My boyfriend's Ex loves to cause drama in our relationship.

[justjessicaahk]

First off, my name is Jessica. I'm 20 soon to be 21. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year and a half. I met him about 4 years ago when he was dating his ex.

 

I never involved myself in their relationship and knew nothing about their problems other than what their friends would discuss.

Well they broke up after 2 years and she automatically started dating other guys.

Within six months she had already dated three guys and displayed them in his face which was completely immature and annoying just to think about.

 

THEN

at the end of that sixth month he and i had been starting to see each other. The first night she found out the girl (in front of me,friends,public) started crying a storm begging him to have sex with her one last time before he started dating me.

He said no, so she cried and pouted the entire night in front of me.

 

**keep in mind that this was just the beginning and I am only getting everyone up to speed.

 

Okay, so a couple months into our relationship was great and then she started war.

She would post little things on his Face Book about how she's going to go to his house to talk to him privately before he went to work or just little annoying childish things to start trouble.

 

She continued to try to put herself around him. Of course I already hated the girl from the act she pulled begging him to get with her so I was getting very angry.

It was obvious she was jealous of him being with me yet she could date and sleep with a bunch of dudes and it was O.K. (no, i think not)

 

Every time she would run into us she would throw herself at him until I told him that she had underlying intentions and i didn't feel it was necessary for her to be around anymore.

 

**speed up to today

 

three weeks ago i finally had HAD it. I had a feeling he was lying about them not having any contact with each other so I unharmingly checked his inbox and found multiple messages from her talking about her dreams about them being together, talking down on me, and just completely uncalled for things that would infuriate anyone.

 

she just doesn't stop and he refuses to tell her face to face to leave him alone.

 

 

I feel completely disrespected by him not taking action for the obvious issues we've had because of her.

 

Now that he lied about the messages i don't trust him as much as i did and it almost caused us to break up.

Guys that I've talked to about this think I'm overreacting but the girls agree with my frustration.

 

 

How can you promise not to talk to your last ex of 2 years

(promising on our relationship) not to associate with her then go behind my back on Face Book & have the messages he had and not expect me to lose all trust in you?

[PegNosePete]

Guys that I've talked to about this think I'm overreacting but the girls agree with my frustration.

Well I am a guy and I agree with the girls you've talked to. This is completely unacceptable. He is disrespecting you and lying to you. You are not overreacting at all. This is a really majorly bad thing he has done and is continuing to do.

 

How can you promise not to talk to your last ex of 2 years (promising on our relationship) not to associate with her then go behind my back on Face Book & have the messages he had and not expect me to lose all trust in you?

Well your relationship does not mean the same to him, as it means to you. If he can lie on it then he obviously holds no respect for your relationship.

 

The reason he is doing it, is because he loves the attention. He loves having inappropriate contact with another woman and he loves having you to come home to.

 

I would ditch this guy and move on.

[justjessicaahk]

We've had a lot of close calls when it comes to me ending the relationship because we've only had a couple big big fights but usually they happen because of her or because of some smart ass remark he makes but when it comes to the remarks I just call him out right there but when it comes to her I pretty much have no power other than the fact that she's afraid of me and she avoids me enough for me not to run into her in public. I would LOVE LOVE LOVEEEE to smack that ho in her rotten mouth soooo much but she's a weak trick that would press charges because she can't stand her own.

[PegNosePete]

It's him you should be angry with, not her. Sure she might be a ho-bag, but it's him who is creating the problems in your relationship by allowing the inappropriate behaviour to continue.

[brighterdays]

wow, you should definitely consider breaking up. sounds like your bf likes the attention his ex is giving him and if he is into that he would probably be into attention he gets from other girls besides her too. if he really respected you he would block her on facebook and cut communication with her also. maybe they have some feelings left over for each other? idk, but whatever it is it isn't fair to you. i have been in a similar situation and i can tell you from experience don't waste your time with him. sorry to be so final about this but, if i could go back to my experience what i should have done was dump him too.

[justjessicaahk]

I feel instead of dumping him just working on it, because I personally think that overcoming obstacles in the relationship strengthens it. She hasn't been creeping lately because he deleted his facebook and that was actually without me asking which was really surprising to me because i deleted my facebook on account of his ex's drama as well. Things are getting better but i hear she's trying to start coming around to my boyfriend's new best friend's house where we are at pretty much five days out of the week. So she's starting to show up to cause drama now. She'll never give up.

 

Nice FAIL on her part. hahaha i love it.

 

 

(old best friend of my bf went behind his back and started dating the EX, yet it was obvious she only did it to get back at him for dating me)

 

 

low blow and definitely a trash act.

[PegNosePete]

She hasn't been creeping lately because he deleted his facebook ... i hear she's trying to start coming around to my boyfriend's new best friend's house where we are at pretty much five days out of the week. So she's starting to show up to cause drama now. She'll never give up.

There you go. Delete facebook, she just finds another way. Nothing has changed.

Why is your BF not being a MAN and telling her to STAY THE HELL AWAY?

Because he LOVES it, that's why.

He will never change while there is no motivation to change.

