Mixed28 Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 like I am at the point where I want nothing to do with her should I ignore if she waves or smiles I don't even want to respond but I don't want to be a douche either. No she did not cheat or anything like that I gave her my heart and she left me. i want to completely ignor her unless she says something to me in which case I will just keep it very short. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 Yes ignore her. She left you so she asked for it. Link to post Share on other sites
is2008 Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 Not only is it absolutely right, it's the best thing you can do. She left you and therefore gave up her rights to any friendliness. Do what's best for YOU. It doesn't matter how you come across. If she wants to be with you, she'll do the hard work and let you know. If she doesn't, what have you lost? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mixed28 Posted February 19, 2011 Author Share Posted February 19, 2011 like we don't talk or text or anything but we say hi in the hallways and she waves at me but I am at the point where I just want to blow her off like if she waves I don't want to wave back and if she says hi I don't even want to look at her and say hi back. She's on the basketball team and I am really good friends with the other girls and I'm affraid of how they will view me if I start doing this. We dated for 2 months and she was my first real girlfriend but I was physically clingy but she didn't say anything. So I feel she didn't take the relationship seriously my counselor says usaully people talk about something if they are bothered about something in a relationship if it is serious and two months after the breakup she has a new boyfriend so yeah I don't want to be viewed as an ******* but really I don't owe her jack i just hope my friends don't view me as a douiche when really im not. Link to post Share on other sites
gator12 Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 You don't owe her anything and that is true. But her friends may think you are a douch simply because the relationship was so short. I mean they'd say you're holding a grudge over nothing. Regardless, by all means ignore her. -Gator Link to post Share on other sites
Username37 Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 Dude, I see my ex all the time and I completely ignore her. It's to the point where she got the message and she's avoiding me too. I think she wants to see if I'll crack first or something. Like everyone said, you owe her nothing. She left and she going to have to deal with you not being her friend anymore. Seriously brah, how selfish would that friendship be? It's going to be for her and for her only. You're not a bastard for doing this. You're money Link to post Share on other sites
Good Arms Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 I'm in a similar place where we work in the same building. It's only been a couple of times when I've had to see her fairly close (it hurts like HELL), but we've smiled and waved in passing, that's all. I keep it as muted as possible. I want to be seen as friendly, but not desperate/pathetic. I really wish I didn't have to see her anymore, then I could just try and imagine she doesn't exist. I do my best to keep well away from her (she works only part time hours, and at the other side of the building) but it annoys me that she still comes into my area on occasion to speak to someone - like her ex of some years ago, who she's still friends with. But I'm partly to blame, with my lack of experience I naively imagined we could still talk as friends sometimes after she dumped me, and I texted her I'm glad we're still friends or something on that night. Do what's best for you, as has been said, she abandoned any automatic right to your friendship, and the more you interact, the less guilt she'll feel while you'll be feeling more and more pain. Personally I choose not to ignore my ex completely, but I give her the bare minimum of friendliness and attention when I have to see her. It's just a facade really, to hide the pain and resentment of being betrayed by the one you loved... even if she had a valid reason to end things, given my inexperience of relationships. But every bit of contact hurts like hell, I do understand exactly how it makes you feel. I just wish my ex gave me some more time to develop and settle into a relationship, I mean after a lifetime with little social life and love shyness I was never going to change into a perfect, rounded boyfriend after just 2 months. I made some classic mistakes, I've learned from this and reading so much here on LS. I know we were never a perfect match, but logic like that is little consolation to a broken heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Graceful Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 (edited) like we don't talk or text or anything but we say hi in the hallways and she waves at me but I am at the point where I just want to blow her off like if she waves I don't want to wave back and if she says hi I don't even want to look at her and say hi back. She's on the basketball team and I am really good friends with the other girls and I'm affraid of how they will view me if I start doing this. We dated for 2 months and she was my first real girlfriend but I was physically clingy but she didn't say anything. So I feel she didn't take the relationship seriously my counselor says usaully people talk about something if they are bothered about something in a relationship if it is serious and two months after the breakup she has a new boyfriend so yeah I don't want to be viewed as an ******* but really I don't owe her jack i just hope my friends don't view me as a douiche when really im not. Look, if she was your first real girlfriend, you're probably feeling very raw from this experience and haven't had any prior experience of being this hurt. I've had longer relationships, but I can tell you that I have gotten very attached in the first couple of months, so if someone dumped me even that soon, I would feel very hurt. For now, do what is comfortable for you. But what ever you do, do not look down when you see her. Keep your head up, just don't look at her. Ignore, but don't totally avoid. If you can muster it, the killer thing to do would be to look at her when she waves or smiles, and nod your head once WITHOUT SMILING. That shows you can look at her, even acknowledge her, that you have the strength to look her in the eye, but that you're not her friend. Yes, I have advised and stand my usual advice which is to acknowledge, as Good Arms said, in a very low-key way, that says more about YOU appearing to have moved on and that you don't feel that bad anymore. Yes, this can be a facade, but if you can pull it off once in a while, it does make you look good and it is good practice for other tough situations in life. Just my opinion. P.S. You're not a juicebag. However, your ex is indeed a twit. Edited February 19, 2011 by Graceful Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mixed28 Posted February 19, 2011 Author Share Posted February 19, 2011 Yeah I feel when you give someone your heart the ultimate thing to give and they throw it away (which they have every right to leave a relationship at anytime) you have the right to cut ties completely. I mean screw them if they leave you even if they have a right to. I was just concerned about how our friends will view me. Also I feel she dumped me for being physically clingy and she didn't say anything so I feel she did not take it seriously so forget her. