What do y'all think?

[Help Me]

for those who don't remember, check out "the tables have turned" for a little refresher course.

 

First, on friday night a mutual friend that I had probably not seen or heard from in two years calls me and asks me to a surprise birthday party for this girl. Sadly enough, I will not be able to be there. We will be celebrating my sister's birthday that night. I thought that the fact that her friends are aware of me was pretty good.

 

Anyway, last night, she was a dinner party I threw. Everyone else left at about 9-9:30. She stayed till about 11 talking. It was cool. We NEVER used to get into these deep conversations. I would say that I know more now, than I did when we did date. Anyway, the subject of our dating before came up in just general terms. I did not tell her that I regret doing what I did. Anyway, think that tonight I will just go over there about fifteen minutes early and tell her just that. A group of us are going to the football game and meeting at her house. I get the sense that she is being guarded because she sees me hurting her again. I don't know where I want this to go, but there seems to be this wall that will always be there unless I do this and the sooner, the better.

 

Let me know what you think.

[Tony T]

This lady is really scarred. What you did to her was pretty traumatic. I mean this girl put her life on hold for three years while you were pretty much away...she goes to visit you...and you blow her off. She has got to REALLY LOVE YOU in some way to even talk to you now.

 

So considering that she still talks to you after all that, you need to overcome the trust hurdle.

 

You say you don't know where you want all this to go so until you do, don't set her up for another heartbreak...that is simply cruel. But if you want to date her seriously and the two of you are in the same town now, you need to sit her down alone and explain in detail what led to your decision to break up before...and you better make it sound real good. Then you need to let her know that getting to see her more and getting to know her better now has shown you how you made a devastating mistake by breaking up with her for which you are deeply sorry (she'll like that) and paying a heavy price.

 

Then you need to let her know that your fondness for her has only grown since the two of you had your long distance fling and that seeing her in person has done incredible things for you. Then just ask her if she would be open to gradually exploring a relationship once more. You should get your answer, yes or no, right away.

 

But don't tell her these things if you don't mean it and don't persue her just because she happens to be around now and is convenient. Go for her because you are very fond of her, very attracted to her, and really like the things you've gotten to know about her.

 

It sounds to me like you made a really sad mistake dusting her when you did...or you're brains weren't screwed in right at the time.

 

One of the great things in life is that (SOMETIMES) we get a second chance.

[Help Me]

It's like this...Three years ago, I basicly gave the girl, "it's not you, it's me" line. In many cases, it was. However, her not being around led me to forget what it was I had. I never and repeat never did anything that would be considered misconduct until I dumped her. We were in college when we met. it was new years eve 96-97. All we did was suck face all night in the bars. We would have slept together that night. We didn't because i had a friend in town. I refused to leave my friend alone in a strange city. Anyway, We were together the next two nights after the first. I left to go back to school. I came back to my city for a job interview the weekend of Valentine's day. So, anyway, I took her out for a nice dinner and got her a dozen flowers. That really brought our relationship to the next level, I feel. Anyway, I continued talking to her on an almost daily basis. I had spring Break in the last weekend of march and went to Mexico. Anyway, hers was the first week back for me and she came out to see me. So, when she came out, I knew things weren't right. I just didn't feel the same about her. I knew that I had to do something. I spent much of my time just thinking about the situation b/c I cared for her, but it wasn't the same. I dumped her on the third day. Shew flew back that night. In other words, got the hell out of dodge. Then, she called me the next day to tell me that she left her glasses. I told her that I would and never did. I still to this day feel like an ass for doing it. Anyway, I wrote that one off. Out of chance a new friend of mine knew her and brought her up out of conversation. I haven't been able to get her out of my mind since. The last thing I want to do is break this girl's heart again. She is incredible. I am really learning this for the first time. Anyway, I know that I want this girl in my life with every fiber of my being. I am, truthfully, scared s***less. Also, I know that I screwed up once.

 

Oh, she never really put her life on hold for me after we broke up. So, that's everything.

 

What do you think?

[artlover]

Here's my two cents:

 

Just be open and honest with her. Tell her what you're telling all of us, including the fact that you're scared s***less. That means something. Don't woo her and then let yourself get all scared again and then just repeat the same mistakes all over again. Please. There's a lesson here to be learned. This time you get to handle this better whether you decide to be with her or not. Just be honest and don't mislead her in any way. If you decide you can't be with her after all that is your right too...

[Tony T]

Artlover is absolutely correct. You need to tell her exactly what you told us in your response post to me. Be very up front with her and let her know just how you felt, just what kind of mistake you made, and how you feel you want to do whatever is necessary for her to understand your desire to make things right.

 

You know what to do!!!

[Help Me]

Tony, you are right. I do know. I just wanted to make sure because As I said before, even when I broke up with her, I cared for her. I just got gunshy. I guess it is only fair for her to be gunshy now. I plan to tell her that I need to talk to her later tonight when I firstsee her because A group of us are meeting at her house and going to the game tonight. Monday Night Football rules. So, I will appoligize to her later tonight and just wear my heart on my sleave. I will be honest about everything. it is actually nice, I must say. i thought that I might feel like I would be marching to my death earlier today. Now, i just feel good for doing the right thing. I actually want to do this. Tell me what you think about my delivery plans.

[Tony T]

Your delivery plans sound fine. Just don't be too mushy and be overly apologetic to the point of nausea. You still need to be a man and a challenge to be able to sustain the sparks in a healthy relationship. You are going to have to handle this very shrewdly so you don't end up out of control here.

 

Now, if you want to know what I REALLY think, I think Dennis Miller will do an excellent job of spiffing up some of the more boring games. That's what I think, but I may be wrong.

[Help Me]

Hey ton-

 

Boutrous Boutrous Gali.