white_angelbreath Posted March 26, 2004 Share Posted March 26, 2004 How long did it take you to get over him or her? How long was your "coping" period? How long did it take you to heal? Link to post Share on other sites
kgal Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 Hmm.. that depends I believe, on the person.. the situation and how much in love the person was when the two parted ways. For me.. personally.. I'm still in love with him. I feel like I'm in a transitioning period.. where I don't know what's ahead or around the corner. I don't know who the Lord has planned for me to be with but I trust Him. I don't know why I had to go through such heartache.. but I do know it was all for something.. I feel I've grown in a way and I feel stronger too. I feel like I will be careful with whom I let in or at least I will guard my heart more carefully. It's been 2 months but I have faith.. faith for happiness ..faith for freshness and brand-newadee. (Haha..that's not a word.. but it sounds fit for the feeling.) I guess it all just depends. The purpose though.. is getting through it.. surviving it.. and no matter how much time that takes.. it's always enough ..as long as you end up a happy person. Link to post Share on other sites
Author white_angelbreath Posted April 14, 2004 Author Share Posted April 14, 2004 It's now 5 months. I think that is the duration of my coping period. I saw him yesterday and I do not feel any anger, sadness, pain or negative feelings except that I recognize him as my x-boyfriend and we did shared something in the past. I strived hard to did let go of him and I think I'm beginning to let go. With the support of my family and friends who are there when I need them most and to those people I am not close with but they offered their help and sympathy, I am getting better healing myself everyday. I undertstand now that the healing process do speed up when there are people (family, friends) who supports you in your healing process. Sometimes they can see what is best for me, which sometimes in our lives we do not see. It is only later that we realize that they were right all along. I would like to think that I may not totally forget my x-boyfriend and my past shared with him. I acknowledge that thought in my life, in my mind. He has become a part of me. But life continues for me and do other things to make me happy. I do not know why this circumstance happened to me. I hated it but it happened. I only think now that maybe I have sinned, or I have done something wrong to deserve this, or maybe I am such a horrible, terrible, bad, bad person, or maybe it is just a way of making me see that the situation is not healthy for me anymore that there should be something that must be done and that something is that what happened, or it is one way of God knocking on my door, making his presence known and guiding me to the right path, or it is just me inside my psyche searching for myself and strengthening my soul. I am not sure, but these all seems to be true. Link to post Share on other sites
dolphinsunshyn Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 They say, as a general rule, that it takes about 1/2 as long to get over an ended relationship as what the relationship lasted. So, a 5 year relationship would take about 2 1/2 years to COMPLETELY get over. Of course other factors weigh in. You still move on with your life, but feelings can still harbor from time to time within that period. I think it all depends on the person, the nature of the relationship, how long it lasted, ect. There is no set time period. Each person moves on at his/her own pace. Link to post Share on other sites
hurtingandconfused Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 They say, as a general rule, that it takes about 1/2 as long to get over an ended relationship as what the relationship lasted. Is this general rule vise vera...Cuz I really hope so! Link to post Share on other sites
amish Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 Originally posted by dolphinsunshyn They say, as a general rule, that it takes about 1/2 as long to get over an ended relationship as what the relationship lasted. So, a 5 year relationship would take about 2 1/2 years to COMPLETELY get over. Oh God!!! I'll see you guys in 3 years 9 1/2 months..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author white_angelbreath Posted April 14, 2004 Author Share Posted April 14, 2004 really? does the general rule work? i had a 9 month relationship so it takes about at least 4 1/2 month to get over him. It's about 5 months now. I'm getting better now, as compared before just after the break-up. So maybe the rule works after all! Well, at least for now. Link to post Share on other sites
eye Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 Originally posted by dolphinsunshyn They say, as a general rule, that it takes about 1/2 as long to get over an ended relationship as what the relationship lasted. So, a 5 year relationship would take about 2 1/2 years to COMPLETELY get over. bullsh*t assumption. that wouldn't work for me coz it would take me 3 yrs Originally posted by dolphinsunshyn There is no set time period. Each person moves on at his/her own pace. I agree, its over when if one truly accepts that its over Link to post Share on other sites
echocrush Posted April 15, 2004 Share Posted April 15, 2004 I know with a divorce (and I suppose a LTR) that it's very hard until you make it through your "firsts" First Christmas, First time back to a place you always went, first birthday alone etc. But dating wise, sometimes the 1/2 rule worked, but for some it took me as long as the actual relationship lasted... As I got older I learned to really let go... to go through some sort of ritual to let go, and repeat it as much as I needed. For "the one" I would sit in front of the fire and find some symbol of the memory that wouldn't go away a photo, a poem, something I had written... I would watch it burn and say goodbye. Then anytime it would pop up again I would remind myself that it was gone into the fire... a bit kooky, but it worked... another thing that worked was time... you see, with time you figure out why you weren't meant to be together... He married the next girl that came along within months... Years later I found out he had developed a coke addiction, and everything went downhill from there... I hear about his life now and thank God it wasn't me... whatever it takes to make you feel better, I wish you happiness... Link to post Share on other sites
BklynGuy Posted April 18, 2004 Share Posted April 18, 2004 It does depend on the situation and the people involved. It took me 2 months to get over my first LTR. The second, I was in the "strong emotion" stage for about 2 months. 2 months after that, much of it was gone. 1 month later (5 months after breakup) I began dating another girl. I let go of that relationship b/c I'm not ready. I don't want to jump into something else. Family & friends were there for me and definitely helped me through the process. I know some of it is still with me today (mildly). My breakup was last summer. It takes a long time to completely work through it, but keep on and you'll be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
