Struggling

[scott123]

Well hey everyone. I'm probably going to be checking in to this site anytime I feel like talking to her.

 

This current breakup probably stings the most. My other two breakups had clear reasons behind them. This current one is just a lot harder. We didn't officially break up per se, but I guess it's clear that we're both moving forward.

 

I always treated her with respect and didn't take her for granted. I'm not sure what happened after new years but she got real distant, claiming she was too busy for me for a good 3 weeks and we barely talked at all even though I would try everyday. Then I finally got it out of her that she feels different about me.

 

I would sometimes feel trapped. She's outgoing and friendly, sometimes too much for my liking. She always thought too much of some people, and often got involved in the wrong crowds. All of her girl friends are single, and all of her friends are boy crazy. They would point out how nice a guys dick looked in his pants and get her to look etc. when I was around. I didn't mind her going out to the bar with them from time to time, but she started going out way too much without me and drinking way too much while she was out which made me feel like she puts herself in situations where things could turn horribly wrong. After all a lot of the time she couldn't remember what had happened, and I saw her grinding a guy once which killed me. Yet when I told her how much it killed me she called me weak, told me it was my problem, etc.

 

I've been told all my life that I don't talk enough. I'm a nice guy, I'm friendly to people, and when I'm around her I blabber to no end. I just don't speak up much in class or at society meetings and things like that. It got to the point where she made me feel really ****ty about it, going as far as to tell me to stop going to society meetings because I'm not a valuable member. I just felt I contributed in other ways in the society rather than voicing ideas / opinions all the time.

 

My quietness doesn't mean I'm boring by no means. I'm a hockey player, straight A student in university, traveller who's been to many places, and I've done adventurous/risky things that not many people can say they've done like sky diving and things like that. I'm only 22.

 

Anyway she always criticized every move I ever made. Small things though. Like I don't wear the right undershirts, if I shave she'll get angry and tell me I look funny, I don't do this, I don't do that. She criticized me so much over so long.

 

She is a selfish person. I think that caused a lot of the troubles in our relationship. I didn't have her "whipped" by no means. But she would expected to be allowed to do certain things while not allowing me to do those same things. I would often keep my thoughts to myself, if I ever had a problem I'd have to contain it, because if I voiced it she'd run away, often ignoring me and making things awkward for a week, while not owning up to anything. Then other times she'd complain that I didn't voice my thoughts enough. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

 

I can think of 3 or 4 legitimate times where I was real upset about something, voiced it, and she'd just call me psycho. One was because she went away for 2 months in the summer and totally forgot about me and our relationship all together. We didn't talk for the whole time although I had tried. The others were about her grinding on other guys, or me catching her in a lie about a dating site.

 

Anyway I am struggling. I'm not perfect either, I don't want to create a biased view here. However I do believe I treated her well, I can't name anything I've done to intentionally hurt her. I was loyal and didn't put myself in any kind of situation where she'd doubt me. I guess though I wasn't very supportive of her when she'd go out of town because she would always either get wasted or neglect our relationship.

 

So here I am.. she keeps saying I hurt her, keeps saying I make her miserable, I don't know why that is. I've been there any time she needed me, and she was rarely there the times I needed her. She would always put her friends and partying ahead of me. She says she can't live without me, can't see me with anyone else, can't stand to lose me. Yet, I'm here miserable, she's out partying with a smile on her face meeting new guys as always, while I'm taking time to myself trying to heal from this loss.

 

It's been a rough ending. Part of me wishes it could have worked out, but she's always going to have that "do what I want when I want" attitude regardless of how I feel.

[D78]

scott123,

 

You say your breakup didn't have a reason, but I think maybe it was to save your sanity. I'm sure there were many great qualities about this girl that kept you with her for years, but your post gives the impression that she:

(1) criticized everything, small things (like undershirts) and big things (like being quiet);

(2) belittled you, by calling you weak or psycho when you expressed your concerns about her grinding on another guy or disappearing for 2 months;

(3) was mean to you, by saying you look funny and do everything wrong, and by talking about other guys in front of you;

(4) was dishonest about the online dating thing... I think this list could go on and on.

 

Your ex does not like herself. Instead of addressing her own problems, she just criticizes you. There's no reason to be with a person you can't even talk to.

