"I know you're the one" to "we're not right"

[Nita10]

Hello everyone.. I'm new here and would really appreciate your thoughts and support.. This is a bit long but please please bare with me..

 

Basically i was with this guy from my uni course.. we're both 22..

 

He broke up with me 3 months ago.. we've been officially in a relationship for a month (i know it's not long) but we knew eachother for 3 yrs and and got very very close before that month of commitment for about 4 months (i call it unofficially together for 5months). He was always finding it difficult to to be 100% emotionally involved.. he never said he loved me (he would apologise and ask for time and say it was his demons which kept him from saying it!).. One little thing about him is that he's a bit susceptible to depression especially around winter time.

 

Basically he broke up with his ex at least 8 months before we got together.. they were together for a yr or so.. he felt a lot of guilt towards her and towards himself for hurting her and himself in that relationship.. he got along with her well but knew there was no future due to religious/cultural issues.. plus his relationship with his friends and family went bad because of her influence..

 

Anyways.. during that one month of our relationship he apologised a few times for not being 100% emotionally involved (not saying he loved me, not showing affection in public).. he told me he really wanted a future with me.. marriage and kids.. he'd say i'm the one but he needs time.. i'd tell him it's alright and that i understand.. he'd appreciate that. However, 3 months ago he said he felt like he was loosing control of his present and he didn't want to worry about the future (we come from slightly different backgrounds which worried him).. he told me that we should end the relationship and that "time is on our side".. He was my best friend before boyfriend so i told him i still want to have that which he was fine with.. a week later he tells me he loves me but not inlove with me and that we can both fall in love with many other people (i.e don't wait for me)..

 

I went LC for a month and then spoke to him about it again.. he said he really likes me but feels like we're not right.. i asked him why and he said he just doesn't feel like i'm the one! He said he knows he can love me and make it work but can't tell when that would happen and it's unfair to keep me hanging. He also said that he'll need to speak to his ex (they're not getting back together but it's unresolved issues).. It hurt him a lot when i said we can't be friends anymore. I went NC ever since (been about 6 weeks so far). His bday was last week.. i sent a happy bday txt which he replied to saying he appreciated it. He went out with his friends on his bday and wore a shirt i bought him!!! Why!!

 

Since we're doing the same degree we've got many mutual friends and i see him every now and then.. i don't speak to him.. but i can tell he really feels like he wants to speak to me.

 

I really love him.. i know i probably came at a bad timing.. and you may suggest that i was a rebound but we got a long very well.. we're similar in a lot of ways.. i really hope we can get back together at some point.. maybe not now because we definitely need to focus on ourselves..

 

Thoughts would be very much appreciated!