Stand up for myself or not?

[2sunny]

We actually have clipboards where you can mark that you saw the particular patient and made the phone call. Unfortunately, my coworker has a horrible habit of marking the clipboard PRIOR to seeing the patient and making the phone call. Then I think that she has already done it, but then the patient tells me they haven't seen anyone OR had a phone call made for them. So to prevent that from happening, I have tried to ask confirm with her if these have been done so that I know going into the evening.

 

then turn her in for NOT doing what she writes that she's doing.

 

IF she hasn't done what she writes down = she isn't doing her job. in fact - she's lying about having done her job when it is writing that she hasn't done the action that she has written down.

[Lauriebell82]

then turn her in for NOT doing what she writes that she's doing.

 

IF she hasn't done what she writes down = she isn't doing her job. in fact - she's lying about having done her job when it is writing that she hasn't done the action that she has written down.

 

I've done it. My supervisor has "talked to her" about it, but unfortuantely coworker doesn't change her behavior. My supervisor lets her get away with so much stuff, she swears in front of patients and yells at them. Basically I have just stopped telling my supervisor things that she does (or doesn't do) because I look like a tattletail.

[TurboGirl]

I wish I didn't let her phase me. I'm trying to work on not letting her get to me, but it's so hard because I'm sensitive. I try to consider the source, but it doesn't seem to make me feel a whole lot better.

 

 

Lauriebelle, I know that you told your supervisor... and she has done nothing. This is a hostile work environment. Please write down every nasty interaction that you have with this co worker, I urge you to not converse with her on personal topics. This person is unsafe.

 

Please keeps notes of this... this situation can "turn" in a moment, especially if your supervisor has not been firm and backed you up, and insisted that this person be civil... and not swear, etc.

 

The reason I urge you to write everything down... if the situation "turns" and you are the one in the hot seat... for whatever reason, real or made up... you need to have notes of all of this, documentation. No, I am not paranoid, but worked as a paralegal for many years. Write the stuff down, could save your butt later.

 

Suggest that if the situation does not improve... there is an HR Dept., right? File a grievance against this nasty person. Seriously.

[2sunny]

you can look for a new job...

[Lauriebell82]

So new development!

 

Yesterday my some of my male clients witnessed my coworker being abusive and apparently she was also talking negatively to them about me. They (my clients) went and told my supervisor about it! My supervisor said she is going to do something, she is going to have a meeting with the two of us to try and stop the hostility. Unfortunately, a few months back we tried to do this and she (coworker) gave me a b.s. fake apology and a hug and said she wouldn't do it anymore. So I am not sure what this meeting hopes to accomplish. What my supervisor should REALLY say is "If you continue to be abusive towards LB then you will be fired" but she isn't going to say that.

 

I am planning on how what I am going to say in this meeting. Basically I want to try to be assertive and tell her to stop doing what she is doing. My husband said that if my supervisor sees me standing up for myself like that she may get some courage to do something about it herself.

 

Any ideas on what to say?

[Mz. Pixie]

I would assert that her behavior is unacceptable and will not be tolerated further. That she doesn't have to like you on a personal level but that she does need to respect you on a business level. That's all you expect. Then note that she is creating a hostile work environment and that you want that noted in her personnel file. Keep notes of everything-at home-not at work-this could save your butt.

[laRubiaBonita]

and totally harp on the fact that this has spilled over to clientele!

 

if i were a patient, i would think twice about continuing on if two of the staffers were seemingly hateful and unprofessional towards each other AND to the patients.... it one thing to keep it behind closed doors- but for her to start it up WITH patients that is just tacky and super wrong!

[2sunny]

So new development!

 

Yesterday my some of my male clients witnessed my coworker being abusive and apparently she was also talking negatively to them about me. They (my clients) went and told my supervisor about it! My supervisor said she is going to do something, she is going to have a meeting with the two of us to try and stop the hostility. Unfortunately, a few months back we tried to do this and she (coworker) gave me a b.s. fake apology and a hug and said she wouldn't do it anymore. So I am not sure what this meeting hopes to accomplish. What my supervisor should REALLY say is "If you continue to be abusive towards LB then you will be fired" but she isn't going to say that.

 

I am planning on how what I am going to say in this meeting. Basically I want to try to be assertive and tell her to stop doing what she is doing. My husband said that if my supervisor sees me standing up for myself like that she may get some courage to do something about it herself.

 

Any ideas on what to say?

 

first, i would point out that the exchanges between the two of you aren't helpful to the clients.

 

second, i would point out that she fills out forms and doesn't DO what is stated on the form - actions not equalling her written words. she creates more needed exchanges by doing things backwards. IF she hasn't done the task - it shouldn't be written down that she has done it. IF she has been honest about what she has or hasn't done - then there would be NO NEED to exchange words at all = only read the forms... the info should be there already.