 

I know none of this helps much right now because you're hurting from the breakup. I don't know how to make you not hurt, so I thought I would encourage you to RUN, RUN FAR AWAY from this one and find someone that is exactly the opposite.

 

I'm sorry you're hurting. Keep posting here. There's tons of people who will help you.

 

Good luck.

[scott123]

Thanks for reading my thread. We go to school in the same town, a small school of not many people, and thankfully it's break time for our school so I was able to get out of town for a week. My mental health has been fluctuating, some times I feel great and other times I feel like the ****s.

 

I have to big time agree on the fact that she will never address her own problems. Ever. It was definitely the hardest part of the relationship. She would get mad if I didn't voice concerns, and when I did she wouldn't own up to anything so it was always lose lose.

 

She made me feel like sh*t compared to all of my guy friends. She'd always say how my friends could "get whoever they want" and she'd often interrogate me about guys I knew that she didn't know but she sure as hell sounded very interested / attracted to them. I always felt below a large majority of guys because of her. I don't see other girlfriends acting that way. We'd go dance at the bar together and she'd say how great of a dancer I was yet she'd never look at me. Anytime we'd ever dance she'd just be looking around, then she'd run and dance with her friends instead. I just feel so unwanted and looking back I was an idiot. I guess it was just the chase that kept me interested, but what was I doing chasing for almost 2 years. By the way she still puts stuff back on me and says I don't care about her, etc. Yet I don't have any stories to show how I don't care. I only have ones to show she doesn't. Don't get me wrong, we had some great times, but I think looking back they always had to be on her terms. Everything had to be. I was there when she wanted me, and that was it I guess.

 

I am pretty well raging right now. I was fine for the past few days. But I heard from a mutual friend that we had too many issues and she was completely done with me, which is something she wouldn't say to my face. I still don't know what the issues were other than she basically trashed me all the time.

 

My feelings are killed. We went to europe together last year and we were booked to go to tahiti in 2 months. We didn't book that long ago and now she pulled this on me. I didn't even change. I don't know what happened to her. I'm NC'ing. I made a huge mistake yesterday of answering her text telling me she hoped I was having a good break and that she'd "see me soon". I just said I was having a good break, hoped she was too (screwed up there) and that was it. I'm going completely NC now. Going to avoid her at all costs when classes start up again.

Edited February 22, 2011 by scott123

[Chi townD]

So, what's up with the Tahiti trip? If I were you, I'd still go....just....not with her.

[scott123]

I can't afford it. Her relatives live there so we had a place to stay. I can't afford accomodations there for 2 weeks. I'm stuck with a plane ticket. We'd also be on the same planes, sitting next to each other, and the whole time I'm there I'd know she's there yet we won't be having the trip we originally planned. Going with her as friends isn't an option, I can't imagine how I'd feel if she brought a dude back to where we were staying.

Edited February 22, 2011 by scott123

[scott123]

Probably the part that hurts the most is how she tells everyone that I dumped her and got the whole woes me attitude and got people turning on me. She uses this tactic to get sympathy from other guys and form relationships. I've heard of her doing it before. Oh, and to make me look bad about the whole Tahiti trip, like it was my fault or something. She will do anything to avoid any kind of responsibility.

 

Yet, I'm the one who's suffering, while I highly highly highly doubt this is taking any kind of toll on her at all, just knowing what she's like.

[Chi townD]

Well, I know tickets are non-refundable, but it doesn't mean that you can't change flights and location; also, dates. Pick a place down the road a bit. Like six months from now. Go to the Bahamas, or white water rafting trip in West Virginia. Point is, get away. Go on with life.

 

As far as the "woe as me" crap. If people ask you, be honest with them and burst the bubble with the truth. Other than that. The girl isn't worth your time.

[scott123]

Thanks for your reply. That's a good idea. Atleast it will give me something to look forward to, because I know it's going to be hard in 2 months time knowing I'm not on the trip I was supposed to be on.

