neveragain1 Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Then what do I do? I am going crazy right now. So tell me whats the right thing to do. break up with her, take a "break" from committed relationships altogether until you get your head right, and messing around out of your system. once that is over, find someone else, leave these 2 girls alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author flume Posted February 23, 2011 Author Share Posted February 23, 2011 neveragain1: you are being too harsh now. Link to post Share on other sites
neveragain1 Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 neveragain1: you are being too harsh now. not harsh at all. you are the one being harsh in your treatment of girls/women. I told you that you need to get your head straight, quite disrespecing this girl, set her free, and once you have gotten the immaturity out of your system, then you'll be ready for a committed relationship too many people like yourself consider it harsh when you don't like the advice or the cold hard truth of the matter. Link to post Share on other sites
Author flume Posted February 23, 2011 Author Share Posted February 23, 2011 So you mean to say after I confessed having feelings for someone else to my present girlfriend and she still wants to work on the relationship to move it forward, I should go and tell her that Its all over. I want to take a break to clear my head, to be truthful to people in future. If I tell her that I want to break up how do you expect her to react now. If I leave her now it would be even worse. Link to post Share on other sites
neveragain1 Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 So you mean to say after I confessed having feelings for someone else to my present girlfriend and she still wants to work on the relationship to move it forward, I should go and tell her that Its all over. no, if you tell her and she wants to work on it, then its on her. but you even said you'd want to take a "break" anyway. so whats the point? you obviously are not mature enough for committment. so best to leave that to the people that are until you are ready. I want to take a break to clear my head, to be truthful to people in future. If I tell her that I want to break up how do you expect her to react now. a "break" is basicaly a break up. its a silly little term to justify saying to someone "but we were on a break" in the event you bone someone else. If I leave her now it would be even worse. man up! come clean and let her decide, or break up, clear you head, and apply any future maturity to a new relationship. this whole "we are on a break" is a load of bunk. Link to post Share on other sites
Author flume Posted February 24, 2011 Author Share Posted February 24, 2011 But she is too commitment centric. I already met her parents (we bumped into them having dinner outside one night). This will break her heart and cause a deep scar. I cant withstand more guilt. Already, what I have done has left me ashamed. Even though this is not core to the problem, this guilt has caused me to lose weight. I haven't been gymming for past 2 weeks now. And I am having a big appetite loss. Even professionally things are sliding down. This will crush her and scar her but the guilt will really kill me. I want to man up to what I did, but after that what? I made a mistake is it that I pay for it everyday for a long time. Link to post Share on other sites
neveragain1 Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 But she is too commitment centric. then this is why you need to break it off, because you are NOT committment centered. yes, it will break her heart, but she will get over it. what will be worse is you staying with her and end up cheating on her due to your current character and she finds out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author flume Posted February 25, 2011 Author Share Posted February 25, 2011 M dying over here.. I was a chipper (1 cigarette a day).. Now I am finishing a pack.. I have pleaded my ex to come back in spite of what people said.. She says she has moved on and is already in andr relationship.. Its too painful now.. what do I do,, how do I cope up.. At dis rate it will be very soon before I f*ck up professionally (My job has ups and downs of workload). Either I get buried in work, I make a mistake and I get screwed or its no work at all and too much blo*dy time to think. I am selfish but right now I am in too much pain.. I need her to come back.. She lives in the next town (4 hr drive) but is not ready to meet me,, Even stopped being polite to me on call.. I am going crazy.. Link to post Share on other sites
Rita86 Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 Have you thought about getting some kind of councelling? When you were with your ex you wanted someone else... Now with your current gf you want someone else... Do you see the pattern? Why do you want to get back with your ex so bad? Link to post Share on other sites
Author flume Posted February 25, 2011 Author Share Posted February 25, 2011 I know I need help and I will get it too.. I can't define or point the exact reasons for which I wanna go back.. But I can tell this to you, my ex was my first real relationship.. I miss that magic.. and regarding wanting someone else, all I can say is that happens to everyone at least most low life cheaters like me.. I am losing self esteem sleep appetite.. I don't know what to do.. What kind of help should I get.. The one that eases this transition, I think time will take care of that better however I don;t know I may go in for some help Link to post Share on other sites
Rita86 Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 I have a feeling you haven't forgiven yourself. You really need to forgive yourself for the poor choices you've made. Both your ex and your current gf seem to have forgiven you, why can't you forgive yourself? I'm sorry for your pain but you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself. You need to be without both girls and focus on yourself. I really don't know what kind of help to advise you to seek... I'm really sorry for your pain. Link to post Share on other sites
Rose T Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 I know I need help and I will get it too.. I can't define or point the exact reasons for which I wanna go back.. But I can tell this to you, my ex was my first real relationship.. I miss that magic.. and regarding wanting someone else, all I can say is that happens to everyone at least most low life cheaters like me.. I am losing self esteem sleep appetite.. I don't know what to do.. What kind of help should I get.. The one that eases this transition, I think time will take care of that better however I don;t know I may go in for some help Hi flume, the posters that are advising you to break up with your current girlfriend are very wise. I know you don't want to hurt her, but it seems obvious that you're only deferring the pain as this relationship has too many flaws to turn into forever. So, do the girl a favour and let her go - it's not easy, but wasting someone's time is more hurtful than a timely break-up. Believe me. It's going to require a lot of strength on your part but you really need to get to know yourself better, on your own, before you get into another serious relationship. Don't ask for a break as that is just a mind ****. Break up in the most respectful, classy, dignified way you can manage and she'll appreciate you for it (one day) and you'll look back at this situation as something that you handled well, in the end. If you want, try the Second Chances forum as well with your story, as there are a lot of dumpees there who may be able to give you advice on your ex girlfriend's perspective. They may not give you a way to get your ex back but can help you understand how she feels, which may serve you well in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
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