Urgie Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 Just curious about this. We are together over 10yrs and go through spurts. Sometimes we will have sex 1 or 2 times per month, sometimes as often as 3 or 4 times per week. There doesnt seem to be rhyme or reason to our pattern, other than my work schedule. If i work a lot of extra hours, we have sex less. If i have a slow month and get home regular time, then we hit the hay more often. Obviously the kids get in the way of the mood sometimes, but not often. Not sure if this is good or bad, but it seems to work for us. Sometimes she mentions how long its been and i agree it has been long, so we make an effort to make it happen. Can anyone else chime in? Just curious about it Link to post Share on other sites
Green Light Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 That sounds really healthy to me. Especially the part about her bringing up the fact that it has been a long time. The real red flags are when she doesn't bring it up at all or starts making excuses about why she doesn't want to do it. Last summer my SO used the excuse that sex is more of a winter thing and that she would want it more in the winter. Women can get quite creative when they don't want to have sex. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 Last summer my SO used the excuse that sex is more of a winter thing and that she would want it more in the winter. Women can get quite creative when they don't want to have sex. Haha. I'll keep that one for when I'm not in the mood Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 Urgie, I think you have some insecurities about your sex life. Is that why you want to act out your fantasy so badly? You had said that you have a healthy sex life (and I feel that you do according to your frequency) but it seems as though you are worried about it, or else you wouldn't have posted this thread. Just something to think about. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Urgie Posted February 18, 2011 Author Share Posted February 18, 2011 Urgie, I think you have some insecurities about your sex life. Is that why you want to act out your fantasy so badly? You had said that you have a healthy sex life (and I feel that you do according to your frequency) but it seems as though you are worried about it, or else you wouldn't have posted this thread. Just something to think about. no no dont read into this that much haha ... i honestly dont, our sex life is fine i was just curious what other couples were experiencing. As i said above, this routine/pattern has been working for us and neither of us have any complaint. EDIT, i also didnt ask if ours was healthy. I know it is, and even if its not, neither one of us are unhappy with any aspect of it. I was just curious ... Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 It is hard to quantify.....work and kids provide obstacles to us getting our fill of alone time, so we tend to take advantage of every opportunity we get. We are in the habit of reaching for each other every time we get to bed at the same time, which is 3-4x a week. But we don't always have intercourse.... If we go more than 3 days without, we are both feeling needy. When it goes as long as a week, we both go nuts, lol. We've been married 15+ years. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 no no dont read into this that much haha ... i honestly dont, our sex life is fine i was just curious what other couples were experiencing. As i said above, this routine/pattern has been working for us and neither of us have any complaint. EDIT, i also didnt ask if ours was healthy. I know it is, and even if its not, neither one of us are unhappy with any aspect of it. I was just curious ... Well, you had asked if your sex life routine was "good or bad" so that's why I felt you may be a bit unsure. But that's great if it is working for you. My husband and I work different schedules, so we don't often have sex on week days, mostly a few times on the weekend. The frequency depends, it is important to both of us. When I start working better hours hopefully the frequency will increase. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Urgie Posted February 18, 2011 Author Share Posted February 18, 2011 Last ngiht it was supposed to be on like donkey kong!!! Im talkin hot and heavy sexting during the day, a few pic exchanges *wink*, etc. Then one of our kids had other plans for us i guess. Didnt wanna sleep, wouldnt stay alone, wouldnt calm down at all. We both fell asleep with her So tonight i will attack her like a sex-starved Neanderthal !! Which is what i texted her, and she is all about it hehe That is of course, if the kids dont have other ideas Link to post Share on other sites
asireen Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 Can anyone else chime in? Just curious about it upto 6 months after marriage : 2 or 3 times a week after child was born : 1 or 2 times a month after 3 years of marriage : about 6-8 times a year after 15 years of marriage : stopped completely why are we still married? that topic would be part of another section of this website Link to post Share on other sites
Toodamnpragmatic Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 upto 6 months after marriage : 2 or 3 times a week after child was born : 1 or 2 times a month after 3 years of marriage : about 6-8 times a year after 15 years of marriage : stopped completely why are we still married? that topic would be part of another section of this website How sad that it died so quickly..... What about before marriage? And as I ask umpteen times..... What would you consider normal and what do you want? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 when i was married... most days and sometimes 2-3 times a day. we were married 20 years. it was great sex... who wouldn't want that as often as possible? Link to post Share on other sites
StoneCold Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 Good effort put in on both sides....both are happy. You're a success! Link to post Share on other sites
StoneCold Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 It is hard to quantify.....work and kids provide obstacles to us getting our fill of alone time, so we tend to take advantage of every opportunity we get. We are in the habit of reaching for each other every time we get to bed at the same time, which is 3-4x a week. But we don't always have intercourse.... If we go more than 3 days without, we are both feeling needy. When it goes as long as a week, we both go nuts, lol. We've been married 15+ years. This explains alot Link to post Share on other sites
