When girls don't respond on OKcupid...

[GivenUp0083]

She showed me what she gets messaged with and it was painfully obvious that many men don't even read the profiles. They simply see a pic they like and start typing their pitch.

But her? She will see a pic she likes and read over the profile. The slightest hint of incompatibility and the guy gets passed over. But I firmly believe that the same guy could run into her in public and perhaps impress her in a way his profile will just never achieve. He could even impress her in a way that makes her overlook things that his profile would have her nixing.

 

I don't agree that the generalization of men do this. Maybe the men who come to LS to complain, or the type of men your friend attracted online, but I know myself, among other good friends of mine that didn't send out very many emails at all. Instead only emailed girls they thought were a good fit for them. I was always criticized by my friends as being to harsh when it came to ruling out girls that I'd send an email to. This was because I had prior date experience where certain things a girl said in her profile were typical of certain personalities characteristics that I disliked. Once I was able to identify them, I could write off women before wasting my time to take them out on a date and I was able to tailor my search more to what I wanted from a girl.

 

Yeah, usually that's when I strike when the iron's hot when a NEW woman JUST joins a dating site, I typically have more success with new people.

 

Though afterwards, they take their ad off, and they even tell me they get overwhelmed, so they give up on online dating for that reason.

 

As creepy as IRC put it, it's actually somewhat the truth. If you're new to online dating, odds are you won't multidate as much right off the bat...at lease nice girls don't. This way if you can make a good impact on someone early, you get more of a fair shot to see if you are compatible.

 

I always felt that there were women I went out with and had trouble connecting on a personal level with because the first date seemed very "routine" to them. I always remember feeling a little bad for them after the date as I found it hard to believe they'll ever find a decent guy this way. They've just been on too many first dates where the effect and excitement of meeting a new person had lost it's spark.

 

Yup, as the ladies above have alluded to; online dating is a joke for men.

 

Unless you're a doctor and your picture is you posing with your lab coat open that reveals your six-pack then there really isn't any point in trying.

 

This is what guys who try online dating for a couple months, don't find the woman of their dreams, let alone get as many dates as they'd like, would say.

 

Instead of realizing the situation and using it to help your chances, you would rather blame things that are outside of your control to change.

 

There are a lot of superficial women on dating sites, but there's also a lot of great women, you just need to know how to find them. I'm 5'8" (short) 200 lbs (stocky), I look 5 years younger than I really am, and I was unemployed when I met the girl I'm with now and she's an amazing woman. Took me a year and a half to learn how to online date, but once I figured it out I'm now glad I found her.

[SmileFace]

I'm still pitching and you're still catching

That is funny way to look at it -- lol

[irc333]

 

 

As creepy as IRC put it, it's actually somewhat the truth. If you're new to online dating, odds are you won't multidate as much right off the bat...at lease nice girls don't. This way if you can make a good impact on someone early, you get more of a fair shot to see if you are compatible.

 

I always felt that there were women I went out with and had trouble connecting on a personal level with because the first date seemed very "routine" to them. I always remember feeling a little bad for them after the date as I found it hard to believe they'll ever find a decent guy this way. They've just been on too many first dates where the effect and excitement of meeting a new person had lost it's spark.

 

 

 

This is what guys who try online dating for a couple months, don't find the woman of their dreams, let alone get as many dates as they'd like, would say.

 

Instead of realizing the situation and using it to help your chances, you would rather blame things that are outside of your control to change.

 

There are a lot of superficial women on dating sites, but there's also a lot of great women, you just need to know how to find them. I'm 5'8" (short) 200 lbs (stocky), I look 5 years younger than I really am, and I was unemployed when I met the girl I'm with now and she's an amazing woman. Took me a year and a half to learn how to online date, but once I figured it out I'm now glad I found her.

 

Yepper, also, kinda of funny, just now I had seen a veteran online dater disappear and reappear again probably for the 3rd time with a NEW screen name....she lives in my small suburban area(s)....and back at it again.

 

Funny, she wasn't complaining in her profile like she was last time...said shes' "Given up" and was back at it again.

 

OF course I had emailed her last year, so I just emailed her again this year, just to see if she's come to the conclusion that she might have to be less selective, considering the rather limited selection she has. (acted as if I never emailed her before in my life, lol).

