Confused728 Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 So I found out that my ex is engaged. From my understanding he just met this person in October. We Broke up for good last February. We talked on a few occasions in which he told me he was sorry for everthing, wanted to hang out with me. In August he even said he wished he could cuddle with me because its been to long. Then we had a fight and i blocked him from contacting me and haven't heard from him since.. Now i ran into someone who didn't know our situation all that well and told me that my x was engaged. I found out more info from someone else. He has only known this person since about October, this person already moved into his house! My ex used to tell me he wasnt the type to get married and based on his behavior i believed him. I heard his family thought it was alittle crazy and that he moved to fast and people werent gernally very excetping of it at first. What is going on in his head? Does he miss me and trying to cover up by getting married? What was wrong with me? Also we broke up because i questioned weather he was on drugs.. if you want to read my whole story about why we broke up.. its at this link here on love shack http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t206477/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted February 18, 2011 Author Share Posted February 18, 2011 anyone have any experience with this.. i am going nuts!! Link to post Share on other sites
raincheck Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 aw.. sorry you had to find this out but i think you need to change the way you are thinking about this-- i don't think the fact that he is engaged to someone else has anything to do with you-- it just has to do with him and his new relationship. there's no telling if it will last or not, but that's none of your business anymore, remember? it's been a year since you guys broke up, and he has clearly moved on, so you should too. i'm sure there were moments when he missed you, thought of talking to you, wanted to cuddle with you, but you did the right thing by distancing yourself from such an unhealthy person. now he has someone new in his life and that's just something you'll have to accept- but don't let it get you down in any way; him being with someone else doesn't mean there is something wrong with you-- it just means he was meant for someone else, and so are you. if anything, this provides some real closure. give yourself some time to absorb the shock of the news, be kind to yourself, and you'll find you feel better as each day passes.. because with this news, you can accept the finality of the fact that you two weren't right for each other, and you can move on to a healthier, better relationship.. with a healthier person! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted February 19, 2011 Author Share Posted February 19, 2011 They have only been together for three months before he proposed? Is this normal do these last? Im shockkkeeeedd and sad. I cant even express what i think. i dont know how i am going to deal with this.. I truly cant handle this shock! Link to post Share on other sites
LostLamb Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 My ex was obsessed with marriage. We split up and he found someone new within weeks , was engaged within two months and they are now married. I guess it happens a lot? People moving on quickly. I'm not the type so thought it was weird at the time? Link to post Share on other sites
matt367 Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 Yeah that sounds familiar. Sorry you have to go through this. My ex got engaged and married in about 5 months and it was tough dealing with it but you have to focus on your own life and your own goals. The fact is that a lot of times we imagine that this person is going to get married and live happily ever after but that isn't the case. My ex just called like 3 weeks ago(she got married in Dec 2009)after we hadn't talked in several months and was full of "i miss you's" and "i made a mistake" and it didn't really bother me because i had moved on and didn't really care. Point is try not to stress about it, you will find someone one day that is perfect for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted February 20, 2011 Author Share Posted February 20, 2011 ya Matt its tough! but it must have felt good for you to hear that she missed you after getting married! She probably rushed into it. I have a feeling my ex is rushing into this. I hope i someday recive the vindication that you received. I just feel this is a rebound relationship to an extreme extent. His whole family is shocked and is against it. Link to post Share on other sites
K.K. Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 (edited) I mean, gonna be married after 4 months. WTF. Do they think that they can just erase us it by ruining their lives actually MARRYING somebody they have only known a short bit.? Certainly, this cannot be love. It's spite. It's thinking they can move on with a new pair of boobs. I just don't understand men. Hence, why I am now single. ok or wang in your situation. Edited February 20, 2011 by K.K. .... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted February 20, 2011 Author Share Posted February 20, 2011 K.K. i really like to think its not because of spite. I cant see anyone being so dumb to marry someone in order to spite another person. That is just appalling to think about. I'm thinking that he was at a very low point and this person came along and got him out of it and he thinks its love after such a short time. We broke up last Feb.. talked a few times and even this past summer he told me he missed me, regretted everything, even back last april when we talk he said he realized that he loved me, and this summer said wanted to cuddle with me and i replied "I wish i could cuddle with you tonight and every night" and he replied with "then why don't you, i wouldn't reject you".. then we got in an argument again cause he was going to a party with those drug addicts and ignored my text.. so at that point i just blocked him and have no idea if he tried to contact me since. Though the block came off in November. So that was in August. I told him at that point if he kept up these games he would lose me for good and someday i would never come back in which he replied "You cant **** with my mind like that", I didn't contact him for his birthday which was the end of August and i know he was waiting for my call because someone told me he made a comment. And then in less than a month he started dating a new guy and then three months later they are engaged! But i dont know if they met in september or before hand.. Link to post Share on other sites