kis Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 Just curious about this. We are together over 10yrs and go through spurts. Sometimes we will have sex 1 or 2 times per month, sometimes as often as 3 or 4 times per week. There doesnt seem to be rhyme or reason to our pattern, other than my work schedule. If i work a lot of extra hours, we have sex less. If i have a slow month and get home regular time, then we hit the hay more often. Obviously the kids get in the way of the mood sometimes, but not often. Not sure if this is good or bad, but it seems to work for us. Sometimes she mentions how long its been and i agree it has been long, so we make an effort to make it happen. Can anyone else chime in? Just curious about it I dont think there is a norm. Every marriage is different and frequency usually changes over time. Ive been married nearly 30 years. Almost like clock work its once a week. Sometimes we skip a week sometime we add to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Bill13 Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 Have to agree with most of the other posters, really is no norm. And doesnt appear to be a constant either. Year 1 to 34 about 2 to 3 times a week. Year 35 to 37 about 1 to 2 times per week. Year 38 to 40 (current) 1 to 2 times a month, on a good month, am i an unhappy camper with that frequency -yes, 1 to 2 a week is still my requirements. (All i get its her not me). Link to post Share on other sites
frozensprouts Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 for us, it depends on what is going on. Sometimes it's a 3 or 4 times a week, sometimes it's that much a day. Mind you, our kids seem to have the knack for picking the worst time to "need mommy or daddy" and they come first. But after they are settled for the night, we always try and snuggle up together and that often leads to sex and then more cuddling. That way, we both get to express love in the way we can the best. ( pfftttt... how sappy can I get ) Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 I'm a newlywed of 6 months, hubby and I have sex at least 5 days out of the week, sometimes several times during the weekend. I know that things might slow down if we have kids but I'm dedicated to really keeping our sex life going strong, especially after reading all the sexless marriage threads here. Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredReality Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 Going on nearly 11yrs and I am still trying to convince him that 8x's a week would benefit us both greatly. However, his drive is a bit less...so we tend to go every other day...much more than that and I get a little....demanding....we do have our lulls though...if we hit a real wall and go more than two weeks I go a little nuts and tell him he's either giving it up or I'm going to drug him and take advantage of him...(jokingly of course). I'm with the majority on this one - I don't think there is a "norm" just so long as you're both satisfied...that's the trick most couples have difficulty with I think. I have a friend whose hubby is like me - wants it alllllll the time, and she's like...eh....once every other month is fine....I told her if she want to keep him she'll think of it as an exercise routine and try to give herself a schedule to stick to - I reminded her how many calories it burns and that women who have sex at least 3 times a week live longer than women who don't - so really, it's in all womens best interest to stay up and active with their husbands - right?? I know I am right here Link to post Share on other sites
taiko Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 In our late 40s every two or three days except when she is flowing Link to post Share on other sites
Lexygirl Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 Ugh ! I'm jealous of most of you on here Link to post Share on other sites
Toodamnpragmatic Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 Ugh ! I'm jealous of most of you on here Sorry notagame, frozensprouts & shattered reality are way out of the norm as is Allina (though she's a newlywed)..... Trust me 90% of men claim they want it all the time, but bet they couldn't keep up with those demands...... Link to post Share on other sites
frozensprouts Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 Sorry notagame, frozensprouts & shattered reality are way out of the norm as is Allina (though she's a newlywed)..... Trust me 90% of men claim they want it all the time, but bet they couldn't keep up with those demands...... I think that it works out that way for us because my husband also tends to be away a lot ( he's in the army and actually away again now for a bit longer than I had hoped for), so we try and make the most of the time we can when we are together everyone is different... what is "right" for some isn't right for others...as long as both people are happy, that's what matters Link to post Share on other sites
Toodamnpragmatic Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 I think that it works out that way for us because my husband also tends to be away a lot ( he's in the army and actually away again now for a bit longer than I had hoped for), so we try and make the most of the time we can when we are together everyone is different... what is "right" for some isn't right for others...as long as both people are happy, that's what matters Happy it works. But then you also have the added dynamic with "hysterical bonding" being a military wife and him being away a lot. Some poor wives have to look at our poor mugs daily...... Personally I hate anyone saying saying everyone is different..... Yes you are right, but 90% fit into a norm.... The issue is I think those norms are significantly different between men and women. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 Can anyone else chime in? Just curious about it We don't have young kids, so don't have any constraints on when or where or how often. We both mostly work from home, too, so have access to each other pretty much around the clock. We've also been M just over two years, together a little more than 6 years, so we're still very much in "honeymoon" mode. So it's about three times a day, mostly - depending on circumstances (if one or both of us are away, if we have family staying over, etc). We both have strong libidos, and we're both pretty strongly focussed only on each other sexually, so it's seldom one or other of us is not in the mood when the other is. Link to post Share on other sites
martyjones47 Posted February 26, 2011 Share Posted February 26, 2011 My marriage came with an existing child, and we had another within a year. So we've never really had the opportunity to have the frequency of some other posters. Combine kids and work/other scheduled commitments and we pretty much have to plan nights together, and things often pop up that derail those nights. Our sex is limited to nights when we can stay up all night and don't have to worry about doing anything the next day ( other than being woken up at sunrise on the weekends by kids who never wake up in time for school during the week). So at this point I am very happy if it happens once a week, and that is a big improvement compared to the months we went after our second son was born and other dry spells. There were points when the frequency was higher, and it was nice, but then it's pretty much impossible to function in other areas. We can't neglect our kids or go without sleep. So we fit it in when we can. I guess the obvious place to cut back is work, but at least one kid is always around during the day. Hmm, I just gave myself something to look forward to. Our youngest should start school at least part time next year. We will have to take advantage of that. Right now it sucks because even when it's planned something always happens- like falling asleep or kids waking up. Link to post Share on other sites
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