 

 

I get a kick out of these chronically single women on these dating sites that have been there for who knows how long.

 

I think they enjoy the thrill of the chase when it comes to online dating than to actually meet someone.

 

I actually had a female friend, where the final straw was this, she had a date arranged with a guy , she was getting her nails done for her date....and her date texts her saying, "I can't make it, something came up" (something vague), she got upset and text him back, "NO, you MAKE a date, you KEEP IT!"

 

She goes back on the dating site THAT night, and sees him signed ONLINE, so he would rather sit at home on a dating site on a Sat night, than to go out with her. I Think some people are so addicted to dating sites, they just like the perpetual "fun" of chasing people online (or with women, men chasing them)

 

There are some of these same women in my area on the site constantly, some voice their frustrations in their profile as to the kind of men that have been emailing them. "I'm not just a notch on your bed post" that some say in frustration...or that they can't meet a decent guy.

 

I recall emailing them months or a year ago, only to shake my head at their complaint, when I contacted them never to get a response...as I'm sure other decent guys have contacted her.

 

This whole online dating thing is a numbers game actually.

Edited February 18, 2011 by irc333

[GivenUp0083]

Yepper, also, kinda of funny, just now I had seen a veteran online dater disappear and reappear again probably for the 3rd time with a NEW screen name....she lives in my small suburban area(s)....and back at it again.

 

Funny, she wasn't complaining in her profile like she was last time...said shes' "Given up" and was back at it again.

 

OF course I had emailed her last year, so I just emailed her again this year, just to see if she's come to the conclusion that she might have to be less selective, considering the rather limited selection she has. (acted as if I never emailed her before in my life, lol).

 

 

I get a kick out of these chronically single women on these dating sites that have been there for who knows how long.

 

I think they enjoy the thrill of the chase when it comes to online dating than to actually meet someone.

 

I actually had a female friend, where the final straw was this, she had a date arranged with a guy , she was getting her nails done for her date....and her date texts her saying, "I can't make it, something came up" (something vague), she got upset and text him back, "NO, you MAKE a date, you KEEP IT!"

 

She goes back on the dating site THAT night, and sees him signed ONLINE, so he would rather sit at home on a dating site on a Sat night, than to go out with her. I Think some people are so addicted to dating sites, they just like the perpetual "fun" of chasing people online (or with women, men chasing them)

 

There are some of these same women in my area on the site constantly, some voice their frustrations in their profile as to the kind of men that have been emailing them. "I'm not just a notch on your bed post" that some say in frustration...or that they can't meet a decent guy.

 

I recall emailing them months or a year ago, only to shake my head at their complaint, when I contacted them never to get a response...as I'm sure other decent guys have contacted her.

 

This whole online dating thing is a numbers game actually.

 

 

Just my opinion, but people don't have an obligation to go on dates just because they're on a dating site. There's no rule that says if you've been on a dating site on and off for a long period time that you have to lower your standards or settle.

[Jazzari]

Just my opinion, but people don't have an obligation to go on dates just because they're on a dating site. There's no rule that says if you've been on a dating site on and off for a long period time that you have to lower your standards or settle.

I agree. I was on for 3 months and though I talked to several people, I only went on one date.

 

One strange thing I saw was that a few people would put up multiple profiles all at the same time. This was on Match so (I assume) they were paying. The profiles were all the same info and pictures - just different names. One guy had as many as 4. What's up with that?

[GivenUp0083]

I agree. I was on for 3 months and though I talked to several people, I only went on one date.

 

One strange thing I saw was that a few people would put up multiple profiles all at the same time. This was on Match so (I assume) they were paying. The profiles were all the same info and pictures - just different names. One guy had as many as 4. What's up with that?

 

I dated online for a year and a half. I wasn't having success with the women I was dating early on, so was I supposed to lower my standards just because the women I found attractive weren't turning out to be a good match for me? Hell no.

 

I too would get fed up with dating a string of women that left a bitter taste in my mouth and I'd take a month or two off to focus on myself and enjoy my life for a while without the stress of dating. That doesn't mean I have an obligation to give a shot at women I know I don't have any initial attraction to.

 

As for the guy with 4 profiles...not sure what that's all about. Maybe he was a spammer. Match.com is known for having quite a bit of fake profiles from time to time.

[quietGuy13]

I, like some other user here who made a thread about it, have had enough with OKCupid and i'm closing my account.