K.K. Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 Wait I'm confused. He's a guy? Your a guy? Not that that changes anything, I just feel stupid for the boobs comment. Well, ya know.. I think it's like you say and then some. He was hurting from the pain of losing you and then some new person came along and he just projected everything he felt for you onto him. And thinks he's in love. The spite thing...well.. stranger things have happened. Oh and I think when you put it down for him like that, that he would lose you for good, he just freaked and must've blocked it all offffffffff. My ex does the same thing. Freaks when I block him from my phone. You would think I cut off his arm or something. So I let him speak through voicemail and it makes him feel better knowing he can contact me and I get the crumbs which pathetically keep me going so... man... the world is a crazy place... all these weird connections we make with another person. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted February 20, 2011 Author Share Posted February 20, 2011 I just cant belive this would happen so fast. In Less than a year he was telling me he relized he loved me, that being single wasnt what he thought it was going to be, i wanted to meet up with me, wanted to help me with things, wanted to go the movies, wanted to cuddle with me, and bang all of a sudden he is engaged!!! What do i do now! should i tell him i love him and i want him lol! I blame myself for a lot maybe i should have expressed my feelings better maybe i was to hard on him i don't know i don't know but god my heart is killing Link to post Share on other sites
K.K. Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 I tell ya, I would never usually say this but I can't stop thinking that this was just some kind of miscommunication thing and he really has no idea that you care as much as you do. He is getting married. I can't believe it and I don't even know him.!! If it was me (were me?) I would shout it to the rooftops how in love with him I was if for nothing else than to give it my.last.best.shot. What can it hurt now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted February 20, 2011 Author Share Posted February 20, 2011 kk.I sometimes feel the same way that he was a whole communication break down. But I don't think i can do that I'm afraid i would be rejected and look desperate and foolish, I feel like it would be wrong of me. Also I just remembered once when we were texting he said to me "I never really believed you loved me as much as you say you did".. From what i hear he already picked his best man! But he never told me what he wanted either and i am assuming that if he wanted me I would know. Link to post Share on other sites
K.K. Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 Sounds like to me, he's settling for second best. Maybe because his first choice..... didn't tell him how he felt. I'm just saying... it's not a done deal yet. Then again, he's about to marry this mo fo. ****'s crazy. I'm sorry honey. :-( I know it hurts. But only YOU know what you guys had and only YOU know if there is any ANY possibility whatsoever. And if there is my friend, a little bit of momentarily loss of pride is a small price to pay. Ya know, I never minded being the dumpee. There are no regrets that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted February 20, 2011 Author Share Posted February 20, 2011 (edited) Id feel terrible though for the person he is with. Its just an awful situation. If i was his first choice why didn't he act like it and let me know? Their wedding is supposedly in July. I just dont know what to do. I feel like in in a movie and not in a good way. I still love him and have thought about him every single day for the past year. I cant take this im gonna go nuts Edited February 20, 2011 by Confused728 1 Link to post Share on other sites
K.K. Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 Well to me, it sounded sort of like he didn't know that YOU cared as much as you did. I don't know. But do you realize that you just thought of a complete stranger's feelings (one that is marrying your love!) over your own. He is marrying the person that you want to be with and you are STILL considering his feelings and how hurt that HE would be. There ARE some decent people left in the world...and you're one of them. What will happen will happen I guess. But you, you will be ok. (just tell him you love him though just one last time! Nothing says it can't be like a movie they get those idea's from somewhere don't they?) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted February 20, 2011 Author Share Posted February 20, 2011 KK.. your a bad influence lol!! I dont know if i could bring myself to interfere like that. I just feel so wrong Link to post Share on other sites
raincheck Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 you should really stop and think about if you are willing to deal with his drug issues. that's what pushed you to end this in the first place. its easy to want to reach out to him and tell him you love him, and will even feel great to get some validation back that you are meaningful to him and that he loved you-- but at the end of the day, do you really want that relationship back? it sounds like he is still hanging out with the same crowd and the same issues would come up..you yourself have stated before the drug related behavior is something you would "never be able to get over" etc. i think you are just having an emotional (and wounded-ego) reaction. we really have no place judging another relationship based on the amount of time they have been together. spite? that's just wishful thinking, in my opinion. the reality of the situation (and what you should face) is that, he has feelings for someone new now. he's not reaching out to you in any way at all. and he probably doesn't sit around and think of you and miss you the way that you do him.. don't reach out to him... it really sounds like you are just hurt and want to know he still cares about you, not that you want him and that same difficult relationship back. & that's not reason enough to interfere in his new relationship. at the very least, let the news sink in, stay NC, go on with your life, and revisit the situation in a few weeks. i'm guessing you won't feel as anguished as you do now.