KandiceHanson Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 So originally, I am on the LDR forms, but today I have a question about dating in general. My bf and I have been dating for 2 1/2 years and we have a very steady and firm relationship. However, today I accidently did some snooping and I found this... Thank you for working with me, you're a great seller!!!! I'll leave amazing feedback when I receive the items! Also, that's a great picture of you, very cute Now I know snooping isn't the best way to solve things, but I am just so shocked. How could he even say something like this? He has an account on an auction website and he sent this to one of the people he bought an item from...Is this harmless? Or is it something to look out for? I mean, I can't exactly bring it up considering he doesn't know I looked. But guess this...The person he sent this to was a guy o.o I never would have pictured my bf to be gay, but he does have slight tendencies. He's very homophobic but he casually jokes about a guy being 'cute' I guess? But on the other end, he's very attracted to me. Sexually, physically, etc - but he isn't as touchy feely as some guys and girls are, he's very unemotional when it comes to PDA and stuff. What should I do? Because now this is just starting to freak me out. He wants to get married and have kids and everything, but everytime I have asked him jokingly if he might be bi-sexual he blows up and says that there is no way he could like guys.... Link to post Share on other sites
hopefully Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 Well, from the quote I don't see anything wrong. I mean I'm a girl and I have commented on my girl friends' photo being cute or hot, and I completely straight. And PDA is not for everybody. Don't worry, you are probably thinking too much:) Link to post Share on other sites
lenny Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 Wow! That is a bit on the weird side. I don't think you can do anything other than to talk to him about it as there is room for there to be incorrect assumptions here. It could have been a tongue in cheek comment because the guy's daughter put a bow in his hair or anything. Also, the personality traits you are thinking might support this again could be way off base; you never saw them as red flags before. I'm guessing it's going to end up as a disagreement - either you're right on the money or you seeing his private information - but I think it's a disagreement you have to have. This information you have is going to color everything to do with your relationship until you do. (IMO) Good luck and please provide an update. btw, how do you accidentally do a bit of snooping? Link to post Share on other sites
Author KandiceHanson Posted February 17, 2011 Author Share Posted February 17, 2011 Well, I know xD But, by accidently, I mean that I had no intentions. I was checking his account to see about some bracelets and then I saw the mail. And I know for girls it's ok to say stuff like that, but it's generally weird for a guy to call another guy 'cute' right? I mean it just seems a bit off... And yes, he jokes about being gay which is what I was referring to - But then when I ask, he denies everything. He called this guy cute and now he has fb friended him...I just don't know what to think. I'm moving to be with this guy in less then 5 months and now I am confused. He also asks me all the time stuff like, "Well if I cheated on you, would you care?" or "If I cheated, would you still give me a second chance?" Ughh.... Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 I think I would be more concerned with the questions about him minding if he cheated on you more than anything else. Without knowing his personality quirks, it's hard to say whether or not his comment holds any weight. Was there anything else in the picture besides this guy that he could have been referring to? Either way, I think you definitely have to sit down and have a chat about it, especially considering your upcoming move. If you really did stumble upon this email by accident, he probably won't take it the wrong way...unless you have a history with this sort of thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KandiceHanson Posted February 17, 2011 Author Share Posted February 17, 2011 *sigh* This is just so unfortunate. I just don't know what to do. I mean, I won't take anything seriously really until I am there and I am able to see it with my own eyes...I guess right now I am just going to give him the benefit of the doubt. Link to post Share on other sites
hopefully Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 He called this guy cute and now he has fb friended him Hmm, this is weird. And since he denied after you asked him, I don't know how to find out for sure. You may have to pay more attention to him and the "cute guy". But I'm pretty sure that you are still very important to him. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 And I know for girls it's ok to say stuff like that, but it's generally weird for a guy to call another guy 'cute' right? I mean it just seems a bit off... Using porn as an example, it is very firm and clear when a purely hetero guy views male/male porn... he deliberately looks away. Males who are at all inclined to linger over similar scenarios should be made note of, particularly by women planning to move in with them. The constant grilling about *cheating* on you is another red flag. When somebody announces him/herself as "bisexual" during the course of a relationship, it is merely a way to provide a point of future reference toward which he can point and whine: "... but I told you I was bisexual". (and no, I know that your guy has mentioned nothing about bisexuality... yet {but it wouldn't surprise me} ) Link to post Share on other sites
TokyoG33kyGal Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 ^ mmnn not so true. most homophobic guys (who are inclined to be gays/bisexual) act grossed out upon seeing male/male pr0n. IMO, the sexual preference is not the issue to focus on here but his tendencies to cheat. you can lose any straight guy to any straight girl the same as you can lose a bisexual guy to both sexes, unless he's completely gay. and i agree with what the other poster mentioned Also, the personality traits you are thinking might support this again could be way off base; you never saw them as red flags before. sometimes there is bliss in ignorance Link to post Share on other sites
Woman In Blue Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 I don't think there's a straight guy on God's green earth who'd tell some guy on an auction site that his picture is great and that he's cute. And then friend him on Facebook. I'd have SERIOUS reservations about moving to where this guy lives because ONE DAY, you're going to be brokenhearted. If he's not able to admit to his bisexuality now, there's going to come a day when he won't be able to deny it anymore and it's all going to hit the fan. And NOT in a good way. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 ^ mmnn not so true. most homophobic guys (who are inclined to be gays/bisexual) act grossed out upon seeing male/male pr0n. What are you trying to say? Your statement did not relate to mine, yet you wrote "not so true" Link to post Share on other sites
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