 

It just doesn't work. nobody responds. NOBODY.

 

so whatever! i'll try to make friends, and i am already doing it, in real life

[GivenUp0083]

I, like some other user here who made a thread about it, have had enough with OKCupid and i'm closing my account.

 

It just doesn't work. nobody responds. NOBODY.

 

so whatever! i'll try to make friends, and i am already doing it, in real life

 

Glad your making friends in real life, instead of a fake life you made up in your head or something...

 

But yeah, you're right, OKcupid doesn't work.....oh wait, I met my gf on there.

[irc333]

...antoher pet peeve of mine was, if you were even to get a response from a woman, they'd correspond with you, but to get them to meet you in person for lunch, drink, or a coffee....they disappear or say, "I'm not ready yet". The hem haw about actually meeting face to face (which probably jmeans they're married or hiding something)

 

Some just stop corresponding altogether, which is rude.

[GivenUp0083]

...antoher pet peeve of mine was, if you were even to get a response from a woman, they'd correspond with you, but to get them to meet you in person for lunch, drink, or a coffee....they disappear or say, "I'm not ready yet". The hem haw about actually meeting face to face (which probably jmeans they're married or hiding something)

 

Some just stop corresponding altogether, which is rude.

 

No one owes you anything man. Get over it. If they stop communicating or say they aren't ready, then just take them for their word and move on.

 

I get the feeling from your posts that you think these women are under an obligation to give you a chance because:

 

A. They are on a dating site

B. They've been on a long time and haven't found someone

C. They live in your area which has few options

D. Because you emailed them, and had some communication

 

You need to acquire the mindset that no one owes you anything in the dating realm. If they want to, they will, but if there's no interest then you can't expect someone to give you a shot.

[GivenUp0083]

I'm sorry for double posting, but this is what you sound like (IRC) when you post complaints....

 

"Hey guys, get a load of this: a girl emailed me back and said she wasn't up for going on a date. I mean, c'mon, she's been online for a year, her profile changes each month and sometimes she complains about not being able to find a guy and she rejects ME? Seriously, this girl is crazy, who goes on a dating site then turns down a date? What is wrong with these women? I am such a catch and my friends who are girls lead me on and think I'm creepy at the same time...they're even afraid to bring me around they're other girl friends because they don't want me hitting on them...yet these girls online who are obviously having trouble finding a guy because they went to a dating site won't even settle for me. Aren't they ridiculous??"

[irc333]

I feel they don't owe me any kind of an or an expectation UP to a certain point, if they don't respond to an initial email...I'm okay iwth that, I have no expecations and it's par for the course.

 

But if they correspond with you, and decide to the whole "dissappearing act", then, well, that says a lot about their character anyhow.

 

Esp, when they actually agree to go out with you in their last response, then stop responding with "Oh okay, cool, what's your number?"

 

Then ignore that email....the other reasons you listed...not so much....they don't have to give me a shot, but I do expect a shot if you agree to go out with me, an dthen bail

 

 

No one owes you anything man. Get over it. If they stop communicating or say they aren't ready, then just take them for their word and move on.

 

I get the feeling from your posts that you think these women are under an obligation to give you a chance because:

 

A. They are on a dating site

B. They've been on a long time and haven't found someone

C. They live in your area which has few options

D. Because you emailed them, and had some communication

 

You need to acquire the mindset that no one owes you anything in the dating realm. If they want to, they will, but if there's no interest then you can't expect someone to give you a shot.

Edited February 18, 2011 by irc333

[GivenUp0083]

I feel they don't owe me any kind of an or an expectation UP to a certain point, if they don't respond to an initial email...I'm okay iwth that, I have no expecations and it's par for the course.

 

But if they correspond with you, and decide to the whole "dissappearing act", then, well, that says a lot about their character anyhow.

 

Esp, when they actually agree to go out with you in their last response, then stop responding with "Oh okay, cool, what's your number?"

 

Then ignore that email....the other reasons you listed...not so much....they don't have to give me a shot, but I do expect a shot if you agree to go out with me, an dthen bail

 

That's fine, that's going to happen. Does it suck? Of course, but you need to just move on from it. People have a right to change their mind. Online dating is still something very new and scary to some people, especially women as they risk their safety when doing so.

