Information about surveillance and stalking

[Mrs. Jones]

I need some advice or insight to a string of events that had happened with me and my xMM.

 

We had been seeing each other for about two years when we were outed in a most wicked way. My husband had first received a note on his car when he returned from a golf round. It was signed “a friend” …and that he had seen me with another man. My husband presented me with the letter, and I of course, denied it. He then thought someone was joking around with him, or just did not like him. He had asked the guys in the pro shop if there were security cameras around to find out who this person could be. They suggested he get one for his car, but would keep an eye out for any suspicious activity. D-DAY 1

 

Fast forward two months. My husband receives a package on his car…again where he golfs. In it was another note with all of my xMM’s info…family names, addresses, phone numbers…etc. Also a video of us kissing at a place we would meet to talk. The note stated there was more graphic content, but would not send it as to not hurt him. The note claimed the xMM’s wife would be receiving the same package. That night my husband called him and gave him a piece of his mind and told him to stay away from me. xMM told his wife about me and us. They had not received a package. We stopped seeing each other and had very light contact after this. D-DAY 2

 

We met only one time for 30 minutes, after 4 weeks had passed, to say our good-byes in person. I told my husband, after the fact, that I did this.

 

Fast forward two months (Thanksgiving). My xMM’s wife comes home to find a package with the same video and a note about my info. In her note “the friend” states I have been followed for quite some time. He also tells her about our meeting the month before and the other places we would frequent (which was prior to the first video, so there was no new info). My husband’s note did not have this info, so at this point, she has received more info than he has. In her note the person wrote that the xMM’s employer would be receiving the same package. D-Day 2 for xMM.

 

Fast forward one month (Christmas). The video arrives at my xMM’s employer.

 

This has been carried out in a slow, methodical, vengeful way. I do not think it is a PI, as this is not their MO. This is personal. This “friend” has it out for the xMM and is trying to hurt him in a most awful way. It is none of his business and he is terrorizing the family.

 

I have gone to the local PD to report all of this (with my husband), but they cannot do anything as the notes are not threatening. There are laws where I live in regard to stalking, but I am not certain who it is…but I do have a suspicion and I want to catch this person for all of the hurt they have done to everyone. It’s one thing to out everyone and to let us heal and move on, but this person is terrorizing and tormenting. Even after all is done, he is still harassing and sending material. It’s sick. Why did he not send it all at one time? Because he is enjoying the pain he is inflicting.

 

4 weeks before all of this started I met a man at the pool where we golf. My husband introduced him to me as he felt sorry for him that he did not have many friends…he’s sort of shy and bizarre. Anyway, I had sought this man’s advice for something and was nice to him a couple of times. I had learned his wife had left him and his daughter for another man. My husband and I suspect it is him. This man lives a mile away from me. He works from home. I believe after he met me, he either saw me with the MM and started to follow me, or he followed me after we met and found the MM with me, then commenced his mission.

 

This man since has been distant with me and some weird situations have presented themselves to also confirm, at least to me, that it is a good possibility it is him.

 

I want to know about surveillance. How could this person know where I was at all waking hours of the day? He, or someone he knows, was there when I met xMM after four weeks of no physical contact, which tells me he follows or has me followed constantly. How is this possible? I know I’ve been followed from 8:00am to 6:00pm. He has given us evidence of this in his notes, and from many venues. I’ve even been followed to other towns. I had my car in the shop a while back and had them check for a tracking system, but they found nothing.

 

Can anyone give me insight as to how someone can know where I am at all hours of the day? How I might be aware of someone watching me? What to look for when I am out? What types of surveillance would someone use to track people?

 

Thanks in advance for your time and advice.

[awkward]

I'm sorry that you are dealing with this. The first thing I would do is check my car for a GPS unit (again). Next I would check my phone and computer for spyware.

 

Perhaps your husband was on to you a bit earlier than you suspected. It could be this random guy that you met, but unless your husband hired him to follow you I would think it is a longshot.