 

present your evidence that her behavior is unacceptable and is now affecting the clients. IF she would DO what is right - there would be no problems or wasted energy trying to figure out what she has or hasn't done.

 

then sit quietly and see how it plays out. only point out with as few words as necessary that her performance is unacceptable and change is needed.

 

ask your supervisor what is going to change? SHE is in a position to run things smoothly for the clients - and their best interest. without the clients - there is no job for any of you.

[Lauriebell82]

first, i would point out that the exchanges between the two of you aren't helpful to the clients.

 

second, i would point out that she fills out forms and doesn't DO what is stated on the form - actions not equalling her written words. she creates more needed exchanges by doing things backwards. IF she hasn't done the task - it shouldn't be written down that she has done it. IF she has been honest about what she has or hasn't done - then there would be NO NEED to exchange words at all = only read the forms... the info should be there already.

 

present your evidence that her behavior is unacceptable and is now affecting the clients. IF she would DO what is right - there would be no problems or wasted energy trying to figure out what she has or hasn't done.

 

then sit quietly and see how it plays out. only point out with as few words as necessary that her performance is unacceptable and change is needed.

 

ask your supervisor what is going to change? SHE is in a position to run things smoothly for the clients - and their best interest. without the clients - there is no job for any of you.

 

Okay, you are saying I should point out her incompetance in the meeting IN FRONT of her? My supervisor already knows that she does this, she has had "talks" with her (my coworker) numerous times and coworker still doesn't change her behavior, because there aren't any consequences for it.

 

I am being assertive in the fact that she needs to be respectful to me and not talk negatively about me TO my patients or in FRONT of them. She even told the patients that I was in a lesser position and was being moved to a higher position in a nasty way! That is none of the patients business and that is totally unprofessional of her to do. I personally don't have a lot of faith in this meeting. She isn't going to listen to me, she will only listen to my supervisor if she threatens her, which she won't do.

 

and totally harp on the fact that this has spilled over to clientele!

 

if i were a patient, i would think twice about continuing on if two of the staffers were seemingly hateful and unprofessional towards each other AND to the patients.... it one thing to keep it behind closed doors- but for her to start it up WITH patients that is just tacky and super wrong!

 

I'm not hostile or unprofessional towards her, she is towards me though. When she was verbally abusive in front of the patients, I just stood there in disbelief and said nothing. But yeah, it's not helpful to have her doing that at all. It makes her look like mean and me look stupid. Our credibility just goes down the drain.

[2sunny]

Okay, you are saying I should point out her incompetance in the meeting IN FRONT of her? My supervisor already knows that she does this, she has had "talks" with her (my coworker) numerous times and coworker still doesn't change her behavior, because there aren't any consequences for it.

 

I am being assertive in the fact that she needs to be respectful to me and not talk negatively about me TO my patients or in FRONT of them. She even told the patients that I was in a lesser position and was being moved to a higher position in a nasty way! That is none of the patients business and that is totally unprofessional of her to do. I personally don't have a lot of faith in this meeting. She isn't going to listen to me, she will only listen to my supervisor if she threatens her, which she won't do.

 

 

 

I'm not hostile or unprofessional towards her, she is towards me though. When she was verbally abusive in front of the patients, I just stood there in disbelief and said nothing. But yeah, it's not helpful to have her doing that at all. It makes her look like mean and me look stupid. Our credibility just goes down the drain.

 

absolutely point out all the things she does and doesn't do - in front of her! how else can she know if you don't tell her directly? don't be passive aggressive - state facts! have a voice - speak your truth.

 

show evidence of what she does and doesn't do - that is all. keep YOUR feelings out of it. just show evidence of HER inadequacy.

 

taking abuse and saying nothing is simply back wards. have a voice - speak your truth. the only way someone can be verbally abusive is IF you ALLOW it. stop allowing it! when she acts rude - simple state with a calm voice what is rude. state clearly that her behavior doesn't work for you!

 

respect is earned... are you earning the respect you think you deserve?

if not, make changes to show evidence that you deserve to be respected.

[laRubiaBonita]

absolutely point out all the things she does and doesn't do - in front of her! how else can she know if you don't tell her directly? don't be passive aggressive - state facts! have a voice - speak your truth.

 

show evidence of what she does and doesn't do - that is all. keep YOUR feelings out of it. just show evidence of HER inadequacy.

 

taking abuse and saying nothing is simply back wards. have a voice - speak your truth. the only way someone can be verbally abusive is IF you ALLOW it. stop allowing it! when she acts rude - simple state with a calm voice what is rude. state clearly that her behavior doesn't work for you!

