Information about surveillance and stalking

[starlight102]

Sounds like a pretty good person. Some people just don't like seeing others misuse and abuse the people they claim to love. Terrorizing a family is a bit strong since the children didn't receive the packages. As for your rights with the police...as far as I know you have no rights. I mean under handed things beget underhanded things. Maybe this person has an ax to grind...like a former OW.

 

Your response is utterly ridiculous!

[whichwayisup]

Can you hire your own PI? Just a thought.

 

Stay safe.

[Mrs. Jones]

And who would be most enraged by finding loving texts from a previously unknown female caller on xMM's phone, if not the wife who did not know about the second meeting?

 

Another OW, snooping through his phone one night.

 

Get another phone.

 

Believe it or not, we never texted each other. We thought it too dangerous. We did email each other quite often through an email client that had encryption capabilities.

 

I do not think there was another woman, though I might ask him this the next time I hear from him, as it could be a possibility.

[Mrs. Jones]

Can you hire your own PI? Just a thought.

 

Stay safe.

 

 

I thought of doing this and am still considering it, but when I researched the whole PI scenario...when I thought that might be who was following me...I found it to be very expensive. That was one reason I ruled the PI following me. Our finances could not afford such a lengthy project.

 

Thank you for your concern.

[Heather1]

I think that's a good idea to hire your own PI. The thing that scares me about this is that the A is over, mission accomplished, so why keep sending the packages? The well wisher would have stopped there... the rest is crazy, lunatic stuff.

[Carrot2000]

I think that's a good idea to hire your own PI. The thing that scares me about this is that the A is over, mission accomplished, so why keep sending the packages? The well wisher would have stopped there... the rest is crazy, lunatic stuff.

 

Well, the well-wisher did say he/she was going to inform MMs wife and employer, and he/she did just that. I don't think breaking up the affair was the end goal--ruining MMs life was.

[Mrs. Jones]

It disturbs me when police don't acknowledge something so disturbing and potentially dangerous. No one knows the limits of what this moron will do. It should be investigated and the criminal should be identified.

 

I noticed others have addressed most areas of concern, except for the most simple - paying attention to being followed. This is very simple and requires no technology. It's also something anyone should be aware of not matter what they are doing or what their situation is. Some criminals will follow you with bad intent - even if you're not famous or rich.

 

Some of this may be obvious but... it starts with simply being aware of the vehicles behind you. If you make two or three turns and notice the same vehicle behind you, be suspicious. Make a few more turns. If the vehicle is still behind you, do something unusual - like stop and turn around and go back the way you came. If the suspect vehicle does the same, go directly to the nearest police station, pull over if you see a cop car - get somewhere safe!

 

When you leave your house, look around for cars parked down the street. They have to be somewhere where they can see you leaving. If you park in the garage, step outside the garage before you leave and look around. Make note of any vehicles you see.

 

As you are driving, if you see a vehicle behind you that you saw parked down your street, assume they are following you.

 

 

In the end, it's just a matter of awareness. It's never a bad idea to always be aware of the people and vehicles around you at all times.

 

This is the help I was hoping to hear, along with the technology of surveillance. How do I know I am being followed and how to recognize it? I also thought of, instead of leaving the house in the morning in the car, going for a run to see who might be sitting in their cars. Also, which cars have condensation on them at that time and which don’t.

 

Thank you for your advice as I have been watching who has been around me at all times. I will certainly keep your points in mind as I drive around. I have gotten a new job out of the area and am in traffic a lot. I cannot imagine someone following me through that, but you never know. My eyes have definitely been wide open.

 

This person was even around when I dropped my kids off at school.

 

When I spoke with the cop about all of this, he said to me that it appears this "friend" thought he might be doing my husband a favor. ???

[NoIDidn't]

Being from an urban environment, SoMovingOn's advice is just common sense to me. But I also used to work for the military and know lots of law enforcement.

 

I think the police are stonewalling you though, because it is no longer about you but about the xMM. He and his W should be the ones trying to figure out who is stalking him and his workplace and so on. Once they got you out of the way, they continued their plans for him.

 

I know you care about him, but I would stay out of it. There is no telling what the person is truly capable of.

 

Be safe.

[Mrs. Jones]

Don't be so sure about your affair being "none of his (her) business". Sounds like xMM may have been carrying on another affair during your relationship or he's made some serious enemies in his personal or professional life. I really don't think it's the guy from the club or his daughter; these attacks are far too well-planned to be carried out by someone who really has nothing to gain from this situation.

 

Like Tami said, let xMM deal with his own mess.

 

I'm not so sure, though I am trying to keep an open mind about this and you all are giving me some fresh perspective.

 

My husband and I keep separate social circles. They had not crossed until a month before all the shenanigans started. Prior to this I have not met my husband’s friends or ventured into his social arena…the club. It was not until early summer I did for the first time with our kids at the pool, and this is when it all started. I guess people he knew began to recognize me. They may have been seeing me around the whole time, but did not know who I was until I started to go to the pool.

