wild_urge Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 I feel at the edge of my strength. Today, my parents made me sit down with my sister and told me that, they are not getting along very well and they'll probably separate. I mean, seriously, I am already having such hard time with this long distance relationship, even the smallest thing brings me to tears. I work 16h a week, which is more than I could take, because I have to go to school and since I have been back from our last visit, I can't study, at all. I just can't force myself to do it. . . And now this, I mean, what's next? Not only that he told me last week that he has to take care of his mother and so he will not come here this summer, which means I don't how much more in LD, but now this ! I just don't what to do, I have been trying my best so far . . . I don't how much longer I can do it . . . Don't suggest that I should break up, you can't just break up with someone you love, he is my closest friend, he's the reason for me to wake up every morning . . . I guess I'm just writing here to share the pain, thank you for taking you time to read this . . . Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 Wild_urge, I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time. I can't imagine what it feels like to have your parent's split up but I can understand it must be a very emotional time for you. Breaking up with your bf is the last thing you should do - what makes you think anyone would suggest that (unless there are problems in your relationship)? Just because you're not physically together doesn't mean he can't support you through the tough times. That's what having a partner is all about - caring and sharing and 'taking the rough with the smooth'. You will cope with this phase in your life, as difficult as it is - just hang in there. (((((hugs))))) Link to post Share on other sites
TokyoG33kyGal Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 hi wild_urge. how old are you? i know it sounds cliché but you will get over this. there are times in our lives that we will face these types of hurdles and if you can move past it, there's no big problem that you cannot solve. it will make you stronger. you need your friends, sister and your boyfriend more now to support you. Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 Sorry to hear you're going through this. I noticed you mentioned that your parents "may" separate. I'm assuming it isn't yet official? I don't mean to sound cliche, but my point is is that there still may be hope that they are able to reconcile during this time. I know of many couples that have decided to stay together and were able to resolve their issues during their separation and decide not to go through with a divorce. I'm not saying this is the norm by any means, but it can happen. And if it doesn't, I hope you and your sister will be there to support each other. No one would ever suggest breaking up with your SO solely because of this issue as the two have little to no relevance to one another. There are still ways he can be there for you even if you can't be together in person during this time and I hope he's doing just that. Link to post Share on other sites
creighton0123 Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 I'm not sure who among us would advise you break up with someone when you're obviously in a solid relationship, albeit one hyper-emotionalized because of the distance. You have plenty of things pushing against you in your life. I'm not going to be cliche. I will tell you this as a fact: When it comes to early adulthood, things almost always get much better. My only advice? If you get a day to yourself in the near future, take it. Even if you truly can't afford it, get yourself a nice pampering/massage or do something you really enjoy. Find something that will help you psychologically scream in frustration. Don't pretend you have to be strong in order to cope. You don't. You just need to be expressive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wild_urge Posted March 1, 2011 Author Share Posted March 1, 2011 I don't know why but I have had a poor luck since I came back. I really have been way too emotional. The day after my parents told me that they want to separate, I had to work and I literally burnt the oven where I work, now my boss is not talking to me, because it cost him 1000$ to repair it and I was too afraid that he'll ask me to pay for it which i can't afford if I want to save money for the next tickets so I didn't try to thank him or anything because I'm sure he would start blaming me and I don't think that if the oven was in perfect condition would break so easily. Anyways, my parents are pretending that nothing happened last weekend, so that is ok. BUT I did something really stupid this weekend. I was out with some friends and I started talking with a very close friend of my bf and he told me he know exactly how I feel and that my bf is just like that and that I will need to persuade him to come here. Anyways, that just convinced me that I am not crazy and he really needs a push and it's not because he doesn't love me, but that somehow made everything seem so much harder, since he's just withdrawing when i try to push him, maybe I'm not doing it the right way. Anyways I got extremely drunk and started crying, I don't remember at all how the night ended, but my sister was there too. She said that I was crying hysterically ( because of the alcohol obviously ) and I screamed at her, so she really didn't feel like taking care of me, but when she saw that one of my closest friends didn't do anything, she got me into a car with a friend to drive me home. Needless to say, I had to pay 80$ to get his car cleaned. Anyways, I don't remember anything but apparently my sister was considering bringing me to a hospital. Since I'm in a LDR I really have no days off and I rarely go out, so I guess under the alcohol I just let it all out, plus that friend of my bf, saying he knows how I feel just made me even more emotional, since he was separated from his gf for a while too, but now they are together and getting married. I didn't tell my boyfriend that I was crying hysterically, because he would think that I'm just obsessed and I probably just needed to let go of all the stress. The bad thing now is that I am really upset that my friend didn't try to help ma at all, everyone else asked me how I was doing on the next day, but she hasn't called and I left her a message on fb saying that I was sorry ( that was before my sister told me that she really didn't do anything to help ). Anyways, it's not such a big of deal, it's the first time in my life that I get so drunk and it is not going to happen again. Now I have to decide what to do with my bf. He's going away for a week to visit his aunt with his mother and to do some research for his upcoming thesis so I told him that I think he should talk to his mother and just ask her what she expects of him when he graduates in 3 months. I am considering writing to his sister and telling her what he's planning to do and asking her to talk him out of it if she as me believes is really not going to make things better for him or his mom in any way. I don't want to do anything behind his back, but I believe that his friend might be very right that he needs a little push and he'll listen to his sister. I know it's long and confusing. I am starting to see just know how hard LDR really are, because you have all the problems that people have in normal relationships, but you also have the distance and it makes things so much harder. When I read here about what is happening to other people, sometimes it seems that they really shouldn't be with the people they are with, but actually, it's not true, no relationship is perfect, just because it is not how we want it to be it doesn't mean we should give up, it's hard work that makes a relationship strong. I am not giving up on him, he's too wonderful, even if we have so many things to fix and believe me I also have some issues to work on ( nothing major from my point of view, but there really are some insecurities I should work on, that sometimes make it hard for him to deal with me ). WE'LL FIGURE IT OUT Link to post Share on other sites
Author wild_urge Posted March 1, 2011 Author Share Posted March 1, 2011 Thank you all for the support! Link to post Share on other sites
Author wild_urge Posted March 3, 2011 Author Share Posted March 3, 2011 should I write to his sister ? Link to post Share on other sites
TokyoG33kyGal Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 personally, i would avoid "triangulation" (involving a 3rd person). if you are considering your boyfriend as a long term partner, then you should be able to handle your issues/conflicts on your own. you don't want to involve another person everytime just so you can say him what you want or do not want in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wild_urge Posted March 3, 2011 Author Share Posted March 3, 2011 that's true , but then not all people are the same and this is a big thing and I'm away from him so it's hard to convince him. . . I don't know, I don't want to trick him, I just want him to see that other people also think it's right, he's all alone where his studying now, so he has no one to disscus these things with. . . Link to post Share on other sites
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