 

Think about who would really have it in for your XMM? Does random guy even know XMM? A slow, methodical trickle of information to hurt XMM would probably come from someone who is close to your XMM or from someone that your XMM hurt like your husband, his wife, or an OOW.

 

I'd place my bet on it being someone very close to XMM and XMM would be wise to check his car, phone, and computer for surveillant equipment.

Edited February 20, 2011 by awkward

[carhill]

Can anyone give me insight as to how someone can know where I am at all hours of the day? How I might be aware of someone watching me? What to look for when I am out? What types of surveillance would someone use to track people?

 

I can assist with this part. If you drive a vehicle, a GPS tracking device can be installed which gives real time information as to the vehicles position, speed, and time spent motionless. My best friend uses this technology, in his case a product called @roads, to track his employees in company vehicles, as those vehicles are provided for both personal and business use. The technology ensures compliance with employment agreements and facilitates better productivity.

 

Second, if you have a cellular phone, especially a newer one, many incorporate GPS and/or cell site tracking technologies which can be enabled. For example, if you have a phone where you can get mobile directions from your position to a desired location, you have such technology. This can also be used to track you.

 

Lastly, some people use human trackers, called private investigators, to compile dossiers on targets and provide both factual data (like video, pictures, captured sound, etc) as well as subjective 'reports' of situations and movements. A PI is likely the most formidable of tracking technologies because they have the flexibility and adaptibility of being human, as well as having access to the latest and most advance tracking and surveilance equipment and technology.

 

You can defeat most amatuer tracking attempts with 'going simple', like getting a throw-away phone and sweeping the vehicle for bugs and using a known secure computer for communications, and limiting such communications. The best simplicity is in-person meets. Obviously, simplicity won't defeat a PI, but PI's are very expensive and most people can't afford to employ them for any length of time.

 

This presumes the 'stalker' isn't doing the work personally. In your case, it appears someone is following you. If the shop used a RF (radio frequency) sweeper, they could determine that there is no *active* GPS tracking device sending out signals. There are sophisticated devices which are passive/triggerable that can evade simple sweeps but are vulnerable to more complex technologies and also active use of GPS blocking devices.

 

Anyway, sorry for your troubles. As long as the person isn't threatening or intrusive on person or property or can be proven to have installed a tracking device on your vehicle, LEOs can do little. It's part of living in a free society. Think of how paparazzi loiter near stars homes and vacation spots to get a candid picture. Annoying as heck, I'm sure, but generally perfectly legal.

[Heather1]

Yikes! Well, I hope it's a PI & not some creepy, obsessed, A vigilante!!

 

I'd be careful what you post on FB & make sure you don't have easy passwords either for access to emails. Document everything (since you now all know) & see if you can figure out the source.

 

How scary!

[threebyfate]

This isn't a PI unless this person hired one to keep track of the two of you. Hate to say this but it sounds like something a woman would do. Has your ex-MM had any previous affairs? The reason I ask is that it sounds like a jilted lover.

[bentnotbroken]

Sounds like a pretty good person. Some people just don't like seeing others misuse and abuse the people they claim to love. Terrorizing a family is a bit strong since the children didn't receive the packages. As for your rights with the police...as far as I know you have no rights. I mean under handed things beget underhanded things. Maybe this person has an ax to grind...like a former OW.

[jj33]

Actually you may have rights. Isnt there a case or something in Indiana where someone was arrested for going through his Ws computer? Im not saying the suit is right just that I read somewhere that it existed.

 

I would go see a local criminal lawyer or PI and see what they tell you.

[awkward]

This has been carried out in a slow, methodical, vengeful way. I do not think it is a PI, as this is not their MO. This is personal. This “friend” has it out for the xMM and is trying to hurt him in a most awful way. It is none of his business and he is terrorizing the family.

 

Why did he not send it all at one time? Because he is enjoying the pain he is inflicting.

 

 

This screams of someone who is trying to hurt XMM. He probably has a very good idea of who it is. Have you asked him who he thought it is? Were you his first OW?