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted February 20, 2011 Author Share Posted February 20, 2011 Rain your right! I def dont think its spite! I didnt say that lol KK said that! Im not that naive to think anyone is that dumb to get married out of spite! But i do think it could be a rebound and that he fell hard and is seeking a quick replacement. I mean i don't even want to be in a relationship with a new person at this point im taking a slow and deliberate approach. But he just rushed into a relationship It doesn't seem mentally healthy by any standards.. especially a few months after the termination of a long term relationship. From my understanding the new person he is with is of that same kind of drug crowd, and a few people said it was a downgrade from me. I probably wont reach out to him sometimes silence is the best and most classy way to do things and says more than any words can. But knowing his trend of rushing into decisions then regretting them.. i don't think this was well thought out. He always acts before he thinks and tries to correct the problems after. That's what caused our break up.. he is always sorry after the fact, Me im more reflective and think before i do. I just don't think he did this from a clear and healthy state of mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 (edited) What am i going to do! what if i am loosing the love of my life? can he really be in love with this person after 3 months how real can that be! What if i was really his first choice? Edited February 22, 2011 by Confused728 Link to post Share on other sites
heart_stumble Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 don't reach out to him... it really sounds like you are just hurt and want to know he still cares about you, not that you want him and that same difficult relationship back. & that's not reason enough to interfere in his new relationship. at the very least, let the news sink in, stay NC, go on with your life, and revisit the situation in a few weeks. i'm guessing you won't feel as anguished as you do now.. I feel you 728. I recently found out from a mutual friend that my ex of 3yrs just got engaged, (met/hooked-up whatever with the guy 6 months before I ended it) And 6 months post break up, the emotional devastation or rather emotional tremor right now still drags me down. Though she contacted me last month on what felt like an ego stroking mission on her part...I'm recovering much faster thanks to NC. Don't judge the new relationship and try not to wallow in it too much. Focusing your energy on moving on is probably the best thing to get used to right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Onthelevel Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 There is something about spite within all of this, though. I was together with my ex for a little over 4 years. We broke up, she met some dude online, or "at a party" if you ask her, three weeks later she was "in love," a little while later, maybe three months they were engaged. Every single action had spite written all over it. She would post in her blog and compare us and about how amazing this seemingly inferior dude was to me. She sent me a message, where we were being very civil, and it turned 180 and she decided to give me a laundry list of reasons why he was amazing, how much different he is than me, and how much happier she is. She posts almost daily about "being in love" and her "soulmate." 'Til this day, she posts somethings that include me. On my birthday she posted "I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND SO MUCH. I AM SO LUCKY! MEANT TO BE!" Just juvenile behavior, trying to rub this burnout in my face. It's a full time job convincing themselves they're happy, especially when homeboy is 28, living with his parents and whatever.. Spite will carry people, but it will fail them. It will fail their marriage, their personal relationships, and am sure that in the end will make them look like a fool to themselves and everybody around them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted February 23, 2011 Author Share Posted February 23, 2011 Do you really think its spite, ?I dont think its spite, its always a possibility, but i just cant see anyone being that stupid to marry someone to spite their ex. it seems beyond dumb.. But u never know whats going on in someones head.. if anything im thinking my ex is infatuated with his new love.. that its a rebound and he picked him up. I don't think he was completely over me or the situation and needed a replacement. He is not on my facebook so I have no idea if he says how great his new relationship is. I doubt he mentions me as he said he didn't hate me before when someone asked. So Maybe he is just lonely and insecure and is afraid he wont find love again. Link to post Share on other sites
PurpleReign Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 My ex and I dated for 2 1/2 years, planning on getting married on Oct. 9. Broke up in April, he started dating a girl in June who was 19 at the time (he was 32) and guess what, THEY got married on October 9. That alone told me he had issues that had NOTHING to do with me. I must admit, though, it did hurt like hell. I read once that guys don't get married when the right girl comes along, they get married to the girl who comes along at the right time.... Link to post Share on other sites
precious24 Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Its more common than you think your situation... same thing happened to me:( we were together for 3 years, ready to get marry and have a family... we broke up and 2 weeks later he was dating. its been nine months now and he's engaged with this girl. not only that but she's six months pregnant... pretty much EVERYTHING he said he wanted in a woman and what he would say he would do if we were to break up he did the total opposite! until recently we started emailing and he said he 'respects' her but not once that he loves her... But it hurts alot because as woman we give our all... eveything he and i worked for went down the trash and everything i wanted this girl got in months! i guess it life... Link to post Share on other sites
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