Nexus One Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 I went with this (he knows that I have recently ended a relationship). I also did it through Facebook because it's easier to type than phone. He is a heavy Facebook user. No response. Hi, I will have to cancel tomorrow. I have given things some thought (I probably think too much!) and have decided that I am not ready to date yet. Not even casually date. I am really sorry about changing my mind...but I have to do what feels right. You are cool, smart, cute and def one of the more interesting guys I have met. I would really like to stay friends. Except if you ARE going to date other guys, then he might end up hearing that via your mutual friends. He'll then know you haven't been frank with him. Link to post Share on other sites
GivenUp0083 Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 Except if you ARE going to date other guys, then he might end up hearing that via your mutual friends. He'll then know you haven't been frank with him. Exactly. What you told him is you are emotionally unavailable and not ready to date. You didn't say you are not interested. There's a chance he will take this as "ok she's just not ready, I'll stay friends with her, build somewhat of a friend relationship with her until she's ready to date or be in a relationship with me. Now like Nexus said, if you go out with another guy, you'll have to keep it a secret or hide it from your friends if you want to protect his feelings. I have never understood why women do this. They think this is letting a guy down easy but all it does is continue to lead a man on and confuse him. Then women get mad because a guy gets frustrated or upset with her actions and chalks it up to "he's being too pushy or demanding a relationship". Guys want the cold hard truth, just reject him, tell him you aren't interested in HIM, not an excuse, HIM! He's a big boy I'm sure he can handle it. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 Except if you ARE going to date other guys, then he might end up hearing that via your mutual friends. He'll then know you haven't been frank with him. This is one thing women do that irritates me to no end. Men appreciate honesty and frankness...not bluntness...but tactful frankness. To be honest I get the feeling that you are not that sure about things. If you were sure you would have no problem with hurting his feelings. Be honest...is there another man you are more interested in on the scene? It sounds like you want to reject him in a way that leaves the door open for you to come back at a latter time if nothing else works out. (Another thing women do that's really irritating.) Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 First of all, it's astounding to me how women can infer so much from so little. purple_cloud, how do you know that the guy is a player and that it isn't going to lead anywhere? Anyway purple_cloud, the way you handled things is poor. Your response back to him is misleading. He's going to take it to mean that you could be interested down the road. Take some responsibility for your communication! Link to post Share on other sites
sunshinegirl Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 The golden rule always served me well in these situations: would I have wanted a guy to make excuses or otherwise not be straightforward if he didn't want to go out with me? Nah, I'd rather just know he wasn't interested so I could move on. So I learned to face a few uncomfortable moments in order to be direct and up-front with someone I didn't want to see again. In my memory, all but one have been gracious in their response. The one who wasn't? I eventually told him I wasn't interested in arguing, and to please never contact me again. He didn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 Exactly. What you told him is you are emotionally unavailable and not ready to date. You didn't say you are not interested. There's a chance he will take this as "ok she's just not ready, I'll stay friends with her, build somewhat of a friend relationship with her until she's ready to date or be in a relationship with me. Now like Nexus said, if you go out with another guy, you'll have to keep it a secret or hide it from your friends if you want to protect his feelings. I have never understood why women do this. They think this is letting a guy down easy but all it does is continue to lead a man on and confuse him. Then women get mad because a guy gets frustrated or upset with her actions and chalks it up to "he's being too pushy or demanding a relationship". Guys want the cold hard truth, just reject him, tell him you aren't interested in HIM, not an excuse, HIM! He's a big boy I'm sure he can handle it. I agree 100%. purple_cloud, you actually would have been better off telling him that you think he is a player and not your type. Not that this is the best approach either--you got other ideas that are much better--but at least he could see where you're coming from. Link to post Share on other sites
Author purple_cloud Posted February 17, 2011 Author Share Posted February 17, 2011 I feel a bit embarrassed to have written that essay. I should have just canceled and kept it short. His reply was: ok np Link to post Share on other sites
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