AZNNTYCE Posted April 18, 2004 Share Posted April 18, 2004 its been 9 months since i broke up with my gf, and im still in love with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted April 18, 2004 Share Posted April 18, 2004 I think it's like Eye said...when you acknowledge and accept the fact that it's really over. The process of healing is about identical to the process you go through when you grieve someone's death. Link to post Share on other sites
tom_gbr Posted April 18, 2004 Share Posted April 18, 2004 well my relationship with my first love lasted 6 months and im now approaching the second month of being apart from her. I know im getting better...ive accepted that we are not together anymore and that we are now leading seperate lives. we still have some contact with one another as she wanted to come out of the relationship as friends. i wouldnt say im over her as i still love her...but im not staying in crying in my room with the door locked im going out and getting on with my life...getting my university work done....lifting weights and meeting new people. i still think about her a lot and the things that ill miss but i know i'll find these things in someone else...i just dont want to right now. i never want to go through the pain that i went through the first week after we broke up...i wanted to die it was that bad..didnt eat..didnt sleep and couldnt stop crying. my depression is fading and im starting to feel happy again...ive just gotta keep saying to myself that i was with her for an amazing six months...she was my first love and i lost my virginity to her. she thanked me at the time she finished it for giving her the best six months of her life. i may not always be ' in love ' with her but i will always love her like i do my family and close friends Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted April 18, 2004 Share Posted April 18, 2004 Originally posted by tom_gbr well my relationship with my first love lasted 6 months and im now approaching the second month of being apart from her. I know im getting better...ive accepted that we are not together anymore and that we are now leading seperate lives. we still have some contact with one another as she wanted to come out of the relationship as friends. i wouldnt say im over her as i still love her...but im not staying in crying in my room with the door locked im going out and getting on with my life...getting my university work done....lifting weights and meeting new people. i still think about her a lot and the things that ill miss but i know i'll find these things in someone else...i just dont want to right now. i never want to go through the pain that i went through the first week after we broke up...i wanted to die it was that bad..didnt eat..didnt sleep and couldnt stop crying. my depression is fading and im starting to feel happy again...ive just gotta keep saying to myself that i was with her for an amazing six months...she was my first love and i lost my virginity to her. she thanked me at the time she finished it for giving her the best six months of her life. i may not always be ' in love ' with her but i will always love her like i do my family and close friends You are making progress, my friend. It IS very painful. It's a great loss, it's equated to a death (in my book, anyway). You aren't in denial, and you are working toward making life continue without this person. Something I cannot comprehend, is being "friends" with someone after a blow like this. It's just altering your relationship so dramatically, that I wonder how that can be done. All those feelings are just reinforced every time you see that person. I think in your situation, it's best to stay away from her until you have completely healed from this. Best of luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
tom_gbr Posted April 18, 2004 Share Posted April 18, 2004 in a way its good that we live two hours away so it's not like we are going to be bumping into one another...it will just be phone calls every now and then. you never know we might meet up sometime...doubt it though. i was OK earlier today but im feeling really down right now...dont know why it just happened just like that...i think i start to wonder what she's up too and it goes from there. i hope she is finding it hard as well as i would ahte to think that she has already moved on....i know that sounds bad. i really dont know where i would be without this website.....it has been a lifeline for me over the last month and a bit....if i ever feel down i just log on and type away....im always posting! i suppose i feel down tonight as about an hour ago i rang some of my friends that havent gone back to university and asked them if they wanted to go out for a drink...i couldnt get hold of them....usually i would just phone my girlfriend and i was about to as well when i suddenly realised that we are not together anymore. i really do miss her...i think everyone has good and bad days....im having a bit of both. the only days i find that really get to me are thursdays and fridays....thursdays because thats the night she goes out clubbing and friday because that was always ' our day ' im hoping that this wednesday we will get on really well and have a really good chat....being friends would mean so much to me....close friends that can tell each other anything....i cant loose her alltogether i dont know how i would cope if that happened Link to post Share on other sites
Author white_angelbreath Posted April 19, 2004 Author Share Posted April 19, 2004 You'll be all right. Just hold on and be strong. Take one day at a time. Takes a lot of time to heal one's wound especially if it concerns your s/o. Take one day at a time that is how I was healed. Maybe it would also heal yours. Link to post Share on other sites
tom_gbr Posted April 19, 2004 Share Posted April 19, 2004 yeah i find that helps a lot...thinking about what lies ahead scares me....i know i need to for things like uni work and stuff but i cant right now...im keeping myself as busy as i can...when you wake up in the morning...thats the worst as she is always the first thing i think about and then i think i have to go through another day without her. i really am hoping she is missing me or thinking about me at least...i would hate to think she isnt...im also hoping she is happy to hear from me this wednesday...she was last time. i would like nothing better than for me and her to meet up in a months or so time and do something together as friends....but when i suggested this she said straight away ' yeah but with my other mates as well ' why do you think this is? does she think im going to try and jump into her knickers or something? it really hurt when she said that. Link to post Share on other sites
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