carrie999 Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 I know it varies from state to state and only a lawyer can answer this question in any real detail, but I'm just curious as to how it works in general. My understanding is that if a couple is married for under ten years, alimony is temporary (+/- 5 years unless the lesser earning spouse is remarried) whereas it's more permanent if the couple is married longer. I have two questions based upon this general understanding. First, what is the amount the higher earning spouse must pay to "maintain the lifestyle" of the other? As a simple example, what happens if one makes $100,000 a year and the other makes half of that? Does it mean that the higher earning spouse pays $25,000 a year to make it an even 50/50 split? Second, let's say the cutoff is ten years of marriage. Does that mean that if one party files for divorce after eight (or fewer) years of marriage that the other can drag out proceedings past a certain point to guarantee permanent alimony? Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 I am not a lawyer, and you are right that it varies from state to state. A state like New York might get you absolutely NOTHING in alimony vs a state like California. I don't think its as simple as the $100K spouse giving the $50K spouse $25k in alimony. But it does depend on the earning capability of the spouse that is going to be compensated. Interestingly enough, its also not dependent on which of the spouses cheated - since you are asking this in infidelity. I have a former co-worker who is/was paying her ex alimony when she provided clear evidence to the court of his cheating and filed for a fault-based divorce. Its often only offered for a short period of time, a few months to a few years, to give the spouse losing the extra income the chance to make up their losses. Unless the couple was super rich. The wealthy tend to pay alimony in larger amounts (obviously) and for longer time periods. And people that have been married for a long time tend to pay more (as in for longer periods after a divorce is granted) in alimony as well. Sometimes its an agreement made between the divorcing couples just to get the divorce to proceed. Sometimes its ordered by the court. Its not based on a formula. To your last question, I don't think that pulling out the divorce proceedings turns an eight year marriage into a ten year one. While the marriage is not legally dissolved, so long as they've maintained separate dwellings and are still going through with a divorce (not reconciling), the law isn't going to give them those years of fighting as if they were still married. They are still married, but they are practically legally separated. But I'm not a lawyer. I only know what my lawyer friends and divorced friends tell me. And I probably relayed that incorrectly too. Link to post Share on other sites
Woman In Blue Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 Didn't your MM get the answers to all these questions when he went to a lawyer to see about divorcing his wife? Or did he just look up "Lawyers" in the yellow pages so he could say he's 'working' towards getting that divorce? Link to post Share on other sites
neveragain1 Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 Alimony should be abolished, with the exception of a clear case of the earning spouse forbidding the other spouse to work. And even then it should be temporary giving ample time for other spouse to find work. There is always that line of maintaining a life the other spouse has grown accustome to, but then the paying spouse's lifestyle hits the crapper. my cheating X tried to go for alimony, I just told my attorney to fight it until she has nothing left. And when she knew I wouldn't have my attorney give up, she dropped it. Link to post Share on other sites
neveragain1 Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 Just read your story. question, why are you posting this in Infidelity? Most people come here to deal with the pain of being cheated ON. And you are wondering how much your MM will have to pay? Or if you're married, how much you will get? Kind of a slap in the face of those who have been betrayed in this part of the website, don't you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 I know it varies from state to state and only a lawyer can answer this question in any real detail, but I'm just curious as to how it works in general. My understanding is that if a couple is married for under ten years, alimony is temporary (+/- 5 years unless the lesser earning spouse is remarried) whereas it's more permanent if the couple is married longer. I have two questions based upon this general understanding. First, what is the amount the higher earning spouse must pay to "maintain the lifestyle" of the other? As a simple example, what happens if one makes $100,000 a year and the other makes half of that? Does it mean that the higher earning spouse pays $25,000 a year to make it an even 50/50 split? Second, let's say the cutoff is ten years of marriage. Does that mean that if one party files for divorce after eight (or fewer) years of marriage that the other can drag out proceedings past a certain point to guarantee permanent alimony? Given the fact that you are a hardcore cheater... how can you even be asking this... or even thinking it in good conscience. I hope life gives you back the same vile nastiness with which you treat others. Link to post Share on other sites
