My girlfriend's excercise (or lack thereof)

[Eclypse]

I'm a little worried about my girlfriend. She never excercises, or does any physical activity. The last time she actually ran was in gym class in school. I am worried about the potential impact this may have on her body and mind. She is VERY thin, she weighs less than 40kg (about 85ish pounds I think).

 

She has rosacea, which means her skin gets red and irritated very easily. Personally I thinks she blows her problem out of proportion, and even on the days when her face is a bit red I don't really mind or care (she is still absolutely gorgeous to me). However this is the reason she says she doesn't want to exercise, because she thinks it will make her face go all red for hours at a time after she finishes. No matter how much I try to convince her that I DONT CARE she won't listen. Whenever I'm at her place or she's at mine we just lie in bed and she dozes. She gets tired very easily. Or we play video games (that's all she does in her spare time actually... she owns me in COD, but that's a different story ).

 

Anyway I worry about her, I don't want her to spend her youth in front of a tv screen or sitting all the time. I can put my fingers around her biceps she's that thin. I don't know what her body is going to look like when she's older...

 

She has some iron problems as well, but she takes tablets for that. Me personally I'm a very active person. I play basketball and I umpire every week. I do push ups, sits up etc. I run everywhere (even from class to class or just to the shops). I know how the endorphins make you feel better, and I try to tell her this, but she won't listen. I'm beginning to think our lifestyles aren't compatible. I don't really want to spend all our time together lying in bed.

 

That said though, we do have a very active sex life, and she gets pretty physical during it, but that's about it unfortunately for physical activity. I like her body quite a lot, it looks very nice in tight clothes or naked, but I would like her to maybe gain some weight and get some strength. It would help her in the long run.

 

We are 20 and 21 if it helps, and I'm just looking for some tips to help her get into excercise. Every time I suggest we go for a jog or something she shoots it down

[Els]

I never exercised a bit for 23 years, and I can say my body and mind was perfectly fine without it. TBH, the average daily activity a person gets (walking to class, climbing stairs, housework, etc) is perfectly sufficient for the body's NEEDS. Of course, if she was medically overweight etc, that would not be sufficient.

 

I tried exercising recently and it did NOT make me feel any better. Endorphins schmendorphins, I say. I get plenty of those from chocolate, so I know how it feels... and NEGATIVE from exercise. It always makes me feel ****ty, tired, and in no mood to do ANYTHING else the rest of the day. But I am doing it because I need it to control my weight at this point of time (metabolism has increased slightly since my teen days, so I am no longer thin, and don't want to become overweight). I do not regret one bit, skipping all my gym classes and not working out when I did not need to.

 

What is your concern exactly, really? From what I see, not exercising doesn't seem to have any effects on her medically. So what is it? You simply want a girl who exercises, because you cannot fathom someone not enjoying it?

 

Also, from what I've read, rosacea isn't purely a superficial symptom; sufferers often feel that their face is uncomfortably hot, and sometimes itchy.

Edited February 17, 2011 by Elswyth

[milkmaterial]

shes gonna gain some weight when she gets pregnant..

[Eclypse]

My problem was that while she is fine now when young I don't know what a sedentary lifestyle will lead to later on in life. I don't like the fact that she always needs to lie down whenever we go do something. She is quite weak physically. My dad had an operation last year and was out of action for 6 months. His muscles atrophied frighteningly fast and he actually has almost turned into an old man before my very eyes. I just want her to be healthy and happy, and not sit in a dark room all day long playing xbox.

 

I understand that she has some medical issues (the rosacea and iron) but that shouldn't stop you from leading a healthy, energetic lifestyle.

[Els]

I honestly think that if she really needs to lie down EVERYTIME you do something, it's not the exercise that's the problem. Rather, there is some other root cause, and I'm betting her tiredness IS the reason she doesn't want to exercise, along with her rosacea. It's not as simple as exercise = healthy, no exercise = not (With exercise being the rigid definition of an activity done solely for exercise). I would recommend a full medical checkup instead - maybe her iron supplements aren't sufficient to bring her hemoglobin levels up, etc.

 

I think you should focus more on being her partner instead of her dad. It isn't healthy to assume that sort of role for a partner, and especially not to automatically assume stuff on their behalf, such as the fact that lack of exercise is why she is weak and unhappy (is she really unhappy or are you assuming that she could be happier with exercise?), etc.

[Eclypse]

She goes to the doctor quite regularly. She gets blood tests, urine tests, almost every test under the sun. She is low on iron, and her protein count in her blood is rather high. I was basing what I wrote on my own experiences. During the summer holidays I would sometimes sit in the house for days at a time in front of the screen and I felt atrocious after that. I felt weak and sickly and pale and tired (all this went away after I got out for a bit).

 

However I will take your advice to heart. I'm not going to push her to go for jogs or to the gym with me anymore. She can make her own choices. She confided in me that another of the reasons she doesn't want to undertake physical activity is because it's been so long since she's done it she's lost all fitness.

 

I guess it might just be a difference in upbringing. My parents signed me and my sister up for sports teams left right and centre. My entire childhood was spent playing basketball. Her parents just bought her her computer games and encouraged her to stay in.

