Uncomfortablynumb Posted March 26, 2004 Share Posted March 26, 2004 Hello all, I have been cruising the Love shack board for awhile now searching for some common thread in my situation but have only found a few similarities here and there. I have been married for over a decade and never ever thought about anyone else until this past year. I met a woman that changed the way I thought about my life. She had such an aura of happiness and possessed so many qualities that were missing in my marriage. I developed feelings I hadn't had in such a long long time that I didn't really know what to do with them. I saw her on a weekly basis due to my schedule and gradually realized as I talked to her that I was falling for her in a major way. We seemed to have allot in common and I felt a great ease in talking to her. I could tell that she was happily married but he just wasn't around that much due to his busy work schedule. When my schedule changed and I wasn't able to see her anymore I really found myself becoming depressed. Just her smile and friendship had become important to me and I didn't want to let go of that. I would up calling her after a few months to see if she wanted to get our kids together to play. She was bored at home and thought it would be great to get out. We talked and talked that day for several hours. It just came so easy for me and felt so right. I met her a few more times and we enjoyed each other's company but it all came to and end one night when I was driving by her street. She was out in the yard with her kids and waved as I drove by. I turned around and stopped to talk to her briefly. We wound up sitting in her garage just kind of hanging out. I could feel myself wanting to tell her that I cared about her and thought the world of her. I never really intended to say what I was about to say but my emotions overcame me and I couldn't stop. It was just that with every conversation I had with her I found myself relating to her in a way that I had never done with anyone else. I stopped short and told her that I probably shouldn't have stopped by that night. An awkward silence ensued and then I spilled it. I told her that I had been attracted to her for quite some time and that I had felt bad that I wasn't being honest with her about my intentions. I told her that I thought that she was an incredible wonderful person and that I wished her nothing but the best in her life and in the future. She said that she was happy and that she hadn't realized that I had feelings for her. I could tell that she was deeply touched by my confession as we were both welling up with tears. I bid her farewell and drove off with a final wave. I called her the next morning to apologize for my outburst and she was true to her nature. She was nothing but supportive, sweet and understanding with me but said that she really didn't think it was about her rather something in me that she triggered by our meeting. To me that sentiment really couldn't have been farther from the truth. She's the whole reason that I've had these feelings. It's everything about her that seems to fit me so well. I really want to continue to contact her and keep a friendship alive with her because she has come to mean so much to me, but I just don't know if that's possible. She has never really initiated contact with me so I am apprehensive about invading her privacy and trying to have something that's out of my reach. Am I delusional in thinking that a potential OW could just be a friend? I know that everyone says that a man and a woman cannot "Just" be friends but I don't know why it has to be that way. We can have some self control can't we? Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted March 26, 2004 Share Posted March 26, 2004 Usually when guys and gals are "just" friends, it is much easier if there is no attraction or sexual tensions. I wouldn't say this is going to be a healthy friendship for you or her... so why not thank god you had a special friend who meant a lot to you... and let it end well as it apparently has. P.s if you use paragraphs in your posts it makes a tad easier to read, no offense but I got lost a few times~ best wishes for you and yours Link to post Share on other sites
Fraggles Posted March 26, 2004 Share Posted March 26, 2004 If your wife does not know about your friendship then it's an affair, sex or no sex. Anything hidden from a spouse qualifies in my mind as a affair. If your wife knows of your friendship and agrees to it, ok. In a book I just read called "Not Just Friends" the pyschologist states that spouse's should not have opposite sex friends that are not known by the other spouse. All friends should be "friends of the marriage", meaning both partners are friends with the person and the person supports their marriage. I agree with this. I think secret friendships in a marriage and/or exclusive relationship only set up the possibility for an affair. I think people need to protect their marriages from themselves! Sad, but true in our society these days. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted March 26, 2004 Share Posted March 26, 2004 Originally posted by Uncomfortablynumb I have been married for over a decade I could tell that she was happily married but he just wasn't around that much due to his busy work schedule. She said that she was happy and that she hadn't realized that I had feelings for her. She has never really initiated contact with me Am I delusional in thinking that a potential OW could just be a friend? We can have some self control can't we? From your own words: You are married. She is married. Happily married. She has never initiated contact with you. She is NOT a potential OW. She does not want this relationship. There is no indication she has any feelings for you which need controlling. I think you should back off before her husband looks you up. You have no reason or right to persue this woman. You should let it go. Link to post Share on other sites
Uncomfortablynumb Posted March 26, 2004 Share Posted March 26, 2004 Good point Fraggles.... I know that what I have done is wrong but I couldn't quite put my finger on what aspect was bothering me the most. My wife did know that I was hanging out with her and was very weird about our friendship. She always had snide little comments for me about it but I always have said I didn't know why it was wrong to have her as a friend. I have come to a piont in my life in which I would like to have mutual friends with my wife but she just doesn't want any part of that. She prefers to just stay in most of the time and relieve the stress of her job in the evenings. This is by far the toughest thing I have ever gone through emotionally. It has taken me quite awhile to come to terms with the fact that there might be someone else out there that I could be truly happy with, only to know that I cannot persue that happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
Uncomfortablynumb Posted March 26, 2004 Share Posted March 26, 2004 Originally posted by Arabess From your own words: You are married. She is married. Happily married. She has never initiated contact with you. She is NOT a potential OW. She does not want this relationship. There is no indication she has any feelings for you which need controlling. I think you should back off before her husband looks you up. You have no reason or right to persue this woman. You should let it go. Really, I have known all along that I cannot continue this cycle. It just really helps to get it out in the open and receive your feedback to ground me. I continue to try and get her out of my mind but it's going to take a long long time I'm afraid. Thanks for your input. Link to post Share on other sites
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