Problems? Tony..please advise

[Tah]

I have a little situation I want to ask about that Im frequently experiencing in my longterm relationship and I want to find out if the problem lies within me and my securities, my boyfriend being insensitive, or both?

 

First, some background info...We have been dating 1 year, we plan to live together soon and we are VERY much in love, we both know how much the other loves and cares for them. Right now there is a little distance between us geographically, so we only see each other once or twice a month, this itself is hard on the relationship. I do admit I have been told by many I'm a beautiful woman, but sometimes I don't find myself very attractive.

 

The entire time we have been together, this person has always said things about people of the opposite sex in front of me, in regards of how HOT they look, how their chest looks, statements re: their body, etc. It can be about movie stars or people in every day life. It used to be way CRAZY..and once I stated how it hurt me, he calmed down a big deal. However, he still does it, and it still hurts me. I have talked to him over and over, and it seems to get somewhere, and in no time he's back at it again. He gets all mad at me..and tells me it's me, and my insecurities, and that he should be able to say anything he wants in front of me and me not take it that way and that I should know he loves me and me only..and that none of these girls matter. He says I hurt him when i get upset about stuff like this because that's like saying I don't trust him, believe in us, and his love for me. It's not that I don't know all this stuff, it's just it's hurtful to me to always hear about how he finds other women attractive. I do suffer some low self esteem, but it just seems some men are more prone to want to constantly comment on women in front of me than others. And the more in love I am with the person, the more it hurts. Am i crazy or what?

 

So, when he makes some annoying statement about some female and I tell him it bothers me, it blows into a huge argument..no longer about one little thing, but our whole relationship!

 

Any help on how to handle this, etc will be appreciated it.

[Tony T]

It is extremely rude for any man to make comments about other ladies' body parts, etc. in front of his special someone. After you told him how hurtful it was and he continued, though slowing just a bit, it became more rude in my book.

 

It's OK when guys comment to each other, but it lacks class, consideration, respect, and good manners to do this in front of a guy's special lady...who has already told him it hurts. So now that you know that he lacks class, consideration, respect, and good manners, do you still want to live with him???

 

If I were you, I would start commenting about men...their butts, their chest, their looks, even speculate on the size of their penises. She how he likes it. I know this sounds childish but it is the only way I can think for him to see first hand just how what he is doing looks from another viewpoint. I think it would be fun and make you feel good if you did this, at least as a temporary experiment, and he would have absolutely no ground to get upset.

 

If that doesn't work, you are just going to have to put your foot down and tell him just how rude, unmannerly, classless and hurtful his comments about other ladies are and that if he doesn't terminate the behavior, you will terminate the relationship.

 

Frankly, I don't think any self-respecting woman would tolerate this kind of behavior in a boyfriend.