anwa Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 Is it possible to continue a close (strictly) friendship with your ex? If so, how do you do it without jealousy, lingering feelings getting in the way, etc? Can you have a truly good friend after you've been in a relationship with them? Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 No, and anyone who says otherwise are either doormats or completely switched sides that they no longer feel sexual attraction towards the opposite sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author anwa Posted February 15, 2011 Author Share Posted February 15, 2011 So one or both parties are attracted to the other still? So much so that it'll get in the way of a solid friendship? Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 So one or both parties are attracted to the other still? So much so that it'll get in the way of a solid friendship? Basically. Would I want to hang out with my ex when our past most consisted of us getting down to heavy petting and heavy breathing? Seriously, why the unnecessary drama and emotional turmoil just to keep a person in your life? Link to post Share on other sites
Author anwa Posted February 15, 2011 Author Share Posted February 15, 2011 What if the past relationship was more than just sex? Like, you actually had conversations and did things together? I would think there's a way to still be just friends...given some time has past and people are "over it". Right? Link to post Share on other sites
4Reel Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 Is it possible to continue a close (strictly) friendship with your ex? If so, how do you do it without jealousy, lingering feelings getting in the way, etc? Can you have a truly good friend after you've been in a relationship with them? It is possible if neither still has sexual attraction for the other. Link to post Share on other sites
thegreatmistake Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 Did you end things? If you ended things, you need to decide what you're looking for. you were clearly more than just friends and you chose to change that, knowing that friendship wasn't likely to follow, so something happened for changed that was worth (potentially) losing this person from your life. If you had someone decide things were too serious with you and they wanted to go back to being friends it's much less likely that you'd be posting on this site, but assuming that is possible, I'd say that you would need to talk things over very carefully with this other person and determine exactly why things changed, what changed, what all of the causes and effects were, and then decide jointly where any potential interactions should go. And remember, everybody makes mistakes, so don't be afraid to admit to yours. an apology can go a long way towards making a conversation easier. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 Of course. It's mostly cultural expectations to not maintain a connection with someone you've been heavily involved with. The shape of that friendship is entirely up to you, and him. I've maintained friendships with some exes and not with others. Depends on your combined dynamic. If one is bitter, angry or resentful, it's not much of a friendship, is it? If you both gain from it, it can be quite a good friendship. Let's say, for example, you're a morning person and he's an evening person. You like getting up early and he likes staying up late. Nothing wrong with either way of living, but they may well mean you can't live together and, ultimately, decide to split up. Why not be friends? It was just something practical that meant you didn't do well as a couple. But, like I say, if one of you is harbouring deeper feelings then it can be very draining to maintain a relationship (and friendships are relationships) with such a person. One of my exes wants to see me about once a month. It's a booty call, basically, but that's not my thing (at least, not with her as we have different sexual styles that don't mix well). I offer platonic friendship as I'd like to see how she's doing, have a laugh, catch up etc, but she always gets bitter with me for being me (whilst she's dating other men) There's only so long you can live with that sort of negativity in your life, so I've chosen to end all contact for now. Another ex is one of my best friends and a close confidant. I haven't seen her in years, and we talk almost always by email as she's agoraphobic. We can go for months and then discuss all manner of things. We are, after all, just human beings and connections are what give us context. Different horses for different courses. Some people get over it and move on quickly such that being friends works for them, but others need a clean cut to move on. Listen to your instincts and honour them. Link to post Share on other sites
fiat500 Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 (edited) it is possible to be friends after a relationship ends but you will never have the same closeness ever again. and you can never really be close best friends. once one person loses interest they also lose a bit of respect for the other. also imagine how inadequate the other person must feel. close friendship won't ever exist with exes because there is no reward afterward. it was already played out prior and failed. Edited February 16, 2011 by fiat500 Link to post Share on other sites
Ricl Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 I think it's possible, just not easy. Don't force it, take time for yourself, get your emotions in order and slowly rebuild the friendship you once had. Link to post Share on other sites
Apoorv Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Well firstly it depends on how you guys broke up ... if it was a mutual thing then yes you can be good friends .... i am going through a similar phase .... things got complicated and my ex dumped me as she had more at stake ..... it took time for me to sink it in ... but yes i can say i don't have that those intensity of feelings for her anymore .... but being physically attracted to them ... i think thats normal ... afterall we are not robots ... but you guys should control your sexual feelings towards each other if you want a healthy friendship Link to post Share on other sites
huskers11 Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 I really hope so! My ex used to be my best friend and I just want to have him back as my friend! I am still in love with him and I just want him back in my life, even if it is just as a friend! I think if enough time passes and both parties make the effort, it is possible! Link to post Share on other sites
tonyp56 Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 (edited) YES, YES, and oh yeah, YES. It is possible, and no I didn't switch sides nor am I a doormat. I was with my ex-wife for 11 years, almost 7 married, almost 6 seperarated, and though we have kids together (helps give us both excuse to keep it civil) I HAVE NO problem watching her kiss her husband (whom she left ME for), nor do I have any left over feelings for her (beyond caring and loving her as a friend and the mother of my kids). She is my EX, and therefore I don't have to worry about that with her anymore. I had to work hard to make it possible, but we hang out together (her husband, me and her), we take the kids together, and generally have no problems being friends. I even ask her and him advice about different stuff just like friends DO. As they ask me too. Left over feelings? You don't let them surface, eventually, they go away. It takes will to make it happen, you get to a point were you can ignore it, and soon you look and those feelings are GONE. Anyone that says its not possible don't have the will power to make it happen. If you want it make it happen, it can be... And I'm still attracted to the opposite sex, just lost interest in my ex... Most people can do that... You can like certain kinds of sweets without having to LOVE ALL sweets. Edited March 1, 2011 by tonyp56 Link to post Share on other sites
andrew-bkk Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 No, and anyone who says otherwise are either doormats or completely switched sides that they no longer feel sexual attraction towards the opposite sex. You are a loser. I can't be bothered to go into detail, but you really are a sad loser. You are pitiful in the extreme. Link to post Share on other sites
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