confused

[confused]

i've been with this guy over two years and for the most part we get along and seem to be in love. however, it seems that once we got to know each other and let our true colors show we didn't have a whole lot in common. i've always been a some what dominating person, don't know where i got that from but it has been a factor through out our relationshiop, i was fondly nicknamed "the general". well at first i did things with him cause it was new and exciting to be with him. now however, i feel that i don't want to do anything, not because of him or anything like that, it's just the way that i am i guess. he mostly stays home if i don't want to go, then i feel bad but am glad he stays home with me. i wonder tho how long can we last like this? is it possible that he'll start to resent me for keeping him from doing things that he wants to do? tonight him and my daughter went to a movie. i didn't want to go. when he goes somewhere alone i worry that he may meet someone who he has more things in common with. i asked him about it but he said, he wasn't looking so he wouldn't find anybody, anyway cause he loves me, he said. but how much can love endure? do you think i should worry about him finding someone else or just let him keep going alone to these things that he wants to go to? i'm confused. i feel really bad as i watch him walk away alone, i want to go after him, but i'm just not interested in most of the things he wants to do. i do somethings with him that i like to do, but most of the time, i'm happy being a couch potato. any advise?

[Tony T]

My advice is to find a guy you are more compatible with. Yes, love can carry a relationship only so far. You are quite correct in your suspicion that resentment can eventually build over your lack of desire to do things with him.

 

This is exactly what happens in relationships once the intial fire begins to flicker a bit. Both parties start seeing the other in a more practical light. Right now, this issue doesn't seem to be so important to him. But later on, when his feelings evolve...and people do change...he will see that his lifestyle is being stymied in this relationship.

 

Don't feel bad or guilty because you don't like to do the same things he does, that's just the way it is. You really should have determined this in the very initial stages of your dating and terminated at that point.

 

It's a very big gamble to proceed forward to any greater committment with this man than what you have now. Getting married could be open up real problems. You need to get a professional counsellor involved if some sort of compromise can possibly be worked out. I don't see that happening.

 

If you work VERY hard, you may be able to keep this going for a while...but your daughter is going to get very tired of being a companion to your boyfriend and perhaps eventually her stepfather.