 

Yeah, and I guess if she has to go around painting a bad picture of me then that says a lot about her too. If people ask, I'll set it straight, but if not, I won't go around making it a point to paint a bad picture of her. I know I focus on the negatives on this forum about her, but it's all that I can really think about at this point. There are so many things I want to list here that really pissed me off about her. Things that made me feel unwanted and just lusted for. Just so I can keep my brain from trying to think about the positives. I mean, not a night has gone by yet where I haven't had good happy dreams about her, which are obviously nightmares at this point.

[scott123]

Just another update. I'm not doing too well with this whole NC thing. Well, I mean, I've been very good at resisting the urge to contact her and resisting the urge to look at her Facebook profile. I hid her from my news feed and haven't checked her profile since we broke up.

 

I hear you're supposed to break NC if you have stuff belonging to her that she wants back. So, she texted me this morning saying she wanted her stuff back. She has a drawer at my apartment full of clothes and whatever. So I told her I'd leave it in our locker at our university. She wasn't having any of that. She said she'd get it from the apartment. So, I told her I'd get my roommate to give it to her when she comes and wished her good luck in school and everything. She said she wasn't having that either, and that she's only coming to get it when I'm there and she's making sure I give it to her. She said she 'needed to see me'.

 

Ugh. What do I do about that? I didn't answer, and 20 min later she told me she was having a bubble bath with the gift basket of body lotions and bubbles/oils that I gave her for valentines day. And how much she liked them. Why is she telling me this?

 

Where to go from here...? What is she thinking?!

 

edit: now she's telling me to make the hour drive out to see her because she wants to hang out. she said if I can't then we can hang out another time.

 

??? ugh

Edited February 22, 2011 by scott123

[scott123]

Any thoughts? I feel like there are ups and downs. She keeps reaching out to me, trying to text me non stop all day. This was after like 5 days or so of no talking at all. She keeps initiating everything. She texts me looking for support about things like upcoming tests and whatever. She will comment on how smart I am and how good I make her feel. She asked if she could call me because she wanted help fixing her phone. However I'm still avoiding her in school by taking other routes though and trying not to put too much effort into my texts back to her, I've been very slow texting back and not saying as much as usual. She said she hopes I can go party with her next week for her birthday. I asked her over text if she's trying to friend zone me because I didn't want that right now, and her reply was "No, I'm just talking to you :/"

 

 

Thoughts?? My head is pretty well spinning.

Edited February 24, 2011 by scott123

[scott123]

Now talking about a booty call, out of no where. Says she's joking but I don't think she is. I obviously can't do it.

[D78]

scott123,

 

This girl is no good. Please stop letting her mess with your head. If you had not talked to her since your break up, how would you feel right now?

 

She sure is interested in seeing you now, after nearly 2 years of ignoring you (except for when she criticized you). She wants help with school, things around the house, etc. You don't owe her this. You certainly don't owe her a booty call.

 

She may make you look like the bad guy with people at school, but most people probably know exactly what she's like. If they don't know and think you're the "bad guy," who cares about them anyways? They're ignorant.

 

So, here's what I think you should do: stop answering her calls. Send her a text or email saying she can pick up her things from the locker at school, because you are not going to meet with her alone in your apartment. If she won't have any of that, fine. Tell her you will throw the items in the trash. It's your apartment and your drawer, so you get to choose what happens to the items.

 

Next time she asks for help, say no. Explain that you're not in a relationship and you're not friends, so you're no longer her tutor, therapist, cheerleader, tech support, mechanic, handyman, etc. She needs to find someone else to help her (or better yet, grow up and learn how to do things on her own). Ask her to stop calling you, because she broke up with you and she needs to realize that means she doesn't get to have you anymore.

 

Try this for 2 weeks, and see how you feel. If you have made no progress and progress is no where in sight, you can always go back to this mess.

 

I should warn you - I don't think crazy is going away anytime soon. I suspect if you stand up for yourself, it might be the first time anyone has done that to her. Women like her have a way of mentally beating men into submission (too exhausted to fight for themselves anymore).

 

She comes on stronger the more you distance yourself from her. So, if you go NC she is most likely going to go nuts. If she has no response - bonus, you can start getting over her. If you take her back, she'll treat you like the lowest person on earth again.

 

You're going to have to be really strong, but you can do it and you owe yourself this much. She's been knocking you down for a long time now. You know you're not the person she says you are. So, it's time for you to build yourself back up to who you were before you met her. You can't do that when she's constantly messing with your head.