 

If not, was there a d-day with his ex-OW? It could even be an XOW's BS doing this. Whomever it is really has it in for him by involving his employers.

Edited February 20, 2011 by awkward

[findingnemo]

This isn't a PI unless this person hired one to keep track of the two of you. Hate to say this but it sounds like something a woman would do. Has your ex-MM had any previous affairs? The reason I ask is that it sounds like a jilted lover.

 

I agree. It is a woman (the note on the car). The main target seems to be the xMM but she needed to get you out of the way first. Also, an xAP would know about his work place and how his boss would react to information like that. Sounds like "Fatal Attraction" actually.

 

The surveillance sounds like it was done by a pro. It is easy to hire a PI and then use the info he gives you to terrorize people. It could be the man your H introduced you to but if it is, he was hired by someone else. Ask your xMM who in his past is mad at him. Start there.

 

Alternatively, your xMM needs to follow it up since he seems to be the problem. The perpetrator is a little psycho IMO and it may be best to stay out of it altogether or prepare for some really nasty stuff.

[BB07]

Sounds like a very pissed off OOW to me.

[whichwayisup]

Definately sounds like another OW that your exMM had. Sorry, but maybe your weren't his first affair and the OOW is upset/pissed off and is in revenge mode.

 

Did you get the packages that you received finger printed? Just curious.

[pureinheart]

Wow, I am so sorry you are going through this...it could be a BS with way too much time on their hands, that's what it sounds like to me anyway.

 

Personally I would let them burn themselves as they will slip up eventually...this is passive/aggressive behavior. I would save all evidence and wait like I did...then nail them...patience always seems to have it's pay off.

[Mrs. Jones]

Thank you all for your replies. Some of the more technical responses I will have to digest.

 

Awkward – how do I check for spyware on my machine? I know I do have it but I believe it’s been there for a while…long before my A. Is there a certain kind of spyware to look for? I do not think my husband suspected anything. I honestly believe this. I also do not think it’s anyone the xMM knows. This person had been following me and not him all of this time

 

Carhill – Is it possible some random person could install a GPS unit on my car if I am out somewhere? Regarding the “going simple,” there was one instance we were at a pub having a beer sitting at a table, a gentleman that was sitting at the bar turned around and looked right at me. My thought is that this may have been a friend of “the friend.” I am also thinking it quite possible this jilted man had hired a PI to track his wife. He may have made friends with this guy and is helping him. This jilted man also works for a transportation company (school busing) and could possibly get DMV records or other info on the xMM.

 

Findingnemo, LisaLee, BBO7, threebyfate – I thought of it being a woman. In fact I thought it could be the jilted man’s daughter. She was probably hurt that her mother abandoned the family. She is in her early 20’s. There was a time we were standing in a parking lot and an SUV pulled up right behind us with 2 women in it. I had never seen them before, but maybe they were watching us. One of them blatantly looked at us…not even trying to hide it. At the time I thought nothing of it. I mean how obvious would that be…to pull up right behind someone and just watch them talk and kiss. Who does that?

 

WWIU – He had an OW 14 years ago and she moved out of the area, I think out of state. It was a short A…4 months according to him. There was no DDAY there. His wife never knew of it. The packages for his wife and employer came via UPS. I am trying to get copies of the labels and letters, but so far no one is cooperating. I know I can get a civil protection order if I can find out who it is. This would protect all parties from further harassment. I just need to find out who it is.

 

Bent – I am honored by your reply. We are not bad people, but we did a bad thing. Yes, this person is terrorizing his family, his kids do know…they are in their early 20’s. I really think this betrayed man I met does have an ax to grind, and is taking his vengeance out on my xMM. If it truly is him.

 

Heather – I really think it’s this creepy guy who was jilted.

 

I had asked my husband to approach him at some point to ask him if he’s seen anything, let him know we are talking to law enforcement and lawyers, not to point fingers but to possibly scare him. He agreed to do this, but has not. I do not think it’s going to happen.

