I feel like I'm engaging in self-destructive behaviors

[Confused100]

I will be applying to law schools this Summer. I will be a senior in college next quarter. I am studying for the LSATs and aside from a couple clubs I'm in, that's the only thing academic I can find motivation to do.

 

I have a new best friend in college. We hang out a lot, have a class together, talk all the time, etc... Sure, I'm attracted to her, but she has a BF. So maybe I'm just trying to cram it down my own throat that our relationship is more like that of siblings. Whenever she calls or texts wanting to hang out, I'm more than happy to do so, even if that means occasionally skipping class. I don't know if this has any bearing on it, but maybe I'm more inclined to because before this year, I never really hung out much. It didn't help that I used to lived off campus, but that's probably just an excuse I make up.

 

So, maybe y'all are beginning to see the self-destructiveness of it. It's like the convergence of an already apathetic attitude towards school along with a change in my social life are creating an even more unhealthy situation. I'm already unmotivated to try hard in school. I've padded my GPA really high so far, that I feel like it doesn't matter if I get a few 3.5s in the last two quarters that actually matter.

 

Gah, I don't know.