 

Be strong and good luck

[D78]

Also check out the "Was I Played" thread ( http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t266672/ ) because there are some great responses to a situation involving a similar girl.

[scott123]

Thanks D78 for following up on my thread, I didn't think anyone was going to reply for a while there.

 

If I didn't talk to her since we broke up I would probably be feeling a little or a lot better right now. You are right, I definitely don't owe her anything, and I have to try to fight the temptation to give in.

 

 

I know I will definitely make progress if I do the things you say for 2 weeks. I have to try to stick to that. The booty call thing really killed my self-esteem even more. The fact that she can be alright with that makes me feel like complete crap. Yeah, I'm a guy, most guys would probably love the idea of that, but I also try to give myself credit and I admit I really wanted to do it but I just knew it'd either lead to A) us getting back together with no issues resolved, or B) us not getting back together but me being drawn in more. Lose lose for me.

 

It isn't like she wants to be with me that bad anyway. She isn't trying. If she did want me back I'd just think it was because I was a last resort, or because she's lonely or needs to have sex.

 

I have to stop letting her mess with my head. For the past month and a half she's been partying and putting herself out there. Meeting lots of guys, getting drunk a lot, doing all that. Her life is moving full steam ahead and she just wants to keep me around, make sure I don't find anybody else.

 

I want to write down all the negative things about her just so I can keep reminding myself that this girl is not a goddess.

 

Some things I didn't like:

 

- Constant criticisms of me. Asked me what I ate for my meals everyday. If it wasn't healthy enough for her standards she'd get mad and make me feel like crap. I'm not out of shape by any means, she is just one of those people who are obsessed with nutritional labels. Any gram of fat in food is too much in her eyes.

 

-Criticize me for being quiet. Basically forced me to quit a school society we were both on together.

 

- Her constant wanting to get away. She jumps at any opportunity to get out of town and basically forgets about me while she's gone, I don't hear from her, and if I do it seems like she's forcing herself.

 

- Parties a lot, doesn't remember a lot from the nights she does party. Always worried me because she hooked up with people before and "couldn't remember it". Saw a picture of her on FB one day in the background of one of my friends albums and she was grinding a guy she didn't know, ass on crotch. This was one of the nights she went out with her girl friends to the bar. She also seems like she doesn't have fun unless she's drunk. Also seems like anytime she has a bad day she needs to get drunk.

 

-Saw her on a dating site and she lied about it, told me it was for school but clearly wasn't.

 

-We went out for 2 years and she slept at my apartment maybe 5 times. Bailed a few times. I slept at her place a lot but for some reason she would never come over here as much.

 

-Didn't spend much time around my family. I spent a ton of time around hers, getting to know them, my family lives 50 min away and she used this as an excuse. She probably came out and spent time with me and my parents maybe 3 or 4 times in 2 years.

 

-Anytime I had a issue she would blow up and ignore me for 4-5 days instead of talking about it.

 

-Selfish, never took into consideration how I felt about something. I'd go see girly movies with her but she couldn't go see my movies. I'd give her massages for 30-40 mins and she'd rub my back for 30 seconds at most.

 

-Sex had to be her way or no way. Certain position, lights have to be off cause she's insecure about herself, didn't care if it worked for me or not.

 

-I always pay for everything which is hard sometimes cause we're both students so the one time she offered to order us a pizza I took her up on the offer, asked her for the money so I could go pick it up and she lost her mind at me calling me cheap. I would estimate I spent 500 times more on her than she did on me in this relationship.

 

-Made it seem like every other guy was better than me. Some of my friends that she only met once or twice because they live away she thinks the world of, praised them up to no end in a way that made them seem better than me.

 

Also found it weird when we booked the trip to Tahiti that she messed it up and booked some of the trip on a separate flight from me and was fine with that. Could have changed it for $50 but she didn't want to. Just feels like I never really had her.

 

Thanks again for the replies hopefully you will be able to keep following up because I have a feeling I'll be posting again soon.