 

respect is earned... are you earning the respect you think you deserve?

if not, make changes to show evidence that you deserve to be respected.

 

i agee with all 2sunny has said, and i wanted to add that i would also mention how this (meetings to correct her actions/ inaction) take away from your time and the supervisors time and the patients time.

 

shoot i might even approximate the cost of her actions to prove that she is wasting company time which = money.

[whichwayisup]

I can't always avoid asking her questions though. i do try to limit my interaction with her to the bare minimum. I need to get some info from her sometimes to get my job done and her of me. We don't talk in length or on a regular basis, just in order to get our jobs done. She asks questions of me and I'm always nice and respectful. Maybe I can shorten my questions or ask them in a way that won't illicit an angry response? I don't know how to do that though...

 

You are right that I take it personally when I shouldn't. That's just my sensitivity. It's hard, but it's something I'm working on.

 

Can you try to deal with her through email?

[whichwayisup]

Okay, you are saying I should point out her incompetance in the meeting IN FRONT of her? My supervisor already knows that she does this, she has had "talks" with her (my coworker) numerous times and coworker still doesn't change her behavior, because there aren't any consequences for it.

Until her boss makes her suffer consquences, either she gets written up, or has to go on an anger management course to learn how to be nice and not be a bitch, then all you can do is continue to act professional and not let her tone get to you. Also, apologize to the patient if she lashes out or says something dumb. let her look like the idiot, not you. All you have to say is, sorry you dn't need to be exposed to this stuff.

[Tayla]

Lauriebell, May I say that I have walked and continue to walk down the same path you are enduring. I can say quite simply- stay out of her path and she yours. Remain your true self and don't let that co worker take away your ability to be sensitive, Its a good character trait to have!!

 

On a side note- I have been the recipient of someone documenting events, its purely bias and I for one do not encourage character assassination as a means to resolution. Its terribly embarrassing and only serves to belittle a person. It took months for my boss to go beyond the documented pages and see that I really was a solid worker that was there for the company. Sometimes the pen is mightier then the sword and can do career damage...think twice on that...WHen one is falsely accused its so hard to come out of that "stigma".....

[florence of suburbia]

Ask your boss what the policy is for dealing with inappropriate behavior in the work place. Is there an HR department you can go to if your boss does not support you?

[D-Lish]

LB,

 

I have written before that in my first job after losing my business, I had to deal with a rude co-worker that made a point of being openly hostile to me when I started that job. It was completely out of the blue on her part, and she was a bitch from the first time I met her.

 

It got to the point where I literally got in her face and confronted her with equal hostility one day when she pushed my limits and said something under her breath. I spun around and tore a strip off of her. It shocked the crap out of her- I think she was used to getting away with being a dick to people. But she backed down 100% and walked away with her tail between her legs.

 

Not only did she cease her rude behaviour, but she tried to befriend me on facebook immediately after. I never had another problem with her after that- she in fact went out of her way to make amends after I stood up for myself.

 

There are conventional means to solving a problem, but sometimes you have to let someone know you won't tolerate being treated like crap.

 

I am in a supervisory position in my current job- and to be honest, I don't always have time to deal with petty squabbles amongst my associates, nor do I always want to. Personality conflicts are something you will have to deal with if you want to be in a supervisory position. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself.

 

If it were me, and she did something so inappropriate in front of clients, I would have waited until the clients were gone and gone ape **** on her a$$.

 

It's totally okay, and appropriate that you told her not to speak to you in a hostile manner. Keep asserting yourself. I know you are aspiring to climb the management ladder- and that means you have to learn how to be more assertive.

 

Don't be afraid to take a hard line when it's necessary. It's not easy to handle a situation like this, but your co-worker sounds like the type of employee that needs a harsh reality check.

 

Don't be afraid to give it back to her. Just don't stoop to her level- keep it away from the clients (I know I don't have to tell you that).

 

If you want to be in management, you're going to have to learn to deal with diificult people, so this is a good test for you. You have to work with this woman every day, so you have to find a way to deal with her. You can't avoid her, so you have to assert yourself.

[threebyfate]

From what you've written it appears to be a combination of issues. She's pushing at you because she's pissed off at you for previously discussing her misbehaviour with your mutual supervisor. And since there haven't been any consequences for her return to prior abusive attitude towards you, she's going to continue doing it until your supervisor puts her foot down.

 

This meeting between the three of you is a golden opportunity to express yourself. Surround your discussion points around your patients' complaints and the lack of professionalism that is being witnessed by non-company parties. Discuss hostile work environments and don't back down.

[PurpleReign]

If your supervisor is aware of all of this and is doing nothing to stop it, then your supervisor is not doing her job.

 

Research "hostile work environment" and document anything you can just in case you need it in the future.