 

In the first note, “the friend” claims they were betrayed and through this themselves, and that after the fall out my husband would be better off. Since this started with my husband and I, and this person claims to have been a friend, I do not think this has anything to do with the xMM. I think this “firend” is using him for revenge for what happened to him. Since I have learned this acquaintance was jilted, I could be prematurely assuming it is him, he fits the bill. It’s possible he had a crush on me and started following me…who knows. This man works from home and has little friends. He has all the time in the world to follow me around…or his friends to follow me around, type letters, make discs, and send packages. He’s a nut.

[Mrs. Jones]

Being from an urban environment, SoMovingOn's advice is just common sense to me. But I also used to work for the military and know lots of law enforcement.

 

I think the police are stonewalling you though, because it is no longer about you but about the xMM. He and his W should be the ones trying to figure out who is stalking him and his workplace and so on. Once they got you out of the way, they continued their plans for him.

 

I know you care about him, but I would stay out of it. There is no telling what the person is truly capable of.

 

Be safe.

 

I know you are right about staying away, and others mentioned that too...so has my Dad.

 

I feel responsible in a sense because it started with my husband's letter and then the mess made it's way to xMM's lair.

 

I just have a hard time letting go of such F***ery. I want this person to hurt too and to get his just desserts.

 

I appreciate your insight. Thank you.

[whichwayisup]

If you can borrow the money, either from family or good friends, or even get a bank loan, do it. Hire a PI.

[Mrs. Jones]

It's probably, no, most likely on your cell phone. There is software out there (advertised here sometimes) that can be installed onto your phone without the person touching it. All they need is your phone number. Did you give this person your cell number when you seeked his advice on something? The software turns your phone into it's own little survelience system. It enables the person to read your text message, listen to all of your phone conversations and if your phone has video capability they can watch you as well. GET RID of your phone and change your number pronto! This is the only way someone can know where you are 24\7 without costing an arm and a leg.

 

We never texted and rarely phoned. When I met xMM for that 30 minutes, 4 weeks out of LC, I was nailed for seeing him. We did not call eachother or text when or where we were meeting. This person had to have been waiting for me, following me to this destination. And had been following me for 4 weeks with me not even meeting the xMM. He was waiting for me to slip, and as patient as he was in his waitning, I did...and he caught me. Like a spider in a web.

[SidLyon]

There's something about this whole story that doesn't sit right with me.

 

I am reminded of the time a close friend complained to me that she believed a certain person was following her and stalking her. I went to visit this friend on a particular occasion and she insisted we visit a nearby place that was a community centre with an attached library and museum. It was unusual to me that we would visit such a place.

 

When we got there the was a male volunteer on duty and my friend started acting very strangely, and the man seemed anxious. As it happened this was the same man who had supposedly been stalking/following my friend.

 

My friend subsequently received treatment for a psychiatric disorder and it turned out that she had become fixated on this man and was actually the one following/stalking him. She had found out his name, where he lived and the places he regularly went to including the place where he volunteered.

 

Edited to add: I just remembered that my friend also admitted to me later (when she was "better") that she had sent an anonymous letter about the man to the place where he volunteered.

[BB07]

Mrs. Jones, please don't take what I'm saying as in any way a justification or an excuse for someone's behaviour that is dangerous because I'm not justifying it but I did want to make a point.

 

When we get involved with someone who has a previous commitment we are taking a real RISK, a risk that someone could become unglued and hurt people in many ways. Sometimes it carries over to violence. Something to think about.

[Mrs. Jones]

Well, the well-wisher did say he/she was going to inform MMs wife and employer, and he/she did just that. I don't think breaking up the affair was the end goal--ruining MMs life was.

 

I think you are right. He does have more video, though old, and I hope he does not continue. Valentines day was uneventful, we'll see what happens at Easter.

[Mrs. Jones]

If you can borrow the money, either from family or good friends, or even get a bank loan, do it. Hire a PI.

 

 

I do really want to do this. It would give me great peace of mind to know who this is. I think I will consult a PI and see what they think I should do and how much it might cost to do so.

 

I believe someone else on the thread mention that I do that too.

 

Such great insight from you all.

[Mrs. Jones]

There's something about this whole story that doesn't sit right with me.

 

I am reminded of the time a close friend complained to me that she believed a certain person was following her and stalking her. I went to visit this friend on a particular occasion and she insisted we visit a nearby place that was a community centre with an attached library and museum. It was unusual to me that we would visit such a place.

 

When we got there the was a male volunteer on duty and my friend started acting very strangely, and the man seemed anxious. As it happened this was the same man who had supposedly been stalking/following my friend.

