, hurt, but still slightly hopeful?

[thatgothicchick]

[FONT=verdana, arial, helvetica][sIZE=2]My boyfriend and I were dating for nearly 6 months when he decided to break up with me about a week ago...I was absolutely devastated. He got divorced 2 or 3 years ago, and has a toddler. He told me he has issues that he needs to work out before he can even think of a relationship...what issues exactly, I'm not sure, he wasn't very specific...he also said that he wasn't really feeling "love" for me, but just a strong friendship, and went into this blindly...could it be because of those "issues"? We have virtually everything in common, we have a blast whenever we are together, he thinks I'm beautiful, smart, funny, extremely good with his child....so I was a little confused. He said I did absolutely nothing wrong, and that he still cares about me tremendously, and wants me in his life no matter what...so I decided I am going to be friends with him and see what happens (Not a FWB type thing) because I do miss him and I still want him in my life too...I let him know the other day that I respect his decision and thanked him for being honest with me. But I still cannot help but wonder if there is still a chance for us...I know nobody but him has the answer for sure, but I do not think it's a good idea to ask him...arrgh, I'm just so confused and still hurting...can someone give me some input, please?[/sIZE][/FONT]

[PurpleReign]

OK, I obviously don't know every detail about your relationship, but I'm sensing that you're guilty of doing some, if not all, of the things I did with the guy I thought was "the one".

 

You've probably been too good. You've been too easy, not a challenge. What I mean is, you did things he wanted to do, agreed with him, went out of your way to do special things for him, almost lost yourself in the process. It's only natural. You love him. When we love someone, we want to make them happy. Funny thing is, guys also need a little spice thrown in. A little mystery, a little unpredictability, some guessing....

 

My advice at this point is to just leave it alone. Don't be his friend. Don't ignore him. If he calls, be nice, but be short. Don't talk about your life, your feelings, what you're doing. Just listen. Keep it short. It won't be easy, but I can almost promise you that being available to him as a friend (with or without sex) will only make you his doormat. He will lose all respect for you and you will never been looked at as having girlfriend potential again.

 

Ever heard of the song "Wasted Time" by the Eagles? There are a couple of lines in it that may apply to your situation... (They're in bold type.)

 

"Wasted Time"

 

Well baby, there you stand

With your little head, down in your hand

Oh, my God, you can't believe it's happening again

Your baby's gone, and you're all alone

and it looks like the end.

 

And you're back out on the street.

And you're tryin' to remember.

How will you start it over?

You don't know what became.

You don't care much for a stranger's touch,

But you can't hold your man.

 

You never thought you'd be alone this far down the line

And I know what's been on your mind

You're afraid it's all been wasted time

 

The autumn leaves have got you thinking about the first time that you fell

You didn't love the boy too much, no, no, you just loved the boy too well,

Farewell

So you live from day to day, and you dream about tomorrow, oh.

And the hours go by like minutes and the shadows come to stay

So you take a little something to make them go away

And I could have done so many things, baby

If I could only stop my mind from wondrin' what

I left behind and from worrying 'bout this wasted time

 

Oh, another love has come and gone

Oh, and the years keep rushing on

I remember what you told me before you went out on your own:

"Sometimes to keep it together, we got to leave it alone."

So you can get on with your search, baby, and I can get on with mine

And maybe someday we will find , that it wasn't really wasted time

Mm, hm

Oh hoo, ooh, oh,

Ooh, ooh, mm

 

Good luck, and keep your head up.

[ladii]

If you remain friends with him..that is all it will be...best to not be friends and become *rare*...rare to see rare to have...special !!

 

You be there for a man...all the time...as a friend then you are just some friend...nothing special...

 

A friend after romance is an insult !!...don't allow him to have you on a lower level...

 

Your time ...your self is rare to enjoy...If he wants to be around you...friends is not happening..

 

Let him see what he is missing...disappear...because at the moment he is so use to having you around...cut cold...and take that comfort away...

 

Just like chocolate..enjoy it but don't appreciate it when it's around as much ...but when you haven't had it for soooo long it is luxury...it makes you want more...give a little appreciate more

 

Become rare chocolate...rare to have !!!

[Nita10]

I like PurpleReign's reply.

I feel like I can relate to that. I've always been around, I gave him all the love and was willing to change a lot in my life just for him. Wrong!

 

thatgothicchick

I can imagine how you feel. My ex had issues from his past relationship and told me he cares about me a lot and loves me but not in love. He said he can't be everything in my life but wants to be something. He wanted me to stay as a friend. NEVER!

 

If you stay friends he'll never miss you.. he'll never get to value your presence.. I know it hurts but definitely refuse to be friends.. give him time to deal with his issues (at the end you don't want to be with someone with issues) and give him time to figure whether he really does love you (you don't want to be with someone who's unsure of his feelings).

 

Again, it hurts.. but we've got to stay strong