 

When I see this guy, which is rare, he never talks to me and will turn away if he is near me, but from a distance I see him staring and watching me. It’s very unsettling. I want to somehow catch him or someone following me. I almost want to set something up to catch him.

[OWoman]

Sounds like a pretty good person. ...like a former OW.

 

Interesting perspective...

[Mrs. Jones]

Thank you Pure,

 

I do agree it to be a BS. Though, I do not think it is a BS in my immediate sphere. This is not my husband's style.

 

What bothers me is it is none of this person's business. If he truly was a friend, why did he not just tell my husband, let him deal with the news as he sees fit, and be done with it. No, this person wants to hurt someone as he was hurt. Almost in a punishing way. He wants to destroy.

 

I am very patient. I will wait. I hope I can get this guy behind bars. In CA, there is a law against stalking and it's a 2 year sentence. In the notes he claims to have followed me for a while, and I need that evidence.

[spice4life]

It's probably, no, most likely on your cell phone. There is software out there (advertised here sometimes) that can be installed onto your phone without the person touching it. All they need is your phone number. Did you give this person your cell number when you seeked his advice on something? The software turns your phone into it's own little survelience system. It enables the person to read your text message, listen to all of your phone conversations and if your phone has video capability they can watch you as well. GET RID of your phone and change your number pronto! This is the only way someone can know where you are 24\7 without costing an arm and a leg.

[spice4life]

Thank you Pure,

 

I do agree it to be a BS. Though, I do not think it is a BS in my immediate sphere. This is not my husband's style.

 

What bothers me is it is none of this person's business. If he truly was a friend, why did he not just tell my husband, let him deal with the news as he sees fit, and be done with it. No, this person wants to hurt someone as he was hurt. Almost in a punishing way. He wants to destroy.

 

I am very patient. I will wait. I hope I can get this guy behind bars. In CA, there is a law against stalking and it's a 2 year sentence. In the notes he claims to have followed me for a while, and I need that evidence.

 

It sounds like your dealing with a socio or psychopath. Do what ever you can to protect yourself.

[Mrs. Jones]

Sounds like a pretty good person.

 

My husband thought this too. On one hand he disagrees at how this has been going down, but on the other, had this not happened he would've never known what I was up to. And how much longer would it have continued.

 

But, that is for another thread.

[Mrs. Jones]

It's probably, no, most likely on your cell phone. There is software out there (advertised here sometimes) that can be installed onto your phone without the person touching it. All they need is your phone number. Did you give this person your cell number when you seeked his advice on something? The software turns your phone into it's own little survelience system. It enables the person to read your text message, listen to all of your phone conversations and if your phone has video capability they can watch you as well. GET RID of your phone and change your number pronto! This is the only way someone can know where you are 24\7 without costing an arm and a leg.

 

 

Thank you Spice for this info.

 

Luckily, I had called my husband's phone and then was put on the phone this man to seek his advice.

 

I know it's possible my husband could have done this, but he is not the type to wait things out to unfold. He would have been down my throat the very first time he noticed I went out of town. In fact, he does not even know this now.

[tami-chan]

Sounds like a pretty good person. Some people just don't like seeing others misuse and abuse the people they claim to love. Terrorizing a family is a bit strong since the children didn't receive the packages. As for your rights with the police...as far as I know you have no rights. I mean under handed things beget underhanded things. Maybe this person has an ax to grind...like a former OW.

 

...interesting and disturbing coming from someone with a mental health background.

 

It sounds like your dealing with a socio or psychopath.

 

It's all about perspective, is it not?

 

OP, I believe your xMM probably has a good idea who is doing this. Do you know what your xMM has done to find out who is doing this? Nobody is that untraceable---unless you are the government-and not even then. Money talks.

 

Anyway, this person has stopped sending you/your husband stuff, right? Well, then I say....leave your xMM to deal with his mess. In the meantime, if you have GPS in your car or have a smartphone-you can be tracked and traced. Use one of those pay as you go basic cell phones if you do not want to be easily traced. And as for your vehicle's GPS, go to a reputable auto tech place out of town and have them sweep your car (for other tracking devices) and disable your GPS. Good luck!

