izzybelle Posted November 7, 2004 Share Posted November 7, 2004 mymojo, your guy sounds like a real jerk. but here's a question for him... does he look like the guys one sees in porn? sure many men (and women) have their fantasies, but many learn to come to grips with the fact that it just ain't gonna happen. i'm guessing the truth is that many of these women may laugh in his face or use him if he ever got that close. you don't deserve to be treated like that. i'd tell him to go right ahead. if that's what he thinks he deserves then tell him to go for it! tell him to get back in touch with you in say 5 years and see whether or not he's still mastubating to the web or whether he's actually managed getting the real thing. you, definitely deserve better and it doesn't matter what you look like, nobody deserves to be treated like that. let him "take care" of himself, while you look for someone to share your life with! Link to post Share on other sites
scatter Posted November 9, 2004 Share Posted November 9, 2004 I believe real love is about equality. You deserve whatever you offer in your relationships(but don't just expect it), but make sure you don't give it until you understand the one you love will offer you the same in return. the biggest mistake I see women making in this situation is when they first find out the one they love has a problem is not to address them until they have become so hurt they lose the ability to be rational. you should veiw pornography as a type of cheating. It's natural to want to have sex, to be curious about others bodies....it's not bad. but- looking at of porn however is not natural, it is not normal to objectify human beings, nor is it healthy. pornography creates unrealistic veiws and expections of the human body and the whole "does he look like the guys in porn?" he has a bigger chance of looking like a guy from a porn that most women do, because the pornography industry really pushes the more "average guy" with the" hot girl". this is my anti-porn site, it's under contruction http://oneangrygirl.20m.com/ Link to post Share on other sites
RowanRavyn Posted November 9, 2004 Share Posted November 9, 2004 If I read correctly you ASKED him to be discrete because it bothered you. It seems to me that you set him up for failure. He tries to be discrete by deleting histories and what not and you get upset about it. He is forced to sneak around to get a peek, and there is something to be said for being "naughty". Its exciting. A porn addiction is something that isn't easily controlled. It doens't go away in a day. A week. Or a month. Its like any other addiction. When its a true addiction it can be very disruptive to a relationship. If you can't come to an agreement on this..move on. You have a right to your morals and expectations. If he can't meet them, then its unfair to BOTH of you to remain together. He can't meet your standards, and you will constantly beat him up for not being able to. Link to post Share on other sites
lunatic Posted November 12, 2004 Share Posted November 12, 2004 I'm so glad I found this site - I can sympathize with you ladies that have been ensnared by the unhappy side-effects of porn! I too discovered that my husband of 5 years is still sneaking around to look at porn on the internet - he actually was coming home from work at lunch just to get off while I wasn't home! I say "still" because it's been an ongoing problem for years. It's turned me into an absolute mess - I am so suspicious and paranoid about everything that I have been making it worse. I check the logs on the computer to see what he's been looking at and always worry when he's not in the office or home late. I have completely lost my ability to trust what he says, so talking about it has become useless as it just turns into fights. He is so afraid of my "freaking out" that he goes to great lengths to hide it and has also become extremely defensive and unwilling to talk about anything regarding our problems. I agree that the porn isn't really the problem - it all boils down to trust and broken promises. In the end, I don't think the porn itself was what bothered me so much - it was the fact that he knew it hurt me, would tell me that it wasn't a big deal and that he didn't need to look at it at all, but was still willing to lie about it and hide it from me. Then when he would get caught, he would flat out lie to my face and try to turn the arguement around to avoid the subject. He doesn't trust me enought to confide in me and be honest and I don't trust him enough to let things go. I really wish that I had been more aware before we got married - I don't really see any way to fix what we've broken now that so many years have gone by. We are in the process of trying to decide what to do, or rather, I am because he won't discuss it. Link to post Share on other sites
Fritz Posted November 14, 2004 Share Posted November 14, 2004 Originally posted by mymojo no need to remind me, after months and months of dealing with a partner who cannot orgasm with me, the above are the blunt but truthful answers he gave me.He told me he loved me but that in order to raise myself to his minumum level of attractiveness required to orgasm wiith me would take more money and more time than any normal person has. I can either content myself with pleasuring him orally and masterbating alone or I can leave..plain,simple.He took me to page after page of busty,curvy beauties, and sadly said "why would I find you physically arousing after looking at them?" It hurt like hell but in all honesty I couldn't disagree with him, the women of porn and erotica are beautiful, I am not. Oh yeah, thats real love right there. "I love ya baby but yer just too darned ugly compared to a bunch of pron stars..". No kidding? Most folks don't look like porn stars/movie stars. I can go online and stare at Salma Hayek's picture and dream and thats great fun n all but its not the real thing. 5.a man is only as faithful as his options. either be grateful when I lower my standards enough to sexor you or I'll start exercising those options. As far as men being only as faithful as their options.. same thing applies to women dear. I've known a fair share of gals who were always lookin for the BBD, then some find out the grass ain't so greener on the other side. Good thing is, not all people think like that. Go find a guy that ain't a wanker who treats you like shiat. They do exist or so I'm told. Link to post Share on other sites
mymojo Posted November 14, 2004 Share Posted November 14, 2004 Originally posted by Fritz Oh yeah, thats real love right there. "I love ya baby but yer just too darned ugly compared to a bunch of pron stars..". No kidding? Most folks don't look like porn stars/movie stars. I can go online and stare at Salma Hayek's picture and dream and thats great fun n all but its not the real thing. As far as men being only as faithful as their options.. same thing applies to women dear. I've known a fair share of gals who were always lookin for the BBD, then some find out the grass ain't so greener on the other side. Good thing is, not all people think like that. Go find a guy that ain't a wanker who treats you like shiat. They do exist or so I'm told. Fritz, as an older woman finding somebody new isn't easy.My male age peers look right thru me as if I wasn't even present.Older guys want younger women. I've talked to many of my women friends, many of whom haven't had so much as a date since their divorces.In order for an older woman to find a new relationship she must keep herself uber fit and trim and well kept,with each year over 40 that she is the bar is raised in that only the top 2-3% of women can even hope to compete lookswise.An older woman must also be willing to do things like bankroll most of the relationship and accept the fact that the sex if it exists is likely to be rather dismal. Those are the facts, you deal with them or you end up living alone with a houseful of cats. The other aspects of this relationship are good, he only finally broke down and told the truth after months of denial which were crazy making ie: ever had somebody tell you "the problem isn't your fault" when it clearly is? Truth of the matter is, after looking at a lot of porn, I can fully understand why he enjoys it and I can also understand why, after looking at those beautiful women in films, pictures, at the gym, in the stores and on the street why the thought of seeing me nude and having to make love to me out of obligation would be a harrowing, horrid experience. One cannot help what one is attracted to, young, firm, lucious, full breasted, tight assed, smooth skinned women get his penis hard. This beat up, scarred,wrinkled old lady does nothing but cause him emotional pain because he loves me with his heart but his penis recoils in horror at the thought of touching me. It is what it is.. I can't say it makes me feel good but I can stand aside from myself enough to understand it and to even feel a measure of empathy for him. Link to post Share on other sites
scatter Posted November 15, 2004 Share Posted November 15, 2004 reading all of these post make me kinda hate men, and it makes me wish I were attracted to women....lesbianism seems alot easier, doesnt it?......more equal. Damn it. Link to post Share on other sites
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