Author carrie999 Posted February 18, 2011 Author Share Posted February 18, 2011 Given the fact that you are a hardcore cheater... how can you even be asking this... or even thinking it in good conscience. I hope life gives you back the same vile nastiness with which you treat others. Thanks! I wish you all the best in life as well! Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 Hi Carrie, I think alimony is a crock, and I could careless what the circumstances are. In my case exSO managed to maintain his pension, SSI, and no alimony. She went for all of that. Traditionally, the courts are known for the W taking the H to the cleaners. This trend is changing due to more women in the workforce. I am glad for this as it makes things a bit more rational and even, meaning everyone needs to do their part. Many say that if there is a EMA, then the AP needs to take the brunt of the blame...I do not agree, regardless of the reasons why the M ended, it ended, and everyone needs to provide for themselves. Period. My state is a no fault state and very famous for the cleaners analogy...not anymore thank God. I would advise any current person paying alimony to take it back to court and get it reversed asap. To the poster that said you had no right to post in this section..you do, and it was appropriate as I would say a great deal of current D are taking place and the people that frequent this board would have the most current info...whatever your situation is, good luck (((((((hugs))))))) Link to post Share on other sites
woinlove Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 Actually I think one would likely get more useful information about alimony on the Separation and Divorce forum. I imagine that topic comes up frequently there. Although things really do depend a lot on which state one is in. PIH, no one said Carrie doesn't have a right to post here. That person reminded Carrie that the Infidelity forum has a lot of people suffering from the pain of infidelity. A bit of compassion is always nice, for the giver as well. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 I know it varies from state to state and only a lawyer can answer this question in any real detail, but I'm just curious as to how it works in general. My understanding is that if a couple is married for under ten years, alimony is temporary (+/- 5 years unless the lesser earning spouse is remarried) whereas it's more permanent if the couple is married longer. I have two questions based upon this general understanding. First, what is the amount the higher earning spouse must pay to "maintain the lifestyle" of the other? As a simple example, what happens if one makes $100,000 a year and the other makes half of that? Does it mean that the higher earning spouse pays $25,000 a year to make it an even 50/50 split? Second, let's say the cutoff is ten years of marriage. Does that mean that if one party files for divorce after eight (or fewer) years of marriage that the other can drag out proceedings past a certain point to guarantee permanent alimony? actually, it isn't as "cut and dried" as what you posted. I know people married for 20 years who he paid alimony for life. I know a girl who was married 3 years who would be paid alimony until she remarried. I know some people who do NOT remarry for this simple fact of alimony ending. Alimony is good in many cases - I don't believe it should be abolished. One of my friends was a SAHM for many, many years when she discovered her now xH was having an affair...and the found out he had MANY affairs during their marriage. She had not worked, per their agreement, so she could stay home and raise their 2 kids. She was awarded alimony, which was almost double the child support she got!! He paid 'willingly' because of his adultery - had she taken it to court and it became a public fact, he would have lost his job because he has a security clearance. The alimony was "for life" unless she remarried. She did remarry so the alimony ended. He paid over $4,000 a month in alimony. If I was here, I would have lived in sin with my new boyfriend for several years before marrying so she could hurt her ex where it counted, in his wallet. In her divorce, he was also court ordered to pay ALL college costs/expenses for their 2 children (who were in high school when they divorced). Both kids went to BIG name state schools and the tuition was big $$$$. Depends on your state and the laws and on lawyers. My ex, when we divorced, stated he was going to go after me for alimony What a dope. We earned approximately the same amount, although I made about $5000 more a year than him. No way would he have been awarded a dime, especially since I was awarded sole custody of our child. Many things are factored into the amount of alimony, if any, is to be paid. Could be awarded for a set amount of time or for life. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 Its always so interesting that people always say "she" when speaking of alimony. I know at least three women paying alimony to their xHs. They are also paying child support. I also know plenty of people who will never marry again because the terms of their divorces set them up for life so long as they didn't remarry. And most of the SOs have NO PROBLEM with the arrangement. The risks people take in states that still allow "fault" divorces. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 Its always so interesting that people always say "she" when speaking of alimony. I know at least three women paying alimony to their xHs. They are also paying child support. I also know plenty of people who will never marry again because the terms of their divorces set them up for life so long as they didn't remarry. And most of the SOs have NO PROBLEM with the arrangement. The risks people take in states that still allow "fault" divorces. So true. Link to post Share on other sites
fltc Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 I know it varies from state to state and only a lawyer can answer this question You just provided the only correct answer to your own question, anything else is idle speculation. Link to post Share on other sites
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