[spice4life]

Thank you Spice for this info.

 

Luckily, I had called my husband's phone and then was put on the phone this man to seek his advice.

 

I know it's possible my husband could have done this, but he is not the type to wait things out to unfold. He would have been down my throat the very first time he noticed I went out of town. In fact, he does not even know this now.

 

There are still ways for this other person to get your number. He could have saw it on your husband's phone and made a mental note.

 

If the "A" is over and this person is still trying to ruin lives by contacting employers and such, they are sick. The movie "Fatal Attraction" comes to mind. Yikes! Glen Close's character was a Borderline Personality and they too are pretty scary to deal with. I would have your car sweeped and you should definitely change phones\numbers. It doesn't sound like this person is done yet and may still try to damage your life. Be very vigilant and make sure your husband supports you and is willing to protect you no matter what.

 

I don't agree at all with bentnb about this person being a good person. It's one thing to be angry and expose someone out of hurt, but to continue methodically planning someone's demise is sick.

[Carrot2000]

This has been carried out in a slow, methodical, vengeful way. I do not think it is a PI, as this is not their MO. This is personal. This “friend” has it out for the xMM and is trying to hurt him in a most awful way. It is none of his business and he is terrorizing the family.

 

Don't be so sure about your affair being "none of his (her) business". Sounds like xMM may have been carrying on another affair during your relationship or he's made some serious enemies in his personal or professional life. I really don't think it's the guy from the club or his daughter; these attacks are far too well-planned to be carried out by someone who really has nothing to gain from this situation.

 

Like Tami said, let xMM deal with his own mess.

[Spark1111]

It's probably, no, most likely on your cell phone. There is software out there (advertised here sometimes) that can be installed onto your phone without the person touching it. All they need is your phone number. Did you give this person your cell number when you seeked his advice on something? The software turns your phone into it's own little survelience system. It enables the person to read your text message, listen to all of your phone conversations and if your phone has video capability they can watch you as well. GET RID of your phone and change your number pronto! This is the only way someone can know where you are 24\7 without costing an arm and a leg.

 

And who would be most enraged by finding loving texts from a previously unknown female caller on xMM's phone, if not the wife who did not know about the second meeting?

 

Another OW, snooping through his phone one night.

 

Get another phone.

[SoMovinOn]

It disturbs me when police don't acknowledge something so disturbing and potentially dangerous. No one knows the limits of what this moron will do. It should be investigated and the criminal should be identified.

 

I noticed others have addressed most areas of concern, except for the most simple - paying attention to being followed. This is very simple and requires no technology. It's also something anyone should be aware of not matter what they are doing or what their situation is. Some criminals will follow you with bad intent - even if you're not famous or rich.

 

Some of this may be obvious but... it starts with simply being aware of the vehicles behind you. If you make two or three turns and notice the same vehicle behind you, be suspicious. Make a few more turns. If the vehicle is still behind you, do something unusual - like stop and turn around and go back the way you came. If the suspect vehicle does the same, go directly to the nearest police station, pull over if you see a cop car - get somewhere safe!

 

If your route takes you only on busy roads with heavy traffic, take a detour down some side streets. Anyone following you will be more obvious there.

 

Don't take the same route every time you go somewhere - mix things up.

 

When you leave your house, look around for cars parked down the street. They have to be somewhere where they can see you leaving. If you park in the garage, step outside the garage before you leave and look around. Make note of any vehicles you see.

 

As you are driving, if you see a vehicle behind you that you saw parked down your street, assume they are following you.

 

Slow down to a speed considerably slower than the flow of traffic. If the vehicle stays behind you, they might be following you.

 

Or... speed up so you are going faster then the flow of traffic. If they keep up with you, they might be following you. A good way to check is speed up for a little while, then move over to the right lane and slow way down.