He is having his cake and eating it.

 

You said yourself, she will never give up, why do you think that is? Because he is encouraging her, that's why. If he told her to F*CK OFF then she would give up.

 

Nice FAIL on her part. hahaha i love it.

Nope, fail on his part for not putting a stop to it and for having a serious boundary issue.

And fail on your part for being blind to his disrespectful and inappropriate behaviour.....

 

I feel instead of dumping him just working on it, because I personally think that overcoming obstacles in the relationship strengthens it.

So how are you going to overcome the obstacle when he obviously does not want to overcome it?

[Ella whispers]

Run.

Everyone has someone they can't let go and making her off limits only makes him want her more.

[justjessicaahk]

No, it's definitely ALL her. If I felt he was being shady like you guys are trying to say, I'd throw him out in a heartbeat just like the rest of the disgusting pigs I've wasted my time on.

 

We're around each other 24/7 and that's how it's going to be until I feel that she's over him. Sure she's ****ing his old best friend who is completely hideous, which I find very amusing.

 

She's never and will never be a threat, just an annoying little girl that knows nothing but how to spread her legs for anyone who will take it.

 

I don't stand for sluts. Players, home wreckers, and sluts are my greatest pet peeve. I hate them on an uncomprehendable level. So any chance to ruin their plans is a festival for me.

[xpaperxcutx]

As the girlfriend, you have every right to tell her to f- off. And your boyfriend should stop being a p--sy and man up about breaking off contact. Yes, he is being disrespectful, not only to you, but also to the relationship. I wouldn't put up with it either way.

[lenny]

I'm a little confused about the messages you found. You said you found a bunch of messages from her, but did you find any from him encouraging her? That's the piece that would break the trust for me.

 

As for the ex, don't let her drag you into her drama's. It will be up to your guy to get her to stop but she kind of seems pyscho enough that he won't be successful short of cutting her down harshly which is a really difficult thing to do.

[purplepanda]

I wouldn't get angry if he said he wasn't talking to her; I'd be mad if it was the other way around. What did he say back, if he said anything at all?

 

This being said, I absolutely agree with you about being angry for him not telling her to go away.

 

Unless he's shy or likes to avoid conflict at all costs, but I don't think this is the case.

[PegNosePete]

No, it's definitely ALL her.

No it's not. You're not getting it.

He is ENCOURAGING her by NOT telling her to F*CK OFF.

He has a boundary problem.

If she is causing a problem to your relationship then HE has a responsibility to sort it out by GETTING RID of her PERMANENTLY.

If he is NOT doing that, then it is HIM who is causing the problem through INACTION.

He has an obligation to protect the relationship from outside threats, and he is not doing that.

 

She is a single woman who has made no promises or commitment to you. She owes you nothing and does not have to explain her behaviour to you.

 

He is your BF and he should be protecting your relationship by getting rid of her.

 

It's all on him.

 

I don't stand for sluts. Players, home wreckers, and sluts are my greatest pet peeve. I hate them on an uncomprehendable level. So any chance to ruin their plans is a festival for me.

There is no such thing as a home wrecker. If someone allows their home to be wrecked then it is THEIR OWN fault, not the 3rd party. The "home wrecker" was just a convenient receptacle. Home wreckers do not cause a relationship to fail, they just take advantage of the existing cracks. The best way to ruin their plans is to FIX THE CRACKS.

[justjessicaahk]

When I found the messages on his face book they weren't from now. The most recent one was like 6+ months ago. SHE was the one sending them to him. He replied to some but the fact that he promised on our relationship that he wouldn't have contact with her is where he messed up.

 

She is DATING his best friend. Sooo she should stick her own relationship.

 

He won't tell her to **** off because he avoids every bit of confrontation. Which I think is a pathetic excuse not to deal with the problem and be sucked into her drama.

 

I know he's not being a MAN at all, but that's the difference between him and I. I don't take **** and he lets people walk all over him.

 

 

 

I completely, for sure knew I hated her around my boyfriend's birthday. She MADE the guest list for MY boyfriend's birthday. She had the nerve to send ME an invitation when he and I LIVE together.

 

She's obviously mental. I've never had to deal with a girl this EVER in my entire life.

[TheKnife]

SHE should, SHE should, SHE should. Yes, she should stay out of your relationship, but you are too focused on her. You cannot control her and she has no loyalty or obligation to you to behave properly.

 

As others have said, it is your BOYFRIEND who is not putting a stop to this, and therefore HE is the one being disrespectful to you when an ex-girlfriend is clearly trying to interfere in your relationship. He is the one who is supposed to have loyalty to you and an obligation to behave properly. He is not doing that by continuing to encourage her meddling through his inaction.

 

Maybe because the messages you found were 6+ months old, things will be better especially if he deleted his facebook. But be on guard, because if she keeps up contacting him and he does not take action to stop it, you've got yourself a big problem that will destroy your relationship. (Hint: it is not the actions of the annoying ex-girlfriend.)

[A&K]

I started going out with my boyfriend when i was 16, but knew him before this. Im 19 and have been with him for 3 years. We have an 11 month old baby boy.