[Lauriebell82]

LB,

 

I have written before that in my first job after losing my business, I had to deal with a rude co-worker that made a point of being openly hostile to me when I started that job. It was completely out of the blue on her part, and she was a bitch from the first time I met her.

 

It got to the point where I literally got in her face and confronted her with equal hostility one day when she pushed my limits and said something under her breath. I spun around and tore a strip off of her. It shocked the crap out of her- I think she was used to getting away with being a dick to people. But she backed down 100% and walked away with her tail between her legs.

 

Not only did she cease her rude behaviour, but she tried to befriend me on facebook immediately after. I never had another problem with her after that- she in fact went out of her way to make amends after I stood up for myself.

 

There are conventional means to solving a problem, but sometimes you have to let someone know you won't tolerate being treated like crap.

 

I am in a supervisory position in my current job- and to be honest, I don't always have time to deal with petty squabbles amongst my associates, nor do I always want to. Personality conflicts are something you will have to deal with if you want to be in a supervisory position. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself.

 

If it were me, and she did something so inappropriate in front of clients, I would have waited until the clients were gone and gone ape **** on her a$$.

 

It's totally okay, and appropriate that you told her not to speak to you in a hostile manner. Keep asserting yourself. I know you are aspiring to climb the management ladder- and that means you have to learn how to be more assertive.

 

Don't be afraid to take a hard line when it's necessary. It's not easy to handle a situation like this, but your co-worker sounds like the type of employee that needs a harsh reality check.

 

Don't be afraid to give it back to her. Just don't stoop to her level- keep it away from the clients (I know I don't have to tell you that).

 

If you want to be in management, you're going to have to learn to deal with diificult people, so this is a good test for you. You have to work with this woman every day, so you have to find a way to deal with her. You can't avoid her, so you have to assert yourself.

 

Interesting, because this is what seems to have happened. My coworker has been nothing but respectful and nice this week to me (ever since I stood up to her). The "meeting" never happened, no surprise there. But she has been very sweet and actually has gone out of her way to help me! I actually got my offical job offer, so I am officially promoted! Hopefully she will be nice and respectful to me from now on!

 

I think my supervisor does some questionable things, yesterday she told the new clinical manager (who doesn't start for a few weeks yet, we were out to lunch with her) good and bad things about each of us while we were sitting there. It was odd and sort of embarrassing! Ugh. Oh well! At least I got a raise!

[Citizen Erased]

Congrats LB, glad to hear you got that promotion.

 

Don't let her give you crap if she starts up again. But sounds like you've come a long way, you're very capable of dealing with someone like that. You seem so much more confident from a couple of years ago, if that's coming across online then I can only imagine IRL.

 

It's great to see things are good with you.

[Star Gazer]

Interesting, because this is what seems to have happened. My coworker has been nothing but respectful and nice this week to me (ever since I stood up to her). The "meeting" never happened, no surprise there. But she has been very sweet and actually has gone out of her way to help me! I actually got my offical job offer, so I am officially promoted! Hopefully she will be nice and respectful to me from now on!

 

Yay, that's awesome!! Isn't the new position in a different department though? Will you even have to interact with this person anymore?

 

I think my supervisor does some questionable things, yesterday she told the new clinical manager (who doesn't start for a few weeks yet, we were out to lunch with her) good and bad things about each of us while we were sitting there. It was odd and sort of embarrassing! Ugh. Oh well! At least I got a raise!

 

That is SO bizarre! What kinds of things does she say??

[Lauriebell82]

Yay, that's awesome!! Isn't the new position in a different department though? Will you even have to interact with this person anymore?

 

It's in my same department, it's not the management position. It's a higher level/higher paid therapist job. I will have to interact with her, but in a different way. She'll have a caseload and so will she, and we will work at the same time, so I won't have to do clean up work for her and she won't have the opportunity to dump on me.

 

That is SO bizarre! What kinds of things does she say??

 

She basically went around the table and said mostly bad things about each of us, but they were more like insults than anything else. She said that my one coworker was pessimistic and talked about her patients behind their backs and was nice to their face. She actually outed one my coworker (he's homosexual) and told the clinical manager that the patients call him "gay counselor" because he has the same name as another counselor who works in our department. It was just really innapropriate. The administrative assistant was there with us and she thought the whole thing was funny! Probably because my supervsior didn't say anything mean about her!

[Star Gazer]

She basically went around the table and said mostly bad things about each of us, but they were more like insults than anything else. She said that my one coworker was pessimistic and talked about her patients behind their backs and was nice to their face.

 

Interesting. That doesn't sound so much like an insult as a legitimate performance concern. Still inappropriate to discuss in front of others, but if true, ought to be addressed.