What is the typical sex life within a marriage ?

[CrayonAngel]

I think some people are full of it....

My H and I are VERY sexual!! our sex life has never been a problem and like the OP is saying..it varies. Maybe it has to do with having small children but there have been days where if we don't wake up for "Coffee" before the kids, then we don't get it unless we wait them out. I have a routine with my kids and they wake early and go to bed early but they are such a handful sometimes that we just can't. If we get desperate we will find time in the middle of the day in the laundry room/bathroom..wherever we can. I can imagine if anyone has children my age...they have a hard time with it.

[StandingO]

It can change over time. My ex wife was aggressive the first few months of our relationship. We had sex 3 to 5 times a week for the first two years. Then came a baby. All changed. After that it went down to 1 to 2 times a month. A few years later maybe once every two months. It ended our marriage.

[ShatteredReality]

Sorry notagame, frozensprouts & shattered reality are way out of the norm as is Allina (though she's a newlywed).....

 

Trust me 90% of men claim they want it all the time, but bet they couldn't keep up with those demands......

 

I don't know if I'd say we're Way out of the norm...I could not survive in a sexless marriage, though. And my H is on depression meds, which makes him not want sex quite so much...I kind of have to coerce him here and there. If I left it entirely up to him he'd probably only come at me once or twice a week. Even before the meds (he started them about 3 yrs ago) he was completely satisfied with 3 times a week give or take. Personally, 8 times a week would be fabulous...but I have agreed to take a step or two back and he tries to take a step or two forward...even though I have been known to be denied for asking too frequently...(i.e. yesterday. He came into bedroom to help me "find something to wear" so I could take my son to the store - I managed to keep quiet enough the kids didn't hear - but told him I would want another round before bed since he made me wait four days - at bedtime he was too tired. Bleh...I'm hitting him up again tonight though!!)

 

I am actually going to get him something called Maca Root. I was going to start taking it for my thyroid - then I read it increases libido. He's getting it for sure...and now I am not certain it's wise for me to take it...

 

As for the "norm". I think it's relative. Too many people allow stress or other factors to interfere with the intimacy part of their relationships. It's important to have that connection...it's one of the few things you can share with your SO that you aren't supposed to share with anybody else....now I realize there are ppl who go ahead and do share it with others, but in general - it's a just between you two type of thing. That makes it special...and bonding. Kava Root for the stress...turn off the TV 30 min sooner...etc etc....and yes, sometimes the kids prevent it from happening when we'd like...but our kids are pretty good - we can break away for a quick "chat" without much trouble at all. Only if they're sick do we have to worry about them not being willing to give us at least 15-20 min...(Not every session is that quick, obviously - just the ones where the kids are awake and moving about)

[dreamingoftigers]

I had sex 11 times last year with my husband of 5 years.

 

We had three months of no sex during the summer.

 

Two months or so during the spring of no sex

 

And two 1.5 month periods of no sex during the winter.

 

 

The most frequent we have gotten since the second year of marriage averaged out to once a week - every ten days.

 

I am 28, he is 32.

 

 

I initiate about 80% of the time. He has no interest.

[Spark1111]

We've known each other since HS.

 

The longest we went without sex was 13 days when he had major back surgery. That includes his long-term affair.

 

We raised 3 children and take care of an elderly parent. The lack of privacy was/is astounding.

 

Reading these threads, I feel fortunate. We could NEVER keep our hands off each other, sometimes twice a day....still. NEVER less than twice a week ever.

 

I feel blessed, as it is a strength in our marriage. And it is how I knew we would be okay in the long run, if I could forgive his infidelity, because I believe it is rare to still have that, looking at other couples of our duration.

 

I have known him for 35 years, and he still sets me on fire.

[OWoman]

We've known each other since HS.

 

The longest we went without sex was 13 days when he had major back surgery. That includes his long-term affair.

 

We raised 3 children and take care of an elderly parent. The lack of privacy was/is astounding.

 

Reading these threads, I feel fortunate. We could NEVER keep our hands off each other, sometimes twice a day....still. NEVER less than twice a week ever.

 

I feel blessed, as it is a strength in our marriage. And it is how I knew we would be okay in the long run, if I could forgive his infidelity, because I believe it is rare to still have that, looking at other couples of our duration.

 

I have known him for 35 years, and he still sets me on fire.

 

Great post!

[stealth1]

Please click one of the Quick Reply icons in the posts above to activate Quick Reply.

[ladydesigner]

Usually twice a week, lately once a week. i know my H would prefer more. I honestly do not feel in the mood to have sex more than that. But when we do have it, it is always intense.

[ShatteredReality]

Usually twice a week, lately once a week. i know my H would prefer more. I honestly do not feel in the mood to have sex more than that. But when we do have it, it is always intense.

 

You don't have to be in the mood when it starts...if he does everything right he'll be able to get you in the mood LOL.

 

Also - if you don't have time for an exercise routine - that's a good one....if nothing else you say he wants it more, and you enjoy it when it happens...so think of it as your chance for free cardio!!