 

My friend subsequently received treatment for a psychiatric disorder and it turned out that she had become fixated on this man and was actually the one following/stalking him. She had found out his name, where he lived and the places he regularly went to including the place where he volunteered.

 

Edited to add: I just remembered that my friend also admitted to me later (when she was "better") that she had sent an anonymous letter about the man to the place where he volunteered.

 

No…the only man I was fixated on was my xMM. We were heart-broken it had ended and this way, abruptly, and hurtfully. We were not ready to let go.

 

Someone is following me and documenting it through notes and video. It is real. And so wrong.

[Mrs. Jones]

Mrs. Jones, please don't take what I'm saying as in any way a justification or an excuse for someone's behaviour that is dangerous because I'm not justifying it but I did want to make a point.

 

When we get involved with someone who has a previous commitment we are taking a real RISK, a risk that someone could become unglued and hurt people in many ways. Sometimes it carries over to violence. Something to think about.

 

BB07, What you say is true and something my husband and I talked about when the first DDay happened. I have young children and my actions could put them in harms way. I do feel awful about hurting my family and his in this way...and other ways.

 

Thank you for your words.

[bentnotbroken]

No…the only man I was fixated on was my xMM. We were heart-broken it had ended and this way, abruptly, and hurtfully. We were not ready to let go.

 

Someone is following me and documenting it through notes and video. It is real. And so wrong.

 

 

Mrs. Jones did it occur to you had you not taken the action with the MM this wouldn't be happening? I mean having some one follow you is freaky(been there) but you keep saying how wrong it is. What is actually so wrong about exposing actions that are wrong? I know what I think, but what do you think?

[BB07]

BB07, What you say is true and something my husband and I talked about when the first DDay happened. I have young children and my actions could put them in harms way. I do feel awful about hurting my family and his in this way...and other ways.

 

Thank you for your words.

 

I hope you get your feeling of safety and security back.

[bentnotbroken]

Sorry didn't see your post to BB.

[Mrs. Jones]

Mrs. Jones did it occur to you had you not taken the action with the MM this wouldn't be happening? I mean having some one follow you is freaky(been there) but you keep saying how wrong it is. What is actually so wrong about exposing actions that are wrong? I know what I think, but what do you think?

 

I agree with you…and you are totally stating the obvious. Yes, had I not gotten involved in the A, I would not have this problem. But I did, and now I do. So, I am just trying to find out from this helpful community how I might know if someone is following me, or tracing me, or tracking me. So far I have not gotten any of that info from you. But you know, I expected that from you as I have been lurking here since my last DDAY. And you know, I was hoping you would reply to my post because I now feel loved and accepted here that you’ve graced me with your presence. Thank you…and I mean that with affection.

[bentnotbroken]

I agree with you…and you are totally stating the obvious. Yes, had I not gotten involved in the A, I would not have this problem. But I did, and now I do. So, I am just trying to find out from this helpful community how I might know if someone is following me, or tracing me, or tracking me. So far I have not gotten any of that info from you. But you know, I expected that from you as I have been lurking here since my last DDAY. And you know, I was hoping you would reply to my post because I now feel loved and accepted here that you’ve graced me with your presence. Thank you…and I mean that with affection.

 

No you probably haven't gotten what you need for me and won't and I apologized in my previous post as I see you replied to BB. I should have read all the replies before I asked my question.

[Mrs. Jones]

Sorry didn't see your post to BB.

 

Apology accepted.

[awkward]

I just caught up with your thread. I think if you are going to spend the kind of money it takes for a PI, then I'd have the PI follow XMM.

 

I'm not completely dismissing random guy or even your husband. Random guy just seems like such a longshot. There is no investment there. But clearly people like this do exist in the world.

 

Are you absolutely sure it is not your husband? BS's are told not to divulge their sources. If he was tracking your phone, computer, car etc. he may not have wanted to give up that source thus a random note on his car. What is your husband's level of concern regarding this stalking situation?

 

If you get desperate you could even set up a fake meeting with XMM using your phone while in your car (VAR) or however you used to do it. Set up the fake meeting at a hotel. Then ask a very trusted girlfriend to follow you on that day and see if she notices anyone following you. Also, make sure you drive your car to the hotel, bring your phone, and your purse with you. If hubby gets a note then that would eliminate the tracking being on XMM's end at least and point a pretty strong finger at your husband if your girlfriend doesn't notice anything suspicious.

 

After having your car re-checked for a GPS, you might consider a keylogger to see if hubby is logging on to the computer to check your whereabouts, especially if you have GPS on your phone.

 

Even after having said all that, my gut tells me that most of the tracking is being done on XMM's end. If you didn't email, call, or text to arrange your last meet up, how did you do it? Did you just randomly bump into each other?

 

I know it's long. I'm sorry it's late here and when I'm tired my thoughts don't come out as nicely. Stay safe. If it is random guy, that would be the most scariest scenario.