Any advice on how not to waffle?

[Jewels]

OK, if you read my previous post you know I have been cheating on my husband about a year. I recently broke off the affair. (This morning). I know how important it is not to waffle on this decision, and end it once and for all. However, all I want to do is call him! Any advice on how to cope? Oh, and this is probably the 500th time I've done this ... but I think (hope)I'm serious this time

[tattoomytoe]

llose dudes digits, email, anything that will posses you to contact him. do not do drive by's or check ups on him either.

[Arabess]

What is the reason(s) why you continuously break up with him? Write them all down on a piece of paper. Keep them as a remembrance as to why this relationship has no future other than hurting everyone it touches.

 

Treat it as you would any other addiction. Take it one day at a time.

[befuddled11]

I read in your past post (link below) that you and husband are in marriage counselling, and that the poor guy isn't aware that for the past year, you've been screwing around on him (did I mention I feel sorry for your husband? to be left in the dark like that? for him to not have "all the information that's needed to make an informed decision as to whether he wants to remain married to an unfaithful wife?).

 

Why are you even going for marriage counselling? Isn't the purpose of that, to explore problems in the marriage, with the sole intent on working on them? So how can you do that fully if you're still hung up on loverboy?

 

How long have you been married?

 

I got the impression that you got into this affair because your husband lost his sex drive. Did you actually take the time to investigate WHY hubby lost his sex drive, or did you just run out and decide that you'd "get your needs met elsewhere" ??

 

What a selfish, narcissistic society we live in today. We stand before God and friends and family and make vows to our partners........yet the moment things aren't going our way, we are quick to become disloyal and deceitful, with the justification that we "deserve" to have all of our needs met (sexual, etc).

 

Nobody's saying that sex isn't important in a marriage...the closeness, the intimacy, the affection, etc.......but can you sit there and say you really did all you could, by yourself and WITH your husband, to get to the route of why his sex drive died? Did you suggest counselling THEN? Did you consider he might be depressed? Have some underlying medical problem? (erectile dysfunction, etc etc etc) Or did you just jump at the chance to justify sleeping with someone new?

 

I don't get it. If a person feels they're being shortchanged in the marriage and their needs aren't being met.....well okay, be a decent human being and END the marriage, and THEN go onto sleep with whoever you want...but what the hell is the point in remaining married to someone who isn't cutting it for you, while all the while, sneaking around behind their back? How does THAT solve anything? It doesn't. And it's sooooooo unfair to the poor spouse who's the one being betrayed and cheated on.

 

So how can you prevent waffling?

 

Well imagine how you would feel if you were in your husband's shoes.

 

Repeatedly ask yourself if your husband is at least worth your faithfulness and respect.

 

If you can't break free from your lover, than quit the counselling and the charade of wanting to make your marriage work, file for divorce and set your husband free to find a good woman who will respect him, despite his shortcomings.