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 You have the right to remain silent. People have the right to have any opinion they want about you. You have the right to also move beyond the "self" and consider that it wasnt all roses for the person who broke it off. By all outside appearences folks think its easy to toss the heart...it is not. My MO is real simple, for about the first month I hibernate when being jilted, cold and abrupt if I must inter-act with the person, then I re-group and count the good the person gave to the relations, then I forgive and somehow level things out. The hurt is gone and replaced with a new sense of well being. Wait til you get to that point BEFORE entirely burning a bridge, that person did have some influence and that deserves being acknowledged. You cant change the past , you can change the future and how you want to behave. ITs up to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mixed28 Posted February 19, 2011 Author Share Posted February 19, 2011 You have the right to remain silent. People have the right to have any opinion they want about you. You have the right to also move beyond the "self" and consider that it wasnt all roses for the person who broke it off. By all outside appearences folks think its easy to toss the heart...it is not. My MO is real simple, for about the first month I hibernate when being jilted, cold and abrupt if I must inter-act with the person, then I re-group and count the good the person gave to the relations, then I forgive and somehow level things out. The hurt is gone and replaced with a new sense of well being. Wait til you get to that point BEFORE entirely burning a bridge, that person did have some influence and that deserves being acknowledged. You cant change the past , you can change the future and how you want to behave. ITs up to you. I guess I will acknowledge her but I wont be friends with her atleast not any time soon. That will probably be a minimum of 2 years but who knows how things will workout. In a sense I don't wish her any misfortune hopefully she is happy but I need to worry about me. I loved her but I need somone who will return the love. Link to post Share on other sites
gator12 Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 I guess I will acknowledge her but I wont be friends with her atleast not any time soon. That will probably be a minimum of 2 years but who knows how things will workout. In a sense I don't wish her any misfortune hopefully she is happy but I need to worry about me. I loved her but I need somone who will return the love. You have the perfect dumpee attitude, be proud of it. You will find someone else who loves you, the girl you're meant to be with is still out there. -Gator Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mixed28 Posted February 19, 2011 Author Share Posted February 19, 2011 You want someone who is head over heels for you not someone who will throw your heart away. Just let them go on their mary way. If they aren't crazy for you forget them. Go NC and try your damndest to move on. I suggest exercise or some other goal and be hellbent on reaching it. You want someone who loves you. Link to post Share on other sites
turokturok5 Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 man im going through the EXACT same thing as you are. I loved her, i was her first boyfriend, she was my 2nd girlfriend, but i didnt get hurt at all with my first girlfriend because we both agreed to end it. I was dumped after 2 months for being too clingy, i just felt as if i needed to show her how much i cared about her, and that she was really special to me, and she threw it in my face. Hell i even knew i was being clingy, and i offerd to give her space. If you show a girl how much you love them, they should return the feeling, and if they feel uncomfortable, they should tell you that. She dumped me after 2 months, said all these really good things about me, that i'd find someone better, that she really wants me in her life, now that i think about it, its insulting. I tried to talk to her as friends, asking how she was, she ignored me. Ive recently found out that she cant stop thinking about me via her best friend, but you know what, as much as i want to get back together with her, theres no way im going to try contact her, she broke my heart, shes feeling remorse, as your girlfriend probably is, but because i care about her still, im going to completely shut her out of my life, not just for me, but for both of us. Delete her from facebook, get rid of everything that was proof of your relationship, and move on. I still hang out with her in a group of friends, so i'll still see her, as you do at school, but all we have to do is act confident, as if it never affected us, and if its meant to be, then she'll come back to you, dont go to her! Its better of not being friends with an ex, its too hard to trust once you trusted them with your heart and they broke it, they could just want you there as a rebound if they find someone else, and once they get sick of you again, you'll be left in the gutter. ive heard from a lot of girls that they like guys like us, so we just have to be patient and we'll find someone who loves us as much as we do them Link to post Share on other sites
huskers11 Posted February 26, 2011 Share Posted February 26, 2011 I'm in a similar situation and was the one dumped. I gave more to our relationship than he did and I was crushed when he dumped me out of the blue. I'm trying to handle the breakup in the most mature manner possible. Whenever I see him I say hi and I try to talk to him. Granted I still have a lot of feelings for him but I want to be civil since we have alot of mutual friends. But it kills me that he doesn't give me the same respect. He actually ignores me and he's the one that broke up with me! I really want to say you are right because she hurt you, but being on the otherside of it I know how much it hurts. So here's something to think about, do you want to hurt her in that way because there is a good chance you might? With that being said, you definitely don't have to have a conversation or anything but just an acknowledgement makes you look like the bigger and better person! I really hope this helps! Link to post Share on other sites
wmrjw82 Posted February 26, 2011 Share Posted February 26, 2011 Definitely ignore her. In my situation where I was recently dumped I remember her telling me when I was chasing her (wish I didn't, but did for about 2 weeks after the breakup) that if "I didn't stop the non stop texts we couldn't be friends". The day I moved out was the last time I talked to her and that was a month ago today. It's little comments like those that she made which I keep in the back of my mind to stay the path of NC. Who is SHE to decide if we can be friends or not? She dumped me! But, see, at the time she KNEW she had all the power in the relationship (or lack thereof) and used it against me. NC is the only way to take your power BACK! Link to post Share on other sites
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