[Movingthrough]

First of all, kudos for doing all the right things. Your post above is a great way to resist the urge to contact her. The "goddess" stuff or what i call the pedestal effect, is a huge problem for guys. I never really found myself thinking my ex was "all that" but it was the fact that when i looked at other girls they weren't "her". For guys, this is a huge issue, her beauty (which comes from any girl) really stands out and the idea of them getting over us so quick, them walking around laughing talking to guys etc, will eat a man alive.

 

Funny thing is, from what i have read, heard and learned since the breakup, is that rarely are they as "well off" as they look, and our mind racing saying this or that is happening, is not usually accurate.

 

I made a few posts about my ex running her mouth to a friend and how it still makes me furious, to me that was proof (it was months after the breakup) that the lovely honeymoon phase she had with her new guy was not going as well as planned. I know it hurts and to be blunt she sounds like a straight up mental case, but know that she isn't as happy as she looks.

 

Your ex does not like herself. Instead of addressing her own problems, she just criticizes you

 

This quote here from above sums it all up. My ex was the same way, she didn't criticize me at all, but uses men as band aids to cover up her own problems. Easier said then done but you need to cut contact, grab the family jewels and tell HER how its going down, no you aren't coming by to get your sh*t, you can pick it up here. Screw her.

 

Also, and please dont take this the wrong way, but you let her run all over you, and thats why she did what she did. She had a good guy at home, but did whatever the hell she wanted because she knew you wouldnt do anything about it. Dating site? Rubbing on guys?....and you didnt break it off? Use this as a learning experience and dont ever let that happen again. You are worth more then that, start reading stuff on dating etc, David De Angelo writes some good stuff on how to feel more confident etc. You really are mature and have your head on your shoulders but her getting away with all that is not a healthy relationship and there has to be some aspect of you being the "man" when you are in one, sometimes you have to set your foot down..

Edited February 26, 2011 by Movingthrough

[D78]

I love the list! Before I found LS, I found another site that talked about the LEARN technique for getting over a breakup. L stood for "list all the bad things about your ex." Isn't it amazing all the negative things we ignore?

 

Keep us updated on your progress and remember when you want to contact her, post to LS instead. It really does help.

[Sugarkane]

I've also been told my whole life that I'm too quiet! Why does everyone have to be a loud mouth?

[scott123]

Funny thing is, from what i have read, heard and learned since the breakup, is that rarely are they as "well off" as they look, and our mind racing saying this or that is happening, is not usually accurate.

 

I made a few posts about my ex running her mouth to a friend and how it still makes me furious, to me that was proof (it was months after the breakup) that the lovely honeymoon phase she had with her new guy was not going as well as planned. I know it hurts and to be blunt she sounds like a straight up mental case, but know that she isn't as happy as she looks.

 

This quote here from above sums it all up. My ex was the same way, she didn't criticize me at all, but uses men as band aids to cover up her own problems. Easier said then done but you need to cut contact, grab the family jewels and tell HER how its going down, no you aren't coming by to get your sh*t, you can pick it up here. Screw her.

 

Also, and please dont take this the wrong way, but you let her run all over you, and thats why she did what she did. She had a good guy at home, but did whatever the hell she wanted because she knew you wouldnt do anything about it. Dating site? Rubbing on guys?....and you didnt break it off? Use this as a learning experience and dont ever let that happen again. You are worth more then that, start reading stuff on dating etc, David De Angelo writes some good stuff on how to feel more confident etc. You really are mature and have your head on your shoulders but her getting away with all that is not a healthy relationship and there has to be some aspect of you being the "man" when you are in one, sometimes you have to set your foot down..

 

Well I do kind of believe the notion that they are not as well off as they seem. Especially with this girl, for some reason she's always happy 100% of the time, or so she says anyway. I don't believe it though. Especially since she was ready to get her stuff back and then 2 hours later said no we should hang out instead.

 

She is definitely the type to run to another guy, too. It may not be anything serious, but she'll make sure she gets laid above all. She hasn't been alone and not seeing anyone for 7 or 8 years. She always has someone.

 

Thanks for telling me I have my head on my shoulders, it's hard to at times like this. Definitely no offense taken to the idea of her walking over me. I won't argue that at all. Those incidents happened at different points in the relationship and both times I got real mad and both times she called me psycho, said I was looking into it too far, wasn't what it seemed, etc. so she manipulated me into thinking it wasn't a big deal, however still to this day I think she might have been lying as she can never take responsibility. Never has in 2 years.