 

When i started going out with my boy friend every thing was perfect i trusted him, i basicly thought the world of him until one day i went to his house and see his ex-girlfriend there. She was ranting and raving, screaming and accusing me of ''sleeping with her man!!''. I was totally shocked by this. My boy friend said to me that nothing was going on between them and that she keeps interfering and wont leave him alone. so i was still with him. Up untill now she has allways interferred by ringing me and saying shes been with him or seeing him and that he allways rings her and texts her. My boyfriend has allways diened this And i find my self taking him back everytime.

 

A couple of days ago i bought my boyfriend a contract phone in my name and have just seen his phone bill online and have fount that he still speaks to her. her number is all over the bill!!! he littrally had the phone 3 days and hes used his 900mins and has gone over them. I have had the phone barred untill i get it back from him. This is it for us!

 

He is still denying that theres anything going on between them, but i really really do not know what to do!! I cant keep on like this. I try so hard to love him and trust him. But i just cannot trust him anymore. Every time i let my guard down, he breaks my heart!!!!!

 

If anyone eles is in the same situation i would really let it go. its not worth it. your only torturing urself. The longer you put up with it the harder it is to break away!

[justjessicaahk]

The day I found the messages on his face book i had pretty much had it but i gave him a proposition. If he gave me his phone records and told her face to face to never talk to him again I'd stay with him.

 

He ended up doing neither but we ended up trying to stay together to fix things and so far there's been no problems.

 

If she does become a problem one more time and he does nothing about it, it'll be the last straw. He knows how serious I am about this and I doubt he wants me yelling at him because I'm definitely not funny when I'm in pure anger mode.

[Pathfinder]

Sometimes i wish that would have happened to me...

My boyfriend and i had broken up but we both still loved each other

one day he came to visit me and pulled me onto his lap and said that he loved me and only me

the second day he came to see me again and he held me close kissed me and said he loved me.

Two days later i found out that he was dating this other girl the whole time he said all those things to me..

I say they have effed up and are not going to change theirs no point in putting your heart in the hand of some one who has already broken it.

[PegNosePete]

If he gave me his phone records and told her face to face to never talk to him again I'd stay with him.

 

He ended up doing neither but we ended up trying to stay together

Why did you stay with him? And why did you make the ultimatum if you weren't prepared to go through with it? You bluffed, and he called the bluff.

 

When you did not enforce your boundary you basically said to him, "Your behaviour is acceptable to me. You can do whatever you like and I will stick by you. My words were meaningless."

 

If she does become a problem one more time and he does nothing about it, it'll be the last straw. He knows how serious I am about this

I hope you are more serious than the time above!!! If you make an ultimatum, you have to stick to it.

[justjessicaahk]

he knows I'm serious and that I am nothing close to being 'all talk'

[threebyfate]

The day I found the messages on his face book i had pretty much had it but i gave him a proposition. If he gave me his phone records and told her face to face to never talk to him again I'd stay with him.

 

He ended up doing neither but we ended up trying to stay together to fix things and so far there's been no problems.

 

If she does become a problem one more time and he does nothing about it, it'll be the last straw. He knows how serious I am about this and I doubt he wants me yelling at him because I'm definitely not funny when I'm in pure anger mode.

 

he knows I'm serious and that I am nothing close to being 'all talk'

No, he knows you're not serious because of the above bolded. If you issue an ultimatum, better stick to it.

[lemonlegs]

Well, all's I can say is something similar happened to me with my first boyfriend when I was 17, and he was 20. Basically, I was friends with him while he was dating his ex, then he broke up with her (the reason he broke up with her should have been a MAJOR red flag for me, but ya know, manipulators have their way of convincing people), then starting woo-ing me and soon enough we were dating. They had always kept in contact and I never thought much about it as this was my first boyfriend and I was never threatened by her. Looking back, I was sooo blind and stupid.

 

She would call randomly but I would never think anything of it, he would always know every little thing about her current situations, they would talk on MSN, but I never thought it meant anything just cause he was the one that broke up with her I guess....

 

But yea, turns out he cheated on me with her the whole time. Usually if you look back and things don't seem right, chances are they're not.

[Ella whispers]

You gave him an ultimatum and then let him walk on it.

He will walk on the next one and the next one and so on...

She isn't going anywhere.

She must feed his ego really really well. You being jealous makes her all the more appealing.

[justjessicaahk]

well, whether you guys want to bash on him or not, he DID call her a couple days ago in front of me telling her not to talk to him anymore and she started talking so he hung up and within a snap she texted him talking **** about how he's pathetic so I hope he knows now who actually cares and who's the crazy whore.

 

Now that she's out of the picture for good and I will make sure of it that it stays that we, we won't be having any problems anymore.

[justjessicaahk]

Also now that he told her not to talk to him she's causing sooo much drama now. Making eric's friends choose sides between me and him or her. Obviously I was right and she still has feelings which explains why she's so psychotic and meddlesome and he even same to me last night and told me I was right about everything and he was sorry he didn't see it as quick as I did.

 

People can be fake, I don't care but it just shows the maturity level between her and I.