 

I've been through the worst of the worst in terms of leading on to a certain point. The only complaint you can justifiably make is if they weren't honest up front and that I can understand from personal experience, but they dont OWE you a date at that point. Why would you want someone to feel obligated to go on a date with you just because you shared some emails?

[irc333]

Why would you want someone to feel obligated to go on a date with you just because you shared some emails?

 

The ONLY time I "feel" they are obligated is when they AGREE to go out with me, and then cease.

 

Other than that, it don't take issue with it.

 

It kind of feels like being stood up, without showing up to the venue.

 

At what point should there be an obligation or an apology be made?

 

What if she agreed to the date, and I show up and she was a no show? Where do you draw the line?

[GivenUp0083]

The ONLY time I "feel" they are obligated is when they AGREE to go out with me, and then cease.

 

Other than that, it don't take issue with it.

 

It kind of feels like being stood up, without showing up to the venue.

 

At what point should there be an obligation or an apology be made?

 

What if she agreed to the date, and I show up and she was a no show? Where do you draw the line?

 

I draw then line when they physically stand me up. It's easy to draw that line.

 

If she agrees, then changes her mind, then that's her right and I'd feel glad she at least told me. It tells me her interest is very low and I don't want to go out with a girl who has low interest. She should WANT to meet you, if she doesn't then move on.

 

As for an apology, if she's respectful and kind then she may apologize for breaking the date, but she doesn't owe you one as she didn't do anything wrong. Changing your mind is not against the law.

 

I would only expect an apology if I actually was physically stood up. But at that point, an apology probably couldn't get me to consider another date with them and I'd already be moved on as the trust would be broken before I've even met her.

[oaks]

yet they won't even bother to look at my profile....I just get ignored completely.

 

You can't always tell if they looked at your profile. It's possible to "browse anonymously" (Settings -> Profile Options).

[murah989]

I draw then line when they physically stand me up. It's easy to draw that line.

 

If she agrees, then changes her mind, then that's her right and I'd feel glad she at least told me. It tells me her interest is very low and I don't want to go out with a girl who has low interest. She should WANT to meet you, if she doesn't then move on.

 

As for an apology, if she's respectful and kind then she may apologize for breaking the date, but she doesn't owe you one as she didn't do anything wrong. Changing your mind is not against the law.

 

I would only expect an apology if I actually was physically stood up. But at that point, an apology probably couldn't get me to consider another date with them and I'd already be moved on as the trust would be broken before I've even met her.

 

This really strikes a chord with me. Met this really nice woman on OKC. We spoke for about two weeks; calling, texting, e-mailing. You name it we did it.

 

We both had a love of craft beer, so we decided to meet at a local beer bar downtown. About an hour into the date, she said she had to use the bathroom and never came back. I thought someone had kidnapped her! But no, just turns out she ditched me mid-date. No apology, no text, not even the decency to tell me it wasn't going to work out.

 

OKC at its finest.

[GivenUp0083]

This really strikes a chord with me. Met this really nice woman on OKC. We spoke for about two weeks; calling, texting, e-mailing. You name it we did it.

 

We both had a love of craft beer, so we decided to meet at a local beer bar downtown. About an hour into the date, she said she had to use the bathroom and never came back. I thought someone had kidnapped her! But no, just turns out she ditched me mid-date. No apology, no text, not even the decency to tell me it wasn't going to work out.

 

OKC at its finest.

 

I went on like 25 first dates with women from OKC and nothing like that ever happened to me.

 

What did you do to freak her out? I mean, yeah, that's super rude what she did, but were you creepy or what? Did you use pictures on your profile that represented your current look?

 

I know from experience it's very common for people to use pictures with funny angles or pictures from a few years ago and put them on their profile when that's not what they look like now. It puts the other person in a very uncomfortable situation when they meet someone who doesn't look like the person on the profile.

Edited February 18, 2011 by GivenUp0083

[Intricategirl]

Girl's perspective, as someone who's bailed:

 

I had one guy on OkCupid that read through my profile and wrote me. He initially seemed interesting, despite there being several things we disagreed upon. Nothing even close to being major, mind you. It's little things like how I don't enjoy dancing. When it became a problem is when he questioned me on it and countered, "That's ok, I only like slow dancing anyway." Good for you. I had already explained three times that I do not enjoy dancing at all. None of it. By that point, he had already said, "We should meet up sometime" and I replied, "Sure, sounds good."