[Els]

Low blood iron will definitely make you feel like that. Weird that she is still low despite taking supplements.

 

Well, if she secretly WANTS to exercise and just needs some encouragement, by all means help her. But if she doesn't, I'm glad you are letting her make her own choices.

[Ms. Joolie]

Poor girl! It SUCKS having low iron. I am anemic and my chronic fatigue can kick in really, really bad. With that kind of chronic low energy, exercise is hardly feasible. Too feel optimal, I need my 2 cups of green tea, protein pills, green shakes and other nutrient supplements.

 

Her energy level is the numero uno thing to be concerned about right now. She's not going to exercise unless her energy is taken care of. How is her diet? Is she eating well? Encourage her to eat nutritious meals, or have nutritious meals together. If she could see a nutritionist that would be great!

 

It is NO fun being weak, small and tired! Good for you for being concerned with and caring for her well-being! I hope with your love and support, she will grow stronger.

[Honorable_Venerable]

She has rosacea, which means her skin gets red and irritated very easily. Personally I thinks she blows her problem out of proportion, and even on the days when her face is a bit red I don't really mind or care (she is still absolutely gorgeous to me). However this is the reason she says she doesn't want to exercise, because she thinks it will make her face go all red for hours at a time after she finishes. No matter how much I try to convince her that I DONT CARE she won't listen. Whenever I'm at her place or she's at mine we just lie in bed and she dozes. She gets tired very easily. Or we play video games (that's all she does in her spare time actually... she owns me in COD, but that's a different story ).

 

Anyway I worry about her, I don't want her to spend her youth in front of a tv screen or sitting all the time.

 

Why not? Is this for health reasons or based on a value judgement?

 

I can put my fingers around her biceps she's that thin. I don't know what her body is going to look like when she's older...

 

She has some iron problems as well, but she takes tablets for that. Me personally I'm a very active person. I play basketball and I umpire every week. I do push ups, sits up etc. I run everywhere (even from class to class or just to the shops). I know how the endorphins make you ME feel better, and I try to tell her this, but she won't listen. I'm beginning to think our lifestyles aren't compatible. I don't really want to spend all our time together lying in bed.

Re-read the above with the change I made. It makes YOU feel better. Even when I exercised heavily I never had ANY sort of endorphin rush from doing so, as, apparently, a large percentage of people don't.

 

I exercised back then in support of the sports I did, and the payoff was sport performance. Now I can't do judo or fence any more, exercise is just hard work. I still do it, but I get no kick from it.

 

If you're serious about getting her into exercise, I suggest the following:

1 Deal with any underlying health issues (e.g. low haemoglobin);

2 Play up the long-term health benefits, in terms of (e.g.) preventing osteoporosis.

3 Consider whether she has issues with being out in revealing sportswear. Or simply looking like a total clown because she isn't very good!

4 Find something SHE likes. Just because YOU like running and basketball does not mean everyone else does!

5 Dial back the full-tilt fitness nut act around her. You are more likely to alienate her than encourage her.

[Lauriebell82]

What's her diet like? That sounds like a potential eating disorder to me, especially the lack of energy and the fact that she is so thin. 85 pounds is NOT a healthy weight at all. The lack of food is probably making her organs shut down and she has no motivation or ability to do anything. Do you see her eat?

[josie54]

How tall is she? 85 pounds is only appropriate for someone under 5 feet tall. I also think an eating disorder is a possibility--she might not be eating enough to give her the energy to be able to do anything. Does she eat normally?

[denise_xo]

Maybe it's just an incompatibility issue and you're going to have to accept that this is how she is and then decide if you can live with it or not in a relationship. I sympathize with your point of view and feel similarly about my partner, I wish he would exercise more. He's not overweight and there is nothing wrong with his looks so it's purely for health reasons that I wish he'd get more active, in addition to just sharing more of my life style. I'm not fit or an exercise freak by far but I wish we could share things like long walks or hikes or going swimming or biking together.

 

Your gf's weight sounds VERY low. I got the same eating disorder association as some of the other posters on this thread.

[Jaytb]

what's her height? You can try to get her to get active, but if you do, she'll have to be introduced to exercise very gradually. First only walking, then slow jogging, then regular jogging, etc. You should also try to get her to do weight training, even if it's with only 3 lb weights at first. You'll also have to introduce her to eating more protein and more iron rich foods.

[Honorable_Venerable]

You can try to get her to get active, but if you do, she'll have to be introduced to exercise very gradually. First only walking, then slow jogging, then regular jogging, etc. You should also try to get her to do weight training, even if it's with only 3 lb weights at first. You'll also have to introduce her to eating more protein and more iron rich foods.

 

She isn't interested in running or jogging, whether slow or regular! Why fixate on getting her to run and lift weights? The OP needs to encourage her to do something she likes! On the same basis you catch more flies with honey than vinegar, try to find something she LIKES to do that will fullfill the criteria of increasing activity and improving fitness, rather than shoehorning her into running and iron pumping.