[stealth1]

I've been with her for almost 7 years, no kids.

 

At first we were like rabbits. Then after the first year it was like 2-3 times a week and about 2 years ago she decided once every 30 days is more than enough. (...she let's me have sex while she just lies there)

 

She's currently 26 and I'm 31. For the last 8 months all I think about is wanting to cheat on her. Almost just for the sake of cheating... this is totally not me.

I used to do so many romantic things for her, and since she started all this, (and yes she started all this, I asked, I tried, I demanded, and she will not let me help her or tell me anything) all I think is I'm not doing anything extra until she wants to have sex again.

 

Its not normal to be able to recite the last 5 dates you had sex... but when it spans 7 months!

 

Anyway I love her, she's my best friend but I'm want a wife, not a twin sister, I'm planning on breaking up within the next 3 months unless something changes soon.

 

Has anyone ever seen this turn around and what can I do to help it along?

 

 

Btw...

Most of what I read tells me her libido is the yardstick of our relationship. If it has died then its because deep down, even if she won't admit it to herself, she is not in love with me anymore. I should end it asap. Any thoughts?

[ShatteredReality]

 

Anyway I love her, she's my best friend but I'm want a wife, not a twin sister, I'm planning on breaking up within the next 3 months unless something changes soon.

 

Has anyone ever seen this turn around and what can I do to help it along?

 

Hey Stealth! Welcome to LS. You really ought to make a new thread for the advice part of this - when a thread gets really long people tend to stay kind of on topic. The topic of this one being how frequent the sex is and is it normal...you want to know how to fix the lack of sex in your relationship sounds like - that is a new thread and you will get much much better feedback by making it it's own thread. There are loads of ppl on here who would love to advise you I am sure - if you need help making a new thread let me know!

[mem11363]

Stealth,

That actually is true. It is the most definitive measure of how she feels about you. Little exercise for you:

- Who initiates most ILY's?

- Who initiates most communication (calls, texts, emails, conversation in when you are together)?

- Who initiates most requests to spend time doing something together?

- Who initiates most physical contact? hugs, kisses, touching?

- Who sacrifices more when you have a priority conflict (what tv show, movie to see, what to eat for dinner, etc)

 

 

 

 

I've been with her for almost 7 years, no kids.

 

At first we were like rabbits. Then after the first year it was like 2-3 times a week and about 2 years ago she decided once every 30 days is more than enough. (...she let's me have sex while she just lies there)

 

She's currently 26 and I'm 31. For the last 8 months all I think about is wanting to cheat on her. Almost just for the sake of cheating... this is totally not me.

I used to do so many romantic things for her, and since she started all this, (and yes she started all this, I asked, I tried, I demanded, and she will not let me help her or tell me anything) all I think is I'm not doing anything extra until she wants to have sex again.

 

Its not normal to be able to recite the last 5 dates you had sex... but when it spans 7 months!

 

Anyway I love her, she's my best friend but I'm want a wife, not a twin sister, I'm planning on breaking up within the next 3 months unless something changes soon.

 

Has anyone ever seen this turn around and what can I do to help it along?

 

 

Btw...

Most of what I read tells me her libido is the yardstick of our relationship. If it has died then its because deep down, even if she won't admit it to herself, she is not in love with me anymore. I should end it asap. Any thoughts?

[thedaddy]

Just wanted to say hi to everyone in this forum! Just wanted to comment to the guys mainly here and ask a few questions.. ;-) been married nearly two years, together three years. I am 37 years old now and in the last 3 to 4 months have become a complete randy beast in the bedroom. I don't remember ever being this bad! My last partner whom I was with 7 years was not interested in sex, not for the other six years anyway.. So I just switched it off! and it seemed to work. My current wife is gorgeous and love her so much. She is now getting fed up with the constant demands of making love and makes

quite silly excuses, says I am putting pressure on the whole thing which puts her off!

Some weeks we make love 2 to 3 times, some times less. I'm just wondering why I have

turned into a sex maniac! at 37 years, I don't remember feeling like this! I work 9 to 10 hours a day, six day week. If I don't have a few drinks after work, my eyes will burn a whole in the bedroom ceiling! ANYONE ELSE like this or do I need to get some chill pills..

Thanks...

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Just wanted to say hi to everyone in this forum! Just wanted to comment to the guys mainly here and ask a few questions.. ;-) been married nearly two years, together three years. I am 37 years old now and in the last 3 to 4 months have become a complete randy beast in the bedroom. I don't remember ever being this bad! My last partner whom I was with 7 years was not interested in sex, not for the other six years anyway.. So I just switched it off! and it seemed to work. My current wife is gorgeous and love her so much. She is now getting fed up with the constant demands of making love and makes

quite silly excuses, says I am putting pressure on the whole thing which puts her off!

Some weeks we make love 2 to 3 times, some times less. I'm just wondering why I have

turned into a sex maniac! at 37 years, I don't remember feeling like this! I work 9 to 10 hours a day, six day week. If I don't have a few drinks after work, my eyes will burn a whole in the bedroom ceiling! ANYONE ELSE like this or do I need to get some chill pills..