 

Stop somewhere and park. Go into a store or some other crowded place. Leave through another exit and look around for that same car.

 

If you have a chance to see the car when no one is in it, write down their license number. Provide it to the police and tell them you are being followed.

 

Going to a police station or finding a cop is the preferred method of getting someone to stop following you, but, in some cases, there may be none around. In that case, it may be best to take evasive action. Note - This is *rarely* a good idea, and may not work, depending on what you are driving, what they are driving, and the skill level of each driver. Since you really cannot now, it is most often advised you *not* take this approach. It can be very dangerous. You might wreck. You might hurt or kill an innocent bystander. However, if you feel you are in danger, it may be your only choice.

 

How you evade requires you consider every possible factor - your driving skills, your car, the area you are in and the roads you are on. Doing 100 mph on residential streets is sure to be a bad idea. On an open highway, if you can go fast enough to outrun your pursuer, that might work fine. Getting pulled over for speeding in this situation would be a *good* thing. If you are on surface streets, your best bet is to speed up a bit and turn a lot, especially doubling back.

 

In the end, it's just a matter of awareness. It's never a bad idea to always be aware of the people and vehicles around you at all times.

[bentnotbroken]

Thank you all for your replies. Some of the more technical responses I will have to digest.

 

Awkward – how do I check for spyware on my machine? I know I do have it but I believe it’s been there for a while…long before my A. Is there a certain kind of spyware to look for? I do not think my husband suspected anything. I honestly believe this. I also do not think it’s anyone the xMM knows. This person had been following me and not him all of this time

 

Carhill – Is it possible some random person could install a GPS unit on my car if I am out somewhere? Regarding the “going simple,” there was one instance we were at a pub having a beer sitting at a table, a gentleman that was sitting at the bar turned around and looked right at me. My thought is that this may have been a friend of “the friend.” I am also thinking it quite possible this jilted man had hired a PI to track his wife. He may have made friends with this guy and is helping him. This jilted man also works for a transportation company (school busing) and could possibly get DMV records or other info on the xMM.

 

Findingnemo, LisaLee, BBO7, threebyfate – I thought of it being a woman. In fact I thought it could be the jilted man’s daughter. She was probably hurt that her mother abandoned the family. She is in her early 20’s. There was a time we were standing in a parking lot and an SUV pulled up right behind us with 2 women in it. I had never seen them before, but maybe they were watching us. One of them blatantly looked at us…not even trying to hide it. At the time I thought nothing of it. I mean how obvious would that be…to pull up right behind someone and just watch them talk and kiss. Who does that?

 

WWIU – He had an OW 14 years ago and she moved out of the area, I think out of state. It was a short A…4 months according to him. There was no DDAY there. His wife never knew of it. The packages for his wife and employer came via UPS. I am trying to get copies of the labels and letters, but so far no one is cooperating. I know I can get a civil protection order if I can find out who it is. This would protect all parties from further harassment. I just need to find out who it is.

 

Bent – I am honored by your reply. We are not bad people, but we did a bad thing. Yes, this person is terrorizing his family, his kids do know…they are in their early 20’s. I really think this betrayed man I met does have an ax to grind, and is taking his vengeance out on my xMM. If it truly is him.

 

Heather – I really think it’s this creepy guy who was jilted.

 

I had asked my husband to approach him at some point to ask him if he’s seen anything, let him know we are talking to law enforcement and lawyers, not to point fingers but to possibly scare him. He agreed to do this, but has not. I do not think it’s going to happen.

 

When I see this guy, which is rare, he never talks to me and will turn away if he is near me, but from a distance I see him staring and watching me. It’s very unsettling. I want to somehow catch him or someone following me. I almost want to set something up to catch him.

 

 

I don't know if you are good or bad people, not my call. But I do agree with the bad thing. If his kids are in their 20's they deserve to know what kind of man their father is. Dad should take better care not to piss off the wrong people. It tends to come back and bite one in the behind just when they think they have gotten away with it.