 

Definitely going to try to find some books to read, thanks for your reply.

[scott123]

I love the list! Before I found LS, I found another site that talked about the LEARN technique for getting over a breakup. L stood for "list all the bad things about your ex." Isn't it amazing all the negative things we ignore?

 

Keep us updated on your progress and remember when you want to contact her, post to LS instead. It really does help.

 

 

Thanks again D78, what did the EARN stand for if you don't mind me asking?

 

I'm going to try to come back here and read those negative things whenever I get in a rut, which is most days. The thing killing me the most is knowing she has possibly already had or is definitely looking to line up another guy. I know I can't do anything about this, and I know it's going to happen eventually. Maybe all these negative qualities will just come out again with her next guy. She really likes to have control and have relationships that are really only beneficial to her. I noticed there is a lot more negative things too that I didn't list that I thought about after.

[scott123]

I've also been told my whole life that I'm too quiet! Why does everyone have to be a loud mouth?

 

Well I'm glad I'm not alone! My whole life I've had those sarcastic "Shut up Scott, you're being too loud" every 2 minutes by people I knew and people I didn't know and then them following it up by laughing. Not so much today but still from time to time.

 

I'm not a mute by no means. I speak up when I need to. I just don't feel the need to blabber all the time. It doesn't hold me back any. I still go and do 1 and 2 hour presentations for school and do well on them. I still get jobs that are competitive and people-focused. I'm fortunate to have a lot of people who like me, I don't have any real enemies and I have always gotten attention from girls. I'm only 22 so I'm still hoping I'll grow out of it more. But when people label you as "quiet" sometimes you just get fed up with it and stay quiet, even though you'd like to change it.

 

Now this current girl didn't give me too much grief about it, she knew I'm only quiet in certain situations. It's just been lately that she's been *****ting all over me for it. I'm too quiet so I'm no good to the society, even though the executive love having me there because there aren't many people in it to begin with, and I actually think she's the one who is ridiculous sometimes because she blabbers any chance she can. She's the newest one in it, but wants things her way. I'd rather be quiet than be like that.

 

Her parents had a problem with me being too quiet. I really felt crappy about this. I was polite, always used my manners, showed affection in front of them, talked to them. But they'd always force me to drink, they'd shove beer down my throat everytime I was around them to try to get me to "let loose and go wild". I wasn't wild enough, too boring I guess. When I go to the bar, I dance the whole time, I've been told I'm a good dancer, I just let loose and don't care what anyone else thinks of me. People like partying with me the times I do party. But, I had problems feeling comfortable about doing this stuff around her parents. Why would I have to? They wanted me up dancing on tables.

 

My parents only saw this girl a couple of times, sometimes they wished she did stuff differently too but they didn't voice it. Aslong as I was happy they wouldn't care.

 

It's like.. everyday I'd have to prove myself to her and her family. I know her family liked me but come on now, again being too critical of me when they knew I treated her like gold. Even called me prince charming. They must have liked me to call me that, and they did a lot for me. Heck there were even times where her mom told me I was too good for her which I find extremely odd.

 

I also realized that everyday I'd have to entertain her and her family. We could never just sit and watch a movie in peace and quiet, I always had to be making her laugh, which I did a lot, but I find she exhausted me sometimes.

Edited February 26, 2011 by scott123

[D78]

Thanks again D78, what did the EARN stand for if you don't mind me asking?

 

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relationships/facts/dumped.htm

 

The EARN is near the bottom of the page. The only one I remembered was the N

[D78]

I'm quiet, too. Maybe not so much on LS, but in real life. If we all changed to be very talkative, the world would be a very loud place.

[scott123]

Thanks D78 for the link I think it will help.

 

I agree, it would be a loud and crazy place.

 

Still trying to stick to this NC. Found it extra hard today. She texted saying her life is crap lately without me in it. Said she feels like she's fighting for me but not getting anywhere. Thinks the breakup is final and I won't give her a chance. I don't see her showing any actions to show she wants me. She tries to text me but still accuses me of not caring about her, etc. She sent probably 20 texts. I ignored them but I've been feeling like crap all day.