 

The thing is, this dude was not listening to me. He was trying really hard to come across as romantic, but it came across as controlling. And I didn't feel the need to continue speaking to him any further. I felt that if I did, he'd try and pressure me into going out with him, and I didn't want any part of his drama.

 

After I stopped responding, I noticed that he changed his profile to read something like (in all caps, mind you): I don't have time for your stupid games! Quit being flaky! You women complain that you want a romantic guy, and then you don't appreciate all the things I do for you!" Now, this was on his profile for everyone to see. Second, I never claimed I wanted "romance". In fact, I couldn't care less about meaningless tokens of affection from someone who doesn't know me and is just trying to win me over. Some girls really want the flowers, and he should meet one of them, because I had already said I don't care about that kind of stuff. Third, hmmm... the controlling thing?? Looks like I nailed it with all his talk about how much appreciation he expects for his wonderful acts.

 

------------------------------------------------------------

I have a really good sense of self. I know who I am. I don't need anyone to tell me. But likewise, I'm looking for someone who not only appreciates that, but has a good sense of who he is. If he loves watching Nascar and understands he'll be doing it alone, we don't have a problem. Likewise, I'll go to art shows alone and have a blast. But don't insist that I have to like something. Seriously, I'm ok with being alone, and I'd rather be alone than be with someone that just doesn't care who I am.

 

And no, I don't owe anybody anything. I don't have to give an explanation why I stopped writing- the fact is I stopped. Something turned me off, and that's it. And yes, I've been on the other side and I've been curious why they stopped writing, but I shrug and get over it.

[GivenUp0083]

Girl's perspective, as someone who's bailed:

 

I had one guy on OkCupid that read through my profile and wrote me. He initially seemed interesting, despite there being several things we disagreed upon. Nothing even close to being major, mind you. It's little things like how I don't enjoy dancing. When it became a problem is when he questioned me on it and countered, "That's ok, I only like slow dancing anyway." Good for you. I had already explained three times that I do not enjoy dancing at all. None of it. By that point, he had already said, "We should meet up sometime" and I replied, "Sure, sounds good."

 

The thing is, this dude was not listening to me. He was trying really hard to come across as romantic, but it came across as controlling. And I didn't feel the need to continue speaking to him any further. I felt that if I did, he'd try and pressure me into going out with him, and I didn't want any part of his drama.

 

After I stopped responding, I noticed that he changed his profile to read something like (in all caps, mind you): I don't have time for your stupid games! Quit being flaky! You women complain that you want a romantic guy, and then you don't appreciate all the things I do for you!" Now, this was on his profile for everyone to see. Second, I never claimed I wanted "romance". In fact, I couldn't care less about meaningless tokens of affection from someone who doesn't know me and is just trying to win me over. Some girls really want the flowers, and he should meet one of them, because I had already said I don't care about that kind of stuff. Third, hmmm... the controlling thing?? Looks like I nailed it with all his talk about how much appreciation he expects for his wonderful acts.

 

------------------------------------------------------------

I have a really good sense of self. I know who I am. I don't need anyone to tell me. But likewise, I'm looking for someone who not only appreciates that, but has a good sense of who he is. If he loves watching Nascar and understands he'll be doing it alone, we don't have a problem. Likewise, I'll go to art shows alone and have a blast. But don't insist that I have to like something. Seriously, I'm ok with being alone, and I'd rather be alone than be with someone that just doesn't care who I am.

 

And no, I don't owe anybody anything. I don't have to give an explanation why I stopped writing- the fact is I stopped. Something turned me off, and that's it. And yes, I've been on the other side and I've been curious why they stopped writing, but I shrug and get over it.

 

Finally someone who isn't caught in this spiral of fake reality where women owe guys anything besides myself!

 

I have a lot of respect for what you said. I was in the same boat. I was single for 4 years, did online dating for 1.5, but it didn't mind being single. I only wanted to be with someone if we had a really good connection and really good chemistry and I wasn't going to settle for anything less.

 

I really wish you the best of luck if you are still looking (but I wouldn't be surprised if you've found a great guy by now). If I knew you in person I'd probably be trying to introduce you to some cool guys I know.

 

Thanks for posting on here.