Thanks...

 

and you think you are a maniac and have only been together 3 years...... Sounds pretty normal to me and sad for you to think you have an issue and that your spouse is so fed up....

[xxoo]

and you think you are a maniac and have only been together 3 years...... Sounds pretty normal to me and sad for you to think you have an issue and that your spouse is so fed up....

 

I read the 2-3x a week as the compromise, but he wants/pressures for more ("constant demands").

 

thedaddy, your drive sounds normal--but lay off the pressure! Once or twice a week, cuddle her and get close, tell her how she drives you wild, and then say "but I know you are tired. Get some sleep." and kiss her goodnight. Don't make her always be the one to say "no", or avoid you to avoid saying "no".

[thedaddy]

Thank you for your reply, your right it does sound pretty normal... Just I don't do normal ;-)

thx Mr Toodamnpragmatic

[thedaddy]

Thanks XXOO, yes I should calm down a bit...!

Take it slow...

[Toodamnpragmatic]

I read the 2-3x a week as the compromise, but he wants/pressures for more ("constant demands").

 

thedaddy, your drive sounds normal--but lay off the pressure! Once or twice a week, cuddle her and get close, tell her how she drives you wild, and then say "but I know you are tired. Get some sleep." and kiss her goodnight. Don't make her always be the one to say "no", or avoid you to avoid saying "no".

 

or the difference between someone getting it 2-3X/wk no begging/cajoling and those getting much much less where there is begging/comments/cajolling.....

[HeavenOrHell]

It's good to see that passion can stay alive even if you've been together for years. I never stopped loving my ex (together 18 years) but our passion died pretty much right down, my doing, I got so busy I neglected our sex life/him and that's why he left. When I did find time for it, every few weeks/months it was still passionate, although took me a long time to get aroused.

I don't know what happened and I worry it will happen in my current r/ship.

How do you keep the passion alive long term? Or don't you even have to try as such, it's either there or it isn't, and if it isn't there anymore you're no longer compatible? I started a thread about it a while ago but only got one reply.

[thomasb]

We've been married almost 17yrs. We average 5-7 times during a week. 3-4 times on the weekend. We love to run away overnight to outlaying towns and stay in nice hotels and order in.

[thedaddy]

Just when you have had such an intense sexual relationship,

and its drops away and gets replaced by cuddles and rather

non enthusiastic sex, i.e I`ll lie here and you bang away! it

gets you moral down!

When suduko and paper back novels become her new bed toy,

its game over! She used to be so into me....

Its just sad... I`m going down the pub and drink some BEER

work for Mr Simpson, maybe a doughnut!? ;-)

[aerogurl87]

Honestly, some of this is somewhat depressing. Like the "sex once a month" or even worse "once a year". My boyfriend and I have sex at least 7 times a week, so I'm hoping we can keep up a number close to that years after we're married.

[Jack & Coke]

For whatever reason, dynamics seem to change when you get married. I've been married almost two years, and our sex is good but not as frequent as it was when we dated. It has spurts but isn't very consistent because we have a lot going on. I'm about to be more proactive about that because I know it can get back to the "good ol' days" if I'm more aggressive like I used to be.

 

I guess I kind of figure it's a given, but when I think like that we go through dry spells. Whenever I put time in it the sex seems to increase, so I'm about to be more conscious of that so there's no more dry spells unless it happens organically.

[worldover98]

It's great to hear such a diversity of opinions and experiences. Unfortunately for me as a male, I'm the victim of a 10 year marriage which barely sees sex twice a year with my wife. And she says there's no sex frequency normalcy or average for a couple. After two kids, her libido disappeared.

 

The first four years were pretty consistent, 3-4 x a week, leveling off to about 5-7 x a month. After the kids, it was down to twice a year, I was patient for three years until I realized her priorities were different. I probably resent more that she was not honest to keep stalling, making excuses. It was a tactic to keep me close but not too close. Add also that she has gained more and more weight with no motivation to want to do better for herself, hence us, I am thus left to have rare discreet sexual affairs which at times I regret, and other times I do not. It's very easy for those of you to point figures of guilt to the man for not standing by his woman. However, man or woman must not be suckered into a moral marriage commitment if the other one is falling so short. One must be honest to oneself and needs. It would be easy to walk away if no kids were involved. But they're here and I'm dedicated to and responsible to them and the family unit until they become teens. I cannot change my wife, she has to want it herself.

 

I hope I did not go off topic too much, as I was only trying to give a personal account of how and why sex loses its priorities and frequency in a marriage.

[OliveOyl]

I knew things weren't good when my husband said one time after having sex... "That was fun... we should do that at least once a month, whether we need it or not."

 

The last two years we were living together, there was no sex at all.

 

I have a good friend who has only had sex about 3-4 times since her son was born. Her son is 10.

 

I will never get into a relationship where there is low-to-no sex again, unless I'm 80 yo. And the thing about women being less interested after 40? Not true... in fact things kind of ramp up right around/before menopause as one's body says... "the train is leaving... last chance!!!"