was a good reality check and reinforcement that I'm headed in the right direction. I learned that a lot of people would have much a better time when they're out in social environments if they are realistic with themselves and remember why they're out in the first place. Sure, you'll have some folks that go out for the sole purpose of getting laid, and I say good for them. But right now for me, nothing beats going out with friends and laughing at Tiny Tim belt out "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" at 3 AM in a karaoke bar. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted February 21, 2011 Author Share Posted February 21, 2011 (edited) I also want to take this opportunity to explain something. As many of you may already know, there is a prominent LS member that I had become very close friends with (read: Star Gazer ), and I made a number of mistakes in recent months that more or less destroyed that friendship. A big thing I learned from my trip was the importance of my friends and how valuable they are to me, and Star is no exception. Friends like that don't come around often... On a side note, I recently read an psychological study called in part, "Unskilled and Unaware of It," which basically asserted that those who are unskilled or incompetent in a particular area are much more likely to misjudge their skill level. That is, people are unaware of their incompetence simply because they don't actually know what competence is in a particular area. Or even more simply and eloquently put by one of my esteemed colleagues: "You can't fix stupid." My mentor had linked this study to leadership, where he asserted that oftentimes, young officers overestimate their leadership capabilities due to lack of experience (i.e., they just don't know what good leadership is). I further linked it to the area of personal insecurity, where one who has always been insecure won't actually be aware that he is insecure because he has never experienced that feeling of security and self-confidence. To him, security/insecurity is just a buzz word to toss around. I then took a look at myself and thought that maybe this was me...insecure and unaware... That really was the turning point for me and why I started to look at myself more deeply. So going back to the topic, the final "eruption" between Star and I came after she privately called me out for being insecure. At the time, I dismissed it, both in private and publically on LS, thinking that I couldn't possibly have any shred of insecurity. This is why I brought up the Unskilled and Unaware study... Star was right...Insecure and Unaware... And so those of you who thought she was blowing smoke in my threads...well, to the truthful, she was kind of right...whether it was because she had more information from our private conversations or because I "left out" something or was otherwise inconsistent on LS or with her... But to make matters worse, I did something terrible that I will always regret. I pride myself on my integrity and being incredibly reliable and trustworthy, so this only made me feel worse after the fact...I ended up disclosing a private email to a couple of my close non-LS friends, in the context of 'wtf, can you believe she's saying this to me...?' At that point, I was so bothered by her insinuations that I said f*ck it and gave the proverbial silent finger...both on LS and privately... So the point of all that is, don't ever f*ck with your friends...especially the good ones...I know I'll always regret it... And if you're wondering; no, she didn't make me say any of this...I'm just clearing the air... Edited February 21, 2011 by USMCHokie Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 So going back to the topic, the final "eruption" between Star and I came after she privately called me out for being insecure. At the time, I dismissed it, both in private and publically on LS, thinking that I couldn't possibly have any shred of insecurity. 1. You did NOT dismiss it/me privately. In private, you agreed wholeheartedly with everything I said. It was only on LS that you acted like I was wrong. 2. You had already started threads and made other posts, before this "eruption," acknowledging your insecurity. 3. You told me you shared a lot more than one of my emails. Link to post Share on other sites
tman666 Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 But right now for me, nothing beats going out with friends and laughing at Tiny Tim belt out "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" at 3 AM in a karaoke bar. Awesome. Just... awesome. Glad to hear you had a good time, man. Sounds like you've learned something about yourself, which is always a good thing. Link to post Share on other sites
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