[irc333]

I went on like 25 first dates with women from OKC and nothing like that ever happened to me.

 

What did you do to freak her out? I mean, yeah, that's super rude what she did, but were you creepy or what? Did you use pictures on your profile that represented your current look?

 

I know from experience it's very common for people to use pictures with funny angles or pictures from a few years ago and put them on their profile when that's not what they look like now. It puts the other person in a very uncomfortable situation when they meet someone who doesn't look like the person on the profile.

 

Serioulsy, why do you assume this guy did something to freak her out?

[Intricategirl]

Finally someone who isn't caught in this spiral of fake reality where women owe guys anything besides myself!

 

I have a lot of respect for what you said. I was in the same boat. I was single for 4 years, did online dating for 1.5, but it didn't mind being single. I only wanted to be with someone if we had a really good connection and really good chemistry and I wasn't going to settle for anything less.

 

I really wish you the best of luck if you are still looking (but I wouldn't be surprised if you've found a great guy by now). If I knew you in person I'd probably be trying to introduce you to some cool guys I know.

 

Thanks for posting on here.

 

 

HeeHee! Introduce away. Whatever I'm doing, it's not working.

[murah989]

I went on like 25 first dates with women from OKC and nothing like that ever happened to me.

 

What did you do to freak her out? I mean, yeah, that's super rude what she did, but were you creepy or what? Did you use pictures on your profile that represented your current look?

 

I know from experience it's very common for people to use pictures with funny angles or pictures from a few years ago and put them on their profile when that's not what they look like now. It puts the other person in a very uncomfortable situation when they meet someone who doesn't look like the person on the profile.

 

I used picture on my profile that were recent ( only a few days old). She knew how old I was despite the 7 year age difference. She knew a lot about me already. We were even friends on facebook.

 

We were actually talking about tattoos since she had about 6 or 7. I mentioned that I wanted to get a tattoo that would remind me of my last surgery and how far I'd come since then. I was diagnosed with Crohn's and had a resection where they took 7 feet of my small intestine out of me. So I wanted to get a tattoo that mapped out my small intestine, but the area that was removed would be represented by a dotted line....She apparently didn't like that idea and walked out me.

 

To be honest, the whole date revolved around her and how much she hated her job...

Edited February 18, 2011 by murah989

[GivenUp0083]

Serioulsy, why do you assume this guy did something to freak her out?

 

Because of all the online dates I've set up I've NEVER had this happen to me and I almost always was able to land a second date...

 

I just don't understand how you guys can screw it up so badly. All you have to do is be a normal cool guy, make them laugh a little, and not be creepy.

 

HeeHee! Introduce away. Whatever I'm doing, it's not working.

 

Don't take the fact you haven't found a great guy yet as a failure. Took me 1.5 year of online dating before I found the girl I'm with now. Just stay true to yourself, stay open minded, and don't settle for something that isn't right for you.

 

I used picture on my profile that were recent ( only a few days old). She knew how old I was despite the 7 year age difference. She knew a lot about me already. We were even friends on facebook.

 

We were actually talking about tattoos since she had about 6 or 7. I mentioned that I wanted to get a tattoo that would remind me of my last surgery and how far I'd come since then. I was diagnosed with Crohn's and had a resection where they took 7 feet of my small intestine out of me. So I wanted to get a tattoo that mapped out my small intestine, but the area that was removed would be represented by a dotted line....She apparently didn't like that idea and walked out me.

 

To be honest, the whole date revolved around her and how much she hated her job...

 

Yeah, that would freak me out as well, but maybe there's something else you did that you aren't sharing or didn't realize. It's hard to know without being there.

 

If all she did was complain about her job then you learned that she wouldn't be a good fit for you so you didn't lose anything, did you?

[murah989]

This was really the first time this had happened to me. I was more worried about her safety then i was about the stupid date. She had left so abruptly and without notice that I thought something had happened to her. This made me more upset than anything else. When I finally came to terms with what had happened I really wasn't that upset over her ditching me.

 

I'm perfectly confidant in who I am...and if something like that is going to freak you out, then you weren't worth my time in the first place.

 

Personally, I think I was too young for her. She probably thought I was someone different than what she made me out to be.

 

I would just hope that next time, if during a date someone wants to leave, they just tell me. I don't like fearing for other peoples safety.