 

In stead of of trying to beat down the wall she's built about running by knocking it down with his head, the OP needs to work SMARTER not harder. Find something SHE will enjoy, not something HE enjoys and wants her to as well. Whilst his aim may be laudable, his method is not likely to suddenly get effective if it hasn't by now. If the OP's aim is to improve his gf's fitness, the how isn't important. Whether she goes running with him or swimming on her own, she will be fitter. If that isn't the aim, but rather simply to get her to do what the OP does, then I fear he's on a hiding to nothing.

[Els]

I agree. Probably weightlifting and treadmills and stuff are the best ways to lose weight, but I think people shoebox 'fitness' into 'stuff you do at a gym/running/jogging, period'. Heck, even very energetic sex action can be a form of exercise!

[Eclypse]

A lot of replies! Thanks for taking the time out. Look any type of fitness activity will do, doesn't have to be anything specific. I don't go all Mr Fit around her. I hang out with her and we do what makes her comfortable. I would hardly call myself a pro athlete either. I like exercise but it's not a religion for me like some.

 

Last year she told me she and her friend from university were going to sign up to a gym to do weights together. Unfortunately that never panned out. Just today she told me there was a clinic offering tennis lessons in her neighbourhood. I think that's a good idea. It doesn't matter what she / we do as long as we're out having fun.

 

@Elswyth: The sex is very energetic She likes to go on top. It's her favourite position. She's doing most of the work while up there so it's a decent start Her orgasms are earth shattering (maybe most of the energy is used up in that? )

 

She sees a dermatologist for her skin issues, and he's given her some creams that help however the only surefire cure is laser surgery which is unfortunately quite a bit beyond our budgets. At the moment I'm saving up my spare dollars and cents to bring us closer to that goal. The skin is the main reason she doesn't want to do exercise. She gets very depressed when it flares up (even though I tell her she's beautiful, which she is! ). Getting that laser surgery is high on her priorities at the moment and I'm very willing to help her with this goal.

 

She is very thin, but she eats quite a lot. We eat dinner a lot together and she is an energetic eater that's for sure, it's just it all seems to pass through her really quickly. we often joke together about how other people must envy how she can eat almost anything and not get fat. She isn't short, she's about 5'5 or 5'6. We both noticed some changes in her since we got together however. The most noticable being that her breasts have become visibly larger. Seeing as they do have a lot of fatty deposits this could be a good sign.

 

It disappoints me that some people think that I'm only encouraging her to exercise for my benefit and so she can do things which I like. I just want her to be healthy and happy. And you don't need to be a doctor to know that sitting in the house all day isn't exactly the best for your health.

[Jaytb]

sounds like a medical condition, if she's 5 foot 6 and 85 pounds she has a BMI of 13.7. That's almost close to Lizzie Velasquez who's around 60 pounds, 5 foot 2, with a BMI of 11. I think maybe she'll have to talk to her doctor before starting any fitness regimen.

 

@Honorable_Venerable: you're assuming I said he should get her to only get into "running and pumping iron". I said if he can get her into fitness (meaning of any kind, not just "running and pumping iron"), then it's going to have to be very gradual, even if at first it doesn't even resemble fitness. I didn't actually say for her to only do his fitness regime.

[Honorable_Venerable]

I think maybe she'll have to talk to her doctor before starting any fitness regimen.

 

This. This is absolutely A1 100% cast-iron advice. Without wishing to sound in any way insulting, the OP's girlfriend sounds a long way from "average", and it might be very sensible to get some medical perspective before starting (as opposed to starting THEN needed medical input because it doesn't go the way anyone wants... Not the way to go about it:o)

 

@Honorable_Venerable: you're assuming I said he should get her to only get into "running and pumping iron". I said if he can get her into fitness (meaning of any kind, not just "running and pumping iron"), then it's going to have to be very gradual, even if at first it doesn't even resemble fitness. I didn't actually say for her to only do his fitness regime.

Sorry, you mentioned jogging and I battened onto that. On the subject of beginners fitness, this series is an interesting read:

 

http://www.bodyrecomposition.com/fat-loss/training-the-obese-beginner.html

 

Don't get hung up too much on the "obese" - much of what the author writes applies to anyone who starts fitness training from a very low level, in terms of motivation, demotivation, exercise tolerance etc.

[Honorable_Venerable]

A lot of replies! Thanks for taking the time out. Look any type of fitness activity will do, doesn't have to be anything specific. I don't go all Mr Fit around her. I hang out with her and we do what makes her comfortable. I would hardly call myself a pro athlete either. I like exercise but it's not a religion for me like some.

 

 

It disappoints me that some people think that I'm only encouraging her to exercise for my benefit and so she can do things which I like. I just want her to be healthy and happy. And you don't need to be a doctor to know that sitting in the house all day isn't exactly the best for your health.

Sorry if I gave that impression - you obviously DO have her best interests at heart and that does you credit. I'd point you to some of the things in the link I posted above. The author tries to get across how unfit people don't necessarily always (how shall I put it;)) feel inspired by how fit people are when trying to encourage them. The author did a good job of getting inside the heads of non-exercisers, obese or not. Maybe some of his tips might be useful to you - good luck anyway