[timchambo]

Scott

 

I also just got out of a long relationship with a very selfish person. If I am understanding correctly she is living at home still? While that wasn't the case with my ex (she lived with me), she had all her expenses taken care of by me or her parents. I think it got to the point she felt entitled to stuff. It definitely wore me out near the end. She was such a financial burden, I put my life on hold to help her achieve her "dreams". In the end her selfishness was the end of us. She got to where she wanted and left for another guy. Don't let this happen to you. I wasted my youth on this girl. Get rid of this mess and move on man.

 

So many similarities with my ex and yours. The only difference being mine never really degraded me I guess. But she is now running around trashing our relationship that lasted over 7 years. How can people listen and believe when she was "sooooo happy" all those years. Now she says she has "realized" so many problems since we split. You know what, I have too. She's a piece of ****. She never owned up to any mistakes. When we would argue, I would always be the bigger person and try to resolve the issue and start the peace talks. I could go on, but this isn't about her.

 

I know for certain my ex had issues with her self worth. She always felt like she couldn't measure up to me. That lasted until she got her new job and now I am not good enough. How quick the tables turn.

 

Move on bro. Don't be there to catch her when she falls.

 

I also found myself becoming more and more quiet as our relationship wore on. My ex is very chatty...overly chatty I would say. It eventually got to the point it became a chore to engage in conversations in groups. Since the split I have found myself returning to old form in many ways. One of which socially. I think I started to lose my identity as an individual. That is one of the changes I have welcomed.

 

Keep your head up, walk away and don't look back. If her own mom told you your too good for her shes right.

[scott123]

You know what, I have too. She's a piece of ****. She never owned up to any mistakes. When we would argue, I would always be the bigger person and try to resolve the issue and start the peace talks. I could go on, but this isn't about her.

 

I know for certain my ex had issues with her self worth. She always felt like she couldn't measure up to me. That lasted until she got her new job and now I am not good enough. How quick the tables turn.

 

Move on bro. Don't be there to catch her when she falls.

 

I also found myself becoming more and more quiet as our relationship wore on. My ex is very chatty...overly chatty I would say. It eventually got to the point it became a chore to engage in conversations in groups. Since the split I have found myself returning to old form in many ways. One of which socially. I think I started to lose my identity as an individual. That is one of the changes I have welcomed.

 

Keep your head up, walk away and don't look back. If her own mom told you your too good for her shes right.

 

 

Hey tim,

 

Yes, you're understanding right. The university we both go to is in her town of about 20,000 people, she's lived here her whole life and still lives at home with her parents. I'm not from here, so I live in an apartment.

 

It sucks that you went through the same thing. I read your other thread, I can't imagine how that must have felt.

 

I know exactly what you mean about the peace talks, it was always me who was the one who tried to resolve things. It's like she didn't know how. If things were bad between us, instead of apologizing or finding a way to work things out she'd just send me texts and act like everything was normal, or try to get me turned on or something. I felt like this exhausted me big time.

 

I think she used to think I was better than her, too, and found it hard measuring up to me. But somewhere along the road that definitely changed, and now all I hear is how lucky I was to ever have her, etc. treated me like gold all that bull. It was never her saying how lucky she was, always made it seem like she was a gift from god. I felt like an average guy and felt like she always had her eyes open to anyone new and interesting that came around.

 

I'm definitely not going to be there to catch her. I know she might want it to work but I don't think it's for the right reasons. I think she's lonely or have hit up the bars so many times now and realized that there isn't as much out there as she thought.

 

Defintely know what you mean about not being able to engage in conversations. This girl is overly chatty too, to a point where sometimes it's annoying. She reads people wrong all of the time, always has to get the last word in, if she has one enemy she'll cry about it. I think she needs people to make her feel good about herself, I don't think she can find it within herself, as others have said in this thread too.

 

I'm starting to find my old self more now too. I always knew I could be happy being alone. I had a few relationships that lasted 1-2 years and I usually took a year off or so after those just to find myself, and I was pretty happy during that time.

 

Makes it easier to think about moving forward when I hear stories like yours, and knowing that there are people who've been through situations with the same kind of girl that mine was like. Thanks